// The One // Song and Lyrics belong to Elton John ~I saw you dancing out the ocean Running fast along the sand A spirit born of earth and water Fire flying from your hands~ Lance wakes in the dead of night. Bathed in sweat from a dream he can’t control. The nights have been a constant source of torment and he regrets going to that show. He regrets putting Justin through it--putting himself through it. In his dreams, Justin is always the free spirit, unafraid to fly and soar. A creature of Earth and water. This eagle that stands for so much in life. He feels he pales in comparison. Another day, another dollar is his motto now. A refrigerator built for one, stocked with Cristal and left over Chinese food. Some condiments round it out. He drowns in thoughts of Justin and the plans he had for them. Living together. A cabinet full of things they both liked. Sheets that got mussed each night from love making. A bathroom where their hair gels and soaps mingled. Fantasies of early morning showers and shaving in the mirror while Justin puttered around humming were what he held dear. Erased the second Justin chose something over him. And honestly, Lance knows, that it could have been anything. Or that’s how he feels. It didn’t have to be performing. He knew better than to take that from Justin. So love had bitten him and he felt cheated somehow. A childhood stolen with promises of a future. The future stolen replaced with a life that had little meaning. Without Justin--Lance was incomplete. ~In the instant that you love someone In the second that the hammer hits Reality runs up your spine And the pieces finally fit~ Justin remembers the first time he realized Lance was the one he wanted. He was young and they told him it was just a crush. A silly crush because he was on the road and, well, maybe it was lack of choice rather than love. He always nodded, politely, but never entertained that thought. From the first kiss--a ten count of MISSISSIPPI which still tickled him when he told the story-- to the present. Lance Bass was his world. Even if he’d been gone for four years. Time didn’t erase love. ~And all I ever needed was the one Like freedom fields where wild horses run When stars collide like you and I No shadows block the sun~ Lance wasn’t impulsive. His life was carefully planned, plotted like a business deal. In his hey day he’d experimented with partying and no plan. It only served to land him in more trouble than he wanted. But Justin always stood by him. No matter what the story, rumor, or blurb. Justin always stroked his hair and kissed his nose and told him that it didn’t matter. That the life they existed in wasn’t real anyway. Justin told Lance time and time again that what they had was the only reality in the shadows they lived in. Shadows of themselves. Lance believed it. He believed it because Justin was free like that. Truthful and patient. Kind and understanding. No matter how badly he fucked up--like that time in Los Angeles when he’d been caught in a less than flattering position with a well known actor--Justin was always there to pull him back down from the faded reality he bounced on. So for him, getting up in the dead of night to look up Justin’s tour schedule and arrange flight reservations was a sign of optimism. ~You're all I've ever needed Baby you're the one There are caravans we follow Drunken nights in dark hotels When chances breathe between the silence Where sex and love no longer gel~ Justin always remembered the last time he made love with Lance. It was after a fight and he was the aggressor. Hurt took over where love once sat and he took what he wanted. It was rough and he always regretted that, deeply. The truth was...love had been cast aside for need. And in that instant, Justin felt Lance disconnect in some way. There had been battle scars on both men the next day, and a casual good-bye that neither could have guessed would be the last one. Deep down, had they known, the last night together would have never gone down the way it did. ~For each man in his time is Cain Until he walks along the beach And sees his future in the water A long lost heart within his reach~ Lance wandered into the hotel lobby amidst bells and whirring lights. A casino he once found so much pleasure in now held his life in her hands. The irony was not wasted on him. He cleared his throat and looked at the desk clerk. Pausing to remove his sunglasses--and old habit he hadn’t been able to break even after the screams were gone--he asked for Justin Timberlake. “Sorry, no one here under that name,” he kid said with a tight smile. Patronizing almost. Lance wasn’t giving up. He’d flown long and far to get there and nobody was going to stop him from closing this. One way or the other. “I’m Lance Bass,” he said quietly, leaning over. “I’m an old friend and...” A woman rushed over, knocking the desk clerk away. “He left instructions to let you up,” she said breathlessly. “If you could just show me some ID, although I know who you are. Big fan.” Lance smiled because he always had. He handed his ID over and waited nervously for the room card. Flashes of a life gone swept through him and he shivered. Check-ins where he could