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A Bad Situation
BDSM is not all a bed of roses . . . what to do if things go bad.
Dungeon Chat is held Wednesday Evenings 9-11 EST in the Dungeon @ Fantassia's Palace.
All are welcome with the understanding that we all have the right to disagree without being disagreeable.
(following text has been edited ~ foregoing greetings, etc.)
Wed Jun 28 7:13:49 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
Wed Jun 28 7:15:53 2000
SteelBabe: Evening..*ss*
Wed Jun 28 7:17:42 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
Wed Jun 28 7:20:05 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: There are many areas in which things may go wrong . . .both physically and emotionally.
It is up to the participants to arm themselves with information and skills prior to needing to draw on them.
Wed Jun 28 7:22:52 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: If, for instance, you wished to make brownies . . you would have to make sure you had all the ingredients . . . eggs, flour, sugar, and of course chocolate! And yet, it seems with so many that there is often little thought as to what would happen "if" . . .
In our chosen lifestyle, there are often "if's" . . . and preparing for them is a way to show caring & commitment as well as intelligent choices.
Wed Jun 28 7:23:38 2000
TX bikertramp: Gee..it takes a week to get in here..
Hello A/all
Wed Jun 28 7:24:12 2000
SteelBabe: Hey TX..*L*
Wed Jun 28 7:24:15 2000
DCI 06241: Evening One and all
Wed Jun 28 7:24:50 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: evening . . . and it DOES seem to be going VERY slow tonight!
Welcome to Dungeon Chat ~ it is held every Wednesday evening 9-11 pm eastern time. We ask that you keep non-topic conversation to the red or elsewhere. Thank you for coming and your participation is welcome. Respect and courtesy is requested even if we do not agree with what others are saying ... please agree to disagree in a way that is not disagreeable.
Wed Jun 28 7:25:32 2000
DCI 06241: This is my first time here how does it work.....
Wed Jun 28 7:25:46 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: I have not met some of you before so for your own information, Dungeon Chat (DC) has been being held here in the Palace Dungeon since February 1999 on a weekly basis.
Wed Jun 28 7:26:02 2000
SteelBabe: CC..How do you prepare for emotional things that go wrong?
Wed Jun 28 7:26:19 2000
TX bikertramp: Well, personally,..i just can't be nice to Steel Babe..glaring
What's tonight topic?
Wed Jun 28 7:27:40 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: My topic line tells you what the topic of the evening is . . . . and some of the past discussion are archived on The BDSM Resource Center web page . . . The BRC.
Wed Jun 28 7:27:54 2000
SteelBabe: TX..You are gonna get Me in trouble..*growling back*
wave
Wed Jun 28 7:29:05 2000
Soul~of~Fire: standing, leaning against the wall and listening
Wed Jun 28 7:29:21 2000
TX bikertramp: SB....that's almost too easy..
Jeez..need to get my bifocals to read that topic line.
Wed Jun 28 7:29:26 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Steel Babe ~ there are some things that no matter how many scenarios you run though there will always be something that "doesn't fit" your particualr situation.
However ~ taking the first step . . . knowing there is a problem . . . learning how to deal with it . . . supportive friends that do not simply be "yes" people
Wed Jun 28 7:31:41 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Be involved with people that are uplifting rather than those that bring you down.
Be objective . . . take the time to "cool down" before looking for fault.
Walk slowly . . . most often it is those that rush headlong into a situation that find themselves on emotionally rocky ground
Wed Jun 28 7:33:15 2000
SteelBabe: CC..It is difficult sometimes to go "slow" ..D/s draws adrenaline..
Wed Jun 28 7:33:20 2000
TX bikertramp: SB..sorry..got lost in there somewhere..what was the question?
Wed Jun 28 7:33:56 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: If it is something that is beyond your scope emotionally seek help from someone that can help you.
Kink Aware Professionals The resource for people who are seeking psychotherapeutic, medical, dental, complementary healing, legal, financial, and computer professionals who are informed about the diversity of consensual, adult sexuality.
Wed Jun 28 7:35:16 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: the question on the table is how do you prepare for things to go wrong emotionally?
First of all, being adults we know that we do not live in a "perfect" world and also realize that things "go wrong."
With that said, it is imperative to take all the precautions one can to see that there are guide lines that are followed to minimize that risk.
And YES . . . D/s IS frought with adrenaline but we can also use common sense.
Is the person we are becoming involved with honest, are they "real"? Ask yourself the questions: What do I want out of this? What do they want out of this? Is it a relationship or a "lust * thrust"?
Wed Jun 28 7:38:21 2000
TX bikertramp: well..i'm not sure you actually prepare for things to go wrong! life just isn't normally that way. when the shit hits the fan, most have to improvise. that's where experience and maturity come in?
Wed Jun 28 7:38:59 2000
SteelBabe: I try to always be on "guard" emotionally but I think it's possible that gets in the way of a healthy relationship.
Wed Jun 28 7:40:08 2000
SteelBabe: "Lust thrust"...I like that term..I know that term..*S*
Wed Jun 28 7:40:37 2000
TX bikertramp: On guard means putting up walls?? Do the walls lower as trust increases?
