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Aftercare
Is aftercare always required? If so, why . . . if not, why?
Dungeon Chat is held Wednesday Evenings 9-11 EST in the Dungeon @ Fantassia's Palace.
All are welcome with the understanding that we all have the right to disagree without being disagreeable.
(following text has been edited ~ foregoing greetings, etc.)
Wed May 3 6:52:53 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~:
Wed May 3 7:02:03 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: this night's topic is after care . . BUT before that . . . guess what????
Wed May 3 7:03:17 2000
Fire's kitten: someone gets a whippin'??
Wed May 3 7:04:08 2000
elidan: hello A/all
Wed May 3 7:04:14 2000
heavenlydelight: tests a posting and looks about to see if it works
Wed May 3 7:04:15 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: well . . . *conspiritorial wink* do you remember rifleman?
Wed May 3 7:05:13 2000
lisannes: good evening A/all
Wed May 3 7:05:23 2000
Fire's kitten: CC...ummm...yup....just mention cinnamon toothpicks *G*
Wed May 3 7:05:24 2000
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: heavenly delight . . double purple is "scene mode" and most wouldnt talk to you dressed in those colors
Wed May 3 7:06:08 2000
heavenlydelight: *smiles seeing lisannes* hey we made it sis...now do we have to keep hitting refresh to see the new posts?
Wed May 3 7:07:20 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *chuckling* well kitten . . . seems he won a writing contest on a web newsletter thing . . . let's just say it was technical and intense . . .
Wed May 3 7:08:31 2000
lisannes: * just crosses her fingers and takes a seat *
Wed May 3 7:08:40 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: These discussions . . etc are "informal" etc .. no need to cap . . and NO serving etc . . think of this as a r/t discussion and politely keep greetings to private (that is done by the drop downs) . . . makes editing MUCH easier . . . thanks!
Wed May 3 7:08:58 2000
Fire's kitten: CC...did it involve a Bow Flex machine????
Wed May 3 7:09:53 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: well welcome those that have made it out on a quiet wednesday evening . . . this log will go over to the website tacked to my handle . . . so hopefully it will be something for others to read and learn from
Wed May 3 7:09:58 2000
lisannes: * just crosses her fingers and takes a seat *
Wed May 3 7:10:38 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *lol* gracious no . . .this was electric kitten!
Wed May 3 7:12:10 2000
Fire's kitten: electric??......starts to drool....ask him about his story on the Bow Flex machine....ohhhhh that was a good one
Wed May 3 7:12:11 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: okay . . . aftercare . . .droaning on and on and on . . .
there are those that dont have a clue what that is . . others that know the words and still have no clue as those that have a hint and really wish to learn as well as those that understand . .
Wed May 3 7:12:30 2000
lisannes: it's nice to meet you CC. We have done a little bit of emailing via onelist discussing piercings..thank you very much for your time
Wed May 3 7:13:49 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: My personal view is that aftercare varies
from person to person . . .
I have an excerpt from something I found this past week and thought it most appropriate . . .
Wed May 3 7:14:37 2000
Fire's kitten: CC....so is it aftercare; what to do....or aftercare; how to recognize what is needed etc?...or all of the above?
Wed May 3 7:14:49 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: *nods at lisanne*
Wed May 3 7:15:27 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: AFTERCARE By Chris Messick, WDC Black Rose An excerpt from "SM spirituality" a book under construction
"She took me to the edge of heaven, and then dropped me"
"It would have all been alright if he had been nice to me afterwards"
submissive reminisces on a two bad scenes.
"Oh, crap. I've got a meeting in 30 minutes. Bye." Grand Prize for Worst Aftercare ever
ever witness or be party to something like that? *shaking my head*
while everyones needs are different . . .nothing like really "dropping the ball" . . .more less like a nilla analogy love em and leave em!
Wed May 3 7:16:51 2000
heavenlydelight: been there done that...was not pretty..a mental case for hours afterwards
Wed May 3 7:16:54 2000
Fire's kitten: CC....never been witness to something like that....but have witnessed and been involved in the giving of aftercare in very intense scenes
Wed May 3 7:20:59 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: I think that Chris gives a very good definition of "aftercare" in the following excerpts . . .
Aftercare is the last act of the SM drama. It is the culmination, the pulling together of all loose ends, the finishing touches, the final communion between sharers of the SM ritual, the phase where the participants (usually the tops) formally give the fantasy scene a context in everyday reality. It's technical purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, returning to the motor control and awareness they will need to drive home once the scene is over. But as any good SM practitioner will tell you, it's much more than that. It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought. It is, at very least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene. To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house, and bolting once you've eaten your fill.
Aftercare is basic to the planning of any SM scene, especially for intense, edgy scenes where the participants go deep. Play that is physically heavy, intensely emotional, or improvisational, with lots of twists and turns, can leave your partner shaken, shaky, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth. Some people, even after satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, guilt or emotional overload.
In short, Crash is the SM equivalent to the post coital blues. And how well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people. Aftercare also allows some recovery if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation.
Wed May 3 7:21:41 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: kitten . . . would you care to elaborate and give an example?
Wed May 3 7:23:05 2000
heavenlydelight: thats the best definition of aftercare i have ever seen CC...thanks for sharing it
Wed May 3 7:24:06 2000
[ Tonights Topic: Aftercare . . . ]
~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~: Aftercare is especially important following:
? Scenes that are demanding and intense
? Scenes that involve new partners or new techniques
? Scenes that involve punishment, humiliation or intimations of nonconsensuality
? Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm or emotional release
? Scenes that have been interrupted by an accident, injury, fainting or unseemly act of God
? Scenes that have "gone bad" resulting in anger, or upset, or ending on a safeword (both top and bottom may well need/appreciate some reassurance if this happens) The emotional afterglow following the SM fireworks is not unlike the post coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than normal. You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and spect, or blow it completely. And just as a perfectly executed single tail strike would be calamitously wrong if it followed a safeword, a wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert, thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended. Bad aftercare (a category including "No aftercare") can do damage that is basically incalculable. It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene, or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you, if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure.
Wed May 3 7:26:23 2000
blu~pearl{Necro} [~Cyberotica-Chrysalis~]: ~lurking~
Aftercare ~ Continued ~ Page 2 ~
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