One Persons Experience With Belief In A Cure Through CBT

My message is there is hope, help and I believe, as I feel I am cured, a cure… I think that perhaps by telling my story, many of you might relate and so I will tell it, going on to tell you what cured me – hoping that it will help you. I will try to make this short, but I do tend to be a bit wordy when writing.

I began suffering with anxiety and later panic attacks when I was 18 or 19. Like so many, I went to doctor after doctor. None of them seemed to help. Some went as far as to tell me that I was young and had so much life ahead of me – to basically get over it. That was a long time ago (I am 43 now) and a lot has changed in the medical society. So much more is known about anxiety and panic disorder. There was a name to what I had. Still, there seemed to be no cure. Medications made me drowsy and they didn’t always work. And then about 5 years ago I found a doctor that specialized in this disorder.

His approach was one that scared me when he first explained it – but it also made sense to me, and I was desperate so I figured I would try it.

It’s a little hard to explain, but what he had me do what befriend the anxiety and panic. It made sense to me that so much of our fear was based upon two things – the first being that feeling of "am I going crazy? Will I loose my mind?, will I embarrass myself by running out of a restaurant screaming? (my scary place), and two, fearing the body sensations – the pounding heart, the sweaty palms… you know the feelings…

This doctor first made me realize that no, I am not going crazy, nor would I. Anxiety and panic disorder are not mental illnesses. It does not cause mental illness. I would not become one of those people I would see walking down the street oblivious to the world around me mumbling. I wouldn’t run out of a restaurant screaming. His logic was, had I ever? In all the times that I felt a panic attack, had I ever? The answer was no, I didn’t and I wouldn’t. Had I ever seen anyone do this? Again no, I hadn’t even though millions of people suffer from this disorder. Knowing that I wasn’t going crazy calmed so much of my fear.

The second thing that this doctor had me do was the scary part… befriend the anxiety. Bring it on so that I could confront it. Although confront is the wrong word and that would mean fight. Rather than fight it though he had me go with it. Feel it – all of it. He would have me imagine and talk about the scary places for me, the places I was starting to avoid. Feel and imagine myself in those places. Undoubtedly, this would bring on feelings on anxiety and sometimes-even panic. This is what he wanted – because then I could practice just going with it. Not fighting it, not trying to control it… just experiencing it. Feel that yes, although my heart was racing, it did not physically hurt me. I would not have a heart attack; it was just my heart racing because my body had released adrenaline. Yes, my palms were sweaty and my face was hot, but again, although uncomfortable, not unbearable.

His point in this exercise was that by going with it and seeing and feeling that these symptoms were just that symptoms on adrenaline – and not life threatening made me less afraid of them. Eventually not afraid of them at all. In fact, and it may sound funny, but there came a time when I would even challenge them, thinking of them as an outside being if you will. I would tell it (my anxiety and panic) to "come on – do the worst you can do". I found that when I just gave in to it – egged it on even, the fear was gone. And with the fear being gone, so did the anxiety and panic go away.

I have studied many self help books on the matter and a lot of what they say are good, but what I found, for me anyway, was so many of them still tried to get you to control it. That was the key for me that didn’t work. As long as I was trying to control it, I was fighting. And as long as I was fighting it, it had the power, I didn’t. Giving into the very worst it good do and egging it on even gave me the power.

This technique takes practice. It’s very hard to just let go and not want to fight – but I honestly believe it’s the key to getting over this disorder. When all else was failing me, this is what worked.

I read a saying somewhere by someone years ago that puts it in perspective… Courage is not the lack of fear, it is felling the fear and doing it anyway." Or something like that – still the point is, once you find that you can still function even with the fear – and not run from it, hide from it or try to fight it, it really does loose it’s power. You no longer fear the fear – which is the cycle of anxiety and panic disorder.

I hope this helps in some way. I came to this sight because I wanted to somehow share my experience – I thought of holding meetings with people in my area that suffer from this, but my life is so busy right now…

Anyway, I encourage all of you, no matter what you do – to keep talking about your feelings, keep sharing, and keep coming here. One of the things that was hardest for me when I first started having problems with this disorder was feeling alone with it. You are not alone and there are many kind good people here that know exactly what you are going through.

If I can tell you anymore of how this method works – I would be glad to.

Good luck and God Bless.

By Colleen
cacwgrlc@hotmail.com