resolutions

Resolutions
by
Denise

Disclaimer Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

"You need to let him go major." Sam heard a voice say from far away. She didn't want to listen to it. Not yet. She kept her gaze on the man lying in her lap and smoothed his curly brown hair. Random memories flitted through her brain. She'd done this before. Well, part of her had. Martouf had been badly injured once and Jolinar and Rosha had sat there for days, occasionally using the healing device while Lantash struggled to repair the damage. But there was nothing Lantash could do this time. He was dead too, a second zat blast is just as deadly to symbiotes as hosts.

"Sam." She heard as a gentle hand laid itself atop hers, stilling her stroking. She followed it up to meet the sad eyes of Janet Fraiser. "We need to take Martouf," she said softly. Right. The President. Guess it'd be bad to have bodies lying around during a peace summit. Probably set the wrong mood.

Sam nodded and two orderlies stepped forward. They carefully lifted him up, placing his blood covered form on a gurney and shrouding him with a crisp white sheet. A dark hand imposed itself into her field of vision and she instinctively reached out her own, allowing Teal'c to help her to her feet.

"Major Carter, perhaps you would wish to go and change." she heard Teal'c say from somewhere around her left shoulder.

She frowned and followed his gaze down. The legs of her fatigues were wet and sticky with blood. Martouf's blood. It had been so warm as it leaked out of his broken body she hadn't even noticed it. Until now. Now the artificial environment of the mountain was cooling the viscous liquid, leaving what felt like patches of ice on her legs. Yeah. I guess a blood covered officer would also be considered bad form. Sam looked towards the general.

"Major Carter," she heard Per'sus say. She turned back to face the high councilor. "You have my sincerest sympathies and deepest gratitude. Thanks to you we have a chance of saving future za'tarcs."

Yeah and all I had to do was kill a friend. She didn't give her opinions voice, rather she nodded to Per'sus and quietly left the room.

Colonel Jack O'Neill bent down and picked up Sam's discarded zat. He handed it to the Jaffa. "Teal'c, maybe you better stow these," he suggested, looking at the general for approval.

Hammond nodded, then turned to his guest. "High councilor, in light of recent events, perhaps it would be best of we adjourned to the conference room."

Per'sus scanned the gate room, taking in the damage and chaos around him. "Of course general," he agreed.

"Good. I will escort you there and then go to the surface to escort the President...the real President here. Dr. Jackson?" Hammond said, indicating Daniel follow him.

Giving what he hoped was a reassuring look to his remaining team mates, Daniel joined the retinue in their trek to the conference room.

Both he and Martouf had spent hours working on this treaty and he felt he owed it to the Tok'ra to complete his last mission for him.

Jack and Teal'c were left alone in the gate room...for about 45 seconds before Sgt. Siler and his crew bustled in. Their mission. To obliterate every sign that the events of the past few minutes had ever happened.

"Fraiser still wants to make sure Freya's barcolounger from hell didn't do any permanent damage. I'm headed to the infirmary. Once you stow those weapons, could you track down Carter? Make sure she's OK."

Full of questions but too respectful of his friends' privacy to ask, Teal'c merely inclined his head and left the gate room.

Jack stood there for a second as a Sergeant came in, pushing a bright yellow mop bucket, one wheel squeaking annoyingly. As he stood there, the man wrung out the mop and applied it to the concrete floor with an audible splat. Jack turned to leave as the steaming hot bleach water began to dissolve the blood stains on the floor.

"Well you're still in shock. But that's to be expected," Janet said, gazing critically at her friend. "I could give you a sedative."

"What? No. I've still got too much of your knock out juice in my system as it is," Sam said, pulling her gaze from miles away and focusing on her friend. "And I don't want to sleep. I just need to get out of here."

"Janet. I NEED to get the hell out of here. Take some of that leave you're always yelling at me for not taking and LEAVE."

"Sam," Janet said again, moving closer and putting her hand on Sam's arm. "I can't believe I'm going to say this but..."

