Thirteen

They both stared back at Lance for several seconds, the words taking a long time to actually register.

“Wh…what?”  Diane stuttered.

His dad just stared at him like he was an alien.

Lance stood up and went to his mother’s side.  She stood up as he came to her and looked him in the eye.

“James, I love you more than my life.  I’ve put so much on the line for you, for Stacy, your father and your career.  All I’ve ever asked of you is to be true to yourself and to God.  This, this is not being true to the God that put you on this earth,” she reached up and within seconds had ripped off the silver cross that lay across Lance’s broad chest.  It was something he rarely took off.

“Momma…” he started.

“How could you Lance?  How?” she shouted, her face filled with fury.

Lance’s father stood up and suddenly left the room.

“Dad…” his voice was pained.

“I’m in love Momma, why can’t you just accept me for who I am?” he asked.

“You’re in love?” she practically laughed at him.

“I’m in love, what does it matter if it’s a man or a woman?” tears began to pour down his cheeks.

“Joshua, did you know about this?” she shot a look at me.

I stood up nervously.  Lance needed me and she had to know.  It’s not like she wouldn’t eventually find out.  I just detested the fact that she was about to hate me more than anyone in this world.  I knew she was going to blame me for Lance “being this way.”  Because *I* was the ‘weird’ one with all the ‘girly clothes’ and the ‘semi-gay lifestyle.’

“Diane, I…”

Now I was next to Lance’s side as I looked at the ground.

“Oh…my…God…” she looked back and forth between us, our heads bowed.

“Joshua?  Lance?  You both?” she shot a look back and forth between us.

And here it came…

I knew she was raising her hand to my face, but I didn’t move.  In my own mind I deserved it.  Diane had been a mother to me in so many ways.  When we went to Europe for almost a year and I didn’t have my parents, just Diane and Lynn.  Diane had always been there when I needed her, she was a surrogate mother and she was someone I respected and loved.

Her hand hit my face with a loud smack.  My head didn’t even turn because I knew I deserved the impact.

Lance flinched and yelled “mom!”

“It’s okay Lance,” I muttered, my cheek burning like hell, I’m sure it was red too.

“You’re my own damn children, how could you do this?  I’ve always instructed you right!” she shouted, tears streaking down her face.  “I’ve always expected this from you Josh, but not you, Lance.  Josh, how could you do this to my son?”

I didn’t answer, I just looked at the ground and mumbled “I love him Diane, more than my own life.”

“He didn’t do this to me Momma, I’ve always been like this,” Lance tried.

“You lied to me Lance, when I came to you last month and asked you if what that boy said about you was true.  You told me no, how could you lie to me?”  She asked painfully.

“Momma, I just…I…”

“Get out, both of you, GET OUT!” she screamed.

And so Lance I did…we got out, Lance picking up the pieces of his necklace on our way to the door.

“I love you and daddy, I always will, even if you don’t consider me your son anymore, you’ll always be my parents,” and with that Lance shut the door.

He slammed his body against the wall with a loud sob, his body trembling.

“Lance…I’m so sorry…” I rubbed his shoulders and the red cut along his neck from where the jewelry had sliced his skin when she yanked it.

He put his hand to my cheek and I flinched a bit.

“God she hit you so hard Josh, I’m so sorry,” he cried.

I pulled his hand away from my face and kissed his palm.

“Don’t be sorry Lance, it’s not your fault.  I told you that before we went in there and I’ll tell it now.  How you are is not your fault and there’s NOTHING wrong with it,” I reached over and pulled his broken necklace from him and slid it in my pocket.

“I don’t know what to do Jayce,” he sniffled.

I pulled him into my arms and let him sob into my shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay Lance, I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

As we stood there in the hall of the hotel I knew right then and there that I wanted to take care of him forever.  That I would risk my life for his and that I would love him and protect him no matter the costs.  And I didn’t care who the hell tried to get in my way or who hated me for it, I loved Lance and that was all that mattered to me.

The Following Weekend

It had been almost a week since the incident with his parents.  Neither of them had called him, but I don’t think Lance expected them to, he just, well, he hoped.

