The First Sex Joke Page
A father, mother, and son were
going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were
there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they
told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and
that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb. When they
got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked
where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was
talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they
talked the dumber he got."
There was this little boy
who woke up 3 nights in a row to hear his parents making noises from their
bedroom. On the 3rd morning, the little boy finally asked his mom, "Mom,
for the last 3 night I waked up during the night, and I hear you and daddy
making noises from your room. Why?" Surprised by the question the mom replies,
"Well... I am jumping up and down on him because he is so fat, that it
makes him feel thin." Then the boy said, "That won't work mom!" The mom
asks, "Why?" The boy then says, "Because after you leave for work every
morning, the lady from next door comes by and pumps dad right back up!"
A sailor has sex with a Hong
Kong hooker and a week later he goes to a doctor because his penis has
turned yellow, purple and green. The doctor takes a look and says, "Well,
it's pretty bad. We'll have to amputate." "No way!", says the sailor. He
runs out and thinks, "Hmm... Chinese girl - Chinese doctor."
So, he goes to Chinatown and
finds a Chinese herbalist. The herbalist takes a look.
The sailor says, "Hey doc,
the previous doctor said he'd have to amputate."
Chinese herbalist said, "Oh
no. No need amputate. Two - three days - fall off all by itself!"
One day a horny guy got tired
of jacking off all the time so he started thinking, "Hmm.. I got to have
a woman." He looks all over his house for money, but all he finds is two
bucks. So he goes to the local whore house and says to a lady at a desk,
"I need a woman", and the lady responded with, "How much money do you have?"
He threw down the two dollars and she laughed at him and said, "You can't
buy sex with a woman for two dollars!" The guy felt horrible and almost
started to cry, but a woman at another desk says, "Wait, for two dollars,
I will let you fuck this chicken here!" The guy immediately says, "No way,
I ain't fucking no chicken!" and the runs back home. When he gets home,
all he can think about is that chicken. He started to want the chicken
more than a woman. So the next day he goes back to the whore house, drops
the money on the desk and says, "Give me the chicken." So the lady gives
him the chicken and tells him to go into the first room down the hall and
to be back in an hour. So he goes into the room with a giant window on
one side and starts fucking the chicken. He fucks the chicken fifteen times
and he does it so hard that he almost kills the chicken. He brings the
nearly dead chicken back to the woman at the desk and leaves. When he gets
home, all he can think about is how great that chicken was, and how badly
he wanted to fuck another chicken, so he borrows $5 from a friend and goes
back to the whore house and says, "Give me the chicken, I need another
chicken", and the lady says, "You almost killed my other chicken, I won't
let you harm another one." So he pleads, "Can't you give me something like
a cat or a goat or something?" The lady says, "Hmm.. I guess I could let
you watch two women finger each other." The guy stops and thinks about
and decides that wouldn't be to bad and he gives her the money. She tells
him to goto the second door down the hall next to the room he was in yesterday.
He goes to the room and looks at many rows of chairs in front of a giant
window looking into a little room. He takes his chair along with several
other guys. The lights dim and two completely nude girls walk into the
little room and start fingering each other. The guy says to the person
sitting next to him, "Man this is great, huh." And the person responds
with, "Sure is. You should have been here yesterday when a guy fucked a
chicken."
A guy had only $1 but he wanted
to fuck somebody so he went to a whore house. When he got there he told
the madam about his situation and she told him to go upstairs the 2nd door
on his right. When he got there he saw an old female on the bed. He was
disgusted but started fucking her anyway. Something was scratching his
dick so he asked her what it was. She told him she'll be back and went
to the bathroom. She came back and he started fucking her again and this
time she felt smooth. So he asked her what it was that caused the scratching
on his dick. She told him that she had scabs and that she had popped them
and let the puss flow.
There was a girl who needed
to go take a shower, but her mom was in there already. Her mother says,
"You can take a shower with me if you don't look up or down." The girl
looks down and asks what is that? Her mother says, "My grass." Then she
looks up and asks what those are. Her mom says those are her headlights.
