"Does she suspect anything?" a voice whispered.
"Not a clue," he replied triumphantly.
"What about the girl?"
"We've contacted her teacher. We'll have her out of school and through the gate before her mother suspects a thing."
"Good, good. Sounds like all is going according to plan."

~~~~~

Dr. Janet Frasier bit back a rude remark as she continued her examination of Lt. Graham Simmons. The young officer had entered her infirmary almost an hour ago.
At first he just hung around, helping himself to a cup or two of coffee and chatting with Lt. Kimberly Adams, one of Janet's new nurses. She let them talk for a while. The infirmary certainly wasn't busy and Janet knew Sam would love it if Graham found another recipient for his attentions.
But after 30 minutes, she decided enough was enough. She started to hint that surely the Lieutenant had better things to do.
Then Graham decided he just didn't feel well. Now, half an hour later, Janet's original feelings of concern were turning into frustration as test after test revealed a diagnosis of moderate hypochondria.
She decided to play her trump card. If this didn't send the young man running for the hills, nothing would. She snagged a pair of rubber gloves from the box and pulled back the curtain guarding the privacy of the officer.
"Well Lieutenant," she said, pulling the gloves on with a snap that sent a tiny cloud of powder into the air and reaching for a tube of lubricant, "I think I have an idea what's wrong with you but I need to be sure. If you will please drop your pants." Graham got a expression on his face that reminded Janet of the look she'd seen on TV last night when she and Cassie watched a nature show on the Discovery Channel. Yep, that poor antelope that the lions ate for dinner looked just like Graham did now.
"Aah...ma'am, I'm not...I mean I really..." he stuttered as the full meaning of Janet's preparations set in.
"Now come on Lieutenant. Every other test had come up negative, this is the last thing to rule out," she coaxed.
"Aah, doctor..." A phone rang. Janet turned to answer it, almost laughing out loud at the relief on the young man's face as he scrambled off the table and slipped on his shirt as he frantically scurried from the room. That would teach him to hang out in her infirmary.
"Frasier," she answered the phone.
"Doctor, this is Sgt. Harriman. We have an emergency off world. We need you to be ready to go through the gate ASAP."
Janet's smile faded in an instant. "Any information on what's wrong?" she asked as she mentally began a list of necessary supplies.
"No ma'am, just that they need you there."
"Who's injured?" she asked, hoping to glean a bit of a head start by knowing just who was in trouble. There was a slight pause.
"It's SG-1 doctor," he replied.
'Oh fudge,' she thought. OK so it's probably major humpty-dumpty time. SG-1 rarely called for planet side help unless it was a serious situation. The three times they'd requested her presence whole populations had been sick or dying. "I'll be ready in 20," she said as she hung up the phone, snapping orders with an efficiency borne of too much practice as she pulled her fatigues from her office closet.

~~~~~

Twenty five minutes later Dr. Frasier stepped through the wormhole into total darkness. She stood for a second, unsure of what was to come. Surely if there was danger of an attack she'd have been given an escort...right? Wouldn't make sense to send for a doctor then let her get killed. She cursed herself for not even asking what planet she was going to. The where just hadn't seemed important at the time. It's not like she was going to be doing any sight seeing.
As she fumbled for the flashlight, she wondered if it was night time on the planet. She snapped the light on as she heard the brush rustle off to her right. With her heart in her throat, she swung her light towards the noise, snatches of reports she'd read over the years flitting through her memory. Monsters, proto-humans, man-eating plants, cannibals and your garden variety angry native all vied for first place as a candidate to be the phantom noise maker.
Hippocratic oath be damned...she wanted more than her sidearm. She wished for a rifle, a nice big one. The one she'd used during that whole Hathor thing would do nicely thank you very much.
"Doctor Frasier," a quiet voice cut into her thoughts. Janet almost sank to her knees in relief as Teal'c came into view. Hallelujah. If she wasn't safe in his company, she wasn't safe anywhere.
"Teal'c, can you tell me what's wrong? Who's hurt?" she asked anxiously as she walked down the short flight of steps towards him.
"Dr. Frasier, I can not. I am merely to escort you to our destination," he replied evenly.
"Teal'c, I need to know what to expect," she protested, "If I need more supplies than I've brought, now would be the best time to ask for them."
"Perhaps doctor. However I am sure what you have brought with you will be more than sufficient," he said as he reached forward to carry her bulging medical kit for her. "This way please," he continued as he started down a path leaving Janet no choice but to follow unless she wanted to risk getting lost in the twilight.

After a few minutes she thought she saw light glimmering through the trees. She squinted her eyes against the growing brightness as they abruptly left the undergrowth and stood at the edge of a grassy plain.
Teal'c paused a second, perhaps to allow his eyes to adjust to the sudden onslaught of light also.
It was as if someone had drawn an invisible line on the ground and light was permitted on only one side of that line. In all the reports she'd read, only one planet had this solid demarcation between night and day.
"We're on Broca aren't we?" she asked. Then she remembered. "Are Drey'ac and Ry'ac OK?" she inquired, recalling they were living here now to give them sanctuary from Apophis.
