-12.09.05-
2:48 p.m.
hey children.. heh.. dont ask me why i call EVERYONE i know that.. guess its another persons bad habit thats kinda worn off on me... *smile* but anyways.. i just thought id get on here and say a few meaningless things so you people would have something to read...
nothing super exciting has happened since i wrote forever ago.. things have pretty been the same ol same ol around here.. i have however quit working myself too death.. i was to the point i was working 4 or 5 twelves a week before i went on vacation the middle of last month.. needless to say after going back to work ive decided i dont like being that worn out.. even if it means i have less money.. i didnt do anything but sleep the days i was off before.. the only good thing that came out of working like a dog was getting all but 2 of my bills paid off.. so thats something that is cool...
i didnt really have a thanksgiving... so theres not much to tell there... i had to work the night before and the night of.. so there was no way getting around it.. so i slept thru most of the day... in some ways i am glad i didnt go.. and i know that sounds weird.. and what im getting ready to say is gonna sound even more crazy.. but you see.. my grandpa isnt doing too good right now.. he isnt in the best of health anyways.. and maybe 6 months or so ago they found out he has some kinda eye disease that eventually will make him go blind.. well.. im thinkin it was the 9th or 10th of nov he went in for surgery that was supposed to be kinda like the "last hope" for saving any of his vision.. but unfortunantly it did not work... he has very lil vision now.. he is not allowed to drive.. and this man has worked.. worked like a dog all his life up until now.. he was a work-a-holic.. and now he cant do anything... he was very quite my dad said at thanksgiving.. and anyone that has met my grandpa knows that doesnt happen... my grandpa doesnt ever meet a stranger.. and my dad always sits right beside him.. and he said he caught him with tears going down his face while they were eating.. no bigger than that table is he could not see my grandma sitting at the opposite end of it.. he could barely make out my dad.. and told him that if he didnt know his voice so well that he wouldnt have even knew who he was... i know at this point your like why does this have to do with anything.. but see im glad i didnt have to go to thanksgiving.. because i dont wanna see my grandpa like this... this is one of the greatest men ive ever known.. and to see him like this will surely break my heart.. it breaks my heart to just think about it.. to the point that i cant even speak to anyone about it without bawling my eyes out.. and yeah i know there could be worse things that could be wrong with him other than being blind.. but you dont understand fully.. this man is someone that would never let himself be a burden to someone in that way.. even if that means he had to fix it himself so that he wouldnt be.. and thats what is scarier than anything i think.. so there it is.. that is the deal with my grandpa for those of you that have asked and ive refused to speak of it... i know its kinda random to blurt all that out on this thing.. but thats what i made this for.. to have someone to spill my guts out when needed...
-kalen
-09.25.05-
8:16 a.m.
hey.. just thought id write something real quick before i get off to bed.. nothing exciting really going on... i did watch the longest yard the other night.. and i have to say i LOVED it.. hah.. it made me happy.. which is hard to do right now.. so adam sandler was much appreciated.. (ya'll done know how i am about him.. heh)... ive worked all weekend long.. i wasnt really supposed to work saturday night or sunday.. but i volunteered.. cause im a money hungry person i suppose.. ok.. not really.. i just really wanna get some stuff paid off.. and by the end of next month i should have everything paid off so that i will only have 3 bills.. and one isnt real major so thats nice... and ive even managed to save up enough money to go back to school in the spring.. so im proud of myself for that... i really cant wait to go back now.. i guess its cause im ready.. i know that i need to get in there and bust my ass to get it done.. cause i surely cant be an aide for the rest of my life.. i dont have the strength for it..
speaking of work.. we have been on stand-by all weekend.. there is a possibility that we will be receiving some patients from the areas that hurricane katrina devestated... its not a for sure thing but it could happen.. and now with hurricane rita hitting id say the possibility is even greater.. so if we do get them id say ill be working a lot more than i already have been.. which is good for the check.. but does a number on your body... i would give anything to work 8hr shifts again.. im sure that would feel like a breeze at this point...
well my dad got to stay home for a week.. and now he's leaving again today to go back down there.. :( im happy that he's doing it.. cause i know that they all appreciate getting their power turned back on asap down there.. and i know its good money.. but it just sucks for him to be gone... i know thats selfish of me.. but im a daddy's girl.. so i cant help it.. hah... he hasnt even left yet and im ready for him to come back already.. i spent most of yesterday morning after i got off work helping him get his stuff washed and packed back up... i try to help him as much as i can... ill be glad when he can come home and stay home for longer than a week...
well i guess im gonna get off here for now.. me writing a "real quick something" has turned into a book.. but oh well.. guess im just in a talking mood... but anywho... ill check back in with ya'll later..
