The sky looked as though a film of gray cotton had been spread over it. There was a glow that was trying to penetrate through the cotton, the last rays of a settling sun, but none were able to push through, leaving the world below dark and lonely. A flock of artificial fireflies, which were the streetlights and lamps in windows, were lit up around the city and motion was coming to a slow halt as the work of the day faded away with the last of the sparse sunlight.
Two people stood curiously in two different locations.
One was Joey Fatone. Surrounding him were aqua colored buildings, the apartments that JC refused to abandon, although he could have afforded much better. A desperate urgency to speak to him coursed through Joey without a clear reason. It was rare for him to have days full of thoughts of a girl he had known briefly, as if she were a passing dream, but today her image had hit him hard the moment he had opened his eyes. He tried occupying his mind with other distractions, but she remained rooted into his thoughts.
It was like an elastic pull that brought him to the apartments. Recently, it was rare to find a free moment in JC’s schedule to speak to him. Everyone was feeling the affects of JC’s harsh rule during studio sessions, although everyone knew he was doing it for the sake of the record. Before, JC had taken brief evenings to detach himself from his work long enough to spend a couple of hours with them, to enjoy his success. Now, he drowned in his work, maybe even more than he needed to. He was still as intense as ever about music, but now he purposely avoided the outside world by locking himself into the studio. He said nothing about it. It was as if he were waiting for the reason for him to take a break to come and saw no other purpose in leaving the studio. Nobody could guess what he was waiting for.
Joey had knocked on the door and was waiting himself, waiting for the door to open as it normally would. After a couple of minutes, he knocked again. Then he just remained standing there, a string of disappointment entering his stomach. He wanted to shrug it off, declaring to himself that it wasn’t that important to see JC tonight. But something inside of him told him he was wrong, that there was a reason that this night in particular JC needed to be there. Joey didn’t understand it.
Neither did Kalika Perne, when she opened the door to the studio and found two people, neither the one she had come to see. Dustin and Meadow were huddled over the outboard and Kalika could hear a song that she recognized to be on the new album coming from the speakers. Dustin glanced her way, saw it wasn’t JC, and then focused back on the outboard. Meadow stood up straight and faced Kalika with a smile that was not meant as a symbol of joy, but as a derisive, cunning mask to hide what Meadow was really thinking. Kalika knew that the smile was a blaring characteristic of Meadow Quade.
“Hello Kalika,” Meadow said, retaining the smile. “It’s wonderful for you to come this evening.”
“Where’s JC?” she asked, keeping her professional manner. She didn’t know what it was about Meadow that annoyed her but at the same time caused Kalika to have an ounce of respect for her.
“He’s not here. He had come this afternoon, but left.”
“Do you know where he went?”
Meadow shrugged lightly, turning her back to the other girl. “I haven’t the slightest clue.”
Kalika stood still for a second, wondering why JC’s absence disturbed her. There had been times, not many, when she had come to the studio and he was not there. It was this night specifically that she had needed to see him. She had been working in her room when a flash hit her and she had abruptly stood up and left her house. She rushed her driver to go to the studio as quickly as possible. The flash had been a picture of JC in his usual position over the outboard. She needed that picture to be brought into reality, she needed to know that he was there, working, not somewhere else. She didn’t know where that somewhere else was.
When she left the studio she climbed into the limo and told the driver the directions to a cluster of aqua apartments on the other side of town, her voice a stiff command, not of rudeness, but rightful authority. Often in the past she had been tempted to visit the apartments, but had always stopped herself. Something inside of her told her that she would be trespassing if she were to ever go to the apartments.
The limo halted on the curb and she was jumping out just as Joey was exiting and going towards his own car. He stopped and smiled when he saw her. They had seen each other a couple of times in the past, whenever she paid random visits to the studio, and one time most recently at the hospital. They never spoke of her sister or Karen, no one ever spoke of their names out in the open, as if there was a law forbidding it.
“Good evening Joey,” she said, greeting him with a reproachful smile. “He’s not in?”
Joey shook his head. “He’s not at the studio either?”
She shook her head as well. “No.”
Neither of them understood what that meant, but both of them felt the same tension pulling in their stomachs.