"Janet. If the last few months have been bad...the last few hours have totally sucked. I'm..." Sam slumped, sighed and pushed her hands through her hair. "Look Janet, I'm...sorta teetering on the edge here. I need...to get away, find my equilibrium again or you're going to be seeing if Daniel's rubber room is still available," she admitted wryly.

"Janet, I'm going. Now. You can either tell him I'm on med. leave or I'm going AWOL," she declared, hopping off the bed. "And don't send the SF's after me, I've already killed one person today."

Taken aback by Sam's uncharacteristic display, Janet took a step back, then made her decision in an instant. "OK. You've got a week, effective immediately. Just let me get someone to drive you home." Sam closed her eyes and nodded, accepting the condition.
Janet picked up the phone and made arrangements, then turned back to Sam. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm...just don't worry if I'm not home. I mean, Teal'c, Daniel and the colonel...well maybe not him, but you know they'll be at my door in a few hours. And...I NEED to be alone."

"OK. Just...take your cell phone...please. And remember we're all here for you."

About an hour later, Sam unlocked her front door and closed it behind her, leaning against it for a moment as if she could keep the world at bay.

She had to get a move on. She knew, despite Janet's best efforts, the guys would be on her doorstep in no time.

She wracked her brains, trying to remember where everything was as she made her way back to her bedroom, stripping off her uniform as she went. No fatigues. No dog tags. The only thing military she would take with her might be some MREs. And that'd only be because she wouldn't have time to shop.

Forty minutes later she was checking her mental list. She guessed she had everything. If not...she'd just live without it.

Allowing her commonsense to override her desires, she grudgingly packed her cell phone. She didn't plan to turn it on, but it couldn't hurt to be practical.

She zipped the pack shut, hefted it and took one last look around. God she'd made a mess. She'd pulled things out of closets and chests and hadn't felt like straightening up. It looked like the place had been ransacked. She shrugged. Didn't matter.

She opened the door, stopped, turned and walked back to her bedroom. She pulled her side arm out of her bedside table and stuffed it and extra ammo in her pack. You never know when you're going to need it after all, she told herself.

She walked back down the hall and out her front door, closing it behind her without a backwards glance

He watched her walk purposefully down the stairs and board a city bus, alarmed by the bag she was carrying. She was going away. And for a sizable length of time. He understood her need for solitude, however he feared her desires were clouding her better judgment.
He would not allow that to happen. He put the staff car in gear and followed the bus.

Sam boarded the train and anxiously watched the door, hoping not to see anyone she knew. Just a few more minutes and she'd be away scott free. Please God, let her luck last a few more minutes.

Her attention was drawn by a pair of late arrivals. Newlyweds, she guessed from the adoring looks and constant touches.

She'd been like that once. She and Jonus had had months of happiness. It hadn't lasted of course, but it had been great.

There was a part of her that wondered if she'd ever feel that way again. And if she didn't...could she live with herself?

It was one question she couldn't research out. No matter how many books she read or experiments she ran, she'd never know the answer. Until it was too late to change it.
The doors to the train shut and the cars began to move with a jerk. She closed her eyes in a moment of grateful prayer, ignoring the scripted patter of the conductor. She'd eluded the guys. And now...well she hoped it'd be easier to track down the Tok'ra than her. Now, hopefully, she could have a bit of control back. She could only be found if she wanted to be found.

He watched the train depart, ascertaining that she was indeed on it. Realizing she planned to eschew her home, he had expected perhaps a hotel or resort. This was a surprise. A surprise and a challenge. But not an insurmountable one. He would just have to work a little harder was all.

Sam exited the train, pausing a moment to watch it continue on its way. Within minutes the only sounds she heard was the chirping of birds, the whisper of a breeze through the gilded aspen leaves and an occasional keening cry of an eagle. She'd actually done it. The SGC and all its problems were miles away. She knew they wouldn't disappear, that she'd still have to deal with them when she got back, but not right now. At the moment she might as well be the last person on the face of the earth.

She felt a contented sort of peace settle over her as she started to walk away, letting the woods around her swallow her up.

"Receiving Tok'ra IDC sir," Master Sgt. Davis reported, glancing up from his computer screen.

