Somehow he had managed to fall asleep and was able to wake up the next morning easily. Oddly, when he opened his eyes and breathed in that morning air, he felt better than usual. Nothing was weighing him down, no deep thoughts, no shred of bitterness towards his lifestyle, and mostly no feeling of complete and total loneliness. The last one he pondered for awhile and could come up with no reason whatsoever to change his mood so drastically. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so free spirited and good about life.
Humming a tune under his breath he strolled into the kitchen and was surprised to find his houseguest already up, sitting at the counter, hovered over that mornings newspaper.
“Good morning,” he said. “I didn’t expect you to be up.”
She didn’t look up at his arrival. “I didn’t get much sleep.”
“More bad dreams?”
“I guess.”
He walked over to the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of milk. “Did you want some breakfast or something?”
“No.” She took a glance at him and asked, “Why are you so happy?”
“Shocking isn’t it? I don’t know why. I just woke up and saw the sun for once.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Honestly, I have no clue. It seemed like the right thing to say.”
She examined him suspiciously for a minute and then shook her head to return her gaze back to the newspaper.
“Are you reading up on current events?”
“I’m looking for a job.”
“What?” he exclaimed, completely astonished. “Why?”
She looked at him as if she had no idea why he was so astonished by her revelation. “I’ll probably be here longer than I thought I would and I can’t keep living off of you. I need to start doing things on my own, like paying for things and stuff. I owe you enough as is.”
“You owe me nothing at all. I don’t mind Hazel, I don’t.” He approached her and quietly said, “You don’t have to object to my help or services. I’m here for you…as a friend.”
“I appreciate that, and I appreciate all of the kind things you’ve done for me, but I’ve got to do this. I’ve always depended on me for survival, it’s what I’m comfortable with.”
“You..” He stopped and tried to think of the right words. “You don’t have to be alone or adamant about asking for help.”
“Adamant?”
“Hesitant, I mean. I’m here for you, to help you. You don’t need a job.”
For the first time that day she smiled. “Thanks. I don’t want the job just for money. I need stuff to do. I can’t tag along with you all the time.”
I don’t mind. I like it when you’re with me. He almost said it out loud, but luckily caught himself before the words had a chance to escape. “So have you found anything you’re interested in?”
“Nope. Wait...actually...”
“Yes?”
She licked her lips, debating on whether or not she wanted to tell him. “I saw a ‘now hiring’ sign on this daycare a couple of blocks down from here.”
“So close? That’s great!”
“Yea,” she quietly said. It didn’t seem as if the job held much interest in her. “I’ll probably check it out later.”
“Well I’ve got to go back to the studio today, you need a lift?”
“I’ll just walk. I haven’t done that in awhile.”
“Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Yea. I’ll be fine.”
The phone hanging on the wall next to them rang then and he picked it up to answer it. After a brief conversation he hung it up and walked over to the closet down the hall to grab a jacket, reappearing moments later. “That’s Chris. He’s giving me a ride. Are you sure you’re going to be ok?”
“I’m positive.”
“I’ll see you later then, all right? Good luck.”
She waved, waiting until she heard the door shut to turn back to the newspaper.
~~
The day was perfect. A warm, round sun glowed in the cloudless blue sky, warming her skin, while a light wind blew in the air to balance the heat out. She had never seen so much sunshine in her life and wondered vaguely if skin cancer was a problem in the area.
Walking was, she found, exactly what she needed. She had no idea she had missed the simple act so much. It didn’t give her time alone with her thoughts, quite the contrary. It gave her time to just be in peace, not having to worry and wonder over how she was going to pay her rent that month or any of the various other problems she had to deal with that week. She could just listen to the sounds around her with her head bowed down as she watched her feet take the steps that took her closer and closer to her destination. Simple things brought her the greatest satisfaction.
The day care center wasn’t far at all and in a couple of minutes a child’s laughter brought her head up and she saw that she was there. Before going up the walkway towards the front door she took a minute to stand and watch the 5 or 6 children playing on the grass, intrigued by their joy and serenity.
