"Captain, we're ready to beam the Ambassador on board," Mr Kyle informed Kirk, who was relaxing in his quarters after a shower. He'd just had a particularly strenuous workout.

"Alright, I'm on my way." Kirk sighed heavily. Another ambassador. Another mission he would be told nothing about until it was half over. Another bureaucrat running his ship and telling him what to do. 'Well,' he thought, 'no use stalling. He'll come on board whether I like it or not.'

On the way to the Transporter Room, Spock joined Kirk in the corridor, and just like the Captain, he was not wearing his dress uniform. Kirk smiled to himself with deep satisfaction at the Vulcan's complete lack of undue groveling.

"Captain, I have assigned quarters on deck 3 to Ambassador Nogood. I believe they will be appropriate and to his satisfaction."

Kirk sighed, again. "Nothing, my dear Spock, is ever to an Ambassador's satisfaction."

Spock reacted with a raised eyebrow and a glint in his eyes, just enough to show his appreciation of the truth and humor in that statement.

When they arrived in the Transporter Room, they took up their official stiff and formal positions and Kirk instructed Mr Kyle to energize.

"Yes, Captain." Kyle, over-eager as always, grinned from ear to ear when he initialized the transport. But something was wrong. No ambassador materialized.

"Kyle!" Kirk raced to the controls and pushed a dumbfounded Mr Kyle out of the way. He examined the settings and then retraced what the man had done. But there was nothing to indicate any error in the beam-up procedure. Then, a familiar sound.

"Wait, there he comes." Kirk looked expectantly at the transporter pad and Kyle sighed a breath of relief. It didn't last long.

What materialized was not Ambassador Nogood but a large old-fashioned wooden chest, the type that had been popular on Earth a couple of centuries prior.

Spock's right eyebrow shot up and Mr Kyle stuttered, "I... don't know what happened, Captain..." He ran shaky fingers through his straw-like hair. "I didn't..."

"Yes, I know, Crewman. Not your fault." Kirk padded the man's shoulder encouragingly and walked over to Spock.

"Captain?"

"Don't know, Spock. According to the transporter log, THAT is Ambassador Nogood!" Kirk cocked his head and with a twinkle in his eyes, looked up at Spock.

"Indeed."

"Well, let's see what's in the box." Kirk energetically leapt up onto the transporter pad and attempted to lift the box. He was unsuccessful.

"Do you require help, Captain?" Spock didn't move.

"If it's not too much trouble, Mr Spock," Kirk groaned, hunched over uncomfortably with his hands on the large brass handles on either side of the chest.

"Not at all, Captain. May I?" And the Vulcan stepped up to the transporter pad and grabbed hold of one handle. Kirk took the other, and between them, they managed to lift the heavy and clumsy object.

"We'll take it to the quarters you've assigned to our guest." Kirk pursed his lips in an attempt to hide the fact he was having trouble breathing.

"As you wish, Captain." Spock walked with his usual grace as the two of them headed out the door and made their way to the Ambassador's quarters.

Once there, Kirk ordered the door open and they entered, dropping the chest almost the instant the door closed behind them. Kirk stood hunched over, holding his side.

"Jim? Are you alright?" Spock asked with concern.

"Uh, yes." Kirk managed a half-smile and straightened out as well as he could, not wanting to give the impression he was anything less than flexible. "Let's see what the Ambassador is doing in the box."

"Captain," Spock cautioned, "I do believe that it would have been wise to open this container in the Transporter Room. We do not know what to expect."

"We know it's who we came for. Or what," Kirk pointed out.

"We do?"

"Yes. They wouldn't tell me exactly who this Ambassador Nogood is, in fact, they wouldn't even tell me whether he was human. So, since there's all this mystery about the man, maybe this is why." Kirk nodded in the direction of the chest.

Doubtful, Spock asked, "Shall we open it, Jim?"

"Definitely, Spock. I'm dying to find out what's inside." Kirk knelt on the floor next to the large wooden monstrosity and found the opening latch. Snapping it apart, he pushed the lid open with a loud groan.

Spock knelt on the other side and pulled a layer of cloth from the box. The cloth was huge, nearly half filling the chest.

"Padding? Or some kind of clothes maybe?" Kirk frowned as he reached down to pull out a smaller box within the large one. On opening it, he found yet more padding and another smaller box. "This is like that Russian contraption Chekov has in his quarters."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Vodka?"

"No," Kirk chuckled, "those figurines that stack one into the other. They're a traditional Russian thing. Or so he says, but then he says that of everything."

Proceeding to open that last box, Kirk looked at Spock with glee, which changed to amazement and finally, his eyes bulged when he saw what was in the box. He lifted a small object out of it and held it before Spock.