We’d spent a lot of time with Justin, Joey and Chris.  Did some recording, but mostly spent nights like we use to, just sitting around and talking about serious things or stupid stuff.   Chris was perfectly fine with Lance and I, Joey was still so-so with it.  He got really reserved if he saw us kiss or hold hands.  Lance and I tried to keep that to a minimal when we were around them.  Justin had been a really big shoulder for me to lean on.  I’ve known Justin half my life and I trust him with everything and I listen to anything he has to say, even if he and I are almost 5 years apart.  He had really kept me sane when I thought I was going to lose it.  Justin said Joey had come to him, saying that he loves us both, it’s just hard.  I told Lance that he and Joey should spend some time together when we come back from Maryland.

Which brings me to now.

Lance is sitting in the seat next to the window as we fly north and he’s just staring blankly at the clouds and the cities below.

Lance hasn’t ever really been as close to my family as I am…or was, rather…to his.  My parents raised me well, it’s just I was older than Lance and Justin, so I didn’t have my mother and father come with me everywhere.  Lance and Justin were still minors when N Sync started, so I guess that’s why Diane and Lynn are more like the “Nsync Moms.”  So I don’t know if Lance is scared to face my parents, I don’t even think he could feel anything anymore after what his mother had done and said.  It was like he was numb.  He turned away from me in bed, we hadn’t done anything sexual since he had told them, and the only time he seemed comfortable was around the other guys.  It’s like he remembered at those moments what mattered in life and what made him happy.  But when we were alone it was like all he could think about was how his parents had hurt him and how he’d hurt them.

“You sure you want to do this Lance, I mean I can do it myself?” I asked, my hand rubbing his leg.

He just nodded and continued to look out at the sky.

When we landed in Maryland I quickly rented us a car and headed up to my parent’s house.  I had told them I was coming to visit and bringing Lance along with me because I didn’t want to come alone.  They found it a little odd, but didn’t question it.   On the drive to the house Lance just, again, stared out the window.

“You okay?” I asked, my hand on his lap.

“Yeah,” he simply replied.

“Because you’re a little quiet.  You know you really didn’t have to come…” I insisted.

“No, I should be here for you, since you were there with my parents…” he replied.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again.

“I’m fine Jayce,” he turned around and gave me a forced smile.

Time, all he needed was time…

“Joshua!” my mother greeted me before we’d even shut the doors of the car.

“Hi mom,” I leaned down and hugged her tightly.

“Dad,” I hugged him as Lance hugged them as well.

“It’s so nice of you boys to come see us, come on in, I have dinner prepared for all of us,” my mom led us into the house.

Lance looked around at the spacious house.

“Wow, this is a beautiful house Karen,” Lance commented as we entered into the kitchen.

“Thanks, have a seat,” she replied.

“You guys don’t have any bags?” Roy asked curiously.

“Um, well, they’re kind of in the trunk, don’t worry about it dad,” I replied and bit down on my lip.  I was leaving them there just in case my parents had a similar reaction to Lance’s.  I wanted to leave and not have to worry about dragging a bag along while I was at it.

“How’s your parents Lance?”  Karen asked as she began to fill our plates with food.

“Ummm, okay, I haven’t talked to them in like a week, but I’m sure they’re well,” he tried to smile.

“Have you talked to Heather or TJ?”  I asked as I began to eat.

“No, not really, Heather’s on vacation and Tyler’s a work-aholic,” my mother replied.

The rest of dinner was casual conversation and finally I decided I couldn’t take the butterflies eating at my insides anymore.  I had to tell them now before I began to freak out.  I hadn’t really been too nervous about telling them until I actually seen their faces.

Oh boy.

Lance and I entered into the living area, he sitting in a chair, me pacing back and forth.

“JC, come on, sit down…” he tried.

“I can’t, I’m a nervous wreck,” I half laughed.

“Why honey?”  Karen asked as she entered the room with Roy.

“Um, well, I kinda came up here to tell you something and I’m just nervous, that’s all,” I tried to smile, but it almost turned into a frown.  My body was mixed with a ton of emotions right now, including nerves.

They both looked at me oddly as they took a seat themselves.

“Is something wrong son?”  Roy asked.

I just stared at both of them from my standing position, Lance shooting me a look to sit the hell down, but I just didn’t want to.  I was better standing up…why, I don’t know.

“Is that why you brought Lance with you?  Because you’re so nervous?”  Karen looked back and forth oddly.

