< - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Another World
-http://www.geocities.com/sm_anotherworld - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Fire
By Lois Fogg
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Raye woke with a start, groggily staring around the darkened room. She had had
a nightmare, but the memory was already slipping away, leaving her with a
vague, formless sense of fear and danger. The room was bathed in an eerie red
light, and she looked out the window, noticing the red moon. She wondered if
she was seeing things, until she remembered hearing something about a lunar
eclipse tonight. As she woke up, she began to sense that something was missing.
She looked out the window again, past Serena’s bed, and then realized what was
wrong: Serena was gone. For some reason, Raye’s stomach clenched in fear. It
wasn’t unusual for Serena to disappear, but she had been dangerously depressed over
the past week, and Raye had the guilty feeling that she was chiefly responsible
for it. Raye tried to pass it off, lying back down in her bed and closing her
eyes, but sleep eluded her. No matter how irrational the feeling, she knew that
Serena had gotten herself in trouble. As terrible as things had been between
them lately, Raye couldn’t stand the thought of Serena helpless and alone.
Muttering angrily to herself—what right did Serena have to disappear and make
her worry like this, anyway—she got out of the bed, and walked over to Serena’s
side of the room. It was then that she noticed a sheet of paper taped to the
window. She wrapped her arms around her body, feeling a cold penetrating inside
her bones. With a shaking hand, she peeled the paper off the window, realizing
that it had been ripped from a book. Probably that strange book of poetry that
she had been obsessed with this past week. Still annoyed, Raye read the poem.
Her hands went limp, and the paper fluttered to the floor. Something was wrong.
Something was terribly, fatally wrong and it was all her fault. In light
pencil, Serena had underlined the words “while I live.” She should have seen it
coming, she had seen the signs all week, but she had chosen to ignore it,
pretending that Serena was just being melodramatic. And now it might be too
late. Roughly wiping the tears from her eyes, Raye pulled on some clothes in
record time, grabbing her hat, scarf, gloves and boots. Finally she picked up
the paper and shoved it in her pocket. There was only one person she could talk
to, only one person who might know where Serena had gone. Perhaps, if she went
quickly, she could redeem herself. Raye ran out of the dorm and down the
snow-covered path. She had to find Darien.
Darien lay awake in his bed, wondering when he would fall asleep. His dreams
had been tormenting him lately, making this state of strained wakefulness
preferable to sleep. He could not seem to get his thoughts off of her. Raye was
just a distraction, a method of forgetfulness. It wasn’t working though. Even
when he was with her, all he could think about was how it felt to be with
Serena, how incredibly happy he had been with her. Why did she have to be Ken
Johnston’s daughter? It had been perfect for a time, and then everything had been
destroyed. He saw how he was hurting her, and he knew how he was hurting
himself, but there was no helping it. He could never truly love, never truly
understand someone who was born to privilege like Serena. At least, that was
what he told himself. That was what he repeated to himself every day, when he
felt like giving in, like loving her the way he wanted to. Because if it wasn’t
true, then everything he had done—to both of them—was a lie and unnecessarily
cruel. He remembered how he had seen her the other day, asleep in the lecture
hall after class. She had looked so cute, so relaxed. With her eyes closed, he
could see none of the pain that she accused him with every time their eyes met.
He could pretend, as he watched her, that everything was okay, that he was not
destroying both of them. Tossing over in his bed, Darien fell asleep again,
against his will. He knew the nightmares would come, and this time they did,
with a vengeance.
He was freezing. He had not known that it was possible to be this cold and
still be alive. His blood seemed to slow down in his veins. He did not know
where he was, he only saw an eerie red glow that made him inexplicably afraid.
