Chapter 9: A Fresh Start

        "Serena! My look at how you have grown!" Maria Danston said when she opened the door of her beautiful home on the outskirts of Richmond. Serena smiled in relief. Mrs. Danston looked pleased to see her. She grabbed Serena's hands excitedly. "I was so happy when I got your father's letter two weeks ago and found out you were coming. It's been so long! Oh listen to me blabbing away, come in, come in! You must be hungry." Serena laughed gently at her aunt, she was exactly the way she remembered, just like a mother hen.
        "Oh Aunt Marie, it so good to see you too! It's been so long, too long. I'm sorry to force myself upon you like this so suddenly. I hope you don't mind to much, my staying here and all." The older woman waved her hand and said, exasperated,
        "You well know you are always welcome here, stop that talk right now. How long will you be staying?" Serena said nervously,
        "As long as you'll let me. I'm afraid I can't really travel back right now because of my baby." Her aunt looked at her a said in a concerned voice,
        "Are you alright sweetheart? I mean, what's the story behind this babe of yours? You're father mentioned you were not married." They sat down in the kitchen, eating buttered bread. Serena sighed.
        "I know you probably don't like the situation anymore than my father and it's a long story if you're willing to here it." Maria looked at her and reached out to pat her hand.
        "I'm happy if you're happy. It's frowned upon in America, but not as much as in England. And yes, I'm dying to here this story, it certainly must be interesting." Serena leaned back in her chair and began to tell her the whole of it, beginning with her and Giana's plan right up to the night she gave herself to Darien.
        "I loved him Aunt Marie, and I well knew he didn't share the feelings, but I thought if I could just have him once before he found out who he was... I have no regrets. I love him still and I already love his child more than anything in this world." Her aunt had stayed silent throughout her whole story, and she looked so sad.
        "I'm so sorry for you, I know how that kind of love feels. I love Joseph more and more each day, I can't imagine what I would feel like if he didn't return my love." Serena nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. Marie asked,
        "So who is this Darien anyway? Even if he didn't return your feelings as you say, surely there must be something unacceptable about him if your father didn't make you marry him after he discovered you were ruined in the eyes of English society." Serena shook her head.
        "He is the Earl of Bath." Maria's eyebrows shot up.
        "Then why didn't he marry you?! Your father certainly couldn't object to him."
        "Two reasons. One, he never knew I was pregnant and he didn't offer to marry me even after we, well, you know. And second, he doesn't love me. I could never marry him and live with a man who didn't love me. I think I would die knowing I could love someone as much as I love him and not having it mutually shared. I would wither away and die, I'm sure of it." Again her aunt nodded,
        "I understand. But he never even offered?" Serena shook her head and sipped her milk.
        "I never saw him again after that morning when he kicked me out even though I stayed at home for two months." Marie snorted in disgust.
        "Not the type of man you need anyway then. What do you want me to tell the rest of the family?" Serena shrugged.
        "Whatever you want, please don't tell them the truth though, or at the very least, not all of it." Marie nodded and smiled.
        "How about your husband is in the military and got called in on assignment? At least then you are protected from snide comments." Serena smiled, happy for the first time in a while. What could it hurt?
        "Sure, that sounds perfect. Can I help you any around the house? I really would like to help since I'll be staying around for a while." Marie looked thoughtful and then she snapped her fingers.
        "How about your take care of Charles and Anthony?" Serena looked bewildered.
        "Who?" Marie rolled her eyes.
        "Stupid me. I had forgot you haven't been here for over 12 years. They are my younger sons. Charles is a year old and Anthony is six. I've been looking for a nanny to watch them while I'm working around the house, but if you want to watch them it would certainly help you get used to children before the wee one comes, yes?" Serena looked overjoyed.
        "Oh that would be perfect! Thank you so much." Marie chuckled and shook her head.
        "Thank me after you been with them for a week."

        The way her aunt talked one would believe that Charles and Anthony were regular terrors but they weren't. Serena loved them and took Anthony riding, read to them, and sang Charles to sleep at night. She loved Charles. She kept trying to imagine what it would be like hold her own son or daughter like this, seeing Darien in his or her face each night.
