Rose was sitting on the edge of her desk, keeping her eyes steadily on the young girl a couple of desks over from her. She looked on edge, like her nerves were ready to take over her body. It had been one week since Sita’s return to the office and during the entire week Rose watched the girl swamp herself with work and responsibilities. She didn’t like it. It wasn’t right in her mind that a girl such as Sita was so involved in the office. Although there had been no proof, Rose was certain that Sita was being overworked and couldn’t handle it.
She waited until Sita hung up the phone she was talking on and then hurriedly waddled over to the desk. “How are you Sita?”
Sita glanced up quickly, a quick flash of green, and then looked back down. “I’m fine Rose. You don’t have to keep checking up on me.”
“Oh, but it’s not trouble at all! I just want to make sure you’re comfortable and feeling well. Are you sure there’s no work you’d like to hand over to me so you can take a break?”
“No, thank you.”
“It’s really not trouble!”
Sita stopped and turned her head up. “Rose, why is it so unbelievable to you that I can do so much work?”
“It’s just not natural. Most girls your age are out at college or shopping.”
“I’m not most girls Rose.”
“You are so very unique Sita. I just don’t want you to burn out.”
She sighed and focused back on the desk. “Don’t worry, I’m doing fine.”
“Oh…well…well, all right. But just tell me if you want to take a break, all right?”
Sita said nothing and Rose, disappointed, walked back to her desk to resume nervously watching the young girl.
Unexpectedly, J.J. entered the office. To Sita’s relief, he had not paid her a visit since the first day she had been back as he had promised. He walked straight to her desk as usual, a charming, bright smile on his face. “Good afternoon Sita!”
“Hello J.J.,” she said without looking up.
“I know you must be furious at me for not coming as I said I would, but I’ve had so much to take care of for father’s upcoming party. You’ll forgive me, won’t you?”
“Only if you leave now. I’m terribly busy as well.”
He ignored her. “I spoke with your sister the other day.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. My mother asked me to pick up some expensive dish or another from your mother, and so I paid a little visit to your house. You weren’t there, of course, since you’ve been at the office this week, but your sister had just come back from…I think she said a record studio.”
Unnoticed by J.J., Sita’s pen had stopped writing momentarily. It then resumed on its path.
“I’ve heard Kalika’s involved with a singer and so asked her about him. She confirmed that she was with him, which I find quite the scandal.”
“Why is that?”
“You know she refused to go out with Neal Klein, a very good friend of mine. Now she’s running around with a pop singer. Do you approve Sita?”
“Entirely.”
He laughed. “I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Neal’s hand his eye on your friend, Karen Cooper, for some time now.”
“J.J., you should be very disappointed in your spies. Karen is seeing a singer as well. In fact, the man my sister is seeing is in a musical group with Karen’s singer. I thought you would have known that by now.”
His smile faded, his lips now a cold, straight line. “And what about you, my dear? Are you involved with a singer?”
She looked up and smiled. “Of course.”
“Sita, I-"
J.J. was interrupted by a slight commotion happening at the entrance to the office. They both looked to see what was going on. She dropped her pen on the desk when she saw JC enter the room. His blue eyes searched around the office and then landed on her. He slowed down his pace and walked to her desk. “Hi.”
She was barely breathing. “Hello.”
“Who are you?” J.J. asked rudely.
JC didn’t even register his existence. “I have to talk to you,” he said to her.
“Yes JC.” She stood up.
“JC?” J.J. said. “The singer that’s seeing Kalika? You seem to be visiting the wrong sister my friend.”
“Shut up J.J.,” she said, leaving her desk and grabbing JC’s arm. “Come on.”
“Why is he here Sita? Does Kalika know about this?”
Neither answered or even remembered J.J. behind them. People around them were giving her suspicious looks, which she ignored as well. She led the way down a short hallway and then opened a door and walked inside, JC following behind her. The room was dark, a building across the street acting as a blockade against the sun’s futile efforts to enter the single window of the room. The space was unused and occupied by two large, state of the art copying machines. There were pale tiles on the floor and naked white walls, an impersonal atmosphere greeting them.