hardly wait to get to ‘their’ room and flop on the bed with Justin. Check-outs that made him sad because he had to climb the bus with Joey and wait until the next city to curl up with Justin again. But he had the card now, and that was all that mattered. *********************** Justin’s eyes were unblinking. The sheets were draped over his body half-heartedly and he rolled from side to side. Rest taunted him. He tried to call upon his professional side to lull him, unwilling to fuck up a performance for his own selfish reasons. For the first time in his career, he debated calling a doctor for a prescription to save him from the insomnia of the past three weeks. ******************** Lance stood outside the door, amused by all the security. All for one guy. Then he remembered who the guy was. It was Justin--his Justin--and he was glad so many people protected him. Especially since he’d failed so miserably at it. To knock or just enter was his dilemma. His heart ricocheting around inside his chest was another. The air knocked out of him as his fist curled and lifted. He was flushed and scared, and wondered what the hell he was going to say after so long. ********************** The knock startled Justin. He glanced at the clock and sighed, rubbing his eyes. The middle of the night and he was betting it was a drunken crew member coming by to ask some inane question. He didn’t bother to dress as fury set in his eyes, and he flung the door open with irritation. “What the fuck do you want?” he hissed. “To say I’m sorry,” the voice answered. Justin looked up into the eyes he considered jewels. Into the face he thought he’d always have. Into the soul of his other half. “Lance?” he whispered. “Hey.” It was Lance who dropped his bag to his feet with his eyes filled with rare tears. And it was Lance who grabbed onto Justin, burying his nose in the crook of his neck. Justin felt Lance shake and backed up, kicking the door shut with his foot. He tried to speak but the words caught in his throat. There were many questions--too many to tackle as they stood in the living room of the suite and held each other. Lance held on, remembering how he felt that night in the parking lot of the arena, remembering his wish to go back and hold on--never let go. Justin was in another world, trying to comprehend that fact Lance had come for him. Lance had found him and made the trip. He didn’t even mind the fact it had taken so long. Four years and three weeks. Or something like that. “I’m sorry,” Lance finally said, pulling his head up with tear stained cheeks and a wavering voice. “I didn’t mean to...” “Me either,” Justin whispered, getting lost in the golden green once more. “Oh God, me either.” “We can’t just...” “..jump in. I know.” Silence crowded them and Justin coughed to break it. “I never wanted you to leave,” he said, grabbing Lance’s hand. “I never...” “I never wanted to do it. I’ve regretted so much. So much.” Justin brought Lance’s hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of his wrist instinctively. It all came back--like riding a bike. Two men with emotions and hearts that never really gave up. The first kiss was like sunshine breaking through the clouds after a storm. The second like a cool lake on a hot summer day. The third like passion fruit in a desert of coconuts. “I want to make it right,” Justin gasped when Lance’s hand wrapped around the back of his neck. “That night. I’ve never stopped thinking about it.” “The bruises,” Lance murmured. “Deep ones. I always thought I could fix them.” “We both did,” Justin sighed, leaning in for another kiss. “I didn’t think it would ever get this far out.” Lance wanted to fix it. Justin needed it fixed. They tumbled to the bed in a leisurely motion. And undressed in the red glare of the hotel’s alarm clock. Rediscovery was most gentle--but most needy. All the blips in time seemed to fade and four years lapsed in mere seconds. Lance remembered how much Justin loved his neck kissed. And Justin remembered how much Lance loved his hands kissed. They moved as one in the twilight of dawn, small cries of emotional and physical release the only sound in the room. Breathless I love you’s broke the silence when they let go. Sweat mingled with tears as they drifted off in each other’s arms...right where they belonged. ********** “Hey Justin,” Lance whispered, running his hand over Justin's cheek. “Come on, get up.” Justin was sleepy, exhausted from the emotional roller coaster. “Wha? Lance? What time is it?” “Just after six,” he grinned. “Come on. Come with me.” Justin's heart fluttered uncontrollably as his eyes focused--as his eyes realized it was not a dream. Lance was indeed there. “Come on,” Lance urged. ***************** “Blue or pink?” the vendor asked. “Both,” Lance laughed, digging for his wallet. The sun rose in the distance as coffee shops became busier with the day’s first visitors. Lance shoved a handful of blue sugar fluff into Justin’s mouth before overwhelming him with sticky kisses. Blue was everywhere, in Justin’s hair, caked on his shirt, across the scruff on his chin... ...and on Lance’s lips and cheeks. Right where it was supposed to be. * Sleeping With The Past *