"Open the iris," Colonel Jack O'Neill ordered with a feeling of dread. He figured either Freya was coming back to hit on him again, Per'sus had changed his mind and wanted to un-sign the treaty or Jacob had heard about what happened with Martouf and had come to see his daughter.

None of the options were good ones. Can I have what's behind door #4 please Monty? Maybe a nice Goa'uld invasion, black hole, maybe Thor needs help again? Another dumb idea. He could do dumb.

Jack bit back a groan as he saw Jacob Carter exit the wormhole, scanning the gate room like he was looking for something...or someone. Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. Might as well get this over with.

He left the control room, waving the defense teams back as he walked up to Jacob.

"Jack. I just heard. How's Sam?" Jake asked, parental concern evident in his voice.

Jacob's look changed from concern to apprehension. "Jack. What's wrong?" he demanded. "Where's my daughter?"

"Tell me again what happened?" Jacob Carter demanded of Jack, Daniel and General Hammond as they sat around the conference room table.

"After...Martouf," Daniel started with an apologetic grimace. "Sam went to get cleaned up. I had to finish the treaty and Dr. Fraiser wanted to make sure Jack was all right after his session in Freya's...chair. The next thing we know is we can't find her," he finished with a shrug.

"According to Fraiser, she requested, actually I think it was more like demanded time off," Jack reported.

Jake looked to Hammond. "Dr. Fraiser requested Major Carter be given down time, and in light of recent events, I granted it."

"We went to her place. It looked like a tornado went through. Stuff was pulled out of closets, dresser drawers left hanging open. She didn't even open her mail," Daniel reported.
"It looked like she set the land speed record for packing."

"Look. She's done this before. It's something she started to do when her mother died. Mark and I ...well it's taken us nearly 20 years to start talking so you can imagine how we fought. Sometimes she'd get caught in the middle. When it'd get too overwhelming she'd just disappear."

Jake nodded. "When we were in DC, she'd hang out at the Smithsonian for hours on end. When I was at Forbes, she'd go to the lake. In San Diego, it was the zoo."

"Colonel, you ever tried stopping her from doing something she has her mind set on? Besides, things were tough enough on her. She didn't need me making it worse. And...I think there was a tiny part of me that worried of I forbade her from going...someday she wouldn't come back."

Jake shrugged. "Denver, Cripple Creek, Canon City. Heck she could drive to Kansas for all I know."

"Well, her car's here and she hasn't been using her credit cards," Daniel stated. Jake shot him a look. "We were concerned."

Jake smiled. "Sam will walk in that door in five minutes or five days, whenever she decides she's ready to come back. And either she'll want to talk about it or pretend it never happened. Just, take it from a person who knows. Follow her lead or she'll fight you," he warned. He turned to General Hammond. "George I'd like to hang around a bit, be here when she comes back. Think you can scare me up somewhere to crash?"

Jacob nodded as the men got up from the table. Jack caught Jake in the hall. "Just curious, when was the last time she did this?"

"When she and Jonus broke up. She disappeared for two weeks. Though I think part of that was to let the bruises fade so I wouldn't kill the SOB," Jake said quietly. Jack nodded but didn't comment. Jake looked back at the room, a frown on his face. "By the way, where's Teal'c?"

Teal'c looked through the binoculars, watching the woman sitting on the banks of one of the many man-made lakes that dotted Pike Peak. After studying her for a few moments to ascertain she was all right, he lowered the binoculars, returned them to his pocket and closed his eyes.

It had taken him nearly a day of hard hiking to catch up to his friend. Her decision to ride the cog railway halfway up the mountain had indeed been a wise one.

After following her to the depot and hearing her plans he had immediately returned to the SGC and gathered the supplies necessary for time spent on a mountain.

When he had come to Earth and been allowed to venture outside the facility for the first time he had been pleasantly surprised to discover not only was the SGC housed inside a mountain, it was surrounded by them as well.