She closed the door. Then she faced him, keeping her stance next to one of the machines, as if it were her guard dog.
He stood in the center of the room, wearing jeans, a buttoned down gray shirt, and a brown leather jacket. His body was a straight line, his eyes an electric blue that watched her. There was no mocking smile on his face today. “Lock the door.”
She locked it.
He walked towards her.
She stayed frozen by the machine.
When he was right in front of her, he said, “You didn’t want me to come here?”
All she could do was shake her head and stare.
He made a movement, brushing the back of his hand lightly against her cheek. “I couldn’t stay away.” His hand traveled to the back of her neck, his fingers digging into her hair. “Sita, what do you want?”
Her mouth stayed shut, but her eyes were pleading, begging him to grant her the ability to say the words her mind banned her from speaking. He waited, but soon realized she would not say what he wanted to hear. Angrily, he lowered his head and placed his mouth on hers, so roughly that she barely had time to gasp. She didn’t kiss him indifferently as she had normally done with others, but with everything she had stored inside of her over the past weeks. His kiss made her feel alive, like his eyes, and she felt his aura wrap around her, touching her everywhere.
It was the most physical thing she had ever felt. His hands had moved to her back and she was pushed towards him, feeling him, his lips branding her mouth. He lifted his head, taking in a couple of breaths, and then hungrily reached for her again, and she let him. She forgot the rules she had given herself and gave into him. She kissed him with just as much desperation as he did her, and clung onto him like he was a solitary rock in a stormy ocean.
“Sita,” he breathed, his eyes shut, his mouth hovering just above hers. “I love you.” The sound was strained, like the words were being ripped from him, which only added to the truth of the statement.
She kissed him with pain and then removed herself from his embrace, stepping back until she was pressed against the wall. “Never say that to me again.”
He didn’t flinch. “No.”
“You can’t say that.”
“I love you.”
“Stop it.” She put her hand on the doorknob and unlocked it with the other. “I think you can find your own way out.” She left the room, closing the door behind her. She waited in the ladies room before going out to make sure he had left. The copy machine room was empty.
~~
Somebody knocked on the bedroom door and a butler entered, bowing customarily. “Miss Kalika, Mr. Richards is here to see you.”
Kalika glanced from her desk questioningly. “J.J. Richards?”
“Yes madam.”
She sighed and placed her pen on the desk, then got up. “I’ll see him.” She walked briskly through the hallways, down the stairs, and found J.J. making himself comfortable in her formal family room. He smiled at her brightly, his usual, plastered on smile, when she entered the room. “Yes J.J.?”
“Wonderful to see you again Kal.”
“Twice in less than a week is enough for me,” she muttered. “What can I help you with?”
“Nothing,” he said, walking around the room. “I just came by to see how you were doing. Oh, also, I wanted to inquire on that singing friend of yours. His name was JC, was it? Well, you won’t believe where I ran into him today…”
~~
JC walked into his apartment and turned on the lights. He stopped short when he saw the man standing inside, waiting for him.
Lou Pearlman was a round man with a balding head and a face like a fiend. He was the stranger kids were warned not to take candy from. He was infamous for his moods, his Jekyl and Hyde impersonation of being the friendliest, warmest person in the world one minute and then turning into the devil the next. He used human beings like a parasite or a leech, sucking the blood of individuals until they were empty and then moving onto the next. One learned quickly to despise Lou Pearlman.
“You disappoint me JC,” he said, his small eyes narrowed on the young man standing in front of him. “You’ve turned the rest against me very nicely, almost professionally.”
“It wasn’t hard.”
“Now is not the time to be funny.”
“Lou, you are the only person who finds any humor in what I say.”
“I don’t, actually. It’s just better for you if you are being funny, because you certainly don’t want to say something you’ll regret later on seriously, now do you?”
“I don’t regret anything I say.”
“You had better start then.” He let the sentence linger in the air, a floating threat that could not be seen. “You neglected to show up for the meeting, you’re having the others ignore my phone calls, and I’ve also heard something about you making a couple of trips to Jive records in the past week. What am I supposed to think about all of this?”