-kalen
-09.20.05-
4:50 a.m.
hey guys.. sorry its been a couple days since ive posted anything.. ive pretty much worked every night since then.. so sleep has been number one priority.. so anyways.. not much has really been going on besides work... we had a patient pass on us wednesday night.. that was tough.. that was the first one to go on my shift in a while.. and it really never gets any easier.. i think you come to accept it more... but its not like that sting that comes to your eyes ever really goes away.. scott asked me while we were getting ready for the funeral home to come "do you ever get used to this..?" and no i dont.. nor do i want to.. i dont wanna become so cold-hearted that death means nothing to me.. you just learn to handle it more controlled i suppose..
but anyway.. didnt mean to get all morbid or anything there.. thats just part of my job i guess... so... dad didnt get to come home until thursday evening... so it was a lil more delayed than we thought.. but it was nice to get him back home.. im still trying to get adjusted to having someone else in the house with me.. cause i had been used to mom and tyler always been gone.. and now dad is here.. so thats a lil strange.. but very much appreciated.. especially since the guys harrassing my household and uncle as well have started back up.. i dont really think they will do anything.. but still its a lot better to have dad home now instead of being here by myself just in case ya know??
well.. i guess im gonna go for now.. dad is getting ready to go to work so im gonna go smoke with him before he leaves and then go get ready myself to go run some errands in a lil while... but i shall see yall later...
-kalen
-09.14.05-
3:51 a.m.
hey ya'll.. man its been a while since i even touched this thing... i mean a LONG time.. hah.. guess i just got a lil work obsessed and had very lil time to sleep.. much less get on here for any lengthy amount of time... but oh well.. things have slowed down now.. so i got more "me" time...
work is going good recently.. scott is back.. i know ur prolly thinkin "who the hell is that??".. hah so ill briefly explain.. he is a nurse that came to work there about 6 months after i did.. he ended up staying for around 6 or 7 months.. and leaving.. but he just came back end of july early august i guess.. he is a really super guy.. he is prolly one of the people im closest to at this point.. him, nellie and angie (who are also nurses i work with) have litterally saved me lately... its kinda weird cause im so much younger than them.. but when im around them its just like me talking to someone i went to school w/ or something.. so its cool.. and they have REALLY good advice so its much appreciated... things have changed alot at work in the past couple months.. 3 of the girls i worked w/ FOREVER quit.. we've got 2 new girls now.. and they both seem pretty nice.. so thats made it a lot easier on the rest of us cause we have been so short staffed.. by all means we still are... but not like we were before... anywho.. thursday morning i ended up getting hurt again.. i pulled my left shoulder muscle trying to hold someone up.. so ive been off work since then.. but i get to go back tomorrow.. thank God.. i hate sitting in this house alone...
my dad has been gone down south to help w/ the hurricane damage.. he works for an electric company here and they went down to help restore power... so he's been gone for a lil over two weeks now... its been weird.. kinda feel like i dont have a dad at this point... hah.. i mean i know i do.. im just used to him always being around... so i miss him alot.. my dads one of my best friends... he is hard on me.. but he always listens and only tries to help me... so i love him for that... i talked to him earlier and he is supposed to be coming home tomorrow.. or i guess today really.. but that wasnt a for sure thing yet.. but im keeping my fingers crossed...
but anyways.. i guess ive babbled enough for now.. there are a ton of other things to talk about but i guess ill just save those for later.. its getting really kinda late... or early depending on how you look at things.. *smile* c-ya..
-kalen
-05.23.05-
11:50 a.m.
damn.. my eyes are still trying to adjust to the light i think.. hah.. but atleast my headache has gone for now.. not too much has really been going on.. yesterday i went to shopping with my mom so that i could get a dress to wear to one of her friends daughters wedding.. *whoo hoo*... its always fun to go to a wedding when you are alone.. kinda drives the fact that you will prolly never get to experience marriage even deeper down within you.. hah.. sad yes.. but very true... then after we got back i went to pat and kristys to eat supper with them.. supper was good.. what lil i could eat anyways.. after that for some reason me and kristy are really stupid and were like "hey lets go clean out kristys car at 10:30 p.m"... so we did.. then kristy got overly excited about the cleaning thing.. and washed her car.. even tho she KNEW it was gonna rain.. haha.. we made it back home and decided to wash our windows.. and bout halfway thru that.. guess what.. IT STORMED.. hah i told her... it was crazy.. after that we made a late-night/early morning run to walmart and finally at like 4 a.m i made it home and passed the hell out... so all in all it was an good day i suppose...
i gotta go to work today.. not thrilled about that at all.. cause i really dont remember who i am working with.. and chances are.. at the rate its going.. its gonna be someone i dont like.. and im gonna get in trouble.. cause if a certain person starts in on me for my recent drastic weight loss.. or my aunt for the various things they like to say about her.. its not gonna be a good night for someone.. me and kristy are the youngest aides there on night shift.. the majority of the people we work with are like 45 and older.. but yet.. two of them tend to act like they are 4.. its truly pathetic.. but i guess thats how it is everywhere you go...
but anywho.. now that ive bored you too death and bitched about work.. hehe.. ill go for now.. also i got the new garbage cd yesterday.. quite good i do believe.. c-ya...
