Counterfeit Cash FAQ

1. What does FAQ stand for?

Simon - Frequently Axed Questions

2. Why are you guys so awesome?

Simon - "Hard work and dedication."
Elliot - "Because we've been playing the same songs for 3 years now."
Jason -
Scott - "Because I've got those three chords down cold. And because I possess the most electrifying stage moves, when my trick hip doesn't give out. Oh, and my cowboy hat."
Bruce - "Superior Rock 'n' Roll sensibilities and the uncanny knack of choosing covers that highlight 'special' abilities. Plus, it does not hurt to be a badass."
Craig -
K.C. - "Because there's a bitch in the band...myself not included, of course."

3. If you’re so awesome, how come you suck so bad?

Simon - "Hard work and dedication."
Elliot - "Because we've been playing the same songs for 3 years now."
Jason -
Scott - "Because I only know those three chords. Oh, and also because Bruce is usually shitfaced, and Jason's always 'inviting' another singer to come up so he can snort more meth."
Bruce - "Some of us can't keep away from mind-altering substances."
Craig -
K.C. - "That damn guitarist Simon, I wish he'd leave the band already."

4. If Counterfeit Cash were a country, what would it be?

Simon - "The United States, with a touch of Africa. Obviously, that touch of Africa is me."
Elliot - "Uruguay (get it, U-R-Gay, LOL!)"
Jason -
Scott - "Shit, you'd think they'd say South Central Los Angeles. I must be the only redneck cracker in this here country band."
Bruce - "Canada, because we combine progressive rock with country, and Canada provided the world with both Rush and Shania Twain." (Bruce forgot to mention Loverboy & Aldo Nova.)
Craig -
K.C. - "Texorea"

5. Baywatch David Hasselhoff or Knight Rider David Hasselhoff?

Simon - "Baywatch"
Elliot - "Knight Rider, fo' sho'. I love big sexy German dudes who wear leather, and he wore alot more leather in his Knight Rider days."
Jason -
Scott - "Huh?"
Bruce - "Knightrider- fast car and secret foundation... what a combo."
Craig -
K.C. - "Oh definitely Knight Rider, if only for the car."

6. How come the band consumes so much alcohol on stage?

Simon - "Helps numb the pain."
Elliot - "No, how come YOU consume so much alcohol?"
Jason -
Scott - "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even like beer."
Bruce - "So VH1 will have something to say on Behind the Music besides 'Offstage, things were falling apart.'"
Craig -
K.C. - "It helps me remember the words."

7. Does the band drink as much offstage?

Simon - "Probably more."
Elliot - "Life is a stage, and we are merely players - so I guess I am never technically 'offstage'."
Jason -
Scott - "Not at all. Except for Bruce. Counterfeit Cash doesn't condone violence or substance abuse in any form, but it seems to work for him."
Bruce - "Pretty much."
Craig -
K.C. - "Only Simon, to ease the pain of being such a sucky guitarist."

8. Who’s your favorite band?

Simon - Van Halen
Elliot - Hootie and the Blowfish
Jason -
Scott - Pedernales Skillet Lickers (Scott listens to alot of nobody's-ever-heard-of-before type bands. Apparently, this is one them.)
Bruce - The Cult
Craig -
K.C. - The Police (Would've said Britney Spears, then remembered Britney Spears technically is not a band.)

9. Besides Eddie Van Halen, who’s the coolest person in the world?

Simon - "Ozzy Osbourne"
Elliot - "Justin Timberlake"
Jason - Simon Jung
Scott - "Whoever volunteers to help Cowboy Elvis undress after his gigs."
Bruce - "Simon Jung"
Craig - Simon Jung
K.C. - "Definitely Simon Jung"

10. Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, or O-Town?

Simon - "Tough question. Backstreet Boys are better singers, N’Sync are better dancers, and O-Town is young and hungry. I’ll go with BSB."
Elliot - "First of all, I hate O-Town, because I missed the cut for 'Making the Band' and still hold a grudge. As for the other two, let me make one of those analamagy things like from the SAT Exam, BSB:*NSync::Astros:Cubs. *NSync (like the Cubs) are on top right now, but Backstreet (like the Astros) have more experience and history of success, so they will assume their rightful position as masters of the music universe in due time."
Jason -
Scott - "Never heard of them. Are they on 93Q?"
Bruce - "N'Sync because they have the guts to tell it like it is. It doesn't matter what kind of car you drive or the ice around your neck. All that matters is that they do it to you every time, just like Counterfeit Cash."
Craig -
K.C. - "Who the hell is O-Town?" (I love the way K.C. pretended not to know who O-Town was, especially when she calls me up every Friday night and asks me if I watched the latest episode of 'Making The Band'.......although I'm so cool that I'm never home on Friday nights.)