Gradually he grew aware of another presence, someone who was calling to him. It
felt like Serena, he thought. She was calling his name—he could hear her
clearly now. She was upset and in trouble. Darien called out to her, but his
words stuck in his throat. He tried to struggle to reach her and save her from
whatever was happening, but he could not move. He could not see. He was trapped
in this world that was the color of blood. She called his name again, more
faintly this time, and he could tell that she was slipping away. He knew that
if he didn’t get to her soon, she would die. The prospect of her dying scared
Darien more than he wanted to think about. He struggled even harder, straining
to force his limbs to work, to reach her before it was too late. Nothing
worked, he called her name again and again, trying to tell her that he was
coming, but he could not speak and her cries grew fainter. The last thing he
heard, in a voice that ripped him apart with guilt were these words:
“Please remember me.”
“Darien, for God’s sake, wake up!” Raye shook him violently, wondering what
dream he could be having that would make him look like that. His face was
contorted with grief and frustration. His lips were moving, but no sound came
out of them. She recognized what he was trying to say, though. She should have
known before this that he was still in love with Serena. She had tried to deny
it, but when she saw him, even in sleep, calling her name, Raye knew that she
would never have a chance. She also knew that to go along any more with this
farce would be impossible. She would tell Darien that, she had to, but first he
had to wake up. After a couple more shoves, Darien’s face went slack and he
opened his eyes gradually.
“Where…” He muttered, staring at her in confusion.
“Come on, get up Darien. This is important.” He blinked again, and seemed to
regain more of his composure. He sat up, and Raye felt a momentary thrill at
the sight of his exposed chest. No more of that, Raye told herself sternly.
“What is it, Raye? What are you doing here this late?”
Raye stood up and began pacing around the room, running her hands through her
hair. She couldn’t believe that this was happening! “Serena’s gone.” She said
flatly.
If she held any remaining doubts about Darien’s true affections, his reaction
when she said that should have removed all question. He started violently from
the bed, and ran in his boxers to the closet where he began putting on some
clothes.
“Do you know where she went? Did she say anything to you?” He asked, pulling on
a pair of pants.
“She hasn’t talked to anyone for a week.” Raye said, frustrated. “We’ve known
she was depressed, but I don’t think any of us…admitted the extent of it.”
Darien’s expression when she said that looked about as guilty as she felt. Yes,
he held a fair share of the blame in this fiasco, Raye realized.
“But,” she continued, “she did tape this to her window. She ripped it out of
this book Amy gave her, Dorothy Parker, I think.” She handed it to Darien,
wondering what he would think when he saw it. She hoped, she prayed to God,
that she had been right and Darien would know where she had gone.
Darien read it over and over again, his stomach clenching in panic when he read
the words she had underlined. He thought back to his strange dream and the last
words he had heard Serena say. He thought about the strange red lunar eclipse.
He went back further, to the first time he had denied a part of himself to her,
and suddenly he knew. He knew with absolute certainty where she had gone, and
that it may already be too late.
Raye watched with a growing sense of horror as Darien stared at the poem for an
impossibly long time. Did he know? Finally, he released it and buried his head
in his hands, whispering her name. Raye felt suddenly distanced, like a
spectator to a great romantic drama. She had played her role, and now she had
to save the two who were really meant to be together. If she resented it, she
still knew that after all she had done to Serena, it was her obligation.
Besides the fact that Serena was her friend, and she wanted her to be happy.
“Do you know where she went?” Raye ventured, finally.
Darien lifted his head, a violently determined expression on his face. “Yes.”
He said stonily.
“Where?”
“A small beach, about half an hour away from here. I…took her there, one day.”
“Darien, it’s negative thirty degrees out there, and it’s snowing!” she said,
staring outside.
“I know.” He said quietly. “But we have to try.”
He put on the rest of his clothes in silence. Raye noticed, when he reached for
his scarf, that his hands stilled and his expression changed to guilty pain.
Had Serena given it to him, Raye wondered. It did look strangely feminine, now
that she thought about it. She never got a chance to ask, though, because
Darien was already walking towards the door.
“Do you know anybody with a car?” Darien asked.
