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BDSM Humor
Dungeon Chat is held Wednesday Evenings 9-11 EST in the Dungeon @ Fantassia's Palace.
All are welcome with the understanding that we all have the right to disagree without being disagreeable.
(following text has been edited ~ foregoing greetings, etc.)
Wed Apr 19 7:10:11 2000
ketaye{MMR}: ~slipping in and making myself comfy. Wondering why no O/one is here yet when the gig starts at 9pm?~
Wed Apr 19 7:12:24 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: gads . . are you giving me a hard time too? hey at least you get the best seat in the house . . . *winks impishly* till now . . . dumping you out of my chair
Wed Apr 19 7:13:08 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: evening AF!~ waves ~ ltns . . now why do I think YOU have a gazillion jokes?
Wed Apr 19 7:14:10 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Heyyyyy!!! ~landing with a thump at Your feet~ No fair.
Wed Apr 19 7:15:03 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Of course I'm giving You grief!! Isn't that my job Ma'am? ~impish gleam~
Wed Apr 19 7:15:10 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: well darlin . . *lil grin* I needed a footstool tonight . . and you looked like a wonderful candidate
Wed Apr 19 7:17:09 2000
LES IS MORE(m): sneaking up behind C C
using super glue to stick her to her chair so I can torment her
Wed Apr 19 7:17:26 2000
ketaye{MMR}: My pleasure Ma'am.. ~soft smile~ ~scrambling to my hands and knees, my curls hanging about my face as I lengthen out my torso, back straightening completely~
Wed Apr 19 7:18:13 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: no tormenting allowed . . without consent removes the acetone from my bag and sticks out my tongue
Wed Apr 19 7:18:17 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Evening Les ~lifting my head up to smile at You~
Wed Apr 19 7:19:17 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: and a very nice footstool you make!!! *leans over and rumples the curls*
evening LES IS MORE
footstool . . have you a joke for my amusement this evening?
Wed Apr 19 7:19:54 2000
LES IS MORE(m): hello ketaye
hello C C
as for is there humor in BDSM
humor is in the eye of the beholder
like beauty what is good for one is no good for another
Wed Apr 19 7:21:10 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: well . . . tonight . . is light hearted lifestyle
humor . . .
a nice diversion from other things once in awhile
Wed Apr 19 7:21:51 2000
ketaye{MMR}: No Ma'am, I rarely come across BDSM humour on
the web.
Wed Apr 19 7:22:17 2000
LES IS MORE(m):
S T I C K I N G
M Y
t O U N G E
O U T
A T
t H E
l U R K E R S
Wed Apr 19 7:22:20 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Well . . . here goes one . . fractured nursery
rhymes:
four and twenty welt marks cross a subbies butt
set before a Doctor who thinks this sub's a nut!
Dr's visit's over lil subbie rushes home
just subbie and his Mistress playing all alone
but now the welts are throbbing and they begin to sting
Mistress soothes with gentle touches with tiger balm for zing!
Mistress is so proud that subbie took all two dozen
posted pics on the internet to show them to Her Cousin
Wed Apr 19 7:22:48 2000
~delphinium~: ~evening A/all~ss~
Wed Apr 19 7:23:17 2000
ketaye{MMR}: And seeing as right now I am only a participant in rt bdsm when You make me one..there isn't much humour except on the night I called You mom instead of Ma'am..
Wed Apr 19 7:24:28 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Hi delphinium ~soft smile~
Wed Apr 19 7:24:47 2000
LES IS MORE(m): reaching down and tieing lurkers fingers to MY shoe laces
wait I wear slip ons
darn
Wed Apr 19 7:24:52 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: THAT was NOT humor! *bag* came damn close to heresy!
Wed Apr 19 7:25:41 2000
LES IS MORE(m): looking at C C
your her MOM
and you let her come in here
Wed Apr 19 7:26:25 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: then there was the family problem . . . gracious me . . how some parents react to an itty bitty bit of information *grinz*
One day, a mom was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Wed Apr 19 7:27:06 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: LES IS MORE . . . unless you wish to be a LOT LESS MORE . . . enough of THAT!!!
