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Boundaries
~ having them and setting them appropriately ~
The "health" of a relationship depends on many factors.
Boundaries being one of those factors.
Establishing boundaries, why we need them and what happens without them.
Dungeon Chat is held Wednesday Evenings 9-11 EST in the Dungeon @ Fantassia's Palace.
All are welcome with the understanding that we all have the right to disagree without being disagreeable.
(following text has been edited ~ foregoing greetings, etc.)
Wed Sep 27 7:12:37 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
Tis Wed Night
CC is not around off in Florida
if any are here please speak up and as a question
Wed Sep 27 7:14:08 2000
LES IS MORE(m): that is ask a question
Wed Sep 27 7:15:34 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: *smiles*...Hello, MORE, Sir..
Wed Sep 27 7:16:12 2000
LES IS MORE(m): so doll you have a question
Wed Sep 27 7:18:28 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
listening to the silence
Wed Sep 27 7:22:11 2000
gentleminx: Greetings Sir... *s* how are you this eve?
Wed Sep 27 7:22:27 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
getting bored listening to the silence
Wed Sep 27 7:22:44 2000
LES IS MORE(m): hello gentle
Wed Sep 27 7:24:02 2000
gentleminx: *lol*... sounds of silence?
Wed Sep 27 7:24:38 2000
LES IS MORE(m): listening to the fadeing echos
Wed Sep 27 7:25:16 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: my profuse apologies, the isp wouldn't let me in
Wed Sep 27 7:26:23 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Simon and Garfunkle . . 1960 something
Wed Sep 27 7:26:35 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
well you made it
I tried to keep the chat going but no one was here
they do now want Me a moderater
sniffle
going to sit in a corner to sulk like a bratty subbie
Wed Sep 27 7:27:39 2000
gentleminx: ~Greetings CC!~
Wed Sep 27 7:27:56 2000
paleface {LS}: ~peeks in~ Hello ~soft smiles~
Wed Sep 27 7:28:41 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: evening all . . . *sigh*
a new computer is on horizon . . . SOON!
Wed Sep 27 7:28:45 2000
gentleminx: paleface ~ hello !
Wed Sep 27 7:29:54 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Tonight's topic is Boundaries
It is something that you seldom see spoken about "out here" but it applies equally here and rt
Wed Sep 27 7:29:57 2000
paleface {LS}: Evening gentleminx.... CC...LES IS MORE ~smiles~
Wed Sep 27 7:30:04 2000
gentleminx: CC ~ and a new isp?... ~eg~
Wed Sep 27 7:30:12 2000
starshine:
slips in... nervously eyeing the evil looking devices...
hello...
Wed Sep 27 7:31:01 2000
starshine: shuts up & listens carefully...
Wed Sep 27 7:31:29 2000
paleface {LS}: welcome starshine..... it is discussion night feel free to express your views ~warm smiles~
Wed Sep 27 7:31:31 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
nice to see you all!
warm smile of welcome
please keep non-topic discussion in red . . . so that we may stay on track
Wed Sep 27 7:31:56 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
star there is nothing evil here
every thing is fun and games
boundries
the line one draws as something they will not do
say muliti partner
or bi games
Wed Sep 27 7:33:34 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: although the boundries vary from person to person, it is imperative in all healthy relationships not only to recognize them but feel comfortable with them
Can anyone offer up some personal boundries?
Wed Sep 27 7:33:59 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: please excuse my silence...i got an unexpected phone call..
Wed Sep 27 7:34:25 2000
starshine:
no injury... no non-fading marks...
Wed Sep 27 7:35:27 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
My bounderies
do not scene with those I do not know well
do not scene with men
even as partners
do not do scat games
do not draw blood
do not play edge games
Wed Sep 27 7:37:04 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: looking around and hoping for some input with a smile
I dont bite hard *S* and I have had all my shots.
Wed Sep 27 7:37:50 2000
paleface {LS}: well my bounderies have changed from growth..... at one point i didn't want face slapping.... only because i felt it could turn abusive or felt in my mind that it was abusive.....however i've had light taps which i found to be erotic..... and yes i think it all depends on the P/person
Wed Sep 27 7:38:05 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
C C I do bite hard
and I have had rabies shots
J
Wed Sep 27 7:38:35 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: thank you Les Is More . . . .
those would be boundaries that are lifestyle related . . . but outside of those, there are other boundaries as well . . . those boundaries are the basis of "healthy relationships"
Wed Sep 27 7:39:48 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
C C
now I am curious
define healthy relationships
Wed Sep 27 7:39:59 2000
paleface {LS}: ohhh yuck yes i don't do scat ..... enemas are okay but that's as far as that goes.....nor blood or edge play
Wed Sep 27 7:40:30 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: often we focus merely on "the lifestyle" when thinking of limits and/or boundaries . . . but it goes much farther than that.
