Xander: "Um, oh, okay, I got one. 'It's a mad house! A mad--'" Willow: "Planet of the Apes!" Xander: "Can I finish, please?" Willow: "Oh, sorry, go ahead." Xander: "'...house!'"

Willow: "Use the force, Luke."
Xander: "Do I even have to dignify that with a guess?"

Xander: "Well, what else do you wanna do? We already played Rock, Paper, Scissors. My hands cramped up."
Willow: "Well, yes, if you're always scissors of course your tendons are gonna strain...."

Xander: "Please, I'm so over her! Did she, uh, mention when she might be getting back? About which I do not care!"

Xander: "You're Amish! You can't fight back cause you're Amish! I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish guy!"

Xander: "Man, your timing really doesn't suck."

Buffy: "Dad drove me down. And I figured you two losers would be getting into some kind of trouble."
Willow: "I think we had the upper hand, in a subtle way."

Buffy: "So, how did you guys fare? Did you have any fun without me?"
Xander: "No."
Willow: "Yes."
Xander: "Our summer was kinda yawnworthy. Our biggest excitement was burying the Master."

Willow: "Giles buried the bones, and we poured holy water... and we got to wear robes!"
Xander: "Very intense, you should have been."

Hank: "You know, at least when she was burning stuff down, I knew what to say."

Cordelia: "It was a nightmare, a total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have suffered. Of course, I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?"

Snyder: "I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist."
Giles: "I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school's principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?"

Giles: "How was your summer?"
Jenny: "Extreme. I did Burning Man in Black Rock. Oh, such a great festival. You should've been there. They had drum rituals, mobile sculptures, raves, naked mud dances, you would've just...hated it with a fiery passion!"
Giles: "I can't imagine finding any redeeming, uh...naked?"
Jenny: "Hmm. And you probably spent all summer with your nose in a book."
Giles: "Yes. I suppose you'd consider that frightfully dull."
Jenny: "Depends on the book."

Willow: "Giles!"
Xander: "Yo! G-man! What's up?"
Giles: "Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that."

Willow: "Buffy killed a vampire last night."
Buffy: "Uh, I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm."
Willow: "Sorry."

Giles: "The mystical energy that emanates from it is still concentrated in this area."
Xander: "Which means we're still the undead's favorite party town."

Buffy: "You're the Watcher. I just work here."
Giles: "Yes, I must consult my books."
Xander: "Oh, 8 minutes and 33 seconds. Pay up! I called 10 minutes before you'd consult your books about something."

Willow: "What were you thinking about?"
Buffy: "Nothing."
Xander: "Oh, come on, you can tell us. We're your bosom friends. The friends of your bosom."
Willow: "Xander."

Xander: "Dreams are meaningful."
Willow: "Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander...uh, it wasn't Xander. I-in fact it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it."

Buffy: "So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?"
Angel: "It's not a social call."
Buffy: "Ah. So, let me guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home."
Angel: "I'm sorry. I wish I had better news."
Buffy: "So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu."

Joyce: "How are your new classes?"
Buffy: "Good."
Joyce: "Good. Is there the slightest chance that if I asked you what was wrong you would tell me?"
(Buffy looks over at her mother.)
Joyce: "Course not. It would take all the fun out of guessing."

Willow: "Angel stopped by? Wow Was there...well, I mean...was it having to do with kissing?"
Buffy: "Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing."
Xander: "Yeah, some stuff's about groping. It wasn't about groping?"
Buffy: "Okay, hormones on parade here? It was pure shop talk. Remember vampires, pointy teeth, they walk by night. Am I ringing a bell?"

Xander: "Oh, hey, did you guys hear that Cibo Matto's gonna' be at the Bronze tonight?"
Willow: "Cibo Matto? They're playing?"
Xander: "No, Willow, they're gonna' be clog dancing."
Willow: "Cibo Matto can clog dance?! Oh, sarcasm, right."