Teal'c nodded his head to acknowledge her concern. "They are well thank you doctor. We must make haste to the city," he stated as he led her towards a picturesque town shining in the golden sunlight.
Resigning herself to not getting any answers from the enigmatic Jaffa, Janet merely followed him.
Unfortunately the beauty of the pastoral planet was lost on the woman. Her mind was working its way through a myriad of nightmarish scenarios involving her friends in pain and copious amounts of blood.

~~~~~

"Ssh. Here she comes," Cassie said excitedly as she ran from her post at the doorway, "Quick, hide."
"Whose idea was this anyway?"
"Just for the record sir, it wasn't mine," Major Samantha Carter stated quietly, smoothing her skirt.
"Come on Carter," Colonel Jack O'Neill chided gently, as he tugged on his hated tie, "Where's your sense of adventure?"
"It's been over ridden by my sense of self-preservation. She's going to kill us."
"Nah, she'll love it," Jack said as he ducked behind the leg of a giant bull statue, "And if anyone asks, it was General Hammond's idea."
Sam shot a skeptical glance at her CO as she too concealed herself behind one of the statue's other legs.

~~~~~

Janet followed Teal'c as he proceeded up the stairs to what was obviously the main building of the town. She was still trying to figure out what was going on. Surely if one member of SG-1 was injured Teal'c would have briefed her. Maybe it was one of the natives. That would explain why she had to come to them rather than they being conveyed to the SGC infirmary. Not that she minded. It felt good to get off planet once and a while.
She laughed at herself. Listen to her, talking about going to another world like she used to talk about visiting her mother in Philly or driving to Denver to shop. Oh my, how things have changed in just a few years.
When she graduated from med. school and joined the Air Force she'd dreamed of maybe having a year or two overseas. Other planets? Those thoughts only crossed her brain when her dreams had been influenced by a late night re-run of Star Trek. Not to mention being an adoptive mother to the sole survivor of a goa'uld attack...oh fudge.
She'd forgotten to call Mrs. Miller and have her pick Cassie up from school. Damn. There was going to be hell to pay when she got back. Maybe Sgt. Harriman would remember. She'd had him make the call before.
She knew Cassie understood, especially if it was SG-1 that needed her help. Even so, she still felt bad when she left the girl in a lurch. Cassie may be only a few years from being an adult, but she'd suffered so much when she'd been forced to leave her home and take refuge on Earth. Janet often found herself almost spoiling the child in an attempt to make it up to her.
Janet shrugged. Oh well. It was too late now. She would just have to pay the piper later.
She and Teal'c walked through a set of ornate doors and were enveloped by the cool, sweet smelling dimness of the interior. She blinked once or twice, this time to help her eyes dilate so she could see better. It was quiet in here...too quiet.
"Teal'c," she said as she hurried a bit to catch up with him, "What is going on?" she demanded in her best 'I'm the doctor, don't push me', tone as she gently grabbed his arm.
The large man turned to her, his expression carefully bland, "I am not permitted to say," he responded. Janet had had enough. She propped her hands on her hips and drew herself up to her full height, which meant she could look him squarely in the throat. "Teal'c, you will tell me what is going on or not even Junior will be able to help you," she threatened in the tone she usually reserved for her most petulant patients, namely Jack O'Neill, Dr. Jackson and the Marines.
"Go easy on him doctor, I told him not to." a voice tinged with a bit of a Texas drawl called out from behind her. Janet turned and was surprised to see the slightly rotund form of General George Hammond step forward, in his dress blues no less.
"General, I didn't know you were off world sir," she said, her voice now laced with confusion. To the best of her knowledge, the general had only been through the gate twice, and both times SG-1 had been missing and presumed in mortal danger. "What's the emergency sir?" she asked.
"The emergency is that you're out of uniform doctor," Jack O'Neill said as he stepped into view also in his dress uniform.
"Yeah, you know how picky the military is about their uniforms," Daniel said as he also stepped into her line of vision looking comfortably attired in khakis and a denim shirt.
"And he should know. He's been catching flack from half the marines on the base for years," she heard Sam say as she joined her friends. The sight of Sam in her dress uniform set off alarm bells in Janet's brain. She knew Sam absolutely hated going through the gate in a skirt and heels.
She didn't respond to any of these remarks, she merely looked from face to face as she tried to make sense of the whole situation. It was like some wacky, wacky dream. As far as she could see no one was bleeding, limping or showing any signs of extra body hair. In fact they had such silly grins plastered on their faces she'd almost think they'd been sampling the local potent potables.
While she pondered, about twenty other SGC personnel had appeared, including three of her nurses, Tech. Davis, Lt. Simmons...and Cassie?
"General," she asked the man in front of her, "What is going on? I was told there was an emergency?"