After his first glimpse of the snow capped summit of Pikes Peak, so reminiscent of the mountains of Chulak where he'd played as a child, he had longed to explore them. Unfortunately the opportunity had never presented itself. Until now.

He knew he was treading a fine line with Major Carter, that he was violating her wishes for solitude. However, considering recent events, he personally felt she did not need to be alone, she needed a friend.

So he resolved to follow her, using his skills to remain far enough away so she would be unaware of his presence, yet close enough to aid her should she require it.
In a way he was glad he had chosen to follow her. He soon discovered what drew her to this place. It was incredibly peaceful here.

While the major spent time sitting in the sun or napping in the shade of a tree, he meditated.

And for the first time since his arrival in Earth, meditation came easier to him. With his mind unencumbered by pages over the loud speaker, klaxons or loud voices in the hall, he had been starting to sort out the feelings he had for Sho'nac and his hatred of Tanith.
He resolved to do this more often, to escape the confines of the base and venture outside Cheyenne Mountain.

After checking that his friend was still well, he closed his eyes again and let the peace of the mountain flow over him, like water flowing over the stones in a stream bed, washing away some of the rage and frustration and replacing them with cold determination.

Sam slowly walked the last few rocky feet to the summit of the mountain. As she got into view of the summit house she felt her stomach growl in response to the aromas of fresh donuts and hamburgers wafting out of the building. She shook her head and smiled. Only in America would they put a souvenir shop on top of a mountain.

She ignored the building for now. She'd have to go in there sooner or later, if for no other reason than to see if she could bum a ride back down.

When she'd left home a few days ago, she'd been more worried about making a clean get-away than how she would get back. She wasn't too worried. Hundreds of people drove to the top of Pikes Peak every day, and they all had to take the same road back down.

Right now she was enjoying the last bit of peace. Even though there were clouds starting to gather on the west side of the summit, the east side was still clear and she could see for miles. Colorado Springs was laid out below her like some microscopic landscape. She could see Cheyenne Mountain topped by dozens of antennas in the distance. But it and all its secrets seemed light years away.

She closed her eyes. Unlike lower on the mountain, there were no trees here to catch the perpetual breeze and make it sing. The top 3,000 feet or so of Pikes Peak were barren and rocky, only the presence of a few hardy grasses and patches of lichen holding on to the sandy soil. In fact, if you ignored the 360 degrees of nothingness surrounding you, it looked more like a desert than a mountain.

She'd been lucky the last few days. The often turbulent weather on the Peak had remained calm. The warm days and slightly cooler nights had allowed her to just let her mind wander, finding a clear path in all the chaos.

Sam looked up, not totally surprised to see Jacob standing next to her. "Dad. Hi."

"No. Take a load off," she invited. Jacob settle himself down beside her and joined her in the silent contemplation of the vista for a few minutes.

"You know, there's some really worried people waiting down there," he said, nodding towards Cheyenne Mountain.

"I know," she replied, pushing her wind tossed hair out of her face. "I just...had to get away."

"The one who killed him," she finished. "What's the big deal? It's not like I've never killed anyone before."

"Come on kid. This wasn't shooting some Jaffa or bombing some anonymous target. He was your friend, Jolinar's mate. It would be like..."

"It was like killing a part of me," she said quietly, tears welling up as Jake reached out and pulled her close. "You know, it makes no sense. Jonus...he was so sick and, when we were on that planet and he was...he was killing the natives, I had a chance. I had him in my sights, just as close to me as Martouf, closer even, and I couldn't kill him.

But Martouf, a man who's never even raised his voice to me much less...someone who promised me to keep an eye on you, who risked his life when you were stuck on Netu, who...hell a tiny corner of my mind still has memories of him as my husband and I didn't even hesitate to pull the trigger. What is wrong with me? Can I only kill people I care about? Am I come sort of intergalactic black widow or something?"