        She met the other members of the family when they wandered in the first day she was there. Her Uncle Joseph came home from work before the others and she was so glad to see him again. He was the same as she remembered, a great bear of a man with a huge laugh, red hair and a red beard. He was the only other one in the house that knew the truth about Serena's condition, although her aunt had given him an abridged version of it. He had picked her up when he first saw her and whirled her around as if she weighed nothing. He leaned down and tried to hear the baby kick as Serena laughed and laughed. Maria couldn't stop giggling.
        The next she met were her cousins, Diana, who was twelve, Regina, who was sixteen, and Ryan, who was the oldest child at twenty. Evidently they had all gone out for the day. Ryan was the image of his father and was one of the sought after young men around town. Regina, or Reggie as she was most often called, looked to be as pretty as her mother with Maria's chestnut hair and green eyes, not to mention a figure to be proud of. Diana, the youngest girl fast approaching womanhood, looked almost exactly like Reggie but with blue eyes, like Serena, instead of green.
        God they had grown. Diana had just been born when Serena had last visited. Reggie had always been her playmate and they both used to tag along after Ryan wherever he went, annoying him no end and bringing many a laugh from both little girls. Now, a week after her arrival, Serena was settling into a regular routine. She would wake up each morning around 7:30 and go for a morning ride before the children woke up. She found, to her pleasure, that the Danston's were early risers just as she was and she often sat down at a family breakfast with them. It took some time to adjust herself to their strange accents and part of her longed for the crisp, clear sounds of her homeland, but she loved America too.
        Having Anthony and Charles to look after filled her days and she was as happy as she ever was in England. Only at night did she get homesick. She even missed her little brother, Samuel, the little brat. She often thought of Darien, dreamed of him marrying her, telling her he loved her and their child. But it wasn't meant to be. She cried often, but distance and time eventually dulled the pain and she was almost like her former self. She eagerly anticipated the birth of her child and the days crawled by at times, but she didn't mind. The only thing that troubled her was Reggie.
        Reggie didn't seem to like her anymore, and for the life of her she couldn't understand why. She always snubbed her and told everyone in town that she was just her brothers' nanny. When Maria had found out she scolded her severely and bade her tell everyone the truth, that Serena was her cousin and not some servant. She didn't understand her daughter's hostility anymore than Serena did, but as time went on everyone just seemed to ignore it. Except for that, Serena's life was wonderful.

        "I'm so fat!" Serena cried in dismay when she looked at her profile in the mirror when she was cleaning the house one day with her aunt. Her cousins went out for the day, not wanting to help with their mother's cleaning but Serena didn't mind and she loved spending time with her aunt. Maria chuckled.
        "That isn't fat and you know it."
        "But still..." Serena said as she stretched her loose-fitting dress over her bulk, examining herself from all angles in the mirror. She was eight months pregnant, her feet hurt, her back hurt, and she was just feeling a little grumpy today. Serena usually maintained a sunny disposition but her baby was beginning to pull at her back lately and she wasn't very comfortable. Maria looked up from her dusting and said,
        "Stop that. That isn't fat, it's baby." Serena sighed and said.
        "I know, it's just I'm not feeling very good lately." Maria's expression softened.
        "And well I know it even though you don't say anything. You forget I've had five myself - I know what it feels like and the first is always the hardest. Why don't you take a break and go do those excersizes of yours. Maybe it'll make you feel better." Serena looked away from the mirror and smiled at her aunt. She had done some minor excersizing for about two months now, she didn't want to have such a hard battle with her weight after the baby was born if she could at all help it.
        "I think I will, thanks Aunt Marie." she walked out the room and called over her shoulder, "I'll be back soon." Marie didn't look up but kept dusting and yelled back,
        "Take your time."