*sputters*
Wed Apr 19 7:27:10 2000
ketaye{MMR}: ~chuckling~ You're only as old as You feel and act, though I know it doesn't help when a "kid" like me makes comments like that huh?!
Wed Apr 19 7:28:03 2000
Lady Lavender: now that is funny.....
Wed Apr 19 7:28:21 2000
LES IS MORE(m): thinking it is a maze ing what goes on in the back ground to think a subbie is actually doing this and to ME
~quickly sewing purrrrrrrrrrdy pink flowers to His slip-ons~
mmmmmm......needs something .....oh!!!
~pulling out colourful butterfly and stitching it on the front of the left slip-on~
there! ~pretty!!~
Wed Apr 19 7:28:28 2000
ketaye{MMR}: That is a cute joke Ma'am!! ~grinz~
Wed Apr 19 7:28:40 2000
Rifleman: Enters quietly and observes
Wed Apr 19 7:29:34 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: darlin footstool . . . I DO believe your grey
hairs are showing . . .
*tugging at it a bit*
Wed Apr 19 7:29:38 2000
LES IS MORE(m): J at C C
Wed Apr 19 7:29:59 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Hey there Rifelman ~bfag~ Soooo glad to see You tonight!! How are You?
Wed Apr 19 7:30:17 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: LES!!!! You probably pull wings out of flutters!!!
Wed Apr 19 7:30:48 2000
Dean: good evening.....
Wed Apr 19 7:31:01 2000
LES IS MORE(m): C C naw just pin them to the mat
Wed Apr 19 7:31:10 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: darlin footstool . . had to dump you on the floor and save a seat for someone!!! *wink*
little sally sex sub whimpering and wet
yearns to cum so desperately but Master says not yet!
so she swallows hard and holds it back not an easy task
when strung out on a St. Andrews cross and covered with a mask
only knowing what she's feeling sensations hot and steaming
as Master plays with His exposed little sub and seeks to start her creaming!
Wed Apr 19 7:31:19 2000
Rifleman: The dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
ROFLMAO....... oh please, no more no more, my sides my sides
Wed Apr 19 7:31:29 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Ohhh Ma'am, I love it when You spell words in Canadian. They get me so hot.. ~giggles~ And I DO NOT have grey hair!! Not a single one!
Wed Apr 19 7:31:47 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: ~ waves to Dean ~
hope you brought a joke or two ~ warm smile ~
Wed Apr 19 7:31:53 2000
LES IS MORE(m): LOL
~mouth dropping open....eyes staring at that post~
Ooooooo...oh oh oh...sneaky!!
~muttering quietly and .....unstitching....pretty flowers & butterfly.................
................(for later)...........~grinning sweetly~
Wed Apr 19 7:32:47 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: wondering if aesops started this way . . .
*innocent look*
little boy blue balls come show your horn
your Mistress has left you alone and forlorn
with a butt plug for company locked in your chastity belt
ohhh the sensations your sure to have felt
Wed Apr 19 7:33:30 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Evening Dean ~soft smile~
Ah well Ma'am..This is a better spot for me anyway!! Just wish my Big BossMan was here, then I'd REALLY have a comfy seat!
Wed Apr 19 7:34:53 2000
Rifleman: ketaye... good to be here, *S* and I'm doing just fine, weather is rain and cold... peeeerrrrfect dungeon weather
Wed Apr 19 7:35:03 2000
Dean: oh...I got lots of jokes....but I thought this was a serious discussion about humor and bdsm...so.....has it already been determined that it is a nessesary entity?..
Wed Apr 19 7:35:31 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *raisin an eyebrow* any flexall handy? could arrange "hot" real quick like
*impish grin*
Wed Apr 19 7:36:02 2000
LES IS MORE(m): Dean is like the golden rule
if you can not laugh at yourself you should never laugh at others
Wed Apr 19 7:36:38 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Of course it's handy Ma'am. I've been told to have it near by at all times.
