Sixteen years passed. The kingdom was peaceful, flares were back in, and the King had been shot dead by the Queen eleven years earlier for planning a canned luncheon meat sculpting competition.
All acoustic musical instruments had been banned from the kingdom for sixteen years. Drums were replaced with drum machines, orchestras by midi programs, and even bagpipes were electrified. (This had caused many bagpipe players to be electrocuted, and was seen as a positive step by the community at large).  The music industry was controlled solely by manufactured pop groups and electronica, and anyone found with an acoustic instrument was forced to listen to Mariah Carey's high notes until they begged for mercy.

During this time, the princess had grown into a young woman of outstanding grace and beauty.

Many princes came to the kingdom to ask for her hand in marriage, but since they were minor characters, and didn't really feature in this story, the princess refused them all. (Besides, they all wore those stupid tight pants that princes in fairytales invariably wear, and this had rendered them all impotent.)

On the day of her sixteenth birthday, the beautiful princess was strolling happily through the castle garden, when she noticed a door in the garden wall she'd never seen before.

"Wow! A crudely drawn door!" said the princess. "But why is it surrounded by snakes with herpes?"
"They're supposed to be vines, you idiot!" replied the narrator.
"Uh, huh. What-ever" said the princess, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, who's telling this story?" demanded the narrator. "Just open the goddam door!"

The princess opened the door and stepped cautiously inside. A winding stairway led her up to a small room. In that room, the princess saw an old lady, bent over the strangest object the princess had ever seen.

"What is that?" asked the princess.
"This is called a guitar, my girl" answered the hag. See, you play it like this!"
The old woman played an acoustic guitar riff. Deep inside, the princess felt the first stirrings of a new and strange emotion... angst.
"Would you like to try?" asked the old woman, handing the princess the guitar. "And this" she added, handing the girl a small triangle of plastic, "is a guitar pick".
The girl reached for the pick- just as her mother, the Queen, burst into the room.
"Princess!" she cried. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (breath) ooooooooooooooo.....
But it was too late. The prink picked the prickcess... sorry... the pick pricked the princess, and she slowly sank down onto the floor.
A shocked silence descended on the room.
Then a voice said "Whack".
"You!" bellowed the queen, turning on the fairy. "That's the third dramatic climax you've ruined! And you're not even meant to be in this scene! Well, I've had it! Your time is up, pal!"
The fairy jerkily danced away as fast as he could, but not fast enough. There was a loud 'BANG', followed by a dull 'thud' as the body hit the floor. The smell of gunpowder filled the air.
The Queen turned back to the old woman. "Right" she said. "Where were we?"
"I think I was about to laugh manically" said the old woman.

"Mwoh ha ha ha ha!" cried the woman, throwing off her disguise. "It is I, Alanis Morissette! Did you really think you could escape me? Mwoh ha ha ha ha!"
And with that, she jumped on her guitar, leaped out the window, and flew away.
The sorrowful Queen picked up her unconcious daughter, stepped over the body of the dead fairy, and, weeping, took her daughter back to the castle.