That's What You Think
By
Denise

Disclaimer Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

"She says she's busy," Daniel reported softly to the two men waiting in the hall.

"Busy, schmizy. We're on downtime and I know for a fact she's got nothing due," Jack said, his voice full of exasperation.

"Maybe I should…take a raincheck?" Daniel suggested, cringing a bit. He knew there were still a few rough edges and hard feelings between him and the members of his team. There was a lot of the last three weeks that was a blur, but some moments were remarkable clear in his memory. His friends exhausted and pale in the mine, Jack kneeling before him, the way Sam had cringed away from him when he yelled at her in her lab. Once he'd gotten the effects of the sarcophagus totally out of his system, he'd wanted nothing more than to just crawl in a corner and hide. He still laid awake at night, replaying the fragments of the memory of his behavior. Even he couldn't stand how he'd behaved, he couldn't figure out how his friends could.

"No," Jack said with the same amount of force he'd used to deny Daniel's suggestion that maybe he could transfer to another team. "Whatever her problems are, she needs to get over them. And sulking in her lab isn't the way to do it."

"I do not believe Captain Carter's problems reside with Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. "I shall converse with her," he stated, walking away from the pair.

Jack shrugged and leaned back against the wall. "Knock yourself out," he muttered. In truth, he was more than a little frustrated by the situation. He didn't know how to deal with the captain's experience with the goa'uld. If she had just been taken prisoner and held captive, then he'd at least have some point of reference, even if it was a chapter of his life he was in NO mood to ever revisit. The closest analogy Doctor Fraiser could come up with was that the captain had been raped. He'd read the pamphlets and listened to the lectures, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. But cold clinical words did little to advise him how to help a friend.

Teal'c ignored his leader's odd choice of words. How could he converse with Captain Carter if he was unconscious? He instead walked into the laboratory the woman had adopted as her own. She was hunched over some papers lying on the surface of the high table in the middle of the room. Even from his position at the door, he could tell that her eyes were unfocussed and if she was seeing anything, it was not in front of her. Her shoulders were slumped in what he could interpret as simple weariness, but he had a feeling it was much, much more.

She looked up and an odd expression crossed her face as she saw him. "Teal'c," she said, shuffling the papers on the desk. "I though you were going out with Daniel and the colonel."

"Indeed. O'Neill desires to host a team gathering at his domicile," he said, walking into the room.

"That's what Daniel said, pizza at the colonel's house," she responded, rearranging more items on the work surface.

"Daniel Jackson also conveyed that you have declined the invitation."

"Yeah." She smiled slightly. "Lots of stuff piled up the last couple of weeks. And there are some tests I need to run on the naquadah we got from Shyla."

"According to O'Neill, SG-1 is on down time," he said, taking one of the items from her hands. "I understood that on down time, members of the SGC were not required to remain on the premises."

"We're not. It's just…well given the choice of vegging on the couch or hanging around here and getting something done, I'll hang here," she said, taking the small electronic item from him and placing it on a shelf.

"Captain Carter, I wish to ask a…favor of you," he said.

She frowned and sat back down on her stool. "Sure, Teal'c. What do you need?"

"While I do look forward to exploring more of your world, I have discovered that doing so solely in the company of Daniel Jackson and O'Neill can be a most…trying experience."

"Trying?"

"I have discovered that the behavior of human males varies greatly once they are removed from the confines of work. However, their odd behavior is often less onerous in the presence of a human female."

"You think that if I come along they'll behave themselves."

"In the absence of female company, I have observed human males indulging in various contests of physical prowess and demonstrations of bodily functions. I believe your presence may serve to restrain O'Neill and Daniel Jackson's tendencies towards such behavior."

"Teal'c…"

"Captain Carter, I would be most in your debt should you consent to accompany us." He injected what he hoped was the right amount of pleading into his voice. It was not something he was totally familiar with doing yet he had observed over the last year that the woman was far more likely to do something she did not want to do if it was for the good of someone else.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Ok," she muttered. "Just for dinner. If the colonel starts dragging out his hockey tapes I'm outta there."

He nodded his agreement with her terms and stepped back to allow her to proceed him out of the doorway.