For a girl that carried no hopes or expectations in life, a large nervousness was attached to her as she entered the quaint building.
This job isn’t that great. I probably wont even get it anyway. Who cares if I do? There’s a bunch of other jobs that’ll pay better out there.
“Hello?”
A tall, middle aged Spanish woman approached her, a kind, caring smile on her face. She shook Hazel’s hand and said, “My name’s Sally Espanoza.”
“I’m Hazel Fairchild. I’m here to apply for the job.”
~~
Later on that day Lance, Chris, and Justin walked towards the elevator that would lead them to the 7th floor apartment. Lance lead the way, not bothering to listen to the conversation happening behind him, his thoughts on whether or not Hazel had gotten the job. With a guilty conscience he hoped that she hadn’t. He liked coming home and knowing she was there, waiting for him. He just liked coming home to someone.
Meanwhile, Chris and Justin had decreased the noise volume of their conversation to a whisper.
“So?” Chris hissed.
“So what?”
“Any developments in our little wager?”
Justin grimly looked forward. “Not yet.”
“Ha!”
“That doesn’t mean that there won’t be. Give it some time, they’ve only known each other for a week or so. I’m telling you, it’s going to happen and you’re going to have to make a little visit to the bank.”
“Don’t be so over confident there slick.”
The elevator doors opened and they walked down to the apartment. Lance opened the door, and the three went inside. It took a minute for Lance to notice the girl sitting on the large white couch, encased by the big pillows that surrounded her. It made her look even more childlike than ever before.
“Hazel?” Lance questioned, noticing her solemn expression. There was no light in the room; she had been sitting in the dark. He flipped on a light switch. “What’s wrong.”
“Hi Hazel,” Chris said. Justin smiled and waved to her.
“Hello,” she quietly replied.
Lance gave the other two a look, telling them to scram and Justin and Chris each took the hint and escaped to the kitchen. Once they were safely in the other room from ear distance, Chris turned to Justin and said, “Hazel’s hot.”
Justin laughed and gave him a confused look. “Where in the hell did that come from?”
“Well, I mean, the only other time I’ve really noticed her was that day we all went out to lunch. I don’t think I need to explain why I wouldn’t have been able to make a judgement on her physical appearance then.”
“Go on.”
“Now she’s...well, cleaned up. Healed, besides the bruises. And she’s hot.”
“I know. I was the first one to notice her back in New Orleans.”
“Wait, you saw her before we all meet her?”
“Joey did too.”
Chris punched Justin’s arm. “You cheat! You knew she was cute!”
Justin gave him a sly grin. “Feeling a little uneasy about your position Christopher?”
“No,” he said after a moment’s hesitation. “I know Lance, and he won’t be attracted to her. Like I said, she isn’t his type.”
“We’ll see.”
~~
Lance moved a pillow aside and took a seat next to her. “What happened?”
“What makes you think anything happened?”
“Hazel,” he said. “Please tell me.”
She didn’t want to. Normally people knew not to bother her, and if they didn’t, they learned. Lance, however, would not stop looking at her as he patiently waited for her to answer him, and it made her uncomfortable. She tried to ignore it, tried to keep her mouth shut, but eventually she felt she had to say something to get him to stop looking at her like that. “Look, ok, I went and applied.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t qualify ok!” She stood up and walked down the hallway to the bedroom, anything to get away from those eyes.
Of course, he followed her. “Why didn’t you qualify?”
“I don’t have the proper schooling. You have to have these credits, or whatever, from child development classes and stuff. I don’t have them. You have to go to college to get them.”
They were silent for a minute and she kept her eyes to the ground, feeling his own still on her face.
“You really wanted that job, didn’t you?” he asked.
“What are you talking about? I don’t care about the stupid job.”
“You did. I can tell.”