Wed Jun 28 7:40:38 2000
SteelBabe: TX..But not all of U/us are as mature and experienced as others..*G*
Wed Jun 28 7:41:53 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: TX bikertramp ~ a great deal is true in that.
One does what one has to do when it needs doing . . simply by putting one foot in front of the other. I personally like to work with a net when I can. I know that I have friends that will be there when/if I need them. I know what I want from antoher in a relationship. Then in seeking out a relationship . . . I go through a check-list of sorts to see if my physical and emotional needs are most likely to be met.
If I find that the person I am getting involved with is less than honest with me, do I continue down that path? No, most emphatically, no!!! I know that it would be a sure-fire ingredient to something that cannot end well.
Wed Jun 28 7:42:05 2000
TX bikertramp: But we learn by experience. All the pop psych in the world won't prepare you for the real thing. most of us learn by making mistakes.
Wed Jun 28 7:42:48 2000
SteelBabe: TX..yes..as the relationship progresses...
Wed Jun 28 7:44:11 2000
TX bikertramp: Well honesty is another thing. Many will 'hedge' at first because they're unsure of themselves and want so badly to be accepted?
Wed Jun 28 7:44:28 2000
~silent thunder~: ~smiles...and quietly listens~
Wed Jun 28 7:45:07 2000
SteelBabe: CC, I think that "wall" is My checklist. It comes down a little at a time as I am more convinced of their honesty and sincerity and I know they will be "compatible" with what I want.
Wed Jun 28 7:45:09 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: I dont think it means having to put up walls . . . just being careful what goes into the all over design of the relationship.
There are boundaries in healthy relationships. It is the ones that throw caution to the wind that are most at risk.
Saying "if you trust me you will do" . . . or I am Master/Mistress (pick your option) therefore you will do it . . .can take away boundaries in some cases. It is a fine line to walk that is for sure.
Wed Jun 28 7:45:43 2000
TX bikertramp: hi silent thunder..didn't see you enter..
Wed Jun 28 7:45:57 2000
SteelBabe: TX..It is very obvious there...they play with fire..
Wed Jun 28 7:47:13 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: There are danger signs that can be seen, and as TX bikertramp mentioned. Experience can help you identify them more readily.
Wed Jun 28 7:47:35 2000
TX bikertramp: I'd worry about a sub who would accept no boundaries. I want a person..not a robot.
Wed Jun 28 7:47:52 2000
~silent thunder~: waves to all..
Wed Jun 28 7:48:27 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Steel Babe . . and I think you too, TX Bikertramp, will attest to this. It is either newbies that are so hungry they do not take the time to even identify what it is they want, much less why, and run to the first person willing to give them what they think they hunger for.
Wed Jun 28 7:48:41 2000
SteelBabe: Such as dishonesty..danger signs?
Wed Jun 28 7:48:45 2000
TX bikertramp: CC..if i may..
TX is fine..
Wed Jun 28 7:49:54 2000
TX bikertramp: wow..you're right on that..and most newbies won't listen to the old-timers. when i find one who will..i watch them..they're usually keepers
Wed Jun 28 7:50:08 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: the above url for the Kink Aware Professionals is an excellent place to begin for assistance. People that are lifestyle wise to help sometimes where friends or other professionals cannot.
Wed Jun 28 7:51:49 2000
SteelBabe: *reading the URL again*...Lifestyle aware computer professionals..*G*
Wed Jun 28 7:52:47 2000
TX bikertramp: SB..puters are poor masters *L*
Wed Jun 28 7:52:51 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: exactly Steel Babe . . . listing some of the dishonesty signs . . . (and not necessarily dishonest) wanting to rush faster than a partner is willing to go.
Not wanting to disclose personal information (this can or cannot be) but if they really are wanting a relationship . . . then after taking time to know each other I would think it imperative.
Being unavailable too many times.
Wed Jun 28 7:53:23 2000
SteelBabe: I know a submissive who made a quick choice..the first that would have him...he later found T/their tastes didn't match..but he was afraid to ask for release...
Wed Jun 28 7:53:41 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Steel Babe . . the kink aware professional can be found all over the county in many professions both r/t and v/t.
Wed Jun 28 7:54:01 2000
SteelBabe: *waves to silent*
Wed Jun 28 7:55:04 2000
TX bikertramp: hmm..i think i found a kink aware dentist by accident..*L*
Wed Jun 28 7:56:14 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Whether or not it is vt or rt, if it is going to be successful instead of a long string of emotional crashes, one has to take the time to actually know more than oh . . .say . . . "do you prefer break-away cuffs or heavy duty"?
Sex seems often to be the biggest focus when in fact it is (again in my opinion) has the least to do w/true submission.
Wed Jun 28 7:56:24 2000
TX bikertramp: hi hon.i needed a new handle for messenger..so trying it out!! Come on over.
Wed Jun 28 7:56:39 2000
SteelBabe: He was afraid the mutual friends they had would think badly of him, but he was truly afraid of continuing the relationship any deeper.
Wed Jun 28 7:58:28 2000
~silent thunder~: lol...CC...none ever asked me if i liked break away cuffs....:( all i ever hear was...WHO....owns you...-chuckles-
Wed Jun 28 7:59:54 2000
SteelBabe: silent..you cause a lot of trouble? *wink*
A Bad Situation ~ Continued ~ Page 2 ~
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