“Josh, you’ve always been so honest with us and we’ve always stood beside you, is it really that bad?”  Roy asked.

“Okay, it’s not bad to me, but well…some other people haven’t taken it as well,” I shot a look at Lance.

“Tell us,” Karen insisted.

“Okay,” I huffed, my arms dangling back and forth.

I really don’t have ADD.

At least I don’t think so.

I took a deep breath and blurted, “mom, dad, I’m in love.”

A huge grin began to cover both of their faces and for a split second I began to get my own goofy grin as I looked over at Lance, but then I remembered what else I had to say.

“Well that’s great Josh, why are you so nervous about that?” Roy sat forward and smiled.

I took a deep breath and I gulped.

“’Cause, mom, dad, well, I’m not in love with a girl, I’m in love with a guy,” I said it so quick my own brain didn’t even have time to process it.

They both looked at me, the grins fading to a serious look.

“Oh, wow Joshua,” Karen looked over at Roy, both of them deep in thought.

I just stared at them intently, studying their reactions.

“Well…”  Roy took a deep breath, “okay, before I speak is there anything else?” he calmly replied.

“Umm, yeah,” I walked over to Lance and stood behind him, “I want you to meet the man I’m in love with,” I squeezed his shoulders tightly.  “I mean, I know you’ve already met, but I brought Lance here because, well, we’re together and I love him.”

They both just kinda stared at us with this blank look.

“If you want to disown me, I understand, I know that you probably think I’ve failed you and…” I began to ramble.

“Joshua Scott Chasez!  Don’t you EVER say you’ve failed us and that we’re going to disown you.  We are so proud of you and we love you more than life.  How could you ever think that the lifestyle or sexuality you choose would make us not love you anymore?  We love you because of who you are, not what you are Josh,” Karen had tears streaming down her face.

That’s when my own tears began.

“I agree with your mother.  And Lance too…I mean he’s like another son.  I mean, this is a shock, and it’s going to take a while to get use to, but guys, I can’t tell you how much you BOTH mean to us…”  Roy added.

Lance smiled brightly for the first time in a week.

I walked over and hugged my mother and then my father.

“Thank you,” I quietly replied and then whispered to my mother, “Lance’s family didn’t take it well at all.”

Karen looked over at Lance.

“Come here Lansten,” she smiled and held her arms open wide.

Lance got up with a silly smile and hugged her tightly.

“Listen to me Lance,” she stood up and cupped his face in her hands, “you are always welcome here, you’ve always been, but now, if you love Josh as much as he loves you, then you’re family.  You need anything, you call me.  And don’t worry about your parents, they’ll come around, okay?”

Lance just nodded, happy to hear what my mother had to say.

“So you guys aren’t mad?” I asked.

“Joshua, it’s going to take a while to get use to, but I’m not mad, no,” Roy replied.

I took a deep breath.

“Who else knows?”  Karen asked.

“Joey, Justin and Chris.  And Lance’s parents, oh and Trin,” I kinda chuckled.

“Oh that’s right, the marriage!”  Karen chuckled.

“Yeah,” Lance’s deep voice replied as he laughed.

“What about the fans, management, the media?” Roy carefully asked.

“We haven’t decided what to do or what order to do it in.  But Justin, Chris and Joey all gave us their blessing,” I replied.

“Well we do too guys,” they both smiled at us.

I smiled brightly and looked at Lance, who smiled too.

“I’m going to go make up the guest room for you both, okay?” Karen asked.

“Thanks mom,” I replied with a grin and a slight blush.

“I love you Josh,” she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek.

“I love you too,” I smiled.

That Night

“My mother is letting us sleep in the same bed,” I dryly replied as Lance shut off the light and curled up under the cool sheets with me.

“Strange, isn’t it?  My mother would have a coronary,” he laughed.

We both laughed and then there was a moment of silence.

“You seem better…”  I commented.

“Your parents made me feel better…I wish they knew how much their kind words meant to me,” he answered.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and curled up next to him.

“They took it so well…I mean, I knew they wouldn’t completely flip, but I had that fear in the back of my head.”

“Jayce, you grew up in a more diverse area than I did, with a different family.  You have your faith in God, but shit I went to church like three times a week at a point in my life.  It’s just, we grew up totally different, so that’s why your family is more understanding than mine,” he replied.