The next day she needs to take a shower, but her dad is in there. Her dad
says it's okay to come in, but don't look down! She looks down and says,
"What is that?" Her dad says, "My snake." That night, the girl has a bad
dream and wants to go sleep with her parents. After she gets in bed with
her parents she says, "Mommy! Mommy! Turn on your headlights because there
is a snake in the grass!"
Three door-to-door vacuum-cleaner
salesmen show up at a farmhouse one afternoon and the kindly farmer agreed
to buy a vacuum from each if they'll keep their hands off his *VIRGINAL*
daughter while he's at the bank getting the money. But when he gets back,
he finds *ALL* *THREE* on top of his daughter. Pissed off, he fires a shotgun
blast over their heads, marches them out to the garden and tells them each
to pick TEN of any fruit or vegetable. The first salesman comes forward
with ten peas. "Shove them up you ass," orders the farmer. The second guy
turns up with ten tomatoes and gets the same order. He has some trouble
getting them in, especially as he keeps cracking up with laughter, but
finally gets the job done. "You're free to go," the farmer says to him,
"but do you mind if I ask what's SO damn funny?" Collapsing with laughter
once again, the salesman says, "The third guy is still out there, picking
WATERMELONS."
A guy walks into a bar and
sits down. After a few minutes, he sees this beautiful woman sitting at
the other end of the bar reading a book so he tells the bartender to send
her a drink. The bartender sets the beer down in front of her but she didn't
pay any attention to it and continues reading. The guy is a little disturbed
so he tells the bartender to send another drink, but again she ignores
it and continues reading. The guy thinks to himself, "Maybe I should try
one more time." So he tells the bartender to send her one more beer, but
again she ignores it and keeps reading. Now the guy is getting a little
upset so he decides to go talk to this woman. He walks up and says, "Excuse
me miss, but I just bought you 3 beers and you ignored all of them. May
I ask why?" She replies, "I'm sorry I was too wrapped up in this book of
male genitalia. Did you know that Indian men have the widest fattest dicks?"
"Um, no I didn't know that." "And did you know that Mexicans have the longest
dicks of any men?" "Nope, didn't know that one either." The woman then
extends her hand and says, "My name is Cathy, what is yours?" He said,
"Tonto Rodriguez!"
Two guys went to a bar and
got all drunk and later found themselves in a dark alley all alone. One
guy says, "Where are we?" The other says, "I dunno." So then the first
person said to the other guy, "Hey I got a huge boner man. It's the biggest
one that I've ever had. I have to get home to my girlfriend right now."
"Well hey, I better come with you.", says the second guy. "What?", says
the first guy. "Well, uh, that's my dick in your hand.", said the second
guy.
There's a woman in a hospital
in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge
bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby
monitor, increase significantly.
The nurse gets the bright idea
that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of
her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral
sex, and he agrees.
When he arrives at the hospital,
the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed,
and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the
room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero
and she needs a doctor immediately.
The nurse, upset that her idea
had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman
she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.
"I'm not sure, but I think
she choked".
There were three fleas sleeping
on this woman, one on her head, the other in her armpit, and the other
in her pussy. In the morning after they woke up, they met together on a
dog. They were talking and they each asked how each other slept. The first
replied, "I slept on this really hard place, it had some hair, but it was
very uncomfortable." The second replied, "I slept in this one place that
was kinda wet, but it was warm and very comfortable." And then the last
flea replied, "I slept in this dark cave and it was really nice. But as
I was sleeping this big bald monster came in, woke me up, slammed me against
the wall a few times, and then spit in my damn face."
This doctor is considering
specializing in sex disorders. He calls a local clinic and asks if he can
get a tour of their facility. The Clinic Administrator tells the doctor
that would be fine and to come right on over. As they're walking through
the hospital, the doctor sees this guy jerking off in the middle of the
hallway. He asks the Administrator what's going on. The Administrator explains
that the guy suffers from Hyper Spermatogenisis, that is, unless he gets
off several times a day, his balls will explode! A few minutes later they
turn the corner and see a guy standing in the hallway getting a blow job
from this beautiful nurse. The doctor inquires as to this guy's condition.
The Administrator explains to the doctor that this man has the same problem
as the other guy, but he as a much better health plan!