Cordelia: "Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers."
Buffy: "Was that an insult?"
Xander: "Kinda lacked punch."
Willow: "The Three Musketeers were cool."
Cordelia: "I see your point."
Xander: "I would've gone with Stooges."
Cordelia: "Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?"
Willow: "Uh, yes, our own personal demons."
Xander: "Uh, such as, as, as lust and, um, thrift."
Buffy: "I would have to go with Stooges also."
Cordelia: "What are you guys talking about? I'm talking about big, squiggly demons that come from the ground. Remember? Prom Night? With all the vampires?"
Buffy: "Cordelia, your mouth is open. Sound is coming from it. This is never good."

Willow: "You haven't been talking about our little adventure all summer, have you?"
Cordelia: "Are you nuts? Do you think I would tell people that I spent the whole evening with you?"

Cordelia: "Your secret's safe with me."
Buffy: "Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm a Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."
Xander: "Now that was a good insult."

Buffy: "Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living."

Buffy: "Let's dance."
Xander: "Ooooookay."

Buffy: "Xander? Did I ever thank you for saving my life?"
Xander: "No."
Buffy: "Don't you wish I would?"

Cordelia: "Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of- the-year, aren't you?"
Buffy: "As defending champion, you nervous?"
Cordelia: "I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have on occasion saved the world and stuff...."

Cordelia: "Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now."

Willow: "She's possessed!"
Giles: "Possessed?"
Willow: "That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy."
Xander: "Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me?"
Willow and Giles: "..." Xander: "She's possessed."
Giles: "Possessed by what?"
Willow: "Aaaa....possessing thing!"

Willow: "Why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out."
Xander: "A bitca?"

Xander: "That's a very interesting point about trout you just brought up now."
Giles: "Trout? Trout! Yes, uh, trout is-is a fish."

Willow: "What would somebody want with Master bones?"
Xander: "A trophy? A horrible conversation piece?"

Snyder: "I believe some of us have class, and some of us have jobs."

Giles: "We'll continue this discussion."
Willow: "About trout."

Snyder: "There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense."
Giles: "No, actually that would be one of the five."
Snyder: "That Summers girl. I smell trouble. I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail."

Snyder: "You really have faith in those kids, don't you?"
Giles: "Yes, I do."
Snyder: "Weird."

Buffy: "'Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal.'"
Xander: "They're gonna cook her dinner? I'll pretend I didn't say that."

Buffy: "You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls."

Buffy: "Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?"

Angel: "I'm not gonna' fight you."
Buffy: "Come on. Kick my ass."

Willow: "I still think we should've gone with her."
Xander: "Buffy's about to lose it. I think we should be trying to reach minimum safe distance."

Xander: "If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you."

Xander: "I don't know what your problem is, what your issues are, but as of now, I officially don't care."

Angel: "We need you to distract the vampires."
Buffy: "Right."
Angel: "What are you gonna do?"
Buffy: "I'm gonna kill them all. That ought to distract them."

Giles: "Where's Buffy?"
Xander: "She's working out her issues."

Absalom: "Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste and hear you beg before I smash in your face."
Buffy: "So, are you gonna kill me, or are we just making small talk?"

Cordelia: "What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?"
Ms. Calendar: "Hmm?"
Cordelia: "It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean 'til Judgment Day. You're living with those stains."
Ms. Calendar: "Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside-down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains."
Cordelia: "I hear ya."

Buffy: "I don't think I can face them."
Giles: "Of course you can."
Buffy: "I can't! What am I supposed to say? 'Sorry I almost got your throats slit. What's the homework?'"
Giles: "Punishing yourself like this is pointless."
Buffy: "It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school."
Giles: "What are you going to do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?"
Buffy: "Would it have cable?"
Giles: "Buffy, you acted wrongly, I'll admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make."
Buffy: "..."
Giles: "That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be."
Buffy: "Well, points for effort."

Xander: "There's a rumor going around that, uh, Mr. Cox is the most boring teacher in the world. Like, I think he won a belt or something."
Buffy: "Lucky us."
Willow: "Well, I hear he nods off a lot, so that's a plus."
Xander: "So, are we Bronzing it tonight?"
Willow: "Wednesdays, kinda' beat."
Xander: "Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but gosh, we did that last night."

Xander: "Hey, I got a plan: how about miniature golf."
Willow: "There's no course here."
Xander: "Okay, uh, miniature tennis! A very tiny form of tennis that we could invent...."

Collin: "I hate that girl."