"Jim, it looks like you!" Spock stated the blatantly obvious, but Kirk couldn't blame him. How was this possible? The small plastic figurine looked remarkably like James T. Kirk. Right down to the uniform.

"Spock? This is no ambassador!?"

Spock looked sharply at the Captain. "No, indeed not, Jim. It is a captain."

"Very funny, Spock." Kirk looked up at him with a frown. "It's not just any captain, it's *me*! How can that be? And... look at that!" Kirk held up the figure and Spock took a closer look. The proportions of muscle to size of the whole figure was slightly exaggerated, but what really stood out was...

"Fascinating!" Spock declared. He was unable to explain the... detail.

"Spock! I wonder if there's one of you in here?" Kirk began rummaging around the smaller carton frantically. The Vulcan merely looked on, hoping the Captain's search would not turn up anything.

"Ah! Look!" Kirk, beaming from ear to ear, held up a little Spock.

"Fascinating," Spock said dryly.

"You already said that." Kirk looked up at the Vulcan, his eyes sparkling. "Shall we see what else is in here?" Kirk was clearly enthusiastic about his discoveries.

As for Spock - he attempted to keep as serious as possible. Secretly, his human half suffered from the rather annoying tendency to giggle, which he had always been able to suppress in public. This particular situation was proving to be a threat to his control over that human half.

Meanwhile, Kirk hadn't waited for encouragement. He was busy opening more boxes containing antique children's toys, letter openers, paper weights, books, an odd-looking oblong object with a removable suction base, stuffed toys, a snow globe, a model of the Enterprise and a set of steak knives.

"The ship as well?" Kirk frowned.

"I am at a loss to explain this, Jim," the Vulcan admitted.

Kirk, for the moment, didn't really care. He had continued his search. Suddenly, his face lit up. He looked at Spock, who was having a hard time being half-human on account of just having worked out what the oblong object was.

"Spock..." Kirk smiled at his First Officer happily, and held up another pair of dolls. These ones were even better made and looked even more lifelike than the first. They were dressed in real clothes and carried little fake phasers and tricorders.

"Jim!" Spock exclaimed, but he was too late. The Captain had been holding the figures clumsily, and when Spock reached for the one that clearly represented himself, Kirk was left holding the doll's pants in his fingers, the boots had tumbled to the carpet.

"Oops. Sorry, Spock." Kirk blushed and took another look at the vinyl Spock he was holding in his hand, bottomless...

"Since it is merely an image of me, and not actually me, I do not..." Spock stopped dead. The little Spock was remarkably detailed, if generously so. A fact that had not escaped Kirk's attention.

"Um, Spock? How... did they know about... that?" Kirk asked, turning bright red.

"Excuse me, Jim?"

"Well, you know?" Kirk looked up at the Vulcan from underneath long lashes, and the First Officer withstood the gaze for a good minute, before deciding it would be prudent to reply. Something.

"It is reasonably accurate, Jim. Nonetheless, I am at a loss to explain how that can be." Fascinated by the Captain's obvious excitement at that reply, Spock felt himself becoming playful, and he reached over to touch Kirk's little Kirk. Pulling quickly, he removed the doll from Kirk's hand and pulled off its trousers also, leaving a gasping Kirk looking at his pant-less alter ego.

"Now, Spock!" He exclaimed in mock outrage. Then he added. "I don't know where these came from and who made them, but they sure are fun." He laughed out loud, snatching little Spock from the Vulcan's hand and peeking underneath his tunic. When he looked up again, his eyes were glistening. "Guess what, Spock?"

"You will undoubtedly tell me, so to guess would be illogical." Spock waited.

"Nipples!" Kirk smiled from ear to ear, taking another peek.

"As have you." Spock pulled off little Kirk's tunic and threw it on the floor, moving closer to the Captain and the little Spock.

"You are half-naked, Spock. Explain yourself." Kirk laughed so hard, he was holding his stomach.

"It is not me, Jim. It is he." Spock smirked slightly, holding little Kirk in front of little Spock with an outstretched arm, as though he was pointing him out to the real Kirk.

"Well, I think you might as well go all the way." And Kirk didn't waste any time removing the remaining clothing off little Spock.

"The First Officer, maybe. But the Commanding Officer of this ship, naked?" Spock got into the swing of things.

"I *am* the Captain. And I shall get naked whenever I please." Kirk waved little Spock around in the air enthusiastically, and he wound up right in front of the Kirk doll, only that Kirk's tiny plastic hand was now cupping little Spock's penis.

"Oh!" Kirk burst out laughing, hardly able to keep his balance.