“Think what you want. It doesn’t concern me.”
“Oh, but it does JC. You have a contract with me and RCA. For the next couple of years, we own you.”
“Nobody owns me,” JC stated.
Lou smirked. “That’s where you’re wrong. Due to your irresponsible actions, you and the boys will have to take the days during the tour where you have a night free and go to the studio. The producers will have to fly out and their airfare and hotel fees will be taken out of your personal paychecks because the record label will certainly not pay for it. You’re walking on thin ice with them JC.”
“Are you finished?”
“Not quite. They’ve also decided to add another leg to the tour, near the end of summer and possibly a couple more dates during winter. All the usual television appearances and photo shoots will remain as scheduled. Do you understand?”
Lou had been waiting for that sign of anger, for the satisfaction of seeing JC break down before him. He was disappointed when JC remained staring at him emotionless and unaffected. “Now are you done?”
Lou’s face turned shades redder. “Listen to me! You had better start cooperating with me and doing as I say. I can easily rip you out of the spotlight and make sure you never make music in this or any other country, ever.”
“Good-evening Lou.”
With clenched teeth and wheezed breathing, Lou stood in place for a couple more seconds and then marched past him and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
~~
The streets were barren, the houses lining them like countless faces, the windows acting as the observing eyes, some bright, some dark. A whisper ran through the darkness, shuffling the leaves from the ground and beating against the mailboxes that stood tall to greet the guests that passed by each house. People were settling into beds or watching the television thoughtlessly, unconcerned about tomorrow or the events that had happened during that day. The night brought peace to the residential area.
A yellow taxi stopped outside of one house in particular and Sita stepped out of it, pausing to view the house before her, hearing the laughter coming from inside. She closed the door behind her and began walking up the pathway, towards the front door, the sounds of the taxi pulling away and driving in the opposite direction coming from behind her.
After she rang the doorbell, she took a step back and waited.
She was surprised at who opened the door. He was equally surprised to see her. “Hello Sita.”
“Hey Joey,” she said in a quiet tone. “Is Karen here?”
He nodded, moving to let her inside. “Let me take your coat. Did you just come from work?”
“Yes.” She removed her heavy overcoat and handed it to him. “How are you?”
“I’m ok.” They stood in an uncomfortable silence and then he asked, “Sita, where have you been? I’ve missed you.”
“Joey, I really have to talk to Karen.”
He didn’t hide his disappointment. “Yea, ok. She’s in the living room. Come on.”
Karen was not alone in the living room. She sat on the couch, Justin’s arm draped over her shoulders, while they both watched Chris, who stood in front of them, tell a story rather loudly. A couple more guys and girls were scattered around and Lance was taking pictures of them with an obviously new 35mm camera. When he noticed her entrance, he whirled around, aiming the camera at her face. “Smile Sita.”
She shook her head, grinning. “Not today Lance.”
“Oh come on! Please?”
She sighed and made her lips smile, momentarily blinded by a flash of white.
“You super model, you,” Lance teased.
“Sita!” Karen jumped up from the couch and ran to hug her. “You’ve managed to find time between your busy work scheduled to go out and have some fun again?”
“Not exactly.” She lowered her voice. “I have to talk to you somewhere private.”
“All right. Let’s go upstairs.”
The stairs were coated with light blue carpeting and as she drudged up she passed reflections of herself echoing through the dusty picture frames with smiling children and black and white grandparents. Wooden cabinets topped with lace coverings and friendly smells greeted her as she reached the top step, following Karen into one of the rooms. The room itself was plain, coming straight from a scene of a typical family show, the bed topped with the hand knitted quilt, desk scattered with papers and pictures, and an open closet with hangers and unorganized shelves of clothes and shoes.
“Cute, isn’t it?” Karen said in reference to how much they did not belong in such comfortable surroundings.
“I’d prefer this over the plastic wrap and porcelain walls we come from.”
Karen crossed her tanned arms over her chest. “What’s happened?”
Sita closed the door and then leaned back on it. “I saw JC today.”
“What? He came to the office?”
“Yes.”
“So, what did he want? Did anything happen?”
