// Chapter One // No one knows what to say. How to act. What to feel. Joey just doesn’t cry. So when he walks into Lance’s house with red eyes and a face that holds signs of an all night sob fest, no one moves. “I wanted to uh, tell you all at once,” he says and there is so much exhaustion in his mannerisms, everyone winces. “Kelly is gone. And um, it doesn’t look like she’ll be back anytime soon.” Silence reverberates through the room for what seems an eternity. Then JC breaks free, bolting forward to embrace Joey--because that’s the way it should be. “Joey, God. I’m sorry.” It was easy for JC to hug him--easy because they had been around with the relationship thing. And while it hadn’t worked, everyone in that room knew it should have. But things happened--like a baby that knocked the wind out of JC. A lie that Joey and Kelly were nothing more than friends. Proof nine months later that it wasn’t the truth and a fight that no one dared speak of anymore. Still, hope held out that JC and Joey could muddle past it--only they never did. Lance stands back, chewing his lip, and wonders what he can say to make his best friend feel better. Chris hates outbreaks of emotions, but still, this is Joey, so he lets out a sympathetic sigh. And Justin frowns because he is the most sensitive, and seems to feel everyone’s pain--all the time. JC rubs Joey’s back soothingly and escorts him to the couch. “Are you sure?” he asks softly. “I mean maybe she just needs some time and...” “She had a breakdown,” Joey admits, taking the box of tissues Lance hands him. He plucks one from the box and begins to shred it with his hands. “She said I was poison for her. I...I don’t know what or where...her family’s maybe.” He stares at the tiny white shreds of tissue fluttering to the carpet. “Brianna? Where’s the baby?” Justin asks, taking a seat on the other side of him. Joey blinks up and Justin witnesses the anguish swirling around inside puffy brown eyes. “I called my mom. She’s with her now.” Lance lets out a low whistle and rocks back on his heels. “She left the baby?” he asks. Joey nods and looks around into four pair of concerned eyes. “She screamed and cried. Lashed out at me. I don’t know how Bri slept through it all. Knocked shit over.” He covers his face with his hands and inhales shakily. “It’s not good, man. Not good.” “What can we do?” Chris wants to know, unable to comprehend a momma leaving her baby. “Anything you need, you know that.” Joey’s hands drop to his lap and tears fill his eyes again. “My daughter’s lost her mother. I have to take care of her.” Chris looks at Lance, who looks at Justin. Justin stares at JC who simply says, “Of course, Joey. Of  course.” No one know quite what that means--how that affects them--but it’s clear a baby is not conducive to life on the road. And they all hope Grandma and Grandpa Fatone will step in to take the brunt of the impact. *************** “I’m gonna take him home,” JC whispers in the kitchen of Lance’s house. “Stay there. See what I can do okay?” “Want me to come?” Justin offers. “Take care of the baby or...I dunno. Walk the dogs?” JC smiles warmly. “That’s nice, Jus, thanks. I think his mom is there. Maybe she’ll take Brianna for the day so Joey can rest.” “If you need us,” Lance says, pushing a kitchen sponge around absently. “Anything, C, you call okay?” “Yeah,” Chris seconds. “I’m gonna hang here for a few days until we can all figure this out.” “We’re in this together,” Justin confirms, leaning over to hug JC. “But I think you’re what he needs right now.” JC accepts the hug and trembles under the intensity of Justin’s words. “I love him,” he says shakily. “Jesus help me but I do.” “I know,” Justin says, releasing him. “So go. We’re here.” JC leaves the room, wiping the corner of his eyes for Joey--so he can stand strong and help him past this. ************* “We could take care of her,” Justin says suddenly. Dusk drifts over the Florida sky--hues of pink and orange that fit snugly against each other. Chris has his eyes closed in the Adirondack chair but they fly open at the comment. Lance sits upright and removes his glasses in a momentary state of confusion. “Take care of who?” he chokes, because there is no way Justin can be talking about his Goddaughter--much as he loves her. Justin leans forward, undeterred by the nervousness that jolts the air. “Brianna,” he replies as if they should know what he means. “Jesus, she’s a baby, not even a kid yet.” He stares at Chris, then Lance, then into the sky. “She lost her mom. She shouldn't lose