| Here
is some helpful information for those of you who are looking to
support someone who is experiencing panic attacks. I want to say
that I didn't write this section, a wonderful author named Ken
Strong did, and I very strongly suggest that you visit his
complete website regarding panic attacks and the people who support
panic sufferers, which can be found at the link at the bottom
of this page, or to the left. Please consider, also, buying his
very insightful book, you can find a link at the bottom of this
page for that, as well. Some
General Advice
At
all times be supportive but not condescending.
Remember, you are not responsible for your companion's recovery.
You are doing what you can but the majority of the healing must
come from within.
Don't blame yourself if the person has a panic attack or is
unable to complete the outing. It's not your fault.
Don't feel there is something you must be able to do help the
person get over a panic attack. There is little you can do.
If at home the person may want to be held or just left alone.
If you are out, he or she may want to just sit for a few minutes
or return home.
The person you are with is in charge; he or she calls the shots.
If she or he wants to abort the outing, abort; to go somewhere
other than where you planned, go there. That person, not you,
knows what feels most comfortable.
After a few outings try to have someone else come along so that
the person you are supporting can begin to feel comfortable
with the other person. Eventually you don't have to be present
all the time.
Don't wear yourself out. For your own health there may be times
you have to say "no" to a request.
You may not understand panic attacks, but never tell the person
that it's all in her or his head, that he or she could go out
if she or he really wanted to. PA's and anxiety don't work that
way.
Don't call outings "practices"; "practice" seems not to expect
less than success. Since there is no specific goal, how can
one fail? Every outing is successful if looked at correctly.
As part of your support role you may have to remind the person
that backsliding is normal, assure them that they are sane and
that they are not having a heart attack or other physical trauma.
Don't be upset if you get snapped at occasionally. The person
may be very up-tight.
Practical
guidelines for going out together:
Don't
make a big deal of it. The person is probably anxious, and
to plan as though you were preparing an invasion will make
him or her more anxious. How much planning and structure is
required varies from person to person and will probably change
over time.
If you are not familiar with the place you plan to go, go
ahead of time to case it out. See which areas will seem confined,
find the exits, ask about times when it is not too crowded.
Know where the stairs are located in case escalators or elevators
are a problem. Being able to tell the person you know the
area may make her or him feel less anxious.
If the person wants you to stay with them do so--like glue.
It's not his or her job to keep an eye on you. It's your job
to keep your eye on her or him.
If your companion wants to hold your hand or suggests you
stay a few feet back from them, do what she or he requests.
Always have an agreed upon central place picked out at which
to meet in case you accidentally become separated. Once it
is obvious you have lost the person go directly to that spot.
Do not waste more time looking. He or she will feel more comfortable
if she or he knows you will be there.
If the person wants to leave you for a while, set a definite
time and place where you will meet. Don't be late. It is better
to be early in case he or she arrives early.
The only responsibility with which to charge your companion
is to let you know if she or he feels overly anxious or panicky.
Frequently you can't tell from just looking at him or her.
If the person indicates that she or he is becoming anxious
ask them what they would like to do--take a few deep breaths?
sit down? go to a restaurant? leave the building? return to
the car? A break may be all that is needed for his or her
anxiety to diminish. She or he may want to go home or return
to the place you have left. That is up to him or her. Ask
the question but don't push.
If your companion has an unmanageable panic attack lead her
or him from the area to a place where he or she feels safer.
Don't forget to see that there are not inadvertently unpaid
for items in her or his hands. They probably won't be thinking
of them.
Don't add stress by giving the impression that there is something
YOU must absolutely accomplish before returning home. The
free permission to return home at any time is now gone.
Going
out alone:
Driving
is a problem for many. Again, remember that there is no need
for failure if no specific goal is set. The person should
just follow what that little voice inside says it is O.K.
to do. Here's a method many have found helpful--there is no
set time. It may take days or months or longer to work through
the sequence. There is no time limit.
Go with the person; either of you driving. He or she may want
you help locate turn-around points or pull-off places. Your
companion just needs to know he or she is not trapped on the
road.
When the person is ready he or she can drive alone with you
following close behind. Make certain she or he can see you
in the rear-view mirror at all times.
When the person is ready he or she drives down the road with
you following, but just out of sight.
If the person wants to drive on her or his own try to borrow
a cellular phone so that he or she can be in contact with
you. The person may ask for you to come and lead them home
or just to give them some reassurance. If you are using a
phone keep the line clear. The person needs to know she or
he can reach you at any moment.
Other
Situations:
The
ill person may need you when visiting doctors or dentists.
Understanding medical people usually don't object, especially
when they realise they may have to deal with a panic attack
if you aren't there. Your sense of humor may help in unusual
situations and you may be able to joke your companions along;
or the person may feel more comfortable just telling you to
shut up.
Some techniques I have used: making certain we took the right
cassettes to the dentist for the person to listen too while
having work done; suggesting to the dentist that a rubber
dam may not be the best idea; holding hands while your companion
is in the dentist's chair; making certain that everything
the doctor or dentist does is explained as it is being done;
holding hands with your companion during a biopsy under a
local anaesthetic; discreetly looking the other way while
holding a hand during a mammogram; climbing inside the far
end of a CAT scanner to describe the tunnel to the person
before he or she is moved in; sitting in post-op so your companion
has a familiar face to wake up to. You never know what is
next. I have learned a great deal just by watching what's
going on and the person's reactions.
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Helpful Links
Healthy Place - Caregiver Support
Links for Friends and Family
Subscribe
to an email list for support people of panic attacks by clicking
here
Anxiety
Disorders - The Caregivers Yahoo Group
Just send a blank email
learn
read
absorb
learn
more
be
nice
do
not surprise us
do
not scare us
help
us refocus
never
say "get over it"
it
is not all in our head
learn
more
we
are not fragile - don't treat us like we're breakable, moronic,
or helpless, it makes us feel even more like you don't understand
us
bright
lights and loud music do not help us
it
might be possible one day and impossible the next then possible
the next
do
not talk about illnesses that your friends or family have
remember:
we have higher iq's than "normal" people
we
are not stupid, bored, faking it, "retarded", or "f*#!'d up";
we're just anxious.
We
are already normal, don't wish we were normal, it makes us feel
different and that's not a good thing.
We are normal people, other than the fact that we're extremely
intelligent, more creative and most often kinder than "regular
folk".
We
are not going to "lose it" and go crazy.
It's
Anxiety.
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