newsletter

Welcome to our June newsletter, as many of our members are having angel days this month this newsletter is dedicated to them

Angel days are so very hard to get through and I know for me I re lived everything that had happened. I have only survived one and am not looking forward to more, my heart goes out to you this month that are having angel days. I feel very fortunate that Grace did live for two dates as with her birthday we tried to celebrate, to remember how excited we were on that day one year before. I was thrilled to have a girl who was going so well. I never ever thought that she might die. It wasn't a consideration. On her first birthday we baked a birthday cake in the shape of a number one, decorated it with pink icing and smarties and took it to the cemetery to share with Grace. It was so sweet as Zac decided that the other angels we knew out there should have a piece and spent most of his time running around and leaving a piece of cake on their plaques. Rod made the icing from some butter that was left uncovered near garlic and it was awful, so we all had a good laugh about it. I feel lucky to have some happy memories of the day. For her angel day we got balloons and Rod and I went t the cemetery for a picnic lunch, which is at the time she died, we had big talks about that day a year ago. At 1.30pm the time she died my parents came out and we all released a balloon for Grace. That night we invited all our friends who had been great support to us around for drinks, it was a great stress break and good to be around people who cared. A lot of our friends gave us little gifts which was just lovely. I can see now the lead up to the days was a lot harder than the actual birthday and angel day.

Think
Of stepping on the shore and finding it
Heaven~

Of taking hold of a hand and finding it
God's Hand..

Of breathing a new air and finding it
celestial air~

Of feeling invigorated and finding it
immortality..

Of passing from storm and tempest to
an unknown calm..

Of waking and finding it Home!

You say to me it's been a year
when will your grieving end?
why can't you be like you once were
my smiling happy friend?

If you really want an answer
though I wonder if you do
I'll take you deep inside me
where sadness dims the view.

First my friend for your sake
come close and take my hand
and we will pray that what I share
you won't ever have to understand.

The me you once knew is no more
it died with my child
a voice was stilled forever...yet...
the echo drives me wild.

You say you lost someone also
so you have know death too
but the one you lost was not your child
and she was eighty...not twenty-two.

I barely survived those first months
coping was a dreadful task
I'll tell you I was fine
while crying behind my mask.

If I talked about my precious child
you turned away in fear
you couldn't stand to see me cry
nor could you share my tears.

I wanted to speak of her
won't you say her name?
But you pretend she never was
so she died over and over again.

Oh I see that you're uncomfortable
you no longer want my hand
so as it was before we talked
you don't understand.

This is the poem we put in the memorials in the paper on Grace's ange day.

Angel in Heaven

There's a special Angel in Heaven
that is a part of me.
It is not where I wanted her
but where God wanted her to be.

She was here but just a moment
like a nightime shooting star.
And though she is in Heaven
she isn't very far.

She touched the heart of many
like only an Angel can do.
We held her every minute
for the end we all knew.

So I send this special message
to the Heaven up above.
Please take care of my Angel
and send her all my love.

Author unknown

I AM HEALING

My friends, be patient with me,
For I have suffered a grievous wound
and I know not whether to live or die.
Do not judge me weak
for if you, too, were felled
by these wounds you most
likely could not, yourself, prevail.

Know that I am striving to rise again,
and yet my scrambling feet
find little purchase
on this steep slope of despair
Think well of me,
and do not scrutinize the patterns of my steps.
I seek now merely to stand upright
and cannot yet, perform the dance you do.

Still, I go on and one day soon
I may feel again the rythm
that you move to.
And on that day
do you clasp my eager hands
and join me in the joyful dance of life.

~ AUTHOR UNKNOWN ~

Shelly's Angel Kaylee
Kaylee's Birthday
June 14 1996-August 11th 1996

Blow out your candles and make a wish...
For I know you would wish to be here with me
On June 14, 2000 We ask you all to release a balloon
if you can in the honor of your baby
and place a message in it if you wish
It will be so nice if all Kaylee's Friends
can have a balloon for her Birthday Party In Heaven
I would like to thank Cindy for the idea of the balloon release
from "Loss Of A Baby Club"

Kaylee's Birthday Page

Wendy's Angel Rosemary
Rosemary's Birthday/Angel Day
June 12 1982

Rosie was a very much wanted Babe. I found out at 6 months pregnant that Rosie was an Anen Baby. Anencephaly, I rolled the name off my tongue heck, Id never even heard of it. I sat there looking at the Doctor while she explained to me and Rosies Dad what this condition was. Her voice seem to drone on and on. I remember hearing the word terminal and fatal condition. I felt Rosie kicking me so comforted her with my hand while listening to the Doctor saying about terminating the pregnancy would be the best option and blah. Here I sat listening to this Doctor talking about termination and feeling a unborn life kicking my hand. Rosies Dad was crying in shock of the news I sat stunned like a stunned mullet while it sunk in my Baby is going to die. Id heard her heartbeat. We had been both had bad morning sickness together, my baby had put up with my choice in music, we read books together, caught the bus, went to work and ate. Now Im being told to terminate her? Its for the best Im told. Whose best? Certainly not mine. When the Doctor came in I gave her my answer no termination thank you. The Doctor did remind me several times that my Baby was not going to live. In fact was very graphic how my baby would look when born. I went into labor at work and had just finished a banana milkshake. I ended up at the hospital and a student nurse broke my waters. As my labor progressed a specialist came in to exam me. He said the babys shoulders were caught so he had to move her around so she could be born. I had the heart montier around me and I could the beeps of her heartbeats. I knew she was still with us. Then as the head crowned the beeps stopped. I knew Rosie had died. My brave little Rosie who stayed with her Mother right to the very end was no more. There was just me, 2 midwives, the Doctor and Rosies Dad and now Rosie. I saw her blue little body and her head, her condition of Anencephaly but to me she was so beautiful. I was cleaned up and taken back to my room. The Doctor came in and tried to say a few words of comfort saying the two midwives were crying their eyes out. One brought Rosie to me wrapped in a hospital blanket her eyes were wet and red. She asked if I wanted to hold Rosie. I declined and that is my one regret. She said I was brave. I told her no Im not the brave one, my baby is. I had no support other than the Father and myself, and a few friends who have now moved on. I will always be grateful for their time when I needed them. I dont have pictures,footprint or handprint,hair however I have Rosies ashes and my memories. This is part of the Rosie Story, that I share with you. Rosie was my first child and even though I have had others she is counted among my children. My best wishes to you all, Hugs and God Bless, Wendyxx

Rosemary's Page

Erin Michelle 6/23/99 - 9/5/99

Mommy and Erin

I Will Love You
As long as I can dream,
as long as I can think,
as long as I have a memory,
I will Love you.

As long as I have eyes to see,
and ears to hear,
and lips to speak,
I will Love you.

As long as I have a heart to feel,
as soul stirring within me,
and imagination to hold you,
I will Love you.

As long as there is time,
as long as there is love,
as long as I have a breath to speak your name,
I will Love you.

Because I loved you more than anything in the world.