| LOVE HIM MADLY No one really understood it. The relationship that seemed to cross all barriers--all rules. The bond that held JC and Joey together with such power. ************ Lance tried to figure it out during the filming of On the Line when he dragged Joey out to bars at night. They drank and laughed, talked about N Sync related things and new scripts that had been forwarded to them. But when Lance dared venture into the realm of JC, Joey backed down. The smile was shy and his brown eyes soft. He answered with a small shrug before slamming the rest of his beer. “One of those things,” was all he said before grabbing the hand of the nearest girl. Lance whispered on the phone to Justin that he had no luck with Joey. “I don’t get it,” Justin laughed over the line. “JC has two rings on his cell. One is Joey’s ring. It’s Cherry Pie by Warrant so I *know* it’s him.” Lance gave up trying after that first week. ************* Chris gave it a shot when Joey was sidelined with pneumonia and JC was frantic. “What gives?” he asked pointedly. “He’ll be fine.” JC paced and Chris saw the pack of cigarettes sticking out of his overnight bag. “I worry,” JC said simply, avoiding the gaze. Chris threw the cigarettes away and nudged him into a chair. “We all worry, C,” he said. “But this thing, between the two of you. Anything we should know about?” A long pause and JC smiled goofily. “No. No, man. Nothing.” His eyes glazed over and Chris threw his hands up because a glazed JC was a useless JC. ************ Justin cornered JC at an awards show when the boo’ing had been swift and unexpected. JC was more than pissy but his cell phone jingled with that special ring and soon his mood was completely changed. “Joey?” Justin asked quietly. JC chewed on his lip and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing tray backstage. “Huh?” “Joey? On the phone? “Huh? Oh, no. Not Joe.” But the blue eyes behind the smile lied directly and Justin frowned when JC danced off into the crowd, no longer upset about being boo’d. *************** They watched JC dab peanut butter off Joey’s lip at breakfast in LA. And they saw Joey run his hand over JC’s ass at a costume fitting in Orlando. They observed the way Joey fussed over JC’s insecurities and the way JC made it his business to read a book on parenting. The three of them stood by with un-amused faces when Joey tickle-tackled JC in the middle of a magazine interview, tossing him to the floor like a rag doll. It was Chris who kicked Joey hard in the ribs and Lance who blushed and apologized to the woman for the outburst. And it was Justin who exploded later on, when the woman was gone, standing toe to toe with Joey. “If you two have something to say, SAY IT!” he screamed. “Because we can’t go on with this!” Joey was calm, bored almost with the situation. “Get out of my face, J,” he said evenly. “If there’s anything I want you to know, I’ll memo you.” It was Chris who dragged Justin back and Lance who remained to get to the bottom of things. Two hours later, no one was any closer to finding out the deal. And three hours later, three N Syncer’s sat drinking on the balcony of the hotel. Four hours later, two men lay side by side in bed, holding hands, whispering in the darkness about worries and dreams. ************** It was Lance who found them, quite by accident. It was Lance’s green eyes that fell over the two shadowy figures kissing frantically behind a tour bus in the rain. It was Lance’s ears that sharpened to hear the passionate gasps and soft whispers. It was Lance who was first to understand when he heard Joey utter words to JC--words that curled into his heart and made it thump faster. “JC, I love you. You’re my world.” He never heard Joey speak so tenderly or so truthfully. It made him blush and feel like an intruder, so he backed away and blocked the door, holding Chris back from boarding the bus. “I’ll explain later,” he smiled. ************* Chris took the news well, glad to know. His eyes turned away when he saw the little touches JC *thought* he was being careful with. And he grinned, but left the room, when Joey let out that impatient sigh so they could do ‘whatever it was’ they wanted to do. Chris was the one to keep Justin away with his edgy questions and his temperamental attitude. And it was Chris who found the x-rated e-mail printed out from Joey to JC and returned it folded, without a word. ************ But it was Justin who found JC cradling a bottle of Jack one night, sitting alone outside the venue with a rare cigarette dangling between his fingers. And it was Justin who knew something happened with Joey. Something major and something big. “Hey,” he said gently, climbing over the concrete barrier to sit beside JC. “Drinking before a show?” “You care?” JC replied, dropping his cigarette to the pavement. “Of course, man. Shit. I care about all of us. What all of us are going through.” “Ain’t about you,” JC snorted, taking a long sip from the bottle. “Ain’t got a thing to do with you, Timberlake.” Justin saw the way JC’s eyes glassed and the way his fingers trembled around the neck of the bottle, and he stayed silent while JC tried not to cry--and never asked another question. Only licked his lips and wrapped his arm around JC’s shoulder. And kept as much distance as he could while still letting JC lean on him. ************ It was Chris who found Joey sitting in a folding chair with a blank look on his face that night while the story leaked out tiredly. The story of JC and Joey and a bond that had finally been smashed. “I never been in love,” Joey started, never moving his eyes. “Never had that flutter in my gut or that excitement. And one night JC and I got drunk. Not Lance drunk. Joey drunk.” Chris nodded because it was a code with them--levels of behavior excused