I was talking with a dear friend a week or so back *looking at gentle* and we discussed that there are many within our segment of society that have never learned good personal boundaries
Wed Sep 27 7:40:58 2000
paleface {LS}: hmmm yes i want to hear what a healthy relationship is too ~g~
Wed Sep 27 7:42:29 2000
gentleminx: ~smiling quietly from my corner as i listen~
Wed Sep 27 7:42:53 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: LES IS MORE ~ the definition of "healthy relationships" of course is subjective . . . but in the broadest terms would be one that is beneficial to both parties, non-abusive either emotionally or physically
it could be broke out further in some areas . . and again that would be very subjective
Wed Sep 27 7:44:20 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: 2eyb6ard went n4ts . . have t6 reb66t
Wed Sep 27 7:44:54 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: *slipping back in quietly....going to sit by MORE*
Wed Sep 27 7:45:00 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
C C
Ok Understand now
A DOM who does not help but hinders the one he is in charge of to better themselves is a false DOM
Wed Sep 27 7:45:06 2000
paleface {LS}: uh huh You could say that CC ~chuckles~
Wed Sep 27 7:45:59 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
waiting to see if CC makes it back
Wed Sep 27 7:46:05 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: as i understand it then...W/we are talking not just about boundaries during scening...but boundaries in the total relationship?
Wed Sep 27 7:49:13 2000
paleface {LS}: ~slips out quietly~ rt
Wed Sep 27 7:50:52 2000
gentleminx: hello doll, and *s*, i think that is indeed the scope of the boundaries we are discussing.
Wed Sep 27 7:53:01 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: *smiles*...hello, gentleminx....nice to see you again...and thank you...
Wed Sep 27 7:53:05 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: doll . . .it is my contention that if there one only has boundaries in scening, then it is dubious as to one has life priorities in focus. Without that, of course, one may scene, etc. . . but to have a viable relationship there needs to be more than that. Scening is merely one facet of ones life so being a "whole person" and functional in all life skills is imperative
Wed Sep 27 7:53:28 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
well tis time to go to bed
so night A/all
Wed Sep 27 7:54:13 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Does this make sense???
Wed Sep 27 7:54:27 2000
gentleminx: ~Good Night Sir, sleep well~
Wed Sep 27 7:55:51 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *wink* Night Les Is More
Wed Sep 27 7:57:07 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: it makes perfect sense, CC...any relationship, BDSM in nature, or not, needs boundaries....
Wed Sep 27 7:57:35 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: goodnight, MORE, Sir....*grin*...next time...
Wed Sep 27 7:58:24 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
sometimes, doll, it seems we get tunnel vision when discussing the "lifestyle" and leave out a "life" . . . not that they should be appreciably different but again way too mono dimensional
Wed Sep 27 7:58:32 2000
Aegis: A single link in the entire chain....
Wed Sep 27 8:02:41 2000
Shade's doll {NS}: *sighs*...unfortunately...my time has been cut short tonight by the demands of a new client....CC, i will get with You again this week...
goodnight, A/all..*S*
Wed Sep 27 8:05:27 2000
starshine: runs back in...
sorry...
Wed Sep 27 8:05:32 2000
gentleminx: good night, doll *s*
Wed Sep 27 8:07:09 2000
gentleminx: ~wonders where CC is?~
Wed Sep 27 8:07:17 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: nods to Aegis
one needs the whole chain . . .
too often there are those that have come from circumstances that have let their self image as less than ideal, perhaps an abusive upbrining or themselves abused or abusing . . . sometimes it is a physical image . . or mental image ~ education or lack of education . . simply the hand life has dealt all of us influences our choices and paths we take
Most all of us would agree that incest is a boundary that is a "healthy" boundary . . .
Murder is high on the list . . .for most of us
but when it gets to looking a bit deeper there is where sometimes the identifiers seem a bit foggy
This was not something that someone sat down with many of us and said . . . you have the right to personal space
you have the right to protect yourself
you have the right to respect (provided you are respectable)
you have the right to _____________(insert your favorite)
Wed Sep 27 8:08:19 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: oooops . . typing in the dark with a nasty computer and a WAY too long post
Wed Sep 27 8:08:43 2000
starshine: nods...
Wed Sep 27 8:09:01 2000
~*~the light{MDS}~*~: ~quietly slips in~
Boundaries ~ Continued ~ Page 2 ~
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