Eighteen

Lance stared back at Joey as his friend sat back down and dropped his head into his hands.  His green eyes were wide as he tried to speak but he couldn’t.

Lance hesitated as Joey looked up at him, but then turned around and walked out.

He walked quickly down the hall and turned past his own room to go out on the hotel balcony.  He was almost hyperventilating as he breathed in the night air quickly.  His emotions were running quickly as his eyes teared up.

He was leaning forward, his hands on the balcony, as he tried to grasp what Joey had just told him.  How could he do this?  How come I didn’t know it or see it?  And how come he’s telling me this now?

He was brought from his thoughts as he heard a voice behind him.

“I’m sorry Lance, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Joey’s voice was solemn.

Lance turned and looked at him blankly.

“Joey do you know how this makes me feel?”

Joey just shook his head.

“Uncomfortable, weird, but most of all…bad,” Lance looked down sadly.

“Why do you feel bad?”

“Because of how you’ve felt and Jayce and I…we’ve been so…around you,” he sighed.

Joey just nodded.

“Joe, how long?”  Lance quietly added.

Joey hesitated, then replied:

“About a year now.  But I want you to know that I am happy for you and JC, it’s just I can’t always be as understanding and excited as Chris.  I didn’t tell you because I expect you to love me back or leave JC for me, I told you because you asked why I was having trouble dealing with you two being together,” he concluded.

He walked towards Lance and they shared a soft look.

“So are you gay or Bi?” Lance asked.

“Bi for the most part case women are just amazing,” he laughed, then looked down at the ground.

Lance pulled him into a hug – afterall, Joey was his best friend.

“Do me a favor,” Joey asked as they embraced.

“What?”

“Don’t tell the other guys, okay?”

Lance nodded as they pulled back from the hug.  It was then Joey leaned in and planted a small kiss on his lips.

Lance froze as Joey retracted, turned, and left.

It was hours later when I heard the door click and then bed dip next to me.  I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his warm, unclothed body press against my back.  He seemed to cling to me, almost like a lost child.

I felt like something was wrong.

Stupid, ironic, and cliché enough, Lance and I had always oddly been mentally in sync.

“How was your night with Joey?” my voice was scruffy as I placed my hand on his near my stomach.  His lips kissed my shoulders lightly and then one hand left my stomach and ran down between my legs.  My body reacted immediately, but my heart said something was wrong.

His lips found my ear and he deeply whispered, “I want to fuck you.”

The term itself didn’t bother me, how many times had I myself used those same words?  But it was the way he said it and now the stentch of alcohol that drifted past my nose.

I felt him reach over beside the bed and then make some noise.  From behind me I suddenly felt him stroking over himself, his fingers beginning to slide inside of me.

“Lance, I – “

“Shhh Jayce.”

And then he forced himself inside of me.  The pain sent sharp pinches throughout my body before subsiding in my stomach.

Lance wasn’t even moving slowly as he spooned me from behind, his hand still on me, and now running up and down my shaft.  I couldn’t even think about climaxing, just the forceful way he moved in and out of me.

A few seconds later he thrusted one last time and his body shook.  I felt his warmth fill the inside of me and then he slid out.

He turned me over on my back and stared at me.

“You didn’t come,” he replied.

Before I could answer his mouth was around me.

I tried to forget the way he was acting and concentrated on the amazing feeling as my body climbed further and further.

“Lance, Lance…” I tugged on his hair, “I’m coming,” and with that I held his head still and thrust into his mouth.  He held still until he had swalled everything.  My body was sensitivive as I moaned slightly and turned over to look at him.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked as he laid down next to me.

The room was quiet as he turned away from me.

“Lance tell me what the fuck is wrong with you!” I demanded.

“I dunno what to do,” he replied, just above a whisper.

“What, what’s wrong?”

He took a deep sigh before replying, “Joey told me he’s in love with me.”  It was a cold, simple statement.

“What?” I whispered.  “Oh my God…”

I turned over in bed.

There was a long pause.

“So how did all this come about?”  I asked.

“He was drinkin’ and I asked him why he was so upset about us,” he replied.

The shock was written all over my face and apparent in my voice.

“I didn’t even see it,” I muttered, is that why he came home and decided to basically fuck me?  To prove that he is manly enough and that he loves me?

I rolled over and stared blankly at the crème colored walls.

Without saying another word, I got up, pulled on some sweatpants, grabbed my room key and left.

Joey rubbed his eyes tiredly when he answered the door.  I fiercely pushed my way inside.

“C, what’s wrong?” he asked stupidly.

I put my hands on my naked hips, my light grey sweatpants just falling below them as I stared back at him.

“Okay, dumb question,” he admitted as he sat down on the couch.  “Are you mad at me?”

He looked at me innocently and I couldn’t help but almost feel sorry for him.  I too knew how it felt to be in love with Lance.

“I’m not mad at you Joe, I’m just a little confused.  Why does this come out now and why, why in the hell didn’t you tell someone earlier?”

He just laughed to himself.

“C, I have known for longer than you even have that you were in love with Lance.  Even before Justin found out I knew,” he replied, “and because I knew that, I never said anything.  The only reason I said something now is because he asked me.”

I sighed loudly and went and sat down next to him.

“I feel like I should say I’m sorry or something stupid like that because you loved him first,” I chuckled.

He actually laughed and shook his head.  He then patted me on the back and pulled me into him for a hug.

“I guess this is where I should say you two should have a nice life, aye?” he chuckled.

“Something like that, g’night Joe.”

I got up and let myself out before returning to our room.

When I walked in I saw Lance’s back towards me.  I knew he was trying to pretend he was sleeping, but I knew better.  The curtains were open and there was too much light for him to sleep.

“I talked to Joey,” I replied as I took off my pants and crawled into bed next to him.

“And?”
”And everything’s okay, and I’m sure Joey told you so, so what’s the deal?  Why were you so rough with me?”

He just turned over and chose to ignore me again.

“James Lance Bass knock it off,” I flipped him over and sat on top of him.

“Joshua let me go,” He growled.

“No, not till you tell me what’s wrong.”

“JC.”

“Lance.”

He sighed loudly and looked at me.

“I had a dream…” he began, “about a year ago that Joey and I were together,” he softly whispered.

I took a big gulp.

“Okay…” I replied calmly, “and…”

“And in the dream Joey and I were intimate.  We were together.  I spent the longest time wondering what it meant.  I kept telling myself that it was just a dream because he couldn’t feel the way he acted in the dream,” his voice was solemn.

“So are you saying that you almost went to Joey?”  I asked quietly.

“I did.”

I didn’t say anything, just waited.

“I went into his room because I wanted to figure out what was bothering me about the dream.  When I went to bring it up he told me…” he sighed and took and swallowed hard.  “He told me that I was in love with you.”

There was a thick silence in the air.  At this point in his life that he was speaking about he was still with Trin.  Had he been in love with me all that time?  And Joey had known and never said anything?
”Joey’s known all of this time, felt this way for you for so long, and never once said anything?  Oh my God…”  it was an unbelievable and unselfish thing for Joey to do.  Especially when neither Lance nor I ever gave him any form of a clue or hint that we had feelings for one another.

Lance just shook his head.

“So were you?”  I asked.

“Was I what?”

“In love with me?”

He turned around and looked at me.

His lips softly met mine and at once, I had my answer.

Nineteen