“What about your motorcycle—“ Raye began, and then cut herself off. Of course
he couldn’t use it. If Serena really was freezing to death out there, she would
be in no condition to ride on the back of a motorcycle.
“Well,” she began again. “We can ask Mina. Her family lives around here, they
probably have one that we can borrow.”
That decided, the two ran back across campus, fear adding urgency to their
steps. Darien knocked roughly on Mina’s door, and she opened the door sleepily,
revealing heart-printed long pajamas. When she saw Darien and Raye, though, she
knew that something was wrong. She lost the last residuals of sleep
immediately.
“What the hell is going on?” She asked, but she wondered if she already knew.
Darien’s presence could only mean that it had something to do with Serena, and
from their expressions, it couldn’t be good. She braced herself, but she still
wasn’t prepared when she heard Darien’s quick explanation.
“She went *where*?” Mina exclaimed. “Why would she do that? Doesn’t she realize
that she could kill…” Mina trailed off, an expression of newfound horror on her
face. “I can’t believe this.” She said finally. “I just can’t. You guys go wake
up Amy and Lita. They ought to know about this too, I guess. I’ll go get
dressed and call my parents. We can meet in the lounge in ten minutes, okay?”
Darien looked as if he were going to tell her to hurry up, but Raye quickly
grabbed his elbow and steered him away from the door. Ten minutes later the
five of them stood in the empty lounge. Darien was pacing restlessly, running
his hand through his hair. Lita looked as if the slightest touch might make her
burst into uncontrollable sobs. She had already lost her parents, and she could
barely stand the thought of losing Serena like that as well.
“We can use the van, but it’s stick shift and I don’t know how to drive it.”
Mina said as soon as she ran into the room.
“I can. How far away is it?” Darien asked, wheeling around.
“Maybe ten minutes, if you walk quickly.”
“All right, I’ll go and one other person should come with me…”
“I will.” Raye volunteered quietly. She needed to talk to him anyway.
“Um…Darien?” Amy began, “If Serena really has done this, then it might have
been a while. And you don’t know how…bad her condition is, so it might be a
good idea to call the paramedics.”
Darien stopped pacing. Of course, he thought to himself. He had to think this
thing through properly. If he messed up now, it may cost Serena her life.
“You’re right. But they’ll never find it on their own. I’ll have to show them
where it is…but I don’t want to wait much longer…”
“There’s a cell phone in the car. I know the number. You go with Raye now, and
we’ll wait here, call the ambulance, and then I’ll call you and you can tell me
how to get there. Here’s the key.” Mina said, tossing him one of the spares her
parents had pressed on her when she had gone to college. She had thought it
stupid that they insisted she keep the key to a car that she couldn’t drive,
but now she was just grateful for it. It seemed that danger made her mind work
faster, because she felt an unnatural calm over the rush of adrenaline.
“Where’s your house?” Darien asked, over his shoulder.
“I know where it is.” Raye said. She had been there once for dinner and it
wasn’t that hard to find. The two of them pushed back into the snow, walking as
quickly as possible through the deserted streets. It was good, at least, that
they had a van, because driving in this weather was going to be a problem. He
hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before they convinced the paramedics of
their story. It must seem a little implausible to them, he realized. In seven
minutes flat he and Raye reached the house and the van. Wasting no time for
conversation, Darien quickly brushed the snow from the windshield with his
hands and opened the car door. They were on the road in minutes, Darien
practically flooring the car in order to get there faster. They were silent for
several minutes. His attention was focused completely on saving Serena. Raye
had that in mind too, but along somewhat different lines. She had to talk to
him. Now was probably the only good time she would have to do it anyway. Taking
a deep breath, she began what she knew she had to say since the moment she read
the poem.
“Darien, she’s in love with you. You have to know that.”
He gritted his teeth and pushed the gas pedal harder. “I do.”