        Later that evening, Darien stood on the step of what he hoped was the Danston's house. It had taken a long time to get here. He hadn't been able to get out of England for three weeks, then the actual trip took a little under three months. When he finally reached America, he'd had a devil of a time finding out where the Danston's lived. The right Danston's that is, he'd had many false lead until he was lead a little over a month later to the house before him. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, saying a little prayer in the hope that this was the right house.
        A younger red-headed man opened the door. He looked to be about twenty or thereabouts.
        "Yes?" Darien looked at him and asked,
        "Is this the Danston residence?" The younger man looked at the handsome older man with the English accent and said,
        "The very same, what's your business?" Darien took a breath.
        "I don't suppose you have a young woman named Serena living here do you?" Darien prayed again.
        "Sure do, do you want to see her for something?" Darien could hardly believe it. He let out a long breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. Serena was here!
        "Oh God yes, I've been looking for months. I'm sorry, my name is Darien." The younger man shook his hand and said,
        "I'm Ryan, Serena's cousin, pleasure to meet you. Come on in."
        Darien stepped in and was led into the family's living room where he met the whole family. Just then Serena walked in. Darien turned around and was shocked at the vision that stood before him. It had been so long. There was Serena, just as breath-takingly beautiful as he'd ever seen her, even more so for she carried his child. Good God! He had known she was pregnant, but seeing her so was a shock. She was so beautiful, but she looked so startled to see him. Finally she whispered,
        "Darien?" It was as if she couldn't believe her own eyes. She regained her voice, "What are you doing here?" He walked over to her, ignoring the stares of the family behind him. He laid a light hand on her bulging stomach.
        "I wanted to see you, I wanted to strangle you. I had it on good authority that you never intended to tell me of our child!" She looked up at him with pain-filled, angry eyes,
        "I would have told you eventually, but I was sure you wouldn't want to be burdened with a child. Who told you anyway?" she said.
        "Your friend, the Contessa Bochelli." Serena's mouth opened in anger.
        "Giana did!!? She said she would not say anything."
        "Believe me, it took some doing." Both were heedless of the outright stares of Serena's relatives. Maria and Jospeh listened, intrigued, but this whole business was news to Reggie, Diana, and Ryan who had thought she was married and her husband a military man. Anthony could care less and Charles was asleep upstairs. Serena was furious with Giana for telling. Seeing Darien after all these months had re-opened the old wound she had thought almost forgotten. Standing in his presence was almost painful. She so wanted to hold him to her and kiss him, but she could not. She hated him to see her this huge and ugly, but there was no hope for it now.
        "That still doesn't explain why you came all the way here, you could have written and I would have assured you that you would see you child when I returned." Darien got frustrated and ran his hand through his hair,
        "Damn you Serena, I had trouble finding the house as it was, I would never have been able to write you." Some part of her wanted him to say that he came all the way to tell her he loved her, but he had just crushed that hope and she was heart-broken.
        Maria had seen her niece's pain when he said that and she cut in,
        "Darien, would you like to stay with us for a while? You have traveled so far." Darien turned away from Serena to look at the family he had forgotten.
        "My apologies, yes I would love to stay if you have room." Maria waved her hand and said,
        "Bah! We have plenty of room." Darien grinned and Maria smiled.
        "We were just heading to bed. Make yourself at home, I'm sure you and Serena have a lot to talk about." They all said their goodnights and left the room with a glare from Maria. When they had all left Serena just stared at Darien, then without saying a word she turned to leave the room. Darien grabbed her arm before she could get too far and said,
        "Wait aren't you going to show me to my room?" 'Damn' Serena thought. She did have to do that. She said,
        "Come with me then." He followed her up the stairs of the cozy home and led her to the only remaining guestroom which happened to be across the hall from hers. She gave him a small tour of the room to show him where everything was and said goodnight. Again he caught her as she was leaving the room and said,
        "Goodness woman, you are almost too big to fit through doorways!" She wanted to cry but then she saw the joking light in his eyes and laughed.
        "I am very fat nowadays, I wish you didn't have to see me like this..." He looked at her as she were crazy.
        "That's my baby in there, you're not fat." She looked up at him, thinking how beautiful he was.
        "You don't mind then, about the baby?"