"Why do you think these dolls were made... this way?" Spock inquired with typical scientific curiosity.

"I don't know!" Kirk cried out, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Jim, are you alright?" Spock was concerned at the pinkish color of his Captain's face.

"Oh yes, absolutely. Sorry, Spock. Who on Earth made these?"

"Someone on Earth, that is certain. We can presume as much by the materials used." Spock didn't miss a beat even though Kirk had been overcome by another giggling fit.

"But who would know? These are rather old, maybe from the twenty-first century." Kirk wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, inspecting both dolls in an attempt to get a hold of himself. To no avail. "You know, Spock, even in plastic I'm a little smaller than you."

"Jim?"

"Here, lets stand them next to each other." Kirk put down little Spock and Spock did the same with his friend. They were not quite eye to eye in height.

"Jim, I do believe it would be hard to explain what we are doing here, should someone enter the room just now."

"I'll say." Kirk smiled, an idea building in his mind. "How flexible do you think these are, Spock?"

"How... flexible?"

"Yes."

"I am not certain. They do have moveable arms." Big Spock moved little Kirk's arms so that they closed around little Spock's neck.

"Amazing." Kirk cocked little Spock's head and moved him into a kissing position with little Kirk.

"Jim, what are you doing?" Spock raised an eyebrow, holding his doll firmly in place.

"Same thing you are." And Kirk bent little Spock's upper body forward to lower little Kirk onto the carpet. Then he let them get back to the kissing.

"Jim, is there something you wish to tell me?" Spock asked dead-serious.

"Actions speak louder than words, Spock." Kirk smiled up at the Vulcan from under long, feathery eyelashes. That look always did it.

Spock took little Spock's legs and pulled them out behind the doll, letting it fall flat on top of Kirk. Then he moved Kirk's legs apart to give better access to Spock.

"This is fun," Kirk rasped. "A lot of fun."

"Indeed, Jim." The Vulcan agreed, a little hoarse himself.

Hazel eyes locked on black ones in silent agreement.

Kirk smiled as he lifted Spock off Kirk and placed him flat on his back. "Time for a little payback," he whispered, as if to the doll made in his image. He picked up Kirk and sat him down next to Spock. Unfortunately, the vinyl limbs didn't allow for the graceful fluid movements he would have liked.

Spock suppressed a smile when the Kirk doll wound up sitting completely straight next to little Spock, its left hand placed on his chest. The position looked so unnatural, it was as if he was frozen in place. "Jim," the Vulcan noted, "you do not look comfortable."

"Oh, I am, Spock, believe me!" Kirk laughed, and slowly dragged his doll backwards, still sitting, so that the hand moved from Spock's chest down over his stomach, his belly, then sideways over his hips and down the inside of one thigh.

"I believe you forgot a spot, Captain." Spock attempted to look as serious as he could possibly manage, with little success. The glint in his eyes was unmistakable and Kirk knew it all too well.

"Getting excited, Mr Spock?" Kirk teased, letting his doll move its hand back up the inside of a vinyl thigh, but not taking his eyes off the real Spock.

One corner of the Vulcan's mouth almost went up in a smile, but he quickly thought about an upcoming crew evaluation report, and it passed. "Should I, Jim?"

"Oh, I think so!" Kirk's doll continued its stroke up that flawless fake leg and finally, it reached Spock's crotch. Kirk took his time, moving plastic fingers over a plastic penis which was as hard as it would ever get.

Spock, meanwhile, was watching his Captain's expression, and he was amused to find that Kirk was clearly becoming aroused by what he was doing to the Spock doll. "You are most certainly enjoying yourself," he stated.

A blushing Kirk replied, "It's not everyday a Starship captain gets to play like this." He looked up at Spock, who gently pried little Kirk from his hand.

"If you would allow me, Jim." The Vulcan placed Kirk flat on his back and then laid Spock down on top, his face in the other's lap.

"There's a better way to do this," Kirk offered hoarsely. He turned Spock 180 degrees and the dolls wound up in a 69 position.

"Much more mutually satisfying, I agree." Spock now smiled at Kirk and his Captain returned the smile, looking at him longingly.

"Spock..."

"Yes, Jim?"

"I believe Spock needs more than that. I believe he wants his Captain inside him. And I believe his Captain wants up his cute little plastic behind."

"He does?"

"Yes."

"Jim?"

"Yes."

"I believe Spock is in agreement."

Kirk smiled with deep satisfaction and picked up Spock, standing the doll in front of his right knee, facing him. Then he bent Spock's upper body and let his hands rest against his knee.