-kalen
-05.21.05-
1:49 p.m.
okey dokey.. now that i have woke back up into reality instead wherever it was my head was chillin earlier.. maybe i can actually talk and make SOME sense.. :) but i still wouldnt hold my breath for it..
i had to work last night.. talk about a MISTAKE on my part.. it was supposed to be my weekend off.. and my big ass of course is all up in there on friday night.. got there.. and i dont give two shits where i work.. but katy bar the door it took them a good 20 minutes to get around to asking me if i wanted to go to hsc.. i knew it was gonna be bad from there.. and i was correct.. you should not work a psych ward when your half asleep.. cause mentally your just not up for it.. i was ready to leave and pull my hair out.. hit something.. cry or something.. hell i dont know.. i havent felt like that in a long time at work.. i cant deal with it.. finally after the meds kicked in and i got enough niccotine in my blood i calmed down.. still kinda edgy from it.. but not even close to how i was last night.. after we got past 11 oclock it went pretty good tho.. with the exceptions of me getting bitched out for my weight.. and a few lil spats between some of the aides.. (i was NOT involved believe it or not.. hah).. the rest of the night was long.. but much more barable.. i met daddy for breakfast after work.. then came home and have just been doing a whole lot of nothing since.. reallly interestin for ya aint it?? i guess im gonna have to start taking meds to help me sleep again i guess.. which is something i can honestly say im against at this point.. i am down to taking two pills a day now.. and one of those dont even really count.. i dont like feeling like a damn pharmacy.. that shit scares me..
but i really have nothing important to say.. i got a lot of things on my mind right now so its hard to think bout anything but that for now.. and im not talking about that with everyone.. so imma go.. sorry for babbling.. *smile* yeah i know yall are already used to it..
-kalen
-05.20.05-
1:48 p.m.
sheesh.. i havent done one of these in forever.. i dont even know where to start.. i guess since i know that there are people that look at this now who i havent talked to in a while i will just sum up whats been happening over the past couple months..
in january i hurt my knee while transfering a patient from the bed to a chair.. i ended up being off work for a lil over 3 months because of it.. the physical therapist i saw called my knee "the coolest thing" he had ever seen.. i told him "it wouldnt be the coolest thing you had ever seen if you were the one who had to walk on it.." hah.. which trust me.. is true.. i sprained my tib-fib joint REALLY bad.. and had some minor tears to my miniscus (the cartlidge in your knee).. so pretty much unless i wanna have surgery its something i am just gonna have to deal with for the rest of my life.. it doesnt hurt all the time.. but if i work alot or have to walk a lot.. the pain is TERRIBLE..
im still working at the same nursing home i have been.. ive been there almost 2 years now.. no my job isnt so glamourus.. (im a certified ass-whiper haha).. but i enjoy it.. i never saw myself doing something like that.. but ive always admired the elderly.. and i like taking care of them.. they can aggravate you so bad that you wanna bite nails.. but 2 seconds later they are saying something so off the wall and cute that you cant help but love them.. well the majority of them.. *smile* it kinda makes me feel like a have a ton of grandparents.. cause you kinda learn to look at them and treat them that way.. and to some.. we are the only family they have.. working there has made death a very real thing to me.. there is nothing more eye opening than sitting there with someone while they are taking their last breath.. its a strange feeling to know that your words are the last they hear and your hand is the last thing they touch before they pass.. it has difinitely made me realize that even the little things you say and do will stay with someone forever.. you learn to be more careful about your actions.. cause you realize it might be the last thing a person has..
i plan on going back to school this fall.. *sigh* i dont want to by any means.. but i also know that i cant keep working as an aide.. im too little to hack all the heavy lifting and physical stuff of it.. plus.. im always the one who gets the hell knocked out of them when one of the psych patients have a fit.. i could not tell you how many times i have been hit.. kicked.. thrown against walls.. as recent as last week.. im lucky that i havent been broken in two yet.. so i must go back to school blah.. i wanna do something in the medical field.. but im not so sure anymore nursing is what i want to do.. but who knows with me.. i tend to change my mind often.. *smile*
in the past 6 months i have learned who kalen really is.. and most of what kalen really wants.. i am for the first time in my life.. at peace with myself.. i used to hate a million things about myself.. but ive learned to love my imperfections as well as my good qualities.. i realize that there are things i need to change about me.. and i am working on it.. im not saying im perfect by any means.. but i am satisfied with me..
but anyways.. now that ive caught you up.. and bored you too death at the same time *smile*.. atleast you might half-ass understand whats going on with me when you read these lil things.. but i guess i better be going for now.. ive worked on this thing far too long today.. hah.. and made lil progress.. as soon as i find moms pics ill add some on.. and make other lil changes thru out the thing within the next couple days.. but for now.. i gotta go and get ready so i dont have to rush around b4 work..
-kalen