“You know what I think Lance?”

“What?” he looked down at me.

“I think we should stop talking about family for tonight and enjoy each other,” I softly replied, my hand trailing down his stomach.
“You’re kidding right?” he laughed.

“Kidding about what?” my hand found its way between his legs, his body jumping at my touch.

“About here…with your parents in the next room…IN YOUR PARENTS HOUSE.”

“I’m not kidding PooFu, I’m dead serious,” I grabbed a hold of his package, which was already starting to like the idea I was proposing.

“Josh, I mean…oh God,” there was a rumble from his throat as I began running my hand up and down him.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to turn me down…” I coaxed.

“It seems like forever Jayce,” he moaned.

“When I was little,” I spoke slowly as I slid his boxers down, “Heather and I use to make these tents in the living room with sheets.  We’d take chairs and pull the sheets over them and loop the sheets around the knobs with rubber bands and we’d have our own little playhouse,” I began to pull the sheet over my head, Lance watching me closely.  “Well, sometimes we’d play so rough, the sheets would begin to slip off and we’d end up looking like ghosts with sheets draped over our heads.  But we didn’t care, we learned how to play even with it over our heads because we were so caught up in what we were doing we didn’t want to fix it,” I straddled him and slid down his body, “so I’d say I’m pretty good at playing under sheets and knowing what I’m doing quite well mister Bass,” before he had a chance to say anything my tongue flickered over his tip.  He bucked up into my mouth, his hips grinding as he tried to get me to take his whole being inside of me.  I smirked, I loved teasing him.

I made swirls around the soft tip, licking the little bit of liquid that leaked out.

“Jayce…” it sounded almost like a lecture.

And you know what else was the greatest thing about doing what I was doing?  He couldn’t moan, he couldn’t grunt, all he could do was whisper because my parents were in the next room.  Why that turned me on and intrigued me, I have no idea, but I LOVED it.  God I’m evil…

“Please,” he begged.

Suddenly there was a small knock at the door.  We both froze.

“Yeah?” Lance called.

Karen opened the door just enough to let a little light from the hall filter into the room.

“Where’s Josh?” she asked, looking around, “I just wanted to see if you needed anything else before I headed to bed.”

“He’s in the bathroom,” Lance nodded towards the shut door where I’d left the light on purposely so I could see a little bit of him in the dark while he slept.

It was then I decided to be the biggest bastard that walked the planet, I dove my mouth straight down his shaft.

He jumped, his voice cracking as he replied “I think we’re fine Karen, thank y-ou.”

I ran my mouth up and down him softly, making sure that I hit every ridge and every vein with my lips and my tongue.

“You’re welcome son, give Josh a…uh…hug goodnight for me, see you in the morning,” and with that she shut the door.

“FUCK JC,” He swore, his hand finding my head under the covers and grabbing onto my hair.  “You’re going to make me…geez…come,” he muttered, pulling my hair so I’d come up there and meet his lips.

I stopped for one second and replied “we can’t dirty mom and dad’s sheets, so you’re going to have to come in my mouth, so don’t try and pull me up there,” and then went back to what I was doing.

“Yeah like that’s a problem,” he groaned.

“Shhh…” I mumbled.

“God Jayce…” he whispered and then suddenly his body jerked up into my mouth.

He bit down on his lower lip and grunted as quietly as possible as the liquid came shooting into my mouth.

After he finished I slid up his body and lay on top of him.

Our arms were wrapped around each other.

“You like toying with my mind, don’t you Chasez?” he asked.

“I love the way I make you feel,” I replied, kissing him.

“Yeah, I love the way you make me feel too,” he chuckled.

There was silence for a few minutes, both of us just running our hands up and down each other’s bodies.

“Do you really want to tell the media or do you want to hide it?” I asked.

He looked at me oddly.

“JC, we’ve already come this far, we might as well tell our fans…”

“What about our image, what do you think will happen to us as a group?” I asked.

“JC, whatever is meant to happen will happen, just like us finding one another,” he replied.

“Okay,” I answered.

“Why don’t we concentrate on this album and the next tour before we decide what we’re going to do, okay?  One step at a time Jayce,” he rubbed my head.

“One step at a time…” I repeated.

“Good night Josh,” he replied.

“Good night.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

Fourteen