"As Colonel O'Neill said, you are out of uniform doctor," General Hammond said, "Stand at attention," he ordered. Janet's reflexes took over as she stiffened her spine and focused her eyes on an imaginary point somewhere over the older man's right shoulder. "Three years ago when I approved the transfer of a new doctor into the SGC I had a rather long list to choose from. There were geneticists, world-renowned surgeons, and various chiefs of staffs. But one name stood out on the list. An Air Force Captain who was also a general practitioner with a reputation of putting her patients first, no matter their rank. We soon discovered that versatility and tenacity was exactly what this command needed as the new doctor proved herself time and time again. She has handled alien viruses, nanocites, helped repel alien invasions, been wounded in the line of duty, and become the closest thing to a true xenobiologist this country has. It is therefore my great honor to promote her to Major with all the respect, responsibilities and privileges therein."
As the general finished his speech Janet saw Cassie step forward. Jack bent over and lifted the girl up so she could pin the golden five pointed cluster on her left shoulder as General Hammond pinned the other one on her right shoulder. He saluted solemnly then, the ritual completed, the group relaxed into a raucous party.

~~~~~

"So how long have you known?" Janet asked Sam as the two women sat in the grass, sipping cold beers and watching General Hammond, Jack and Teal'c begin the cooking chores. Daniel, Graham, Cassie and a few others were off in the distance a bit, indoctrinating the Brocans in the mysteries of flying kites.
Once the impromptu ceremony was over, the visiting SGC personnel retired outside after exchanging their dress uniforms for far more comfortable and practical fatigues. With Tuplo's blessing, a bonfire had been built and Broca was christened SGC style.
Coolers brimming with beers, sodas, hot dogs, hamburgers and all the trimmings appeared, along with baseball mitts, balls and bats. If there was anything surreal in having an old fashioned American picnic thousands of light-years from home on a planet that never knew a sunset or sunrise, no one spoke of it.
Sam leaned back, propping herself on her elbows and crossing her booted feet at the ankles. "I heard you were up for it a few weeks ago, that you got it last week. As for all of this," she said sweeping her arm at the people before them, " Well I found out yesterday when Teal'c and I went shopping."
Janet laughed. "You took Teal'c to a grocery store? How did he handle it?"
"I think he's a little bugged that we buy our meat on Styrofoam trays wrapped in plastic. And please don't even bring up what hot dogs are really made of. Explaining that was worse than when we wandered down the toiletries aisle."
"Doesn't grasp the concept of meat by-products huh?"
"Apparently on Chulak, by-products are used to feed the dogs. That's why we have hamburgers too. Fortunately he didn't ask which part of the cow they grind up. We also did a little personal shopping."
"Personal?"
"Yeah, he wanted to get Drey'ac something. Especially since we were coming here," Sam answered.
"I thought things were a little...strained between them?" Janet asked.
"They have been. I mean finding out your wife divorced you to marry someone else tends to put a bit of a damper on a relationship. But," Sam continued as they watched Drey'ac stand next to her husband, "I think they're getting along much better now," she said as they watched the large Jaffa stop his cooking chores and wander off holding his wife's hand, seemingly oblivious to the knowing looks exchanged between General Hammond and Jack.
"Come on Major, we could use a little help here," Jack called towards the two women.
"Think he's talking to you or me?" Janet asked.
"Doesn't matter," Sam replied, "Barbecue rules sir," she answered her CO, "She who shops does not cook."
"Don't flatter yourself Carter. I'm not hungry enough to eat your cooking. I was talking to the doctor."
"You honestly expect me to cook at my own party?" Janet asked, "And precisely when were you coming in for your physical Colonel?" she responded, her vice rich with amusement.
"You see what I have to put up with General?" Jack complained good-naturedly, "I get absolutely no respect. Give these women a promotion and they take a mile," he said, mangling metaphors in typical O'Neill fashion.
General Hammond shot an amused, tolerant look at his second in command, "Are you sure this is a topic you want to bring up?" he asked, reminding Jack of his own propensity for creative interpretation of orders.
"Aah...well..."
Hammond nodded knowingly, "I thought not Colonel. Cook," he ordered the younger man, kind smile on his broad face. Jack snapped a jaunty salute with his long-handled spatula and returned to cooking the food.
Janet and Sam looked at each other and began to laugh. "Oh, he just made my day," Janet said.
"The general just made his own day," Sam replied, "You know, it's a good thing those two like each other so much or the General would have tossed the Colonel in the brig...oh about three years ago."
"When?"
"Probably fifteen minutes after he discovered the Colonel lied on his reports and that Daniel was alive and well on Abydos. If General Hammond tossed Colonel O'Neill in the brig every time he bent the rules it would have a revolving door." The two women fell silent for a minute enjoying the sounds of people playing in the background, the breeze gently sighing through the trees, the warm sweet smell of sun-warmed native grasses and clover and the mouth-watering aromas of cooking food.
Sam laid back in the grass, holding her beer in her right hand as she cushioned her head with her left. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the warmth of the sun kiss her face. She felt herself fully relax for the first time in months. Janet mimicked her friend's pose, feeling the last tiny bit of annoyance at being lied to and having her daughter kidnapped melt away under the rays of an alien sun.
"Whose idea was this anyway?" she asked.
"Huh?" Sam replied, not opening her eyes.