~~
The sun was setting in the clear, pink-blue sky of New Orleans like a soft melody. Sita exited through the side gate of her father’s mansion, escaping the present emptiness of the house, although there was a staff of maids and butlers waiting to assist her. Not just the house, but the whole world felt empty, even if proof of others existence raced past her with the occasional expensive car that drove down the street, underneath the new glow of the streetlights that guarded the homes below.
Slippers, loose slacks, and a silk t-shirt added their own affect to her casual posture as she proceeded down the deserted sidewalks, her arms swinging peacefully at her side, relishing in the cool air that the evening brought. Her hair rested peacefully around her, their soft strands matching the silk of the shirt. A strange smile of bitter contentment graced her face, but it did not reach her eyes. She had nothing but the sound of her steps and the memory of a song she had heard long ago to accompany her on her walk.
Then she stopped.
She didn’t know what it was that made her feet stand still. The world around her was slipping into a faint darkness, the sun no longer visible, guarded by the earth it was sinking into and the clouds that helped it along the way. There was still light around, but its source was undistinguished. She looked around at the monstrous, old fashioned homes that surrounded her. Something in the air was making her skin tingle and she felt herself shudder. The sudden shift in the atmosphere made the song in her mind grow louder.
A wind picked up around her and she exhaled, her breath being swept away. She felt like she was standing in a dream she had a long time ago, like her past was making an unexpected appearance. She waited for the feeling to go away, but the longer she stood there, the harsher it grew, washing against her skin like the touch of an invisible hand.
An invisible hand…
She turned around slowly.
JC’s eyes met her own, a faded smile still lingering on his mouth. He stood a distance away, a familiar figure in strange surroundings, a mirage in a desert. She kept telling herself that it had been two years, they were different now, but she knew in the way he looked at her that nothing had changed. His eyes were still the uncharted sea of blue, and they were looking at her intently, as if he were seeing a wish he couldn’t believe had come true. The distance between them meant nothing. The wordless exchange was even more intimate than any kiss or touch of his hand had ever been.
She betrayed it by speaking. “How did you find me?”
His face held no emotion, but she noticed his hands were tight fists, revealing the effort he was putting in holding himself back from moving forward. “We seem to have a mutual friend.”
It was painful to hear his voice, to remember all the nights she had heard it, and to finally see him in front of her, speaking. “Who?” she asked, her tone steady.
“Hazel Fairchild.”
Her eyes lifted in astonishment. “She’s in Florida?”
“Yes. With Lance.”
“I see,” she said, holding back from inquiring further. She didn’t know why the thought of Hazel and Lance seemed to fit in her mind. “How long have you been following me?”
“A few minutes.”
“Why are you here?”
“Why are you?”
She lowered her gaze. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“I know. But when I found out where you were, that I could find you, I couldn’t stop myself. It was an impulse that I couldn’t control.”
“You left immediately?”
“Yes.”
“You dropped everything?”
“Everything.”
“You didn’t tell anyone?”
“No.”
She hesitated, but had to ask. “My sister…?”
“I didn’t tell her.”
“And how is Kal…and you…are…?”
He knew what she was trying to ask. “I’m waiting for you Sita.”
A part of her sighed in relief while another cried in anguish. “You shouldn’t have waited.”
“You shouldn’t have left.”
“I had to.”
“Why?”
It was the way he was looking at her. Her feet felt compelled to move forward, almost like a gravitational pull was forcing her towards him. It would have been so easy. It was what she wanted. She stayed where she was. “You should go now.”
“You’re coming with me.”
She was about to reply “Ok,” but managed to stop herself just as her mouth began to open. He saw her hesitate, he knew the word she was going to say, and it was enough. The restraints he had placed on himself snapped and he took long, swift strides towards her. She didn’t even try to move.
He stopped directly in front of her. His eyes searched her face with confusion and a flame of desire that not even a time span of two years could put out. Her skin could feel the heat, her entire being was fighting to stop herself from giving into to the beckoning presence of warmth that was now so close to her, just in her reach. A part of her control slipped and her hand lifted slowly, making the motion of touching his face, but staying centimeters away from it. The hand glided over his cheek, then his neck, and then down his chest before it returned to her side having never actually touched him.
His eyes had closed and his head had bent forward to be closer to her own. The past sleepless nights of one-sided conversations, the countless hours away from her, the silence he had to maintain although he felt like screaming to the world, caught up with him at that second and she saw the infamous emotionless face weaken in exhaustion and helplessness. “My love…”
It was her turn to close her eyes. “JC, you would do anything for me?”