“You also know that this…relationship of ours isn’t working. I can’t go out
with someone who is in love with someone else. When I heard what you did to
her…I’ll admit that I was happy, but I also couldn’t believe it. Darien, I know
that you love her. Anyone who saw you two together for five minutes would
realize it. What I did was…wrong. But it never would have happened if you
hadn’t been such a bastard! Don’t you realize that the reason she did this is
because of you? You, with your misplaced pride. You rejected her because of a
father that she doesn’t agree with and a lifestyle that she hates! Do you know
that she’s barely eaten for a week and a half? I know that if you think about
it, Darien, you’ll realize that what you’ve done was wrong.”
Darien’s hands tightened painfully around the wheel, until they were almost
white. “All right, maybe I deserved that. But Raye, it’s not like you’ve been
an angel yourself. She’s your roommate and your friend. Why did you agree to go
out with me in the first place?”
“Because I liked you!” Raye shouted, crying. “Because I fooled myself into
believing that you really could fall in love with me, and not Serena. And you
used me, instead. I should have known.”
“You have no idea what it’s like, to betray everything you’ve ever known
because of one girl. She’s a rich soon-to-be president’s daughter, and I’m just
the poor orphan grandson of a fruit farmer…”
“For God’s sake, Darien! This is Serena we’re talking about, not Grace Kelly!
Do you think she cares about any of that? She loved you before she knew about
it, and she still does, which is more than anyone can say for you. She’s still
the same girl you fell in love with.”
Darien was, mercifully, spared from replying to that by the ring of the car
phone. He picked it up immediately, grateful to hear Mina’s voice on the other
end. Darien gave them directions as well as he could, although there was no
real landmark he could describe to tell them where to enter the forest.
“We’re going to get there about ten minutes after you.” Mina said, reporting
what someone was telling her. “You’re supposed to find her and if we’re still
not there take her back to the car and try to keep her warm.”
“All right.” Darien said, pulling off the highway. He hung up the phone and he
and Raye sat in strained silence as he navigated the back roads. Almost too
soon, he stopped the car in the middle of a long stretch of wooded road. Raye
didn’t know how he could know where he was—everything looked the same when it
was so dark. She and Darien got out of the car, and she stood behind him. He
looked about to move, but then stopped, and turned around to look at her.
“Raye, before we find out what…happened, I just want to tell you that you’re right.
Totally right and I’m sorry, I guess. For everything.” He did not give her time
to reply, quickly turning and plunging into the forest. She rushed after him,
trying not to fall over tree roots hidden by snow. Abruptly the forest ended,
giving way to an expanse of pristinely white snow at least a foot deep. The
water was frozen, Raye noted, before she realized the source of Darien’s horror
stricken expression: Serena wasn’t there.
Darien stared at the unblemished expanse of snow before him, numb with shock.
This couldn’t be happening. She had to be here. If she wasn’t, then he was
lost. He raked the ground again with his eyes, praying that he had missed her.
He ran further into the snow.
“Serena!” He called, distantly aware that his voice held a note of hysteria. He
could not contemplate what he would do if he couldn’t find her. Her faced
loomed before him, accusing him. Her blue eyes were no longer sad, they were
angry. He had driven her to do this, and now he couldn’t even save her. He
stared at the moon, in a vain attempt to ignore the image. Of course, she was
there too. He had called her Usako that night, he remembered. She had looked so
happy then. *He* had made her happy and the thought amazed him. Without
conscious thought, Darien walked to where they had been on the beach that
night. Perhaps it was his strained state, or the power of the moon that night,
or even the power of his love, but as Darien moved forward he tripped over an
inordinately large stone, hidden under the deep snow. Even as he fell
headfirst, he knew that he hadn’t tripped over a stone. It was Serena, and
somehow, he had found her. He scrambled up, frantically brushing the snow away
from where he knew she was, revealing her bulky coat that he had always made so
much fun of. He was silent, but only because he could not seem to speak. For
one horrified moment he looked at her face, pale and slightly bluish around her
lips, and thought that she was dead. He felt everything, his happiness, his
existence, crash around him. He knew, in that moment, that Serena’s death was
tantamount to his own. He could not survive a blow like that. The moment past,
however, and he gratefully felt the faint puff of air on his cheek when he held
his face above hers. No, he had not been too late. Giddy with relief, he dug
his arms in the snow beneath her and picked up her recumbent form. She hung
limply in his arms, and he was painfully reminded of the last time that he had
held her so—under such drastically different circumstances. He was surprised again
at how light she was. He walked quickly back through the snow, forcing himself
not to run. If he fell now, he knew that it would be a disaster. He could feel
how cold she was, even through his gloves. He knew, even without his pre-med
training that she was near-death. Frantically, he searched through his brain
for a few sentences in a textbook about hypothermia. One thing stuck out, he
remembered, that it was imperative to treat hypothermia patients extremely
gently. Any wrong move on his part now would cost her life. A few more minutes
and it may have been too late. It may still be, he knew. Raye ran forward when
she saw him carrying Serena, her eyes carrying the fatal question.
