I remember the day you were born. I was so happy, but at the same time, I was scared. Here was this precious baby girl who was depending on me to take care of her and keep her safe.
Your first day of school, you were so excited, you didn't cry, I did, my baby girl was growing up. Then I was watching you graduate from High School. As I watch you, I seen the beautiful young lady you had become. I was so very proud of you.
I knew I couldn't protect you from getting hurt as you grew, because that is part of growing up. But I was always there in the background ready to take away the hurt.
I have all my beautiful memories of you. But memories of you as a beautiful bride and a Mom with babies of your own, I will never have. I will never know the joy of being a Grandmother. I don't even know how I'm suppose to stop being a Mom.
Lena, no matter how bad things got in my life, I always knew I would get through it, because of you. Now I go day by day and keep up a good front for your Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, but honey it is getting harder and harder. The really bad days, I know you are here helping me get through it.
August 1, 1999, when my whole world came to an end, I prayed to God that you were not in any pain and he took you right away. I couldn't take it if my sweet baby suffered anything. You let me know, you came to me in my dreams, I was holding you in my arms and you told me "It's OK Mom,
I didn't hurt"
I couldn't protect you from 2 people's unneeded act of rage and senseless violence that took your life. I'm your Mom, I'm suppose to fix you and make you better, but this time I couldn't. I asked God what did I do wrong? Why did he take my baby girl from me? I told God I hated him and I didn't believe in him anymore. But that is not true, I needed to thank God for giving me this precious gift for the years I did have you.
Lena, it has been 1 year now, but it still feels like yesterday when this man came to my door and shattered my whold world.
Everyday before we left the house or hung up the phone, we always said "I Love You". I still tell you everyday, I just don't hear it anymore.
I love you honey and miss you so much. But until we can be together again, you are in Heaven with your Auntie and she will look after you until it's my time to join you again.
I Love You honey,
Mom