She lifted her gaze helplessly. “We kissed.”
Karen’s mouth gaped open. “How far are you going to let this go without doing anything? You can’t keep running around behind everyone’s back, having secret meetings with him! This is the kind of scandal our mothers discuss over tea with the Mrs. Barlett’s and Mrs. Lavish’s of the world. You can’t let that happen to you Sita! You can’t keep doing this to Joey or your sister!”
“I can’t keep trying to please everyone!” she said. She sighed and sunk to the floor, covering her face with shaking hands. “I’m sorry Karen.” The fight within her was slipping. She was now traveling on an uncharted path and falling, scraping her knees in the process. She was never told what to do when she fell, she had never been trained to fall.
Even then, even in her weakest moment, she was still poised with elegance. Karen did not see a helpless creature, sobbing for mercy, but instead a magnificent, strong warrior that had suffered a defeat but would still stand to face the rest of the battle. The words that she had stored away, that Sita had rambled to her in the dark bedroom, came back to her and began to make sense. She knelt next to her friend, touching her head gently. “Sita, you are not society’s property. You’re allowed to be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do. The only person you have to please is yourself. The only expectations you have to meet are the ones you set for yourself. I understand now.”
Sita lifted her head to look at her friend. “I know what I want now. Will you drive me somewhere?”
~~
In the empty aqua apartment, JC sat against a wall, bending over a notepad that rested in his lap and nodding his head to the music that traveled through the headphones he wore, and into his ears. On the large piece of cardboard that acted as his work station, table, and desk, sat a wick candle, the orange flame like a thick diamond of light, casting shadows across his face and the rest of the room.
Through the music, he heard a light, distant knocking and his eyes glanced up. He waited and then, upon hearing the knocking once more, put the notepad aside, took off of the headphones, and stood. When he swung the door open, he saw a girl standing outside, her hands shoved into the pockets of her navy coat. She smiled.
“Can I come in?”
His eyes looked her over and then he nodded, silently moving to allow her entrance. She walked around, taking in the limited things to see, exhaling to allow her breath to mingle with his. She saw the piles of notebooks, the strange piece of cardboard, her green eyes became absorbed in the light of the candle, and then she turned to face him. He was watching her, keeping his distance, the sparse light captured on his face. She closed that distance and stood in front of him.
They stayed staring at each other, his eyes guarded, asking a wordless question, her eyes a field of green, answering yes. Then, she reached down and took his hand in her delicate, pale hand, and lifted it to her lips, kissing his palm.
He took hold of both of her hands and rubbed them within his own. “You’re fingers are like ice.”
“It’s cold out.” Useless words that filled up space. The real conversation was happening between their eyes and the feel of his skin on hers. A wordless exchange of understanding and reassurance took place and all questions were answered.
He let go of her hands. “Remove your coat.”
With her eyes lowered, she did as he said, letting the material fall to the ground. Then she raised her head proudly to look at him again. He lifted his hands to her face and glided his thumbs over her cheeks and down her neck. She noticed the muscles in his arms were taught, showing his obvious restraint, how he was holding himself back from doing a greater action. Regretfully, she did not have his kind of willpower.
Pushing his hands aside, she raised herself on her toes and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull his head down. In his arms she felt like the world was theirs to explore and live in together. She felt like the flame on the candle, like his mouth was a fire that licked her skin but did not burn. She felt everything, every portion of her skin had a separate sensation each time his hands touched it and she was never so aware of herself. Whenever she opened her eyes and saw his face, she knew he felt it to.
Eventually, they ended up on the floor. He sat with his back to a wall and she lay back on him, resting on his chest, relaxed in the warmth of his arms around her, sighing whenever his lips grazed her exposed neck. The candle had sunken considerably lower, its wax dripping like tears on a crying face and spilling onto the cardboard, hardening into solid white puddles. He had put on a CD in his portable player and turned the volume up to full blast. A song could be heard through the headphones. It was his own.
“JC, have you always been this way?”
“What way?”
“You know…the way you are. So reserved.”
“I’m not sure. I try not to look at the past very often.”
“Why not?”