11. What’s the greatest video of all time?

Simon - "That's a tough one. I'll say anything by Britney Spears. Although Shania Twain's "I Feel Like A Woman" video is pretty damn sizzling."
Elliot - "'Night Trips', featuring Tori Welles. Oh wait, are you talking about music videos?" (Counterfeit Cash does not condone possession or viewing of materials which are of prurient nature.)
Jason -
Scott - "'Whiskey In The Jar' by Metallica. For my money, you can't beat a lesbian food fight/slumber party."
Bruce - "Monster Magnet's 'Space Lord'."
Craig -
K.C. - "I'm a fan of the Foo Fighter's videos "Big Me" and "Learning to Fly." I enjoy their comedic play on things. Kind of reminds me of another band..." (I think K.C.'s talking about O-Town.)

12. What's the difference between alligators and crocodiles?

Simon - "Crocodiles live in Africa, Asia, Australia, and from the southern tip of Florida to tropical South America. One way to tell the difference between crocodiles and alligators is that you can see the fourth tooth on the lower jaw of the crocodile’s mouth. Alligators are related to crocodiles, but alligators have a broader snout and you can’t see the fourth tooth in the lower jaw. "

13. Who's the sexiest member of Counterfeit Cash?

Simon - "Me, then Scott, then a tie between Craig & K.C."
Elliot - "Bruce's thumping heart cut-out thing that he puts on his bass drum."(Although the thumping heart cut-out thing is technically not a member of the band, it's still pretty sexy.)
Jason -
Scott - "Since they call me Big Sexy, it's a slam dunk. It's all just a race for second place."
Bruce - "Depends on who is wearing the 500 dollar shirt, but most likely it is John Craig Still because he is the only one who has induced a documented 'swooning' incident."
Craig -
K.C. - Simon, by far

14. Who's the most annoying member of Counterfeit Cash?

Simon - "It's a tie between K.C. & Jason Knutson. I think both of'em suffer from LSD - Lead Singer's Disease."
Elliot - "That damn conga drum that always seems to be in the way at band practice." (Again, that damn conga drum thing is technically not a member of the band, but it is pretty damn annoying.)
Jason - "Simon, by far. That fucker thinks he owns the band. I should fire him."
Scott - "In order.....Simon, Jason, Elliot, Bruce, Craig, and KC, by far. Those fuckers think they own the band. I should fire them."
Bruce - "In the interest of cohesion, it would be better not to approach that topic." (Translation: Simon is by far the annoying person in Counterfeit Cash. Nice try, Bruce.)
Craig -
K.C. - "Simon, by far. He thinks he owns the band. I hate him so much. I really do."

15. What song(s) do you look forward to playing the most?

Simon - "There's just so much shit I can't even start to think about it. I'm gonna go with '18 & Life', 'Mad About You', and 'Material Girl'."
Elliot - "Hallowed Be Thy Name (Instrumental)" - Iron Maiden
Jason - "Folsom Prison Blues", "Dukes of Hazzard", "Luckenbach"
Scott - "Obviously, the ONE song I get to sing on. The rest is just crap. You're all fired." (Scott sings background on "Material Girl".....I find it hard to believe Scott didn't pick "Folsom Prison Blues", "Dukes of Hazzard", "Luckenbach", or "On The Road Again".)
Bruce - "'Working for the Weekend', anything with cowbell."
Craig -
K.C. - "I can't wait to do 'Material Girl', 'Rain' and 'Hysteria'."

16. If a genie came up to Counterfeit Cash and granted the ability to cover three songs perfectly, what would they be?

Simon - "Dreams" & "Why Can't This Be Love" by Van Halen & "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer
Elliot - "Whatever Simon tells me to learn; he usually doesn't let anyone else contribute to the song selection process." (Everybody knows that this is so not true. For instance, I believe it was Elliot who suggested '18 & Life' & 'Love Bites'; it was Bruce who suggested 'Rain'; it was K.C. who suggested 'Material Girl' & 'Walking On Sunshine'; it was Jason who suggested 'Bob Wills Is Still The King', 'Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way', 'If You Got The Money', etc.; it was Scott who suggested 'Promised Land'. In fact, the only song I suggested which is in the band's repertoire is 'Jessie's Girl'.)
Jason - "Folsom Prison Blues", "Dukes of Hazzard", "Luckenbach"
Scott - "I thought we were perfect. But if I had to pick......the theme songs for 'The Rockford Files', 'The Fall Guy', and 'Bonanza'."
Bruce - "'Hot For Teacher" by Van Halen, 'Tom Sawyer' by Rush, and 'Don't Fear the Reaper(Again)' by Blue Oyster Cult because the only way to cure the rock'n'roll fever is more cowbell."
Craig -
K.C. - "'Hit Me Baby One More Time', 'Lucky' and 'Crazy' with Simon singing lead and dressed in a Catholic School Girl's uniform. Yum."

17. Who would play each of the band members in a "Made for VH1" movie?

The answers for this question warranted its own page. Click here to see our answers.

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