Spock stood little Kirk behind little Spock and placed his hands on the other doll's hips. Then he pressed the Kirk against the perfect vinyl cheeks in front of it, bent it's lower body back, and then forward again, as if in a thrusting motion.

"Oh Spock, you're so tight!" Kirk said in a deep, tantalizing voice.

The Vulcan looked at him, not stopping the doll's movements. "Jim..."

Kirk returned his gaze, holding little Spock in place, his ass stretched out behind him, pounded by little Kirk. "Tell me you want this, Spock!"

"I do," Spock whispered, continuing the pounding.

"Say it, please!"

"I want you to fuck me, Jim. Hard." The last word spoken in a low groan, Spock delighted in his Captain's reaction - parted lips and eyes alight with passion.

"Give me that!" Kirk said, taking his image from the Vulcan's hand, letting his fingers move very slightly over the other's in the process. Spock took hold of his doll and turned it, letting it rest against his own knee in the same position. Kirk allowed little Kirk to continue thrusting against little Spock's backside, a determined look on his face. "Spock!"

"Oh yes, Jim, yes!" Spock called out, as if nearing an orgasm.

Kirk groaned, continuing to fuck the plastic Spock, so hard he nearly knocked him over. The Vulcan retrieved the hard-working little Kirk from the human's hand, leaving a perplexed looking Captain sitting opposite him.

"You need a rest, Jim. Before someone gets injured." And the Vulcan lifted the Kirk doll and placed a tender finger on the little penis.

Kirk smiled, picking up little Spock, to press him gently to his own chest. "I'm sorry, Baby. Didn't mean to hurt you." He stroked his index finger over the fake dark hair, down the green-tinted back and buttocks, and down the back of the long, slim legs.

Spock smiled at the human, still holding Kirk, his thumb moving over the side of the small face. He looked down at it - so lifelike, right down to those warm, sparkling brown eyes. Only these ones didn't change color enticingly depending on what mood Jim was in. The lips were soft pink and slightly parted, just as the real Kirk's were during a passionate encounter.

"I fear you have bruised yourself. Let me help." And the Vulcan employed that human technique he found so very desirable and kissed it all better. Then he looked at the real Kirk and let his tongue flick out to lick over that tiny plastic erection, watching his Captain's eyes darken with desire.

"That's so much better, Spock," Kirk breathed, as if real pain was being relieved. He watched, mesmerized, stroking over Spock's tiny ass, relieving whatever hurt he may have inflicted. Then he pressed his lips to one little pointy ear and whispered something.

Spock smiled at him, his Vulcan ears sharp enough to understand every word. He leaned forward, his lips nearing Kirk's, their eyes locked together in a moistly shimmering gaze.

"Captain, this is Mr Kyle. We have the Ambassador on board now."

"Nogood."

"Yes, Sir. According to the transporter data, the object we beamed on board before can't be traced back to anywhere. There's evidence of some kind of temporal anomaly that occurred during transport though."

Kirk grinned, an idea taking shape in his head. "Mr Kyle. Tell the Ambassador..."

In that instant, the unpleasant voice of what the Captain presumed to be Ambassador Nogood reprimanded him. "Captain Kirk, this is a disgrace! I've been waiting to be transported to the Enterprise for nearly an hour. Back on Earth I'm told that there's a malfunction and I wait. And now I'm told, I'm already here. What the devil is going on?"

Kirk tried his best to suppress a grin. "I'm very sorry, Ambassador. We had no idea something had gone wrong in the transport."

"Did you transport an intruder aboard, Captain?"

Spock was now smirking also.

"I... Well, not quite. We must have got the wrong guys, though. Me and my First Officer will be with you momentarily. Kirk out." James Kirk looked at the Vulcan and they exchanged a smile.

"I suppose after that little... diversion, we can cope even with an ambassador. What do you think, Spock?"

"Agreed." Spock busily began re-packing the wooden chest, until his hand got caught in a piece of the cushioning fabric. His eyebrow shot up and he pulled something from the cloth, holding it up for the Captain to see.

"Oh no!" Kirk exclaimed at the sight of the miniature McCoy dangling between Spock's fingers.

"He quite probably feels left out, Jim."

"Poor Bones." Kirk grinned, and Spock's eyes flashed in an unspoken reply.

"Right now, we should go to meet the Ambassador. I doubt he would understand our pre-occupation with... toys."

"Indeed, Spock," Kirk mocked the Vulcan. Then he bent down to help him close the chest.

"Jim?" Spock gave him a very un-Vulcan flirty look.

Kirk smiled in reply, "Yes, I think we should drop this off in my quarters on the way to meet our *other* guest." He winked at his First Officer, and they left the room, the heavy box traveling with them yet again. Something to further investigate later.