"Having the party off-world. Who came up with it?"
Sam shrugged, "Don't know. No one will admit to it. Maybe it was the General's idea?"
"But he doesn't believe in casual use of the gate," Janet protested.
"Well after last time, maybe he was afraid we'd have to host the annual System Lord convention," Sam said referring to how her own promotion was marred by the arrival of three system lords bent on preventing Earth's further use of their gate.
"Maybe cabin fever?" Janet suggested.
"Maybe he was hoping Teal'c could take him for another spin in a death glider," Sam said. Remembering Teal'c's impression of General Hammond's Texas War Cry the two women started giggling, rolling in the grass like a couple of children.

~~~~~

Teal'c and Drey'ac walked off a bit, still within earshot of the party but far enough away to have a bit of privacy. They didn't speak much as he picked a large rock and motioned for her to sit. He sat beside her and the silence extended for a moment.
As they sat there, watching their son play off in the distance, he was struck again by his wife's beauty.
Roughly ten years ago he had been rewarded with permission to take a wife.
The reward was unusual enough. It was the Goa'uld way to expect such devotion from their subjects as their, pardon the pun, God-given rights. To reward a slave for merely doing his duty was almost unheard of.
And it was also unheard of for Teal'c to have been given a choice. Monogamous marriages were rare among the Jaffa. It better served the Goa'uld if they bred proficiently. The more potential incubators for their young the more their population could grow. In fact, before his defection, Teal'c had often been pressured by the priests to have another child. A task he normally would not have felt to be an onerous one, but by then his perceptions of his lord had changed and he realized the truth in something Bra'tac had once told him.
Apophis had been uncharacteristically pleased and therefore magnanimous when Teal'c presented to him the female Goa'uld who could create a whole new generation of gods.
Much like the Earth insect bees, only a very few Goa'uld larvae in each generation possessed the knowledge to alter their host to give birth to larvae instead of a harcesis. And their numbers were further reduced when the strongest queen often assassinated her sisters to cement her position of power. Such larva were cherished and had to be treated with great care. If a queen died, it could be generations before another queen somewhere in the universe created a breeder. They were so rare in fact that the Goa'ulds still felt the loss of Hathor from millennia before. Had Ra not imprisoned her the Goa'uld might now number in the millions instead of thousands.
So when the rumors began floating between the stars that Sokar had found a breeder, Apophis immediately charged Teal'c with planning a campaign. Apophis felt his power could truly be cemented by having a whole generation of children to follow him.
The battle had been fierce and the price high. Sokar had been defeated, but not easily. Only a handful of Teal'c's men survived. He would never tell his lord but he feared Apophis had made a grave error. Making an enemy by depleting one's own forces was not a wise move.
As he presented the breeder to his lord he felt his heart grow heavy as he realized Apophis was far too vain and arrogant to see the precariousness of his situation. His mind was focused only on creating his children with her.
After ordering the priests to round up more people to incubate these forthcoming children, Apophis retired from Teal'c's presence, his breeder in tow.
During the next week he watched as the female Goa'uld spawned dozens of children. Once the seemingly ceaseless parade of larvae were safely implanted in the wombs of newly created Jaffas, the breeder was sent away. Hidden on some secret planet by Apophis.
Each year the ritual was repeated. The breeder would be brought out of hiding, Apophis would create a litter of larvae, Teal'c would be charged with finding Jaffa to incubate them, and she would leave. Twice his primta had matured and he carried a child of Apophis in his belly.
He often wondered if his friends realized Junior shared the same parentage as Amaunet and Klorel.
To celebrate the first implantation of a real host by one of his children Apophis rewarded the person who he felt had made it possible.
He had called Teal'c into his presence. Then had a dozen women brought forth. He instructed Teal'c to make his choice. He could have any one of them as his wife. Teal'c had been shocked. He had never given thought to having a wife and family. But once presented, the idea did appeal to him. He ruthlessly ignored a whispered warning from Bra'tac, that a family were more living hostages insuring Teal'c's loyalty than a true reward and gazed upon the women before him.
All of them were different. Some were fat, skinny, tall, short, light, dark. A few were weeping, others happy. When faced with the choice of marriage or death, suddenly being forced to share one's life with a stranger didn't seem so bad. And for most of the women, being the wife of a First Prime was a position to aspire to.
One stood out from among the rest. Her long dark hair framed a face lighter than his own. As he walked in front of the women he was torn between choosing a wife in such a cold manner yet fearful of the fate awaiting those he did not choose, one woman did not cower from him. She boldly met his gaze as though she didn't care that all but one of them would most likely be given to the soldiers for their use or, if they were lucky, killed. The fire, the spirit he saw flashing in her brown eyes was what initially drew him to her. That and her beauty. Her spirit was what sustained her and their son through the hardships that followed his defection.
What he felt for Drey'ac wasn't the overwhelming passionate love the Tau'ri made such a focus of their world. It wasn't even the kind of soul-mate feelings DanielJackson had shared with Shau'ri. What Drey'ac was to him was a friend, a life-mate, the mother and protector of his son. His wife.