due to alcohol. Joey drunk was ‘i fooled around with someone i wouldn’t have if i was sober’. “Anyway, we kissed and I grabbed on him. Pushed him to the bed like he was no one. Like he wasn’t JC. Like he was just some groupie I picked up. And he let me. He wanted me to. He ripped at my shirt and yanked at my pants and sucked my dick until I snapped to and saw him on his knees.” Chris winced at the image--the very clear and detailed view of brother treating brother so carelessly. But he remained quiet and let the story go. Joey’s eyes didn't blink, merely stayed focused on some imaginary spot no one could see. “I freaked out because, hell, it was JC. And JC didn’t deserve that. What I was giving him.” Joey’s eyes flickered briefly in anger--in lost regret and memories that hadn’t faded. “So I pulled him up to me and grabbed his face. And I was fucking mad. Pissed off because he *let* me do this to him. He let Joey ‘asshole’ Fatone treat him like a whore. Ya know what he said to me? While I was screaming at him?” Chris wasn’t sure he wanted to know but Joey didn’t stop. “He told me that there wasn’t a thing on Earth he wouldn’t do for me. That there wasn’t a thing. On. Earth, Chris.” Chris swallowed hard because none of them gave their hearts out anymore. Not after the jars and jars of broken pieces they had accumulated over the years. “So I kissed him. I kissed him like I’d never kissed anyone before. Or since. I kissed him with my heart and I held him all night long. And I listened to him talk. JC has this voice, Chris. No one hears it but me. It’s so...” The next sound Chris heard was that of Joey’s folding chair flying across the room. He ducked, instinctively, and flinched when Joey turned around. He fully expected to see rage clouding those brown eyes, but there was none. Instead, Chris was faced with bloodshot eyes and an expression that screamed ‘PAIN’. ************** It wasn’t until two days later that Lance stumbled upon what he thought might have been the reason for the sudden break between JC and Joey. Quite by accident he intercepted a package from a lawyer. It was battered and half ripped open and when Lance began to walk away, papers fluttered to the ground. Nervously, he stooped and began to collect them, his eyes grazing over words. Words like ‘gay relationship’ and ‘custody battle’. Words like ‘immoral’ and ‘unfit father’. Words that hurt Lance’s eyes just to see. And the picture of JC and Joey locked in a passionate embrace that slid toward Lance’s feet was one that screamed ‘love’ to him. But screamed ‘corrupt’ to the lawyers prepared to take Brianna. He delivered the papers to Joey and hugged him tighter than he’d ever hugged anyone in his life. “Don’t let them win,” he whispered outside the hotel. ****************** They sat in a van, heading toward a radio station for a rare interview. A full bench seat separated JC from Joey despite efforts from the other three to have them at least sit together. But fear immersed them. Fear to touch or be too close physically. Fear that someone would catch the intimacy they both tried to fight back. Fear that their lives would explode into a million pieces and take down everyone around them. “This has to stop,” Chris said, breaking the code of silence they’d instilled unknowingly. “All of it. Has to. Stop.” Lance shot him a warning look but Justin piped in quickly. “It does. I agree.” “You don’t know,” Lance whispered. “And you do?” JC sniffed. “You know?” Joey stared out the window when he heard Lance say ‘yes’ softly. Stunned calm washed over them as the road bumped beneath them. “We need a minute,” Lance told the over-excited station manager. “A private room maybe?” They were accommodated quickly and efficiently, each one filing into the conference room valiantly. It was over. The secrets were out. Lance spoke first, in his rumbling bass voice, gentle but full of compassion. JC stared at a paperclip left behind. Joey gazed out the window. Chris and Justin growled protectively. “That’s bullshit,” Justin cried. “Utter and complete bullshit!” Chris seethed. JC and Joey remained silent while Lance clucked in agreement. “We can fight,” Justin said, pacing. “We’ve done it before.” “Of course,” Chris added. “We’re no strangers to fights. We’ll win.” It was Lance who saw the wounds opening and closing voraciously over Joey and JC’s face. “Guys, let’s give them a minute okay?” He gathered the warriors and left the wounded to heal. Silence lasted a moment or two before Joey spoke. “I could fight, JC,” he said warily. “I would fight. I wanted to tell you I would fight.” “Then why didn’t you?” JC countered, prying the paper clip apart with his fingers. “Why didn’t you say that when you got the call? Why didn’t you tell me that when you got the call?” “Scared.” JC nodded. “Me too.” “So we can fight,” Joey said again. “I would fight for you, C. I would fight for you like I’ll fight for Brianna.” It was the truth and sincerity in Joey’s eyes that made JC get up. It was a commitment settling across gentle features that JC had never seen before. A fear that would be put aside for love. “I said I’d never hurt you,” Joey said softly. “And I have. I’m a fuck, I know.” “You’re not a fuck,” JC replied with a small laugh. “And you didn’t hurt me. I’m not that thin. It’s your kid, Joe. I get that.” “And you’re my other half,” Joey blinked. “I get that.” “We can fight,” Joey smiled. “I’ll fight.” “I’ll fight,” JC said, falling against Joey’s chest. “We’ll do it together. The way things are supposed to be. Fight the enemy. The good guys always win right?” A knock on the door broke the embrace and Lance’s face popped in. “The good guys always win,” he said, nodding. “And right now the good guys have to do this interview. Then we’ll all figure it out. As a team.” [ back ] |