Wed Apr 19 7:36:52 2000
Rifleman: *swallows hard* Cyberotica... some of those are more "arousing" then jocular...
.. thinking a certain rhyme is going to be playing over in my head the rest of the week
Wed Apr 19 7:37:25 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Dean USUALLY it is serious . . . you may check out previous discussion etc at the link on my handle . . . occassionally we wax to frivolous *blue green eyes twinkling* when that mode is on really even greetings are pretty much kept to private so as not to take away from a on line discussion . . . tonight it is "Lifestyle humor"
Wed Apr 19 7:37:53 2000
ketaye{MMR}: I have to agree with You there Rifleman. Quite the images I have running around my mind.
Wed Apr 19 7:38:10 2000
Rifleman [~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~]: flexall, T.E.N.S. unit..... butt plug...*chuckles* oh my goodness
Wed Apr 19 7:38:10 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *lifting my face to yours* evening Rifleman ~ warm smile ~
Wed Apr 19 7:38:30 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
lil janie sub slinks and ripples
in her latex bra that shows her nipples
but you'll never hear her cry or complain of damp
as her Master keeps her warm in adjustable nipple clamps!
Wed Apr 19 7:39:40 2000
Rifleman: ketaye...
with a butt plug for company locked in your chastity belt
*tremble* well *S* interesting reading none the less
Wed Apr 19 7:39:55 2000
Dean: I think I understand CC...s*....lets see................off the cuff...so to speak.....guy goes to a bdsm bar....stands....lol...
Wed Apr 19 7:40:30 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: then sweet one . . .perhaps a warm footstool would help my cold feet tonight . . . attend to it wont you?
*blow kiss*
hurry back
*lifting my feet and pulling them up under me till you return*
Wed Apr 19 7:40:48 2000
LES IS MORE(m): quietly exchangeing a tube of ky jelly in C C's bag for a tube of hot sauce
Wed Apr 19 7:41:19 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: oh . . nice one Dean . . do like double entandre's
Wed Apr 19 7:41:42 2000
Rifleman: *smiles back* Cyberotica..... *eyes on Her* good evening *S*
Wed Apr 19 7:42:05 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: no need LES IS MORE . . have straight cinnamin oil in there!
Wed Apr 19 7:42:17 2000
Dean: the ambulance was called....submissive was passed out in the floor.....quick!...give her oxygen! Don't you dare!....lol...
Wed Apr 19 7:42:39 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Rifleman ~ tilting my head ~care to join me?
Wed Apr 19 7:43:05 2000
Rifleman: *LOL* where does She get all these.... oh good heavens
Wed Apr 19 7:43:13 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
wee willie winkie acting like a clown
crying whip me beat me all about the town
Mistress Marge caught the boy one day
put an end to his foolish play
now as he walks he moans and calls
She put a gates of hell 'round my cock and balls!
Wed Apr 19 7:43:36 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Yes Ma'am, would You like the butt plug as well Ma'am or just the cream used?
Wed Apr 19 7:43:59 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Rifleman . . thought you might enjoy some of these fractured nursrey rhymes . . . been savin them up
Wed Apr 19 7:44:25 2000
Rifleman: *smiles* but of course m'Lady, but I don't have any snappy quips or lymrics on the tip of my tongue *S*
perhaps You were refering to joining you in something else *S*
Wed Apr 19 7:44:48 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: cream will do dear . . just in case you heard something REALLY funny I would hate it to become a projectile and wound someone . . . *lil giggle*
Wed Apr 19 7:44:53 2000
LES IS MORE(m): MY favorite all time BDSM joke
the subbie was gently bound begging
"whip me please then rape me please i beg of you"
the sadistic Master looked at her and with a smile said gently "NO"
Wed Apr 19 7:45:20 2000
Rifleman: *LOL* enjoying them immencly
Wed Apr 19 7:45:22 2000
Dean: s*....thanks CC......got to love the all tied up jokes...L*
Wed Apr 19 7:45:34 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: ~ patting the double sofa that I dumped ketaye out of earlier~
Wed Apr 19 7:46:07 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: oh LES IS MORE that is Horrid!!!