“There’s nothing to be gained from that. What’s done is done, there’s nothing to be changed, nothing to do. I’ve always liked the word future. It’s so unlimited. Anything can happen.”
“What about my question?”
“I guess I have. I don’t know. I don’t need to talk to people or have lots of friends. I just need to make music. Why, would you prefer me to be another way?”
“No.” She looked thoughtfully around. “You don’t have much furniture.”
“No, I don’t.”
“I like it. Every room I’ve ever been in has always been so cluttered. Why do people cling unto unnecessary materials? I don’t understand why people feel that the more junk they own, the better their lives are. Why do they depend on furniture to make themselves feel better, why can’t people just be their own source of happiness? Why do people want so much stuff?”
He smiled and kissed her neck. “And what do you want, Sita?”
She was quiet for a minute. Then she looked up. “I want to be here, with you, like this, always. I want to figure myself out.” She laughed. “I want to live in a house where, in ever room, there are countless windows. I want to hear every song you’ve made and read every last word in those notebooks.” Her face suddenly hardened and she gazed back down. “I want my sister to be happy.” Her eyes looked back at him. “But I want to be happy also.”
He kissed her. “You’re beautiful Sita.”
It was the first time she had ever truly heard those words and accepted them. She had never believed anyone saw her as beautiful, but she knew he did, his eyes told her so, and she believed him. She touched his face and kissed him then lay her head back down on his chest and waited for the rise and fall of his chest to exhale herself, following his rhythm.
“I have to go,” she announced later. “Karen’s waiting for me.”
JC grinned. “She’s been waiting in her car this whole time?”
“Yup,” she laughed, “She’ll be furious with me.”
He got up first and then helped her to her feet, pulling her close the moment she stood up. “I want you to have something.” He released her and reached down to grab something from the cardboard box with the melting candle. He handed the book to her.
It was heavy, the pages thick and various papers sticking out from all directions. The entire thing was packaged in a red velvet covering and she ran her fingers over it, wondering why she felt like she was holding so much history in her hands. “Is this your scrapbook?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you didn’t like the past.”
He shrugged. “I felt it was important to keep certain things in my memory. Now I want you to have them. The last page is especially for you.”
She hugged the book to her chest. “Thank you.”
“Meet me tomorrow afternoon.”
“Where?”
“The bus stop.”
She nodded. “Ok. I’ll be there.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
With a final kiss, she tore herself away from the apartment, the chill of the cold air outside biting at her skin. She felt his eyes watching her from the window and looked back once, smiled, and walked on. When she reached the red corvette, she found Karen laying on the wheel, snoring.
She hit the glass, causing Karen to jump up, fully awake.
“Where the hell have you been!” she asked as Sita took a seat on the passenger side. “I thought I’d be here all night.”
“Let’s go home. You can sleepover at my house.”
“That hardly makes up for the service I’ve done for you. I could have been snuggling over at Justin’s, you realize?”
Sita rolled her eyes, but a smile remained evident on her face. “No, you wouldn’t. You guys would have broken up.”
“Actually, he called my cell while you were shacking up with JC and we broke up then,” Karen corrected her. “But, that’s besides the point.”
She laughed. “Karen, just drive.”
~~
The mansion was dark and quiet when the two girls entered.
“Go up to my room,” Sita said. “I’ll be there in a minute, I’m just going to get something to eat. I’m famished.”
“Bring me up a sandwich,” Karen whispered, climbing up the grand staircase.
Sita had to walk through the living room in order to get to the exquisite kitchen. As she passed through the first room, a dark shadow on the couch called out to her.
“Hello Sita. You’re coming home rather late.”
“Kal? What are you doing up?”
“I was waiting for you.” The voice sounded as dark as the figure using it. The shadow stood and took a couple of steps forward, the face of her sister appearing in the pale moonlight that shone in through a window. “Where were you?”
“With Karen.” She didn’t know how, but it seemed Kalika knew she was lying. “Kal, what’s wrong?”
“J.J. Richards paid me a visit today.”
“How awful.”
