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| The Protector By Yodasnoog & Adapadz |
| Padz James Glickenhaus 1985 classic about friendship, loyalty and revenge is a modern masterpiece. Ok so its not, but it is to me ok? Jackie Chan is Billy Wong, a cop who never lives by the rules and has no respect for authority (yes I know, cliché city) and in the first act pursues a criminal who has just shot up and robbed a bar. YES, a bar! These hard thugs decide to rob a New York bar during daylight after doing about a handful of cocaine. But they didn’t reckon on Billy Wong – SUPERCOP being in there. These dude’s plans go right out the window (like one of the henchmen after a bullet to the chest) and the only survivor flees on foot even though his van is nearby. To Wong [in sequel voice] this is personal. So they chase and fight on a boat all the while helicopter shadows can be seen and the real driver of the boat makes a cameo. Can you see a running theme? Mistakes yes, there’s plenty of them. Ok I’m being harsh sarcastic as fuck Padz, I’ll stop because I do hold a place in my heart for The Protector. I think it’s just a funny watch. It’s so 80’s. Not just that but it’s a cop movie. A cop buddy movie. OK – A 80’s cop/buddy action thriller comedy. Watch it, it ROCKS! Jackie Chan forever. Snoog Ahhh Jackie Chans second attempt at breaking into the american market….yeah it didn’t work, the movie flopped, but its still damn good fun in a “this is quite crap but fuckin entertaining” kinda way. As Padz already explained, the opening scene is full of mistakes (amazing car doors that open themselves after being closed) shitty dialogue (“Get those fuckers, billy…get em!”) and super-bullets (As padz noted, one bullet from a handgun sends a guy about 10 foot through a window. What the fuck?). It’s a masterpeice of how “not” to shoot an action sequence, obviously Chan wasn’t let anywhere near the cameras or stunt team, unsurprisingly, as back then Hollywood didn’t realise that to make a Jackie Chan movie you have to let JC be JC and do his thing, otherwise…whats the point? Danny Aielo is fantastic as the Yin to Chans Yang, cracking wise about womens tits and saying how Chinese charms are just a “bunch of shit” to him…and his tendancy to say “fuck” whenever possible. Chan was so dissapointed in the film that he went back and filmed extra fight scenes (completely scrapping the finale for his own) and deleted the nudity, as he knew it wouldn’t go down well with his fans in Hong Kong, it didn’t really help as it wasn’t much of a success there either. (Although, in the US and UK, the film was redeemed on video and became a big rental hit). The film is also notable for being the only film in which Jackie Chan says the word “fuck”, it really has to be seen, it’s quite surreal. But hey as much as we sound like we’re dogging the fuck out of this, we love it here at Spuffjockeys because it just reeks of cheese and buddy cop goodness. Come on Chan, sign a deal for Protector 2. “WE’RE NOT IN THE REVENGE BUSINSS!!! I GOT THE MAYOR UP THE COMMISIONERS ASS ON THIS ONE WONG, AND HE WANTS YOUR FUCKING SHIELD!!!!” – The Police Chief Who Thinks He’s Al Pacino. |
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