“Yes,” he said aloud, answering, “but maybe not for long. Run ahead of me and
start the car.” She took the keys and ran. Remembering again something, he
called after her: “Don’t turn on the heat!” She just turned and nodded, and
continued running, aware that now was not the time to question. Darien had just
realized that if Serena were exposed to warm air immediately, the shock might
send her into cardiac arrest. [AN: all of this information is true, I got it
off of www.hypothermia.org.] Darien followed Raye closely behind, hampered by
his need to protect Serena. As badly as he wanted to sprint, his rational mind
had taken a firm hold of his actions. He would save her this time, and he would
do it right. He had to redeem himself.
“Please live.” Darien repeated, as he made the tortuous walk back through the
forest. “Just live, Serena, and whatever you want…” he could not get anything
else out. The emotion was foreign to him, but unavoidable. Finally, he emerged
from the forest. He quickly scanned the road, but the ambulance still hadn’t
arrived. Raye leaped out of the car and opened the back seat, he gently placed
Serena inside, and then climbed in after her. Raye had not turned on the
heaters, as the car was meat-locker cold, and he thanked her silently. He
quickly stripped Serena of her snow-caked clothing, revealing a charming set of
bunny pajamas underneath. He almost cracked when he saw those, almost broke
down and cried over her, so remorselessly sorry over what he had done. He
almost did, but something again held him back, and he roughly regained control
of himself. He could give into that later, when Serena didn’t need him. As far
as he knew, that might be for the rest of his life. Raye was calling the
ambulance back, as Darien tried to keep Serena warm. She showed no signs of
reviving, he noted, in fact, it looked to his inexpert eye as if she were in a
coma, and slipping away from that fast.
“Tell them they have to get here, now!” He thundered to Raye. She didn’t bother
relating the comment over the phone, they had heard Darien loud and clear. Raye
turned on the headlights to assist the ambulance in finding where they were.
About two minutes later it came wailing to a stop, efficiently dragging a
stretcher out of the back and wheeling it over to the car. Darien helped them
load her onto the stretcher, and resisted the temptation to get in their way as
they loaded her back into the ambulance. All he wanted to do was stay beside
her, but he knew that it would only be an inconvenience. He knew enough about
medicine to realize that Serena was dangerously ill. He had done all he could—of
course, the situation was all his fault to begin with.
Lita, Amy and Mina all ran out of the ambulance as they loaded her on. It
couldn’t carry the three of them and Serena. In fact, only one person could
ride with them.
“Darien, you go.” Raye said seriously, pushing him forward.
“Who will drive the van?” He asked, desperately wishing to just follow her
advice and forget about the van.
“I can drive stick.” Volunteered Lita quickly. He thanked her, and sprinted
into the ambulance. Almost as soon as he ran in, they closed the doors and sped
off to the hospital, sirens blaring. Darien strapped himself into the special
seat and prayed.
“Well, at least I *knew* how to drive stick.” Lita amended, after the ambulance
had roared off.