Wed Apr 19 7:46:33 2000
Dean: can you call back later...I am a bit tied up right now...
Wed Apr 19 7:46:46 2000
LES IS MORE(m): C C I think it is funny
Wed Apr 19 7:46:47 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
Mary had a little sub
She took the sub into a tub
the subbie said why thank You Maam
So Mary spanked Her special man..
Wed Apr 19 7:47:08 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: ~ applause ~
Wed Apr 19 7:47:50 2000
Rifleman: *smiles* *having a seat beside Her*
thank You .... *smiles* quite comfortable
Wed Apr 19 7:47:57 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Thank You Ma'am..
~returning to Your feet, ass tingling with the application of the flexall, cheeks clenching periodically as it begins to warm~ ~kissing Your feet~
Wed Apr 19 7:47:58 2000
LES IS MORE(m): Well I have to go night A/all
keep smiling
and every one will know your up to some thing
Wed Apr 19 7:48:38 2000
ketaye{MMR}: Fun Summer Recipe for Dom's, It's a "red subbie tart"
Active Ingredient:
one willing bottom
Miscellaneous ingredients seasoned to taste:
1.) 1 flogger
2.) 1 bucket of ice
3.) 1 towel
4.) 1 small knife
5.) 1 candle,
6.) and a lighter
Step 1.) place the bottom in your favorite flogging position
Step 2.) beat until red
Step 3.) chill with ice
Step 4.) remove excess moisture with towel
Step 5.) repeat step 2
Step 6.) repeat step 3
Step 7.) repeat step 4
Step 8.) mix to a even consistency, or, until your bottom is thoroughly mixed up
Step 9.) place knife in bucket of ice and then light candle
Step 10.) drip wax thoroughly, covering all pre-redden surface areas
Step 11.) freeze wax to a hard shell
Step 12.) remove knife from ice
Step 13.) begin to remove wax from your bottom
Step 14.) remove wax remnants with flogger of your choice, and your done
Well, that's all there is to it, 14 easy steps to get yourself a "red subbie tart"..................now doesn't that look tasty?
Wed Apr 19 7:48:50 2000
Dean: ok....check this out........woman looks in the mirror.....sees that one is larger than the other....so she smacks the little one...
Wed Apr 19 7:49:01 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: n'nite LES IS MORE
Little Jack Domer sat in a corner
beating His subbie sweetiepie
He stuck in His thumb
the subbie squealed YUM!
what a lucky girl am i!
Leaving this one just for you . . .
Wed Apr 19 7:49:39 2000
Wolf : *steps in*..Evening All
Wed Apr 19 7:50:11 2000
Rifleman: Yummy........ good enough to eat *w*
Wed Apr 19 7:51:28 2000
ketaye{MMR}: G'evening Wolf ~smiling~
Wed Apr 19 7:51:51 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Eveing Wolf ~ always good to see you . . . may I introduce you to someone very special to me?
Wed Apr 19 7:52:08 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
Georgie porgie puddin pie
spanked the girls and made'm cry
but when the Dominatrix's came out to play
georgie porgie ran away!
Wed Apr 19 7:52:29 2000
ketaye{MMR}: The Dr. Seuss Purity Test
This page rated PG-13 (Language). Be warned.
Author: William Elton (wangtang@hotmail.com)
Have you done it on a boat?
Have you done it with a goat?
Have you done it in a bed?
Have you done it with the dead?
Have you done it in the ass?
Have you done it, high on grass?
Have you done it in the car?
Have you simply gone too far?
Have you done it on the beach?
Have you done it with the teach?
Have you done it on your back?
Have you done it strapped to a rack?
Have you done it in a box?
Have you done it with a fox?
Have you done it in a tree?
Have you done it with more than three?
Have you done it in the rain?
Have you done it for the pain?
Have you done it 'tween the tits?