The reason he betrayed Apophis.
So no other women would have to be paraded before a warrior, doled out like Dr. Fraiser would hand out her little white pain pills or the Sgt. in the armory dispensed endless bullets to waiting troops.
Teal'c didn't regret his decision to defect. In fact the only regrets of his personal life he faced in the dark, lonely hours of the night was that his family was forced to live off world. O'Neill and the others mistakenly thought every Jaffa preferred meditating to sleeping. The truth was an hour or two of meditation was normally sufficient to maintain the symbiote's health.
Teal'c preferred meditation to spending night after night in an empty bed. It pained him to admit, even if only to himself, that he found no bed preferable to an empty one.
"Our son grown strong," Drey'ac said quietly, her voice full of pride.
"Yes," Teal'c agreed as he watched Ry'ac run along side Cassandra, the two children trying to get their kites into the air. "You have done an admirable job raising him alone these last few years."
"You left me little choice," she replied, her voice free of rancor.
"That is true," he conceded, "However I know of no one else in the universe I would trust my son to."
"Not even your Tau'ri friends?" Drey'ac asked, a smile on her expressive face.
Teal'c shook his head, "My friends are formidable warriors and trusted allies, yet..." he paused.
"Yet?"
He turned to his wife, a faint grin on his normally stoic features, "As O'Neill would say, saving the universe is a full time job. And from what I have seen of Earth, I am not certain I would wish my wife and son exposed to such things. Though I miss both of you, I rest easier knowing you are safe and happy here," he said as he placed his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. Drey'ac sighed and leaned against her husband, enjoying the all too unfamiliar sensations of being held by him.
"The Tau'ri do have some traditions I find...intriguing."
"Really, my husband?"
"For some reason they feel the need to mark time by celebrating the anniversary of events."
"Anniversary?"
"They celebrate each year on the day of their birth. Mated people mark the day of their joining. Part of that tradition is to give one's mate a gift."
"But Teal'c, we are no longer mated," Drey'ac protested, "I had the priests on Chulak dissolve our marriage."
"I am aware of that. However I would wish to renew our bonding...if you also wish it?" he asked, an uncharacteristic uncertainty creeping into his voice.
"You are not still angry with me for marrying Fro'tac?"
"I was angry...hurt that you could set me aside so easily. However I now realize you did what you did for the sake of our son. The way you reacted when O'Neill informed us of Fro'tac's demise told me you had no true love for him. Am I correct in that assumption?"
Drey'ac paused a moment, as if gathering her thoughts. Teal'c found himself more fearful of her words than he had been of any threat he'd faced in the past few years.
"I cared for Fro'tac. I knew he wished far more from me than I was able to give. He accepted that fact, though I believe he carried the hope I could love him in return. And I was pained at the high price Ry'ac and I paid for your choice. Even after you returned, I still could not see the allure these Tau'ri had over you. But, by the second time I knew. Fro'tac would often tell me tales of your friends' exploits. How it was you who destroyed Apophis' and Klorel's ships. When I saw them coming into the very heart of their enemy all for the sake of your child...it was then that I knew the true depths of their loyalty to you. A loyalty you shared. It was then that I understood why you left us. When I witnessed the kindness they showed by trying to find a way to help us, forgiving Ry'ac for almost destroying their planet, showing compassion even to an enemy. It was then that I forgave you. These past months my bed has been as lonely as my heart. So yes Teal'c, I will be your wife again," she replied. Hearing her words, Teal'c reached into his pocket and withdrew a small box. "What is this?" she asked as she accepted the gift.
"On Earth, it is accepted for a man to give his intended wife a gift," he replied. Drey'ac opened the small box and withdrew a delicate silver pendant suspended on a sterling chain. She looked quizzically at the strange shape.
"It is beautiful," she said, "But I do not understand its meaning."
"Major Carter assisted me in attaining this item. She explained the symbolism as coming from Earth's past. This is called a cladagh," he said as he took the pendant from her. It looked absurdly tiny in his large hands. As he explained the various parts, he pointed them out to her. "The two hands symbolize friendship, the heart, that is the shape in the middle, stands for love and the crown represents loyalty. This is what I feel for you Drey'ac...the woman who was and I hope will continue to be my best friend. The woman I have pledged my loyalty and fidelity to, and the woman I love," he said as he placed the necklace over her head. She looked at her husband with tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.
"Yes I do consent to be your wife." Teal'c embraced her and returned the kiss. "Teal'c..." she said softly.
"Yes?"
"Perhaps this is a discussion best continued at my home," she suggested.
"But Ry'ac..."
"Our son is playing with the warriors who have killed Gods...if he is not safe among them, where is he safe?" she asked, a smile on her face.
"Indeed," he replied simply as he took his wife's hand and led her around the party and back to the town.

~~~~~

"No you're doing it wrong," Cassie said as she tried to pull the hot dog out of Ry'ac's hands. The boy outmaneuvered her and pulled his plate from her grasp, almost spilling his food in the process.