“Lita!” Mina said accusingly, “You mean we’re stranded out here?”
“Well, I sort of know how to do it, which is more than any of you can say.
Besides, you all know that he needed to go with her. If worst comes to worst,
we can always call a tow truck.”
Mina sobered. ‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. This whole thing is just so
scary, though.”
“I know.” Raye said quietly. “You should have been here when we first came. She
was buried completely under the snow, we didn’t even see her on the beach at
first. Darien…he found her…I don’t know how…”
Mina silently put her arm around Raye’s shoulder. Raye was shaking, more out of
shock than cold, and she was crying without really being aware of it. She led
Raye to the car, and everyone climbed inside. Lita put the key in the ignition
and started the car to turn on the heat, but she didn’t feel like driving just
yet. She knew that she had to calm down a little before she attempted it.
“Amy,” Lita began, “she’ll be all right, won’t she?”
Amy was crying too, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. “I…don’t know. I
hope so. But…I heard them talking when they found her…it…it might be hard. We
may be too late.” She buried her head in her hands. “It’s all my fault!” She
whispered vehemently.
The others turned to her, surprised. “Of course it’s not, Amy.” Mina said,
wiping away her own tears. “Why would you think that?”
“I gave her the book!” Amy choked out between bursts of tears. “You saw the
poem, you saw what she underlined. If I hadn’t given it to her…” She couldn’t
continue.
“Nothing would have changed.” Lita said firmly. “I don’t know what she was
planning to do out here, Amy, but she would have done it with or without the
poem. We all knew how depressed she was. Maybe we didn’t do the best job we
could of helping her out of it, but…this is no one’s fault.” Amy nodded, but
the image of the ripped out page, the lightly underlined words still seemed
like an indictment.
Silently Lita put the car in first gear and said two prayers: one that Serena
would be okay and the second that she would remember how to drive the damn car.
Darien knew what purgatory was. He also knew what hell was, but he was pretty
sure this wasn’t it. This wasn’t painful unceasing agony. No, it wasn’t nearly
so satisfying. It was more insidious, an intense frustration and despair that
wedged its way into his soul until he wanted to cry out and relieve the
pressure. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t distract the only people who
could save her life. So he kept his mouth shut and masked his eyes so no one
could see inside him. She could always tell, he thought. No matter how well he
hid himself from the outside world, she always knew what he was feeling. She
had an ability to stare into his eyes and draw him out. He loved that about
her. He loved everything about her—no matter whose daughter she was. Why had it
taken him so long to realize that? Why, now when it could be too late, did he
realize how important she was to him? It was more than stupidity, it was the
bitterest, most painful irony of all. Now he was forced to wait, to live with
the knowledge of his inadequacy and failure, and wait, praying that Serena
would live to hear the truth.
He could not so much as hold her hand. It was driving him crazy, this extreme
proximity to her form and his inability to touch her. He knew rationally that
it would do no good, and might possibly cause some harm, but he could not
dispense with the idea that if he could just hold her again, everything would
be all right. They had put an oxygen mask to her face and attached an IV almost
immediately. Her breathing was so shallow that it was nearly unnoticeable.
Darien continually fought back waves of panic that she would die here, naked in
an ambulance, and nothing that he did could save her. Her fingers and toes were
mildly frostbitten, and the rest of her body was tinged a pale blue with cold.
She was in a coma, they told him, and her temperature was still below thirty
degrees Celsius, in the extremely critical range. There was equipment at the
hospital that could save her life. The hospital however, was still fifteen
minutes away, and no one knew how long she would last. Incidentally, no one
knew how long he would last. Darien gripped the edge of the seat so tightly
that his knuckles turned white.
“Serena,” He whispered to himself, his eyes riveted to her slack face. “Just
stay alive. Hate me all you want afterwards…I deserve it…just please live. I’m
so sorry….”
Just fifteen more minutes. Time, however, does not make much of a difference in
purgatory.