"Oh God. Kid. NO. Jonus...breaking up with that bastard was the best thing you ever did. He would have killed you, mentally if not physically. And I heard enough about that mission to know there WAS a difference between him and Martouf. Martouf didn't want to suicide. He didn't believe in it. The only time he ever thought about it was once when he as captured and tortured and was afraid he'd give up his friends. He devoted his life to the Tok'ra. There were times when he and Lantash could have left. After all he went through, no one would have blamed him for leaving but he wouldn't. What you did gave him one last chance to serve, one last chance to save Tok'ra lives and that...is exactly what he would have wanted. You may have ended his life, but you saved his soul."

Sam nodded, not totally believing his words but accepting them. "What...aah...after Anise was done what..."

"Because of the sarcophagus, most Tok'ra who perish want their bodies destroyed somehow. The zat is the easiest method but the tradition among Martouf's people is cremation." Jacob reached into his pocket and drew out a small octagonal crystal container. "Anise sent this through this morning. She thought you should have it. You're the closest thing to family he had."

Sam took the container in trembling hands. It seemed oddly warm to the touch. "You know, he always wanted to see Earth. We talked about it, tried to make plans but never seemed to find the time. There was always something going on somewhere, some emergency...fate of the universe. I guess we always thought there'd be more time."

"In your mind there'll always be a tomorrow...until that horrible day when you realize it won't be there. When something happens, some chain of events comes together and everything changes."

"You go on. Nothing you can do can ever change it. No matter how much you may want to."
Sam nodded and looked at the container in her hands, it's sapphire blue surface sparkling in the sun. "I think he'd like it here. He used to ask me about mountains, what it was like to be on top of one, looking down on the world," she said, opening the lid and pouring some of the ashes into her hand. Jacob held out his hand and she poured the rest into his waiting palm.

They both held out their hands, letting the wind carry the ashes away in a silent swirl watching as the fine dust disappeared, melding itself permanently with the mountain. Forever now a part of Earth.

They sat there in respectful silence for a few more minutes as a train full of picture snapping tourists left the summit.

Sam chuckled, wiping her face on her sleeve. "Considering last night I dreamed I was sitting in a hot bath eating a steak, I think it's time to return to civilization."

Jake sighed. "That's good. Selmac's tired of dealing with altitude sickness. And for a creature that doesn't even have hands, she's a hell of a back seat driver," Jake said, getting to his feet and holding out his hand to Sam.

"We should go get Teal'c. It'd be really rude to make him walk back down," she said as Jake picked up her pack.

"Yeah. I think he caught up with me a couple days ago. I didn't notice him at first until he got close enough for me to sense Junior."

"Colonel O'Neill will be relieved. Since Teal'c vanished about the same time as you, they were sorta hoping you were together."

"He was...aah, playing guardian angel. Which I was incredibly grateful for when I saw the mountain lion tracks yesterday."

"Mountain lion? Now I ask you, why can't you hang at a resort like other women?" he complained good-naturedly as he followed his daughter to the other side of the summit and the large man standing there.

"Teal'c. Thank you. I know I said I wanted to be alone, but I still felt better knowing you were there."

He nodded his head. "I must say I now understand the allure of his mountain. I found my time here most relaxing."

"Good. Then we both accomplished something. Look guys, I'm absolutely craving a soda. I'm going to step inside. Can I meet you at the car?"

They agreed and the two men watched her walk off. Jacob turned to Teal'c, nodding his head as Selmac took over. "Thank you for watching over Samantha. Jacob does sleep better knowing she has friends such as you here."

"I would never permit harm to come to her, or anyone else on SG-1 should it be in my power to prevent it."

Jacob nodded his head. "And you'll never know how much that means to me Teal'c. What do you say we head home?" Jake nodded towards the sky. "The weather's about to take a turn for the worse. And believe me, 14,000 feet is not the place to be during a thunderstorm."

He agreed and they both made their way towards Jacob's borrowed car and a waiting Sam. "Now what's this I hear about a mountain lion?"

Sam opened the door and stepped out of her bedroom, running her fingers through her still damp hair. She always marveled at the ability of some hot water and bubbles to make her feel human again. That and the comfort of an old pair of sweat pants and an equally old and soft T-shirt.

She walked into her miraculously clean living room and smiled at her father and Teal'c discussing the plot of a day time serial.