        "Do I mind?! I must admit I was shocked at first, but then I realized I was going to be a father and that's all I've been thinking about since for the last five months." She smiled and he felt as if he were looking into the sun.
        "I wish I had seen your face!" He laughed.
        "You'll have to ask Giana about that one."
        "Believe me I will, I have words to say to her when I get back." she said.
        "Don't be too angry with her, she was the one who gave me the names of your relatives. I told her I wanted to come to apologize. I do want to apologize, you know, for everything I did and said." She looked up at him,
        "It doesn't matter anymore, "Angel" is gone forever I think. How can I do that and take care of my baby?" Darien hugged her.
        "I don't want you to suffer society's wrath Serena, I also came to ask you to marry me. I can't bear the thought that I ruined you." She lifted her head slowly and said,
        "No, I can't marry you." He let go of her suddenly.
        "WHAT?" He was angry. She didn't understand why, she had just let him off the hook after all.
        "Don't worry, you can visit your child all you want, I just don't think we'd be happy if we were married that's all." Darien was furious.
        "You don't think we'd be HAPPY? You think you'd be happier as a social outcast and raising your child a bastard?" She shook her head, getting angry herself.
        "Don't you dare argue with me Darien, I have my own damn reasons I don't want to marry you." and being married to a man who doesn't love me back is one of the top ones. she added silently. She left him fuming in the doorway. He was too angry and shocked to stop her.

        Reggie grinned to herself when she heard both doors slam. She slipped out around the corner that had hidden her. She had stumbled upon that conversation completely by accident and loved every minute of it. She had loved Serena when they were children but now jealousy slid up her spine wherever she saw her. She hated Serena. She was so beautiful, even pregnant she turned more heads than Reggie ever had. On top of that she was the daughter of a Viscount and would hold probably hold a greater title when she married. Now the most handsome man she had ever seen showed up out of no where and Serena knew him, intimately. It was almost too much to bear!
        But now she felt ever so much better. Now she knew Serena wasn't married - she bore her child in shame! But why had she refused that man's offer of marriage? Was she insane or just stupid? Well, Reggie thought as she walked slowly down the hallway, if she doesn't want him anymore, I guess she won't mind me going after him!

        The two weeks went by and Darien pretended Serena didn't exist. Serena tried the same but didn't think she succeeded as well. Her aunt, the only person who knew the whole truth, watched on in despair at the two of them. She was certain that Darien harbored at least a little affection for her niece but she just didn't know what to do about it and she respected Serena's wishes. Serena felt like she was shot through the heart each time Darien looked at Reggie with mild interest. She knew what Reggie was doing, and she understood why Reggie would think he was a catch. Maria was displeased with Reggie anyway for the way she was treating Serena, but Darien was partly at fault too, he never turned her away.
        Serena had felt very under the weather for the past two days. She barely touched the food that sat on the plate before her, not really hearing the conversation going on around her. Maria was concerned and looked at Serena oddly. Serena was trying not to watch Darien and Reggie engrossed in conversation across from her, but she couldn't help herself. Reggie was flirting so blatantly and Darien was smiling - smiling at her! Serena was angry but the pain in her back was growing worse by the minute. All thoughts of Darien fled her head as a white hot pain streaked down her belly and she cried out.
        Maria had been expecting this since yesterday night and jumped up, rushing to her side as Serena doubled over with unexpected pain. Darien stood up so suddenly that his chair fell over backwards,
        "What's wrong? Is she alright?" Maria shot him a glare and an exasperated sigh as she helped Serena out of her chair.
        "Stupid man! She's having your baby!" Darien looked stunned and he collapsed back into his chair - at least he would have if his chair had been where he left it. Instead he plummeted to the floor. After a second, when he shook his head and regained his senses, he looked up to find Joseph holding his shaking belly, laughing harder than he had ever seen someone laugh. In fact, Joseph was leaning so far out of his chair laughing he actually tipped backwards and fell with a mighty crash. Ryan and Diana were crying with laughter. Joseph scowled for a minute then looked at Darien and started laughing again, which in turn made Darien start laughing. Reggie was not laughing at all and was somewhat put out about how quickly Darien had forgotten her.