“He told me something very interesting,” Kalika said coldly. “He said he had been at the office, chatting with you, when a man came to see you. He said the man was named JC, and that you two must have had something very private to discuss because you whisked him away to the copy machine room and locked the door. He knows. He checked. Sita, why did JC come to see you today at the office?”
The question did not sound accusing. It was the plea of a desperate woman holding onto a thin string of hope, and was losing her grasp. When her sister did not answer, Kalika continued, using the same voice. “Sita, where were you tonight?”
“Kal, don’t…”
Kalika’s eyes dropped down instantly, her head shaking, her whole body trembling. She could no longer stand, so she fell to the couch, holding onto her forearms to control her shaking. Sita knelt by her side, her lower lip trembling as well, watching her sister carefully with large, tear-filled eyes.
“I should have known it would happen,” Kalika said without thinking. “It always happens.”
“Kal, please stop.”
“Why would he be different? They always go to you, they always love you more.”
Sita shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks, like dripping candle wax. “Don’t do this.”
“Maybe I thought he would be different, because I loved him so much.” That last sentence seemed to bring her back to reality, and she blinked, turning suddenly to her sister. “Sita, I’ve never really minded it when they chose you over me. It never hurt before, never like this anyway. But this time, I can hardly bare it. I don’t want to lose him.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Go away.”
Sita froze. “What?”
“Go away. Leave this place. Sita, I’ve never asked of you anything, but I’m asking you this. Leave him. Go away. You’ve always wanted to travel. Leave this house, leave Florida, leave him. You have to do this.”
Sita was no longer crying, just staring blankly at the carpet beneath her. She took in a deep breath, unmoving. “All right Kal.”
Kalika turned to face her, grabbing her hands. “You can’t tell mother or father. Not until you’ve left anyway. They’d never let you go. You should call…no, write a letter for now. Tell them you need a break. They’ll understand, especially with the whole ordeal of you locking yourself away in your room so fresh in their minds.”
“Yes Kal.”
“You’ll have plenty of money. I’m sure father will be more than happy to fund your vacation.”
She felt like laughing at the word vacation. Instead, she removed her hands from her sister’s desperate hold. “Yes Kal.”
“It’s got to be tonight Sita.”
She stood up. “I’ll get packing.” She turned to go, slowly walking out of the room, but Kalika called out to her.
“Sita,” Kalika ran to her, throwing her arms around her. “This makes up for everything,” was all she said. Then she released her and stepped back, absolving back into the shadows she had been in minutes ago. Sita walked up the stairs without a sound. When she entered her room, she barely took notice of Karen’s presence and went straight to the closet to bring out her suitcases.
“What’s going on? Where are you going?”
Sita was pulling clothes out of her closet. “Away.”
“What?” Karen got up, entirely confused, as usual. “What the hell happened?”
“I’m leaving Karen.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. Around the world, maybe.”
“Why?”
“Because I want my sister to be happy.”
“Huh?” Sita said nothing more, rushing from drawers back to the closet then to the suitcases and then repeating. Karen watched silently. Then, she grabbed a hanger holding an expensive, hand tailored green evening gown. “Take this. It’s a personal favorite of mine.”
Sita threw it in one of the bags.
“Hurry. We have to make a stop at my house.”
Sita stopped. “Why?”
“I’m coming with you,” Karen stated with a tone that said there was no point in arguing.
Sita nodded. “Help me carry these downstairs.”
That night Sita Perne packed her life into three suitcases and prepared to leave the only place she had ever known to be home. She had never been a whole week away from the house and now she was leaving for an indefinite amount of time without the chance to say good-bye. She scribbled a quick note to her parents and kissed her sleeping little sister on the forehead before walking out of the front doors for the last time. She did not see Kalika again.
The next day Justin called around looking for Karen. He would not find out until the day after that, that she had gone away without telling anyone where she could be reached. He was the one to inform Joey that Sita was missing as well, and he had to watch his friend experience the true affects of a broken and confused heart. No one thought to tell JC.
The afternoon after two mysterious girls had jumped on a plane, as promised, JC went to the bus stop and waited. He did not leave the bench until 5 hours later. Sita never showed up.