her dad.” He sighs and rubs his arms absently. “That ain’t right.” Lance stands and walks to Justin, wrapping his arms around him from behind. “You have a point,” he whispers, resting his chin on Justin’s shoulder. “But we can’t take care of a baby, Justin. On the road. With the tour coming up and...” “She’s real little,” Justin pleads, turning in Lance’s arms. “And she wouldn’t take up much space. We could get Joey’s sister to go with us and...” “Fuck!” Chris hisses, jumping to his feet. “We are not, and lemme repeat this real clear, not taking Brianna on this tour with us.” He raises his eyebrows and throws his hands in the air, begging sense to take a role in the insane conversation. “Lance! We’re talking about tour. Tour. Hotels and screaming girls. Not to mention the publicity this would take on.” He senses a battle in Justin’s eyes and backs down a little. “The busses aren’t safe for her to be on all that time.” “You’re telling me it’s better to have her daddy ripped away from her for the spring?” Justin bats back, and Lance holds him tighter--just in case. “Because, fuck, Chris, that’s cold. That’s beyond cold! That’s...” “Rational,” Chris counters with compassion. “Justin, I love the kid, I do.” His eyes dip toward the backyard before finding Justin’s again. “But road is no place for a kid. Shit, it’s barely a place for adults. Lance would you tell him please.” Lance sighs into the air and rubs Justin’s arms once more before stepping back. Justin is looking at him with wide eyes, eyes that are begging for a partner in this idea. But Lance can’t agree, much as it breaks his heart, because Lance is a realist. “Justin, Chris is right. I mean, it’s only for a little while and I’m sure Joey’s parents or sister will take care of her.” Justin snarls and turns, leaving Lance’s heart sinking rapidly. “J, come on! Don’t be like this.” He doesn’t hear because he’s jogging down the deck stairs heading for the yard. Lance watches and rubs his eyes, hoping he can smooth it all over. Justin is too sensitive--and far too stubborn. “He’ll understand,” Chris says quietly, leaning on the deck railing. “He’ll get it once he thinks about it for a while.” “I hope so,” Lance says. “Because his heart is talking. And when his heart talks it’s the hell with everything else.” Chris nods because he’s Justin’s best friend--and he knows Lance speaks the truth. They watch Justin until they can’t see him against the shadows of the night, then turn and head back inside. ***************** “I made bottles,” Joey’s mother says. “Enough for two days. If you don’t use them in forty-eight hours, you have to throw them away.” JC nods and makes a mental note of the time. He wonders if he should write it down because if Brianna drinks bad formula and gets sick--well, he’ll never forgive himself. This baby thing is hard and he’s wondering how he got in so far. Joey. And for Joey he would walk on fire. “Got it,” JC nods, scribbling ‘48 hours’ on the palm of his hand. She touches his cheek and sighs. “You sure you don’t want me to take her? Joe and I don’t mind. We have a crib and...” JC shakes his head and throws his head toward the couch where Joey is asleep with Brianna on his chest. “If you take her, it’ll kill him. I think he needs to feel her in his arms right now.” Phyllis sniffles and she stares at her son through the doorway. “I think you’re right, honey. I just wish I could make the pain stop. I don’t...know how.” JC folds her into a hug because it’s all he can do right now--it’s the only thing he has to give. She smells like baby powder and Lysol--she’s been cleaning the house and taking care of Brianna since it happened--and he kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you when he goes to bed. Let you know how he is.” “Please do,” she whispers, falling out of the hug. “A parent never gets used to seeing their children hurt.” She looks wistfully at Joey as she walks past him toward the front door. “Thank you for staying with him and you call me if...if he needs me. Or if you need me.” “I will,” JC promises, pulling the door open. “I’ll be waiting for that call,” she adds, stepping onto the front porch. Tears fill her eyes and she looks away in desperation. “Yes. Call me later,” she chokes out, and JC feels helpless as she flees down the steps into her car. He snaps the door shut and Brianna whimpers in her sleep. Carefully, he creeps to the couch and gazes down to make sure they’re all right. Her little fingers are curled around Joey’s pinkie and JC wants to cry--break down and sob for