This was written by Toni Henderson, who needed to write an emotional essay for school.  These are her thoughts & feelings when she found out Lena was killed.  Lena & Toni were always there for each other.

"Are you stupid?" were the words ringing in my head as I raced to my cousin Lena's house.  I quickly wiped my tears away as I ran into her house, going directly to her room, and collapsing on her bed.  She slowly turned around asking. "What's wrong?" then dropped her blow drier as she noticed that I was crying.  I caught my breath and began slowly to tell her my bad news, "I'm not," then I hesitated because I didn't want her to yell like everyone else.  After a brief silence she hopped like a frog on top of me then asked, "Your not what dork?" as she began to tickle me.  I couldn't help but burst out laughing in the middle of laughing I announced, "I'm not going to graduate."  Then there was silence as my eyes fought the battle not to meet hers, dashing in different directions.  Finally they stopped looking directly into hers.  It was over I had lost the battle, our eyes met and mine began to flow streams of tears.  Without warning her arms were wrapped around me hugging me close to her.  "Well," she began slowly, "What are you going to do?" I shrugged and wiped my eyes with my tear soaked sleeve.  "Do you want to graduate?" I snapped at her "Of course I do, why would you think I didn't, or even ask  me that?" "Don't snap at me, I was just asking," then she paused.  "Do you remember when I almost didn't graduate?" I nodded and she began again.  "I know how you are feeling, if you really want to graduate you will."  "Great advice goober, I just don't know how I could.  I am down fifty-four credits, I guess I am just a failure."  "The only person you are failing to is yourself, nobody else really cares if you graduate or not.  So you have to do it for yourself.  Your only seventeen why don't you go to summer school and then do another year of high school?"  "Everyone will make fun of me!" "Not if you go to another school."  At this point we agreed this was a great idea, and she promised she would help me with anything I needed.

Soon enough we were in June and summer school was starting.  On the first day I couldn't wait to get home and tell Lena about my day.  As soon as the bell rang I got in my car and flew to Lena's house so she could help me with my homework.  We discussed our government and it was not going to be difficult for me to graduate because we would work together and she would help me no matter what.

Two days before summer school was going to end, I came home in the early afternoon to study for finals.  I dragged my feet as I walked up to the front of the house for some unknown reason I slowly opened the front door and a quick rush of hot, stuffy summer air slammed against my face like a brick wall.  My father sat staring at the eggshell colored wall in silence.  The television sat black and empty, something that disturbed me but I continued my mission to study for finals.  I walked into the kitchen asking, "Has anyone seen the newspaper I need a current event." Nobody moved or said a word it was as if they were frozen in time.  I found the newspaper on the kitchen table open to an article titled "Police detail fatal Petaluma Crash" It perked my curiosity so I began to read it suddenly it seemed like a nightmare or a horrible dram, I was reading words that I never imagined could be printed.  "Lena Guillett was pronounced dead at the seen, her body was identified Sunday evening"  Within seconds I was sobbing and screaming bloody murder.  My chest was getting tighter and tighter as my fathers arms squeezed me tighter and closer to him.  I began rambling "Who's going to help me with my homework, who's going to be my maid of honnor, who's going to listen and help me, why, why, why!" I went on rambling as I went upstairs to my bedroom to cry myself to sleep.

A couple of days later I found myself at her open casket viewing, sitting by her cold body asking her all my questions, but this time she just laid in silence, so peaceful and innocently.  I sat stunned as I watched hundreds of people come and bring her flowers and say their last good-byes.  I watch and dreaded the moment I would have to say good-bye, to my best friend for life.  I finally got the guts to stand next to her cold casket and ask her why.  Not getting the response that I needed to hear, I began yelling at her to get up, finally the emotions took it's toll.  I began to shake like a fish out of water and collapse only to be caught by her ex-boyfriend Jeremy.  He sat with me for the eight hours we were there asking all the same questions I was.  The day flew by leaving Jeremy and myself in a blur, not knowing what to do.  The only thing we were sure of was that she was gone, gone forever.  The next day Jeremy and I sat at her funeral silently, letting our tears roll down our checks like waterfalls, nothing could stop them, the water just kept coming, uncontrollably.  I sat silently staring at a casket knowing what was inside and yet not know why.  Suddenly out of the blue I realized I was on my own.  I was going to have to graduate on my own without help.  At this point I knew I was going to have to graduate no matter what because I was determined to make Lena proud even though she couldn't be there.

Now it is almost June again but this time I am well on my way to graduating.  Even though I still cry I now know that they are tears of joy instead of regret.  I realize now that I don't regret not graduating last year because of how much more important it is this year.  I know that my cousin won't be able to be there in person but she will be there because she is always in my heart.  I know she is that much more proud of me because I did accomplish our goal.

Anytime I think I can't do something I think back to the great advice once given to me by my cousin Lena Guillett.  I also look at the fact that since we used to accomplish everything together that now I am accomplishing it for the both of us.  I have a long time till I see her again but until then I will not let anyone tell me I am stupid or that I can't do it because I can do anything I want to.  I will always miss her but she taught me a lot before she left.