“How would you know?” she exclaimed. “You don’t know me!” Right when the words left her mouth both had the sensation that she was completely wrong. Out of everyone who had tried in the past and failed, he knew her. While she consisted in trying to keep her distant nature, her quiet stance, every minute spent with him she found herself being pulled in, drawn to him. The words were being pulled out of her mouth against her will it seemed.
But maybe that’s because I’m fighting it she thought. She couldn’t help herself; she actually wanted to tell him, to be able to confide in him.
Lance was beginning to regret the presumptuous stance he had taken. “Look, maybe I was wrong...”
“No, you weren’t.” She walked over to the bed and took a seat on the very edge in a nervous position. “I wanted that job. Maybe more than I’ve wanted something in a long time.”
He sat down next to her. “You like kids?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yea. They’re so cool. You don’t have to say big words or have a bunch of stuff to impress them. They just want to have fun, they’re not afraid to use their imaginations. It’s like nothing evil in the world has gotten to them yet I guess.”
He smiled as he watched her. “I know you don’t like the idea of college, but you should take the courses needed for the job.”
“What’s the point?” she said, that hopeless, leveled tone seeping into her voice. “It’s too late for me.”
“The point is to do it for yourself. Do what makes you happy. If working with kids is what you want to do, then take the necessary steps to get to that point. It’s not wrong to set goals for yourself Hazel. Some will work out and some wont but at least you’ll have the gratification in knowing you tried.”
“That’s just the thing though. I know what’s in store for my life, I’m nothing special. Aiming for something I’ll never achieve is a waste of time.”
“What guarantee do you have that you’ll never achieve things when you’ve never tried?”
She didn’t have an answer to his question.
“I can’t make you do anything,” he said. “All I can say is, I have faith in you. Even though you may think you have no superior purpose, you might as well be having a good time while you are living. You’re a fully functional human being. You do exist.”
Just like the last night, she soaked in his words like a sponge and actually took to heart what he was saying. There was an aspect about him that caught her attention and commanded her to listen, to hear his words, and most of all, to believe him.
Somebody knocked on the door and Justin peeked his head in. “Mind if I interrupt?”
Lance, who had been watching Hazel intently, rolled his eyes to his friend. “What is it this time Justin?”
“No need to get all frisky. Joey just paged and wanted to know if we’d go out tonight. He wanted to try Shock Syndrome.”
Lance could almost feel Hazel’s interest go up a notch and he turned to see a glimpse of excitement in her face. “You feeling up to it?”
She glanced down and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
He chuckled and said to Justin, “She’s dying to go. I think she may very well pass out from excitement at just the thought of going.”
Justin shot him a questioning look. “You must be seeing things cause, from where I’m standing, she looks about ready to fall asleep. Were you lecturing to the poor girl or something? Telling her a wild story about all that horse riding you did with your church camp down in Mississippi?”
“Shut up.”
“You better watch him Hazel,” Justin warned, “He’s one of those rebel church campers. Or is that an oxymoron?”
“You’re a moron,” Lance snapped.
“More of those church camp comebacks Lansten?”
“So,” Hazel intervened, “I’m going to get ready now.” She got up and exited the room to shower and change.
“Thanks a lot.”
“What?” Justin asked innocently. “I was just trying to help the process along.”
“What process?”
“The ‘getting to know you’ process. You two really need to get to the next level already. I mean, she’s staying at your apartment for crying out loud! You work far to slow my friend.”
Lance opened his mouth to protest but then thought better of it. “Where’s Chris?”
“In the kitchen, more than likely burning something.”
“Close the door, I’ve got to tell you something.”
Justin did and moved closer. “What’s up.”
He hesitated, unsure about the validity of his own thoughts. “You have to promise not to say anything, ok? Not to Chris or JC or anyone.”
“I swear.”