"Teal'c, you want to get cleaned up? I don't have any clothes that will fit you, but plenty of hot water."

"Thank you, I will," he replied, retracing her steps to the bathroom as Sam claimed his place on the couch.

Jake nodded. "Jack seemed...almost unsure of his welcome. Is there something wrong with you two?"

Sam grimaced slightly. "Nothing...wrong. Just a little awkward," she admitted grudgingly.

They both looked up as the door bell rang. "Sounds like dinner's here," Sam said, getting to her feet and opening the door to reveal a slightly worried looking Daniel and an incredibly uncomfortable looking Jack O'Neill.

"We...aah, well we figured you hadn't had time to shop so we brought chicken, extra crispy," he said, holding up the bags. Sam's mouth began to water as her stomach reminded her she'd been living on MREs for most of the past week.

"That was sweet of you guys. Come on in. Teal'c's in the shower but he should be done in a few minutes," she invited, opening the door wider.

Daniel walked past her carrying the food while Jack hung back a bit. "Carter...about before...we aah...I can go if you'd rather..."

Two hours later, the last of the meal cleaned up and everyone immersed in a TV movie, Sam quietly slipped out onto her tiny balcony. The sun had set and the storm that had begun atop the mountain had passed leaving the streets wet and the air smelling fresh and clean. She heard the sliding door open and knew it was the colonel.

Sam laughed. "There aren't regs to cover half of what we do on a daily basis. Most of the last 3 years has been spent with us flying by the seat of our pants, making it up as we go along."

"That doesn't change the fact that I was out of line. I made you so uncomfortable that you felt you had to leave."

"No. I..." Sam sighed. "The last few months have been...really crazy, even for us. Edora, the whole spy thing, losing Daniel...again, the replicators, which TOTALLY creep me out by the way, the mess with Uronda, those stupid armbands, thinking I was going to self-destruct or something...and then Martouf. It was just overwhelming. I...I needed to get away, get a grip on what normal is again."

"And what happened on that ship? What both of us wouldn't...couldn't admit?"
"What happened on that ship might have been real. Or it might have been the by-product of those armbands messing with our emotions like they did with our common sense. I mean...as fun as it was, would anyone in their right minds take on a WHOLE PLANET of Jaffa bare handed? It was probably the dumbest thing I've ever done."

"Yeah it was. Which just goes to prove HOW out of control we were. We were on the adrenaline high to end all highs. Colonel, you and I both know just how battle can mess with your head. And...this friendship that we have...it means a lot to me. Too much to risk it on some feelings that may or may not even be real. You and I know we'd not only be risking both our careers but that friendship as well on ...a feeling we both had in the heat of battle and...well rather imminent death. Considering both our track records with relationships...I think...why don't we wait until we're both ready. I can't help but think, if it's real, it'll still be there."

"If not, then we won't have ruined a friendship, hell SG-1, on the basis of some endorphin induced emotional moment."

"Nothing DID happen. We just...had a moment. And we're both adults sir. I think we can act like it."

"Doctor/patient confidentiality. Anyway, unless it starts effecting our performance, she won't say anything."

"Yeah, I will be. So I aah...I understand you guys cleaned this place up?" she asked, changing the subject , subtly telling him the subject was closed.

"Well, you are one hell of a messy packer. I mean we left O'Malley's in better shape than you did this place," he complained, accepting her change.

"Yes. It was. Look, it's late, we better go before this becomes a slumber party," Jack said, opening the door and ushering her inside.

A few minutes later they were all gone. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c headed to the colonel's house and Jacob returning to General Hammond's.

Sam made one final pass though her living room, gathering the last fugitive glasses and napkins that had escaped her previous clean up efforts. As she dumped the contents of Teal'c's water glass into one of her plants, her gaze settled on the crystalline shape on her mantle. She shifted the empty glass to her left hand and walked to it. She traced the smooth surface with her fingertips. "Rest in peace Martouf, Lantash. Who knows, maybe we'll run into each other again some day," she said quietly as she turned and left the room, clicking off the lamp and plunging it into darkness.