Have you done it wearing mitts?
Have you done it packed in rubber?
Have you done it undercover?
Have you done it on a perch?
Have you done it in a church?
Have you done it with a virgin?
Have you done it with a sturgeon?
Have you done it with ropes and chains?
Have you done it while insane?
Have you done it on the stage?
Have you done it underage?
Have you done it with all your friends?
Have you done it in both ends?
Have you done it with your dog?
Have you done it on a log?
Have you done it under clamps?
Have you done it with the lamps?
Have you done it without style?
Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?
Have you done it on Mother's couch?
Have you done it in your mouth?
Have you done it while on tape?
Have you done it out of shape?
Have you done it on live TV?
Have you done it whilst you pee?
Have you done it in the gym?
Have you done it on a whim?
Have you done it on a dare?
Do you really think we care?
answer these and count your "no"s, pray this number never grows.
Fifty questions we asked thee, score times two is your Purity
Wed Apr 19 7:52:37 2000
Dean: guy trys to pick up on a woman at a bdsm bar.....excuse me maam....but you look sad tonight.....No....it is reverse dementia.....L*...
Wed Apr 19 7:52:57 2000
Rifleman [~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~]: I have some slightly bad news.
I'm supposed to be into work at 6 tomorrow, which means I need to be up by 5..... which means it needs to be a "early night"
note not a nothing night, just need to get to bed on time.
Wed Apr 19 7:53:38 2000
4-spite: Hello All anything good going here? smile
Wed Apr 19 7:53:47 2000
Wolf : ketaye{MMR~...Hello.*WS*
CC~ Hiya.*S*...... sure
Wed Apr 19 7:54:12 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~ [Rifleman]: which is by what time?
*glum look*
Wed Apr 19 7:55:01 2000
~delphinium~: ~have to dash but enjoyed this immensely~blows a kiss to A/all here and flits out the door~
Wed Apr 19 7:55:14 2000
4-spite: Ok do I have to be spitefull for some one will talk or what *grin*
Wed Apr 19 7:55:19 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Wolf ~ ~ turning looking appreciatively at Rifleman ~ I would like you to meet Rifleman . . . Rifleman . . Wolf . . . I DO think you two would find some discussions extremely enjoyable
Wed Apr 19 7:55:26 2000
Dean: Mary Mary...quite contrary....
How does your garden grow?...
With little pinches and little smacks...
and nipple clamps all in a row...
Wed Apr 19 7:56:11 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: evening 4-spite . . tis lifestyle humor night . . please feel free to jump in
Wed Apr 19 7:56:51 2000
Rifleman [~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~]: no later then 11pm my time (it is 9:00 now)
I can't buy a break, it just keeps getting worse and worse. *eyes down but smileing because these are really good lymrics*S*
Wed Apr 19 7:56:53 2000
4-spite: Humor I guess is to lisson to you all *LOL*
Wed Apr 19 7:56:59 2000
Dean: hi 4 spite......
Wed Apr 19 7:57:08 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: looks to me like mary has been busy!!!
Mary mary quite contrary how does your subbie ass glow?
with pinks from slappers welts from crops all lined up in a row
but a S/switch you see and that it is Me is plain
so soon You see he who's sub to Me will be glowing just the same!
Wed Apr 19 7:57:41 2000
Wolf : Rifelman~...Hi Nice to meet You..*WS*
Wed Apr 19 7:58:03 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~ [Rifleman]: what . . . dare I ask . . does tomorrow night look like?
Wed Apr 19 7:58:13 2000
4-spite: Hello Dean that like clamps *smile*
Wed Apr 19 7:58:36 2000
Wolf : some old Email junk
..Top Ten Ways You Know You Might Be Too Old For BDSM:
10. Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.
9. Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
8. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.
7. When you tell your sub to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".
6. You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots.
5. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.
4. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.
3. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLiftT bra.
2. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me....back into the
paddle....HARD!"
And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM:
1. Age play really is 24/7.
BDSM Humor ~ Continued ~ Page 2 ~
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