Some Thoughts For You

What do people tell you when you say you have panic attacks? I've heard all sorts of hurtful things.

"It's all in your head..."

"Snap out of it..."

"Get a hobby..."

"Think positive thoughts..."

"Don't think about it and it'll go away..."

Of course, these things were all said to me by people who'd never experienced what they'd consider a panic attack. Sometimes, I'd like to give them a piece of my mind, but while in the midst of a panic attack...who has the energy to devote to something like that?

To the people who tell me that I can overcome it easily with positive thinking, I offer this...

I want you to imagine for a moment...Now, I'm going to inject into your blood stream a quantity of caffeine equivilant to twenty cups of coffee. Now...when it hits your blood stream, it will make you experience a sharp increase in heart rate, weak arms and legs...they'll feel like rubber, your thoughts will race, your eyes will wander nervously around, unable to focus on anything for more than a fraction of a second...you will start hyperventilating, unable to get enough air to your lungs, your head will pound and your body will feel like it is on fire...you will be frightened for your life, fearful that these rapid breaths will be the last you ever take...

NOW...

I want you to make it stop. Just stop. Try to think about something positive, try to force your mind and body to just STOP PANICKING. Can't do it can ya???

Do you think it would make people understand better to say that? I doubt it.

People in general think that a panic disorder is a mental disorder, and I don't think that's completely the case. A person with a panic disorder releases huge amounts of adrenaline into their blood stream within mere seconds...that would be no different than when you are in a near collision while driving in your car...but the BIG difference is that people with a panic disorder can't make that adrenaline get OUT of their blood stream. That is where the major malfunction lies. It isn't something that can be controlled with your mind, any more than a diabetic person can control their disease with their mind.

When a person without a panic disorder experience that "near collision" on the freeway, about five minutes later, all of their symptoms of panic have disappated. Such is not the case for people with PD.

Oh, we want to control it with our thoughts, and we give it our best shot every single time...we try our best to control our breathing, our fears, and sometimes we even succeed in some ways. It takes an incredible amount of mental exertion to conquer even the smallest panic episode, and that tremendous effort will leave us exhausted every time.

The key here is that a panic disorder is a full time deal. Actually, you have to realize that your panic attacks, in themselves, are just symptoms of your panic disorder. We don't have panic attacks every second of the day, every day of our lives, but however, we do have the anticipatory anxiety of the next attack at every moment of every day.

Anticipatory Anxiety. What is that? Well, say you cut yourself on a knife while washing the dishes. Every time you stick your hands in dishwater, you'll subconsciously be on guard for knives slicing your finger. You learn to be on guard, you learn to protect yourself. It's human nature. So once we have a full blown panic attack, we live every moment listening to our bodies, trying to catch symptoms of the panic attacks right when they come. We want to be prepared, we never want to be caught off guard again. The scary thing is, though, that something as simple as your heart beating will be listened to and connected to the time that your heart raced while you were panicking. A trembling hand will be associated with "the shakes" that come with a panic attack. Pretty soon, a freckle will look like cancer, and hunger pains will be a gastrointestinal disorder, a headache naturally looks like a brain tumor. (Just hearing that word still gives me a shudder, I had a big problem with THAT one!)

If we don't understand what is going on with us, we end up going to the doctor's office and looking like, or actually becoming, hypochondriacs. That further lowers our self esteem, our defenses, our belief in ourselves. We must learn to ignore these natural things that are going on inside of our bodies, and of course, learn to filter the feelings inside so that only the important ones come through...the ones that will warn us that we are in need of medical attention. This is the hard part to learn.

People with panic attacks are typically more creative and intelligent. A person knows these things about themselves, and when you are living your life as you always have, you believe in yourself, you like yourself and you are happy. One severe full blown panic attack will rob you of all of that stability and leave you feeling exposed and fragile. No longer certain that you are on a certain path, no longer believing all the fundamental aspects of what makes your life YOURS. You are suddenly a completely different person, and generally a very terrified person.

What hurts me terribly is the lack of support. We only want our friends and family to at least try and understand how scared we are, how lonely and lost we suddenly find ourselves feeling. To reach out and help us through it.

My hope is that someday our society will recognize our disorder as that of high priority in getting resolved. That a cure will be found that doesn't cost sufferers thousands of dollars. And, sadly, I believe that we will never see that happen.

Millions of dollars are spent every year by panic sufferers. Some are wrongly diagnosed as being "stressed out", some are told that unless they go to therapy, they will never get better...regardless, every person with this horrendous condition would spend every available penny to find relief. My prescriptions, because I've gone through periods of being unisured, have amounted to over fifty dollars a week...more than we were spending on groceries for our family of four. (Heap on some guilt to the problem pile!)

I've bought books, tried to find free couseling (unsuccessfully), bought expensive vitamins, natural herbs, my prescriptions and have racked up so many doctor bills for visits, bloodwork and tests that my credit is now ruined.

I don't think that our economy could withstand the sudden appearance of an inexpensive remedy to this condition. Think of all of the facets of industry that would be affected by that! No...we'll unfortunately be denied that heavenly reprieve in order to feed the sharks circling below.