        It was a while before the laughter died down and when it finally did Darien was consumed by worry for Serena. Joseph looked over at him and grunted. He remembered what it felt like for him every time Maria was in labor. He took Darien into his study and set down a big bottle of brandy in front of him. Darien looked at him,
        "It'll be a long night, trust me, you'll need it." Joseph took a seat across from him and poured two glasses full to the brimming. Just then Serena's scream echoed throughout the house. Darien grabbed the glass out of Joseph's hand and threw it down in one gulp. Joseph did about the same.
        They talked for a while but hearing Serena's pain-filled cries put a damper on the conversation. Eventually they dozed off, but Serena labored long into the night and into the next morning. She was eleven hours in labor, and finally around six o'clock the next morning Serena gave birth to a fine son.

        Maria ran down the stairs, physically exhausted from staying awake all night, not to mention the excitement, but she was near to bursting out of her skin with joy. She crashed through the door of her husband's study and yelled,
        "WAKE UP!" She was grinning like a fool and she knew it. Both of the men groggily woke up and clutched their heads in pain due to the copious amounts of fine brandy they had consumed the night before. Darien looked around dazedly, trying to figure out why he had slept in Joseph's study - then it hit him. He leaped out of his chair, all traces of his hangover forgotten, and shook Maria.
        "How is she?!?" Maria pushed him off her, but could not stop grinning.
        "Young man, will you stop? Serena is fine and just minutes ago brought your son into the world." Darien's mouth hung open. By God, he was a father! He ran around Maria and up the stairs. Leaving Joseph and Maria sharing a secret smile as they watched him. Darien burst through the door only to find Serena sleeping peacefully on clean linens, his son suckling at her breast. His son... He walked quietly over to the baby. He pulled a chair over closer to the bed and leaned over to look at his boy. He pulled aside the blanket and quickly counted his fingers and toes. Safely assured that everything was as it should be, he ran his hand over his son's head, feeling the soft down of black hair that capped his head. The baby looked up from his mother's breast, still suckling and stared at Darien with crystal blue eyes. He reached out a tiny hand and waved it around weakly before his father's face and then closed his eyes again fell asleep, content as any baby ever was.
        Darien looked on as if he had just seen a miracle, mesmerized by his small newborn son. Serena mumbled something softly in her sleep and he raised his eyes to her face. Her beautiful face. How could he ever thought he could live without her? She was a goddess to him, the perfect picture of maternal love and happiness, nursing his son. God he loved her. Yes, loved her, even though that seemed like such paltry emotion for the way he felt about her. She enchanted him, she always would. His chest squeezed painfully. He would make her marry him, no matter what. He would force her to love him, but even living with her hate was better than living without her. He could not bear to lose her.
        Serena's eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she saw Darien.
        "What do you think of your son?" She croaked out. Her voice was a little hoarse from her screaming last night. Darien just smiled at her like she was a rainbow and said softly,
        "He is the most beautiful boy in the whole world." she rested her head back down and said, looking up at the ceiling,
        "I think so too." Darien said to her words she would never forget,
        "I love you Serena." He said softly, looking deep into her eyes, "Marry me, for I will not live without you." She blinked back tears. This day already held so much joy for her - would it never end?
        "I've waited to hear you say that for so long Darien. I have loved you since I met you. I prayed to God that if I could just have that one night, I would be happy and not ask for more. How could I ever refuse you anything? You know I would have followed you to the ends of the earth if you had just said the words." She said quietly, love radiating from her eyes. Darien had never felt as completely happy as he did at that moment with Serena telling him she loved him and holding their newborn son.
        "You complete me." he said as he took her hand. Serena would have given anything to stay awake, but she was fighting a losing battle against her own body. She squeezed his hand softly.
        "Stay with me?" His squeezed her hand back and said softly as she drifted into sleep.
        "I'll be here." her breathing deepened, "I'll be here forever."