They both opened their eyes and looked at each other. She could see he knew what she was asking of him, that he was aware of where his answer would lead him. But he wouldn’t lie to her.
“Anything,” he answered with a cold yet helpless voice.
She nodded and looked down then took a step back and then walked past him, towards her mansion. He didn’t move to follow or even face her but remained just as he was, looking at the space she had once occupied.
On her way she stopped and looked at the back of his neck. “Good-bye JC.”
He didn’t answer and she walked away.
~~
“No!”
Karen Cooper was pacing around her large, informal living room, trying to contain her shock and anger from spilling out, onto the girl who sat peacefully watching her from the comfort of a large, plush chair. Sita, Karen noted while briefly glancing down, had changed. The girl of ballrooms and drawing rooms was gone, the magically fictional character had ceased to exist. In place of that fairy-tale figure was a girl with a beautiful face that could be overlooked by the mysterious thoughts occurring behind the eyes. Sita was as real as anyone could get, she had killed the image everyone had once idolized but had come to life because of it.
Yet, her face was still restricted from reaching its full potential. She had the eyes of someone who had seen sunlight but had forced their gaze away, who had found the end of the rainbow and had turned around and ran as far from it as she could. And now, Karen saw a girl who was turning into her own executioner, slipping the rope around her neck with her own hands.
“I won’t let you do this,” Karen exclaimed.
Sita smiled calmly. “You can’t stop me.”
“Yes I can! Sita, your own conscience should be stopping you from committing this act of malevolence against yourself! This is some new, twisted form of suicide!”
“Karen, I value my life to much to take it from myself.”
“Then why are you doing this?” she said, half screaming. “I mean, I can’t picture any other action more appropriate to throw your life away! If you don’t want to kill yourself, you have a very funny way of showing it!”
Sita’s eyes lowered. “I have to do this. I know you understand that I have to.”
Karen stopped pacing and stood in front of her. “We can call Kal and convince her that she was wrong. And if she doesn’t concede, then who cares?”
“I do. She’s my sister and I love her.”
“Do you think she wants this?”
“Probably not. But she can’t stop me and neither can you.”
“Sita!” But the desperate plea in Karen’s voice let her know that she knew it was no use to argue. With a tired resignation, Karen slumped to the floor, a humbling position for a girl who had known only thrones and rich leather couches her entire life. She bowed her head momentarily, a yellow waterfall shielding her eyes, and then she looked up. “So Haze is in Florida?”
~~
It was reaching the twilight of the night when JC stepped out of the taxi and found Kalika Perne sitting on the steps just outside of his apartment.
Her back was poised and she smiled pleasantly when she saw him approach. “Hello JC.”
He looked at her, surprised, and said, “Kal, what are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to speak to you about the new record.”
He sat down next to her, eyeing her carefully. “How long have you been sitting here?”
“A couple of hours,” she said simply.
“Was it really that important?”
“I guess I could have waited. I really just wanted to talk and make sure you were ok. I was worried when I couldn’t find you.”
“I’m fine,” he said, turning his attention to the sky, the amazed expression on his face gone, replaced with his usual stone mask. “What’s up with the record?”
“Oh, I guess it’s nothing to serious. I was just curious as to how things are going with Dustin and Meadow. Are you getting along with them?”
“Yes. Dustin’s been great.”
“You seem to have found your kindred spirit in him, haven’t you?”
He shrugged. “You could say that.”
“What about Meadow?”
“What about her?”
She glanced at his profile outlined in the moonlight. His eyes were focused on a mysterious point in the sky, like they were zoning in on one star in particular, while the rest of his body remained taught yet relaxed, his hands laying flat on the step behind him, supporting his body. “JC” she whispered in reverent awe and hope, “will you watch the sunrise with me?”
He smiled innocently, refusing to look her way. “I’m tired. Maybe some other time.”
“Yes, of course,” she said, turning her glance forward as he stood up and started towards his front door. “Oh JC?”
“Yes?”
“Where were you anyway?”
“New Orleans.”
Her heart jumped in her chest. “Why….why did you go there?”
“To see your sister,” he replied casually, and then closed the door behind him, leaving her bewildered and shaken as the stars twinkled above her.