Welcome to the Christian Home Shopping Network (CHASTE) for
short. Each month our Family will attempt to bring your Family
the very best in merchandise to round out your Christian
Lifestyle. The one acceptable lifestyle, Amen.
The Lady Eve's
Makeup and application
ensamble. Includes makeup mirror, French Facial trowelle, and
helpful coloring tips.
$24.99 (believers) $28.99 (others)
Joan of Arc Barbecue Ensamble.
Dazzle your friends next summer with this fast burning and
incredibly hot barbecue! This, only offered here item includes;
pit, stake, lighter fluid (5 gallon economy size) and plenty of
kindling (full face cord). Your picnic will be the envy of all
of your friends!
$349.95 (believers) $749.95 (others).
End of the World Lawn Furniture/Patio Set.
With Armigeddon right around the corner, we're almost
out of this popular item! Set includes, Chaise, two person
Glider, and two Occaisional Chairs. All are of durable concrete
construction with rebar reinforcement. Choice of Taupe, Mauve
or Alibaster.
Set: $749.95 (all)
Allow 6-8 weeks for delivary.
(For shipping of the first two items in this section add $1100. if your
state ends in a vowel, and $1600. if it does not.)
Part the RED SEA with Moses!
Looking for that Pool Party that every one will be talking about
well into next winter? This powerful wall of water pump can
create a visual effect that will leave all who see it stunned. Move
1,000 gallons of water in only 45 seconds. Great for emptying your
pool or keeping that basement really dry! NOTE: make sure all swimmers
are out of the pool prior to turning on. We recommend that they be at
least 50 yards from the blessed event.
The wonderful
likeness of the Pope hangs in your shower! Cleanses your soul
and everything else.
$17.99 (Catholics)
(not available to non-catholics at this time or ever.)
Shroud of Turin Bath Ensamble.
Set includes; shower curtain, four bath, two hand and two washcloths.
Each is slightly soiled dry, but turn up the humidity an see what happens!
$89.95 (believers) $109.95 (others).
Last Supper Steak Knives.
They
slice and dice. One will never betray you. Buy 12 and we'll throw in an extra one free!
set + one
$37.99(all)
Fatal Attraction Bunny Tureen
This piece serves the best Easter Roast your hungry brood has ever tasted. Velcro sides keep your favorite roast nice and toasty, just rip them off to reveal the intricate detail, when everyone is seated and serve. We'll even through in the matching carrot handled serving set!
$57.99(includes tureen, removable skin and utensils!)
Baby Safty Leash.
Tired of losing the little ones in traffic?
Now you can string them together like a bunch of grapes.
Sets: $14.96 each(expandable to infinate #, great for sockhops.)
It's 10:00 pm Where Are Your Kids?
Tired of waiting for your kids to show up? You need the beeper/buzzer child locater! This anklet is put on the little ones ankle and can't be taken off. It uses technology developed by the Criminal Justice System! Track their whereabouts using the internet. Simple to install, hard to remove, they'll never stray again!
$144.96 each(More then one child missing? Ask about our group discount) *Service requires a $139.95 activation fee and an annual $79.95 fee for service.
Twelve Apostles Lawn Jockies.
There they stand in all kinds of weather beautifying your lot. Sold only in sets.
$1137.99
(each stands 39 inches tall and is in full color made of non fade urathinnelle! Note will explode if temperature gets below -45 degrees and may burst into flames over +200 degrees. )
Stations of the Cross Lawn Darts.
Looking for something to do at your next picnic? This fast paced
educational game will test both your aim and your knowledge. NOTE
Please play in well organized tight groups so no one loses an eye.
$49.95 (believers) $59.95 (others).
Accessorize your mini-van!
Dashboard Virgin Mary/Radar Detector
Never worry about
being caught speeding again! Her eyes glow bright when smoky
is aiming at you. She also emits when that radar
gun is aimed at your mini-van.
$229.95
Inflatable Peter and Paul.
Tired of not being allowed to use the HOV (high occupancy vehicle)
lane on your way to work? Take these two with you everyday and no one
will question you again! Lifesize and inflatable in minutes, their
clothing bespeaks a tale from the bible. Also good for monthly
budgeting as you can rob Peter to pay Paul!
$149.95 (believers)
$249.95 (others).
What would Christmas be without shopping?
Tired of all those other people in the aisles of your favorite department store? Gas 'em. We include three durable canisters of a minimally toxic nearly clear defoliant spray. We even throw in a mask (adult size, child size extra), and easy to hear air horn to "warn the crowd." Effects last a good 45 minutes, just enough time to finish up that holiday shopping.
$49.95 For the canisters, horn and adult mask.
$39.95 For each additional mask.
(Note, never use gas in gardening aisle, near food you intend to eat or around heart patients. If burning, eye irritation or headache/vomiting occur, you haven't read your instructions properly.
Trouble with someone on your holiday list?
Does one of your grandchildren consistantly ask for a new car? Is someone on your list always saying "I don't care what you get me?" Is there a neighbor who you really want to send a message to for the coming year?
They're all just begging for this seasons hottest gift!
Our very own "Box'O'Compost!"
Available in three gift giving sizes:
Expensive Italian Shoe Box - $79.95
New TV Set Box - $149.95
1980's General Motors Car - $479.95
Each package comes fully wrapped with a bow and "don't open until December 25th tag. (Note: Delivery of the first two sizes is $49.95 for shipping and handling. The third item carries a delivery charge of $1179.95. Each contains at least 67% organic content by weight. The extra large item carries a core charge of $699.99 if it has an air-conditioning system.
The Lady Eve's
Joan of Arc Barbecue Ensamble. 