"I'll do it however I want to," he said as he started his preparations anew. Cassie fought unsuccessfully to keep a look of disgust off her face as she watched the young Jaffa stuff potato chips into the hot dog bun, topping them off with a generous amount of bright yellow mustard. He then took his hot dog, smothered it in potato salad and cole slaw and looked for a place to sit.
Seeing the boy alone and remembering that Teal'c and Drey'ac were presently MIA, Daniel spoke up to call Ry'ac to join him.
As he plopped happily on the ground, Daniel surveyed his plate. He forced himself not to react at the strange combinations he saw there. After all he'd spent time on digs with people who considered toasted grasshoppers a delicacy. And there was that whole fried blood thing too.
His contemplation of Ry'ac's plate was stopped by the arrival of Cassandra who was trying to balance one plate, utensils and two cans of pop.
"This one's his," she said, handing the wet can to Daniel.
"Thanks," he replied as he popped it open and sat it on a level bit of ground by Ry'ac's side.
"What is it?" the boy asked, his mouth full of bun and chips.
"Soda pop," Cassie answered, "Pepsi if you want to get specific."
"What's it for?"
"You drink it," she explained patiently. Ry'ac looked skeptical but he obediently sat down his hot dog bun and picked up the can.
"It is cold," he complained.
"Trust me Ry'ac, it's better that way," Daniel said, waiting to see the boy's reaction to the sweet fizzy beverage. "Though I wouldn't..." Daniel started to say as Ry'ac took a very large gulp of the soda. And immediately spit half of it out. "Take such a big drink," he finished lamely.
"It burns," Ry'ac cried.
Cassandra laughed, "No, it's just the carbon dioxide. It makes bubbles that feel like it's burning but it's really OK," she reassured the boy.
"Uggh. How do you drink this stuff." Ry'ac asked, his face screwing up to reveal his disgust.
Daniel shrugged, "Well I guess it's like beer," he said, holding up his half full can to illustrate, "It's an acquired taste." Ry'ac reached over and pulled the can from Daniel's hand, taking a quick sip. He took a second drink, this one bigger than the last. "Hey, Ry'ac you're too young to be drinking that, heck I'm probably too young," Daniel protested as he tried to get the can from the boy.
"This is much better than your 'soda'," he said as he tried to elude Daniel's efforts. They both got a hold of the can and the subsequent tussle resulting in the half-empty container flying through the air to land at Jack's feet in a miniature geyser of beer, spraying him with the sticky liquid.
"For crying out loud Daniel, what is it with you, kids and alcohol?" he complained as he wiped a few drops off his face, "Trying to corrupt every kid between here and Abydos?"
"I didn't give it to him, Jack," he protested, "Anyway, in many cultures alcohol isn't the taboo it is for us. In fact, throughout most of history it was far safer to drink wine or ale because the water supplies were tainted by poor sanitation..."
"Daniel, you're gonna wear what's left of this beer if you continue. This is a picnic not a lecture hall."
"Jack..." Daniel protested half-heartedly.
"Zip it Daniel," Jack said, holding his fingers up in a pinching motion, humor evident in his voice, as he sat on the ground, pulling Ry'ac into his lap. "Hey, what do you guys say to a game of baseball once we're done eating?"
"Yippee!" Cassandra exclaimed.
"Jack, we don't have enough for a team," Daniel said.
"What is baseball?" Ry'ac asked.
"You still got that glove I gave you?" Jack asked the boy.
"Yes."
"Well, why don't you go get it and I'll show you how to play catch," Jack suggested.
"Aah...Jack, that might not be a good idea," Daniel said.
"Why not?"
"Well, I saw Teal'c and Drey'ac headed back to the town and...well it might be best if we leave them alone," he said, cursing the blush he felt crawling up his cheeks. He felt better when he saw Jack's redden a bit also, thought he was sure it was just the sun.
"OK...well we have plenty of gloves to go around. We'll find you one. Cassie, you want to play some catch too?" The girl finished off the last bit of her soda and sprang to her feet.
"Oh yeah. But I have my own glove," she said.

~~~~~

"And then what?" Janet asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. She, Daniel, Sam, Jack, General Hammond and a few others were sitting beside the dying embers of their cook fire having already exhausted themselves with a hodgepodge game of baseball. Though the sun was still high in the sky, it was early evening Earth time and everyone was feeling a bit tired.
"And then," Jack continued, "He ran in a circle around the fire, flapping his arms and clucking like a chicken on crack. He was the hit of the party," Jack related his tale, thoroughly enjoying embarrassing his friend.
Daniel rolled his eyes. "They'd just given us this stuff to eat...it looked like an armadillo on steroids. I said it tasted like chicken...they'd never seen one...oh never mind," Daniel said, tossing his hands in the air in exasperation. Actually the people on Abydos had teased him about his chicken dance so much during the year he lived there, it really didn't bother him too much. Not that he was ever going to tell Jack that.
"Come on Colonel, Daniel meant well," Sam interjected, "Besides he's not the only one to do something silly on another planet."
"Ah yes," Jack replied, a huge grin splitting his face as Sam's comment triggered a memory, "I seem to remember a certain captain making her mark on the universe," he said with an evil grin.