<><><><><>

Teal'c watched out of the corner of his eye as Captain Carter quietly got up from her seat in the recliner in the corner of O'Neill's living room and slipped out the open floor to ceiling window/door that led to the part of the house O'Neill called 'the deck'.

He met O'Neill's gaze and the human merely shrugged. As promised, the captain had accompanied him back to O'Neill's home and participated in the ritual of eating and watching the visual entertainment of the television, but she had been a very quiet member of the group. It was apparent even to him that something weighed heavily upon her mind.

He gained his feet and followed her out into the quiet of the night. At least what the humans considered quiet. Earth was far noisier than Chulak, but it was a different kind of noise. Instead of cattle and the growls of predators, the night music of Earth consisted of a lessening of ground traffic and the songs of insects.

"Hey, Teal'c," she said, not looking at him.

"Captain Carter." He sat beside her on the steps to the deck.

"I knew it was you."

"I was not aware that I had made a distinguishing sound."

She snorted. "You didn't. I…felt that it was you."

"As you mentioned of in the mine."

She nodded. "Yeah. I get within ten feet of you and I just…know."

"If my presence disturbs you, I can endeavor to maintain my distance," he offered.

"No. That's not fair. It's not your fault."

"Regardless. If my presence is unsettling to you, I can speak with O'Neill. Perhaps there is another SG team that will welcome my membership."

"No," she said sharply. "Your place is here. I've aah…I've been offered a position at Area 51," she said quietly.
He looked at her. She was staring straight ahead, seemingly fascinated by the dark shapes of the bushes at the far edge of O'Neill's yard.

"That is the facility that studies any technology the SGC retrieves?" She nodded. "I believed that you and the rest of the SGC did not hold the people who are assigned there in much esteem."

She smiled slightly. "No. We don't."

"Then I do not see what appeal transferring to that facility could hold."

She shrugged. "I can still study the things you guys bring back and…"

"You can do that now," he said after she trailed off.

"It's just…maybe it's time for a change."

"Captain Carter?"

"Maybe I should just take the hint and leave gracefully," she suggested quietly, drawing up her legs and wrapping her arms around them. A gesture he recognized as being a sign of pensiveness.

"I have witnessed no 'hint'. And I have heard nothing that suggests that your presence is no longer desired at the SGC."

"Things have changed, Teal'c. I've changed."

"You are referring to Jolinar of Malkshur," he stated.

"I've never had anything like that happen to me before. Teal'c, there were times when I …I'd have these…visions I guess and…I'm not ME anymore. He changed me. I…there's this protein in my blood and the naquadah which Janet thought would go away, isn't going away. And now…every night when I go to sleep I don't even know if I'm going to dream MY dreams or his. I'm more of a liability than an asset right now," she finished morosely.

"I do not perceive events that way."

"Come on, Teal'c. A blind person could see it. The way one of you had to chaperone me around in that prison. Then in the mines, I mean how can you depend on someone who flips out having visions at the drop of a hat?" She asked bitterly.

"That is one way to interpret events. However, it was your and my immunity to the Gamekeeper's chairs that prevented us from being separated. And it was the fragment of Jolinar's memories which warned us of the sarcophagus' addictive properties." She shrugged and didn't reply, continuing to stare off in the distance. "When a Jaffa approaches manhood he is taken to the priests in his village," he said softly. "The priest there determines if he is healthy enough and of a sufficiently good bloodline to be given a prim'ta. If the priest finds the child worthy, he will open the vestigial pouch we are all born with and insert into it a larval goa'uld. It is at that moment that a Jaffa child is no longer what you would consider human, but a Jaffa. The larval goa'uld destroys and replaces the immune system of the Jaffa with its own. It works with the host's body to augment its physical prowess and strength. Aging is slowed to insure that a Jaffa is available to carry as many prim'ta as possible. In all of this, the consent of the child is not sought. The child has no choice but to learn meditation techniques to insure his and his prim'ta's health. Some children can not master the techniques so the larva is removed and the child dies. We can accept what we have become or die."