“Ok.” He paused again to take in a deep breath. “I honestly can’t believe I’m about to tell you this. It’s about…Hazel…she and I, I guess…It’s just, there’s a lot of things happening with her right now and we’ve grown kind of close. Just before you walked in we had, I guess you could call it a breakthrough if you want. She’s confiding in me, and I can confide in her, and…”
“Lance, what are you saying?” Justin cautiously asked.
He helplessly looked around and said, “I’m starting to like her Justin. As in, more than a friend.”
He failed to see Justin’s grin of satisfaction.
“You probably think I’ve lost my mind.”
“No!” Justin protested, sitting next to him and patting his shoulder. “She’s great Lance. Who wouldn’t have fallen madly in love with her?”
“I never said-"
“Yes, I know. Dude, lighten up. Why do you look like you’re going to be sick or something? It’s ok to like Hazel. I’ve told you from the beginning that you guys would make a great couple.”
“That’s just it,” he said, standing. “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I like her, more than I should possibly, and I do not want her to end up just another name on my long, long list of failures.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that.”
“That’s how all of the rest ended up.”
“Why are you summing Hazel up to just one of the rest?”
“That’s just the thing. She isn’t like any of the others, she’s different. There’s something about her that I can’t explain, even to myself. I have the weirdest feeling that there isn’t anything in the world I wouldn’t do for her, and I haven’t even known her that long. None of it makes any sense. She isn’t even my type.”
“That’s what Chris said,” Justin muttered.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing,” he hastily replied. “There’s no such thing as type. You’re attracted to who you are attracted to. You want to be with who you want to be with. Feelings aren’t something explainable, they pop out of nowhere and can control you, but that’s life. As they say, live with your heart not your mind. Don’t try to make sense out of the way your feeling, logic doesn’t apply to a lot of things.”
Lance took in what he said and was beginning to wonder if Justin was a lot wiser than he had assumed him to be. “So what should I do?”
“Does she feel the same way about you?”
“I have absolutely no idea. Hazel isn’t exactly an open book.”
“Then maybe you should have a talk with our young camerawoman.”
He shook his head. “No way. I’ll scare her off. Trust me on that one.”
“Hmm.” He thought about the situation. “Well how about tonight?”
“What about it?”
“She doesn’t know anyone here and you’ll both be in a sociable environment where you’ll be able to loosen her up a bit, dance a couple of slow dances, and get her talking. Get her interested in you. You said yourself you guys just had a breakthrough so she’ll probably be a lot more open. She already trusts you Lance and is getting to know you. As far as I can see, you have an advantage here and you should use it.”
“I don’t want to manipulate her trust in me in order to get her to like me. The way I want her to feel…it shouldn’t be forced.”
“How are you expecting her to feel?” Justin inquired. “Jesus, you sound like you’re going to propose to her or something.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I’m hoping not. Listen Lance, here’s my one word of advice for you. I may not know anything about Hazel, but I can tell you this from the things I’ve observed. She isn’t exactly in touch with her emotions, meaning, don’t expect too much from the girl, like for her to fall in love with you out of nowhere or something. She’s obviously struggling through issues with her life and more than likely issues with herself, which she needs to figure out before she starts a solid relationship.”
Lance new Justin was exactly right, but the way it sounded, he wondered how long he’d have to wait for her. “I could help her though.”
“I’ve got no doubt in my mind you could, but don’t you think it’s better if she figures that out on her own instead of being pushed into it?”
He had no grounds to argue.
“Well anyway,” Justin stood and began towards the door, “I better go see the damage Chris has caused to your kitchen. You gotta get ready to go out tonight anyway.”
“Yea,” he distantly answered.
“Don’t look so discouraged Lansten.” He gave him an encouraging smile and put his hand on the knob. “Besides, you don’t want a relationship right now anyway, right?”
Lance’s head shot up just in time to see the door closing behind the other man. Suddenly he remembered the earlier vow he had made to himself, to quit trying for a steady someone until his life had settled down. Somehow, after coming to terms and telling Justin about his feelings for Hazel, he had forgotten all of that.