"Colonel," Sam said, a note of warning accented with dread coloring her voice.
"Come on Carter, it's been three years. Surely you've gotten over it by now."
"What are you talking about?" Janet asked, wondering just what her friend had done that had her so embarrassed.
"Just a little detail of one of our first trips through the gate," Jack said with a smile, warming to the chance to embarrass his major. There'd be hell to pay later...but right now he was having too much fun to care about the consequences.
"Sam, is he..." Daniel started.
"P3X595," Sam confirmed with a grimace.
"Jack you...we promised," he protested secretly glad to have the spotlight off himself.
"It's OK Daniel. Let him have his fun," Sam said as she rolled over so she was lying on her stomach. She looked up at her CO. "Just remember sir, payback's a bitch," she said as she propped her chin on her hands.
"General, is it my imagination or did the major just threaten me?" Jack asked his CO who had been sitting silently beside him, listening to the banter.
Hammond responded by reaching into the cooler, pulling out another beer and twisting off the cap. "Frankly Jack, I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't include polygraphs in the post mission briefings. And son...you opened this can of worms," he said as he took a drink of the beer and wondered just HOW edited mission reports were.
Jack shrugged and acquiesced to the eager looks around the circle. "Well, we went to P3X595..."
"The ONLY planetary designation he's ever remembered," Sam interjected.
"Are you telling this or am I?" Jack asked.
"Oh, you go right ahead sir. My turn's next," Sam replied in a voice that told Jack payback was going to happen in the very near future.
"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, on P3X595 we found this whole planet of women..."
"Naked women," Sam said.
"Topless women," Jack corrected.
"Big breasted topless women," Daniel clarified, the dreaded blush returning.
"Well, OK...they were very...well endowed," Jack admitted.
"I believe you called them the cantaloupe women O'Neill," Teal'c said as he and Drey'ac joined the group.
"Teal'c...been having a nice day?" Jack teased.
"Extremely," Teal'c replied, a smile almost appearing on his face as Drey'ac looked down shyly. "I believe you were telling the story of P3X595. I understood we were not going to divulge parts of what actually transpired, in deference to Major Carter."
"Aah, well you know..." Jack shrugged.
"Jack's in the mood to tell stories," Daniel said.
"It's OK Teal'c," Sam reassured her friend, "I'm telling the next one. P2X389," she said cryptically.
Daniel chortled and Teal'c merely looked at Jack, an amused expression on his face. "I see," he replied simply, "Forgive my interruption O'Neill. Please continue."
Jack paused. He was starting to get the feeling he'd gotten himself in a bit over his head this time. "OK. Where was I?"
"The produce section sir," Sam prodded.
"Aah...right. Well these women...they...they were so..." Jack held out his arms to proportions more like a watermelons than cantaloupes, "They thought Carter was deformed." Sam responded by burying her face in her arms, her head shaking slightly.
"We get the idea Colonel," Hammond interjected.
"Yeah...anyway, gravity is not kind to them."
"You were told this?"
"It was pretty evident," Daniel said.
"You guys certainly spent enough time 'studying' the situation," Sam complained.
"Ah come on Sam. We couldn't NOT look. I mean they were just...hanging there."
"Hanging?" Janet asked, starting to get a mental image of the problem.
"You guys were so caught up in the scenery Apophis could have walked into the village, danced the hokey-pokey and none of you would have noticed," Sam said.
"At least we were sober," Jack shot back.
"I wasn't drunk," Sam protested.
"Yes you were."
"No I wasn't."
"You were not drunk...yet you were, I believe you call it tipsy," Teal'c stated.
Sam rolled her eyes. "OK. So I was a LITTLE under the influence. Who knew fruit juice packed such a punch?"
"What happened next?" Janet asked.
"They asked for our help. Seems the...forces of gravity were a real problem for them. I mean hauling around all that...extra weight was uncomfortable. Then Carter had to go and shoot her mouth off," Jack said pointing a finger at his 2IC.
"I didn't shoot my mouth off. All I said was that a Victoria's Secrets would make a killing here."
"Excuse me?" Hammond asked.
"Major Carter introduced the idea of a support garment," Teal'c said.
"Oh for crying out loud, she told them they needed bras," Jack exclaimed.
Daniel started to laugh as Sam reburied her head. "You should have seen her trying to explain that," he said, "Chicken was easier."
"How did she explain it?" Janet asked, curiosity winning over concern for Sam's pride.
"She didn't," Jack stated. "She showed them."
"What?" Graham Simmons said, looking at the major in a different light.
"She just...whipped hers off and passed it around. Real game of show and tell," Jack said, perversely enjoying the sight of Sam with her head buried in her arms.
"Major, I'm all for sharing technology but..." General Hammond started.
"General, it wasn't like...that," Sam protested, raising her blushing face from its nest.
"The major was able to remove the garment in question while preserving her modesty," Teal'c stated.
"Oh," Janet nodded knowingly, "You did the old 'take off the bra while leaving the shirt on trick'."
"Yep," Sam said.