them both. But he doesn’t because he needs to stay strong now. So he takes the Superman throw and places it over them. Even in his sleep, Joey looks pained, his eyes are tense and his mouth tucks into a frown. It’s hard to see him like this, JC thinks. Hard because Joey is the one that laughs and makes jokes--Joey is the one they count on to be upbeat and he can pull anyone out of a hard time. Now it’s Joey that needs to be pulled out, and JC hopes they can do it. He hopes he can do it. Because he knows sometimes love isn’t enough. He grabs the remote and sits in the recliner near the sofa so he can keep his eye on the couch. Idly, he flips through channels but his mind is on Joey--on the past and things he wished could have happened differently. Things he wished could have been said or done to change what was going on now. No matter, he finally decides, because Joey slept with Kelly that night--that one night when they fought and JC had kicked him out--and Brianna was the result. And Joey was her Superman. Joey had explained it to him--that he had to do right by her--by his family’s name--and marry her. It was simple and not to be challenged, leaving JC alone. This was no time for anger and regret, so JC turns the television off, grabs a drink and the phone, and heads onto the back deck to call Lance. Maybe he can pour some anguish out and feel better equipped to handle the entire situation. ********************* “He’s not back,” Lance says to Chris. “I’ve gotta go look for him.” “He’ll be back. He’s just not used to getting his way.” Chris tosses his glasses to the coffee table and leans back. “We’re not wrong, Lance. And Justin’s big heart can’t change that fact.” Lance isn’t so sure but the phone rings, interrupting them. He pivots on his heel and reaches for it. “Yeah?” “It’s me,” JC says, and Lance cringes at the heartbreak in his tone. “C, how are you?” Chris jumps up and hurries over, anxious to hear what’s going on. Lance bites on his lip and waves at Chris to turn the television off because it’s imperative to know exactly where they stand. “I’m...uh, Joey is asleep with the baby and...I’m...” JC breaks down into the line and Lance lets his eyes drift close slowly. He was there the night JC and Joey had their fight--and he was there the night Joey broke the news of becoming a daddy to JC. In essence, he’d seen it all. “I’m on my way,” Lance says grimly, realizing that this is just as hard for JC. Because JC’s heart never healed from all the pain--and he never stopped loving Joey. “No, no.” JC struggles. “You stay there. We’re alright. It’s late. I just...” “I know,” Lance whispers. “I know this is fucked up, C, and I know it’s hard. You sure you don’t need me to come over and... I dunno...do something?” “I’ll be okay,” JC lies. “He’s just so wrecked about Brianna and I don’t know how to make this better.” “You can’t,” Lance tells him. “Jesus, you can’t. You can only be there. Do what he needs but C?” “Yeah?” “Don’t force yourself back into a situation you aren’t ready for, because that’s not gonna help anyone.” There’s a long silence, one that makes Lance’s pulse race. The last thing he needs is JC wounded too. “I wont’,” JC finally says. Chris hops around from foot to foot restlessly and Lance slaps him in the back of the head. “If you need us,” he says to JC, walking out of the room. “I know. And you might get a call,” JC warns bitterly. “Anytime, man. You know this.” The call ends and Lance stares as the front door creaks open. Justin stands there with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes agitated. “We’re taking care of her,” he states solidly. “And I ain’t listening to fuck all shit about it again! She’s a baby for chrissakes. Four months out of our lives isn’t gonna kill us.” He sweeps past Lance to Chris, standing toe to toe with his friend. “So brush up on those diaper skills, Kirkpatrick, and get used to cutting food up real tiny.” Before Chris can respond, he’s gone, storming off to Lance’s bedroom with a resounding slam of the door. Chris and Lance stand silently for a few moments before Lance grins. “Don’t mess with him I guess,” he chuckles. But Chris isn’t chuckling. He’s scowling and snorting. “I am not, repeat, not changing poopie diapers. That’s all I have to say about that.” Lance watches as Chris storms off, and he flinches when the guest room door slams shut. Then he grabs a beer collapses into the couch. Five men and a baby. It would make a good movie, he thinks as he pops the cap off the bottle. // Baby Menu //  Chapter Two //