"What if you don't…"

"Occasionally a Jaffa chooses to deny what he has become. He attempts to ignore the changes wrought upon his body. He will fail. Captain Carter, what Jolinar did to you was unforgivable. And no one would think less of you should you wish to deny what happened. However, denying it will not change it. Your body is still altered, as is your mind and memories. Perhaps the best way to find peace with what you have become is to accept the changes and instead seek to discover a way to use the changes to your advantage."

"Advantage? How can you possibly call what he did to me an advantage?" She demanded.

"There is an earth saying I believe, that the best way to defeat your enemy is to understand it."

She shook her head. "You said the Tok'ra were different from the goa'uld."

"Different in beliefs only. Physically they are the same species. And as such, they share the same genetic memory. If the Tok'ra are indeed enemies of the goa'uld, having access to their memories may be an advantage to us. If you can truly sense the presence of a symbiote in a host then your ability is far more efficient than the MRI machine. And as evidenced by the Gamekeeper, your altered blood chemistry may prove useful and give us a tactical advantage."

"So you think I should just…embrace all of this."

"I think you should do what you wish to."

"What if I don't know what to do? I…there's a part of me that wants to stay here, to keep going through the gate. But there's also a part of me that knows there are people here that will never trust me again. And that maybe it'd be best for all involved if I just …went away," she said quietly, her voice catching.

"I trusted you almost two years ago when I surrendered my weapon to you. And I trust you still," he stated.

"Hey you two. The puck's about to drop," Jack called from the doorway, causing Sam to start.

She laid a hand on Teal'c's shoulder then got up, pasting a smile on her face. "Thank you, sir, but it's late," she excused. "Teal'c, would you like a ride back to the mountain?"

"I would appreciate it if you could lift me, Captain Carter."

<><><><><>

"Come."

Sam opened the door and stepped into Jack's office. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yeah. Have a seat." She obediently sat down. "So," he said after a minute. "Anything going on down in the lab?"

"Sir?"

Jack shrugged. "Anything of earth shattering importance?"

"Aah…no sir. Just the experiments on the Naquadah. Is something wrong colonel?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"It's just…with all due respect sir, you usually aren't too concerned with the stuff we're doing," she said.

Jack opened his desk drawer and stood up, a pistol in his hand. He held it out to Sam, butt first. "Take it," he said.

Sam stared. "Sir?"

"Take it," he ordered.

She got to her feet and stepped back, holding her hands up. "Colonel, I don't understand…" He stepped around the desk and grabbed her hand, forcing her to grasp the pistol. His hand over hers he pointed the gun at his chest. "Sir! What are you doing?" She demanded, trying to pull her hand free.

"If there ever comes a time, Carter, when I don't trust you…you'll be the first to know," he said quietly staring her in the eyes.

"Sir…"

"Carter…Sam. I…I don't know what it was like and honestly I pray that I never do. And I wish there was something I could do to go back and drag your ass through the gate and let that man die…but I can't. What I can do is tell you that Hammond and I support whatever you want to do one hundred percent. I don't want you going to Area 51 but if that's where you want to be, I'll sign the transfer papers myself. But if you stay, …I may not GET all this goa'uld in the head mumbo jumbo but…however you handle it is fine with me. You want to start meditating with Teal'c or something…that's cool. The tattoo might be a bit much but hey…"

She smiled and looked down. "Thank you, sir," she said softly. "Umm…" She looked to her hand, still holding the gun pointed at his chest.

"Oh, right." He relaxed his grip and she lowered the weapon, carefully pointing it at the floor, then clicking on the safety and setting it on the desk.

"I don't want to transfer, sir," she said.

"Good."

She nodded and turned, then turned back. "Colonel?"

"Yeah."

"You might want to load that before we go off-world again." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "It's too light to be loaded, sir." She pointed at the weapon on the desk. "But thank you." She graced him with the first real smile he'd seen in weeks then slipped from the room, closing the door behind her.

Jack sat on the edge of his desk and shook his head, picking up the pistol. "That's what you think, Captain," he said, clearing the chamber and neatly catching the single bullet. "That's what you think."

~Fin~

Feedback: sky_diver119@yahoo.com