"My wife used to do the same thing," Hammond said, "Always impressed the hell out of me. Never did figure out how she managed it." The group fell silent, not quite knowing how to respond to his remarks. "Now that we know Major Carter introduced support garments to P3X595, Colonel I'm curious about...which planet was that?" Hammond asked the group.
"P2X389," Teal'c reminded.
"Oh yes," Daniel crowed, "Jack's favorite planet."
"There have been so many of those Danny," Jack drawled, "Refresh my memory," he requested.
"Now Daniel, I don't see how he can remember P3X595 and what happened there but can't recall P2X389?" Sam asked, enjoying her CO's discomfort.
"Carter...spill it," Jack ordered.
"Well sir," Sam started, an ornery look on her face, "If P3X595 was the planet of the cantaloupe women then P2X389 is the world of the banana men," she said with a broad smile on her face. It grew larger as she saw the look of horror that crossed Jack's face as he realized which story she was going to tell.
"Gee, would you look at the time? Ya know I'm not sure if I put a tape in my VCR and it is a new episode of ER tonight so I think I'll just be going..." he started as he got to his feet, intent on making his escape.
"Sit colonel," Hammond ordered, "Turnabout's fair play. If the major can be a sport then so can you."
Jack dropped back down with an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. Go ahead," he said motioning to Sam.
"You're too kind sir." Jack raised his eyebrows at the unfamiliar sound of sarcasm coming from the woman. "As I was saying, it was P2X389. It was a rain forest type of world."
"Imagine Abydos with 90% humidity," Daniel cut in.
"And an extreme multitude of insect life," Teal'c inserted.
"At least there weren't any pine trees," Jack said.
"Daniel thought the people were originally from the Amazon. And as you can imagine they didn't wear much. They didn't need to," Sam said, her face coloring a bit, "They had this really ...interesting way of showing leadership."
"Interesting?" Janet asked.
"Well to them...size does matter."
"Oh boy did it matter," Daniel groaned.
"You mean?" Janet asked, her eyes growing wide at the image she was getting.
"Yep," Sam answered, "And what mother nature didn't give them...they accentuated."
"Accentuated?"
"Janet, imagine a three foot long hollow banana," Sam said, laughing.
Janet looked at Jack who was studying the grass in front of him with the intensity rivaling that of a law student studying for the bar. "So...?" she asked.
"They wouldn't even TALK to us until Jack could...measure up." Daniel struggled to say through the laughter.
"So he...aah..." Janet started.
"Yep," Sam confirmed through the tears running down her face.
"Then what?"
"We talked. Carter got some plant samples, we came home," Jack stated.
"But what about the..." Janet waved her hands helplessly.
"Banana," Daniel helped her, "Let's just say I'm glad the Taldor aren't the type to hold a grudge."
"You sent IT to Taldor?" Hammond asked, wondering if there was an intergalactic incident brewing.
"Hey! Those guys REALLY need to lighten up," Jack protested.
"Excuse me General," Graham Simmons spoke up.
"Yes Lieutenant."
"Sir, it's 1900. You asked me to remind you."
"Aah Yes. Thank you," Hammond acknowledged the young man, "Well people," he said, addressing the group, "I hate to be a party pooper but SG-4 is due to ship out in two hours. We need to return to Earth."
At his words the partiers picked themselves up and started policing the area. They loaded the coolers and all their trash on the waiting FRED.
Within half an hour the remains of the fire was quenched and the glen was returned to its previous state, save some smashed grass and a circle of charred wood. General Hammond thanked Tuplo for his hospitality.
"General Hammond," Teal'c said, "If I may have a moment?" he asked.
"Of course Teal'c," The older man replied, "You can catch up with us."
Teal'c watched the procession head back towards the dark side and the gate. He turned to his wife and child and picked up his son.
"You will be good Ry'ac?" he asked the boy, holding the sturdy young body close.
"Yes father."
"Good. If I hear you have been distressing your mother, I will be most displeased."
"I'll be good," Ry'ac promised, "Will you come back and visit?" Teal'c met his wife's gaze. Seeing her small nod he continued, "Yes. I will visit."
"Good. I miss you father."
"I miss you too my son." Teal'c gave the boy a hug, grateful that he had finally been able to give him a chance at an honorable life. "Now I wish to speak with your mother," Teal'c said as he put Ry'ac down.
"OK. Father?"
"Yes."
"Perhaps when you come again can you see if Cassie wants to visit?"
"I will speak with Dr. Fraiser on the matter," Teal'c promised. Ry'ac nodded and ran back towards the town. Teal'c turned to his wife. "Drey'ac," he said, pulling her into his arms.
"Yes my husband?"
"I have enjoyed my time here today."
"As have I," she responded, kissing him, "You will come and visit more often?"
"As often as I can arrange," he pledged.
"Good. I will look forward to your visits."
Teal'c kissed his wife once again. "Be well," he said, tenderly touching her cheek.
"Be well and be safe," she replied, returning the gesture.
He slowly parted from his wife, turned and followed the faint trail to the stargate and Earth.

~fin~

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