Mad props out to whoever thought of that shirt!!!
It's fatter than Yoko Zuna's ass!!

Warning!!!
This is some funny shit but it's kinda pornographic, so unless you are willing to take that risk don't check out this little movie clip.
Poontos Baby!!!!

Racial/Political Jokes

Disclamer: I do not in any way intend to suggest or endorse racial/ethnic discrimination or biggotry. I do believe that if your going to hold something against a person that it should *not* be nationality, sexual preference, ectetera. They're just jokes based on stereotypes. So if you're going to be offended, DON'T READ THEM.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.

Q: What do black kids get for their birthday?
A: Your bike

Q: An Irish man and a black man had a race down a tunnel, who won? A: Neither, the Irish man was drunk and crashed, and the black man stopped to spray paint "muthre fukcre" in the tunnel.

Q: What's the most popular form of transportantion in black Harlem?
A: a stretcher

Q: What's two good things about the million man march?
A: Only two people missed work

Q: Why is crime so high in China?
A: They ate McGruff the crime dog

Q: Why can't a white couple have a Chinese baby?
A: Because two whites don't make a wong

Did you hear about the new Chinese cookbook?
It's called 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch. The Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too." The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "I I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."

Story Jokes

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, a haggardly old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up, then up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful buxum 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother,now."

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the foam. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!"

John is talking to his blonde girlfriend on the phone. "I've got a problem," says Lisa. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Lisa. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Lisa's house. Lisa leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Lisa and says, "For Pete's sake - put the cornflakes back in the box."

A passenger plane on a cross the country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightening. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "If I am going to die, let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?" She sees a hand raise in the back, and a handsome man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?" Her eyes filled with admiration for his statuesque physique, she nods her head yes. As the man hands her his shirt, he says, "Here... iron and fold this."

Dirty Jokes
A young woman was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young woman. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but dear old Grandma. The young woman was frantic. Sure enough, old Grandma noticed her granddaughter and asked, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the woman told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I’ll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you’re so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures... and suck ‘em dry!"

One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun, and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about it she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he had never been married, did not have any kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab driver said "What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have sex with him and she agreed as long as he would take her from behind because of a virginity thing. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said "Ha, I have four kids, I've been married three times and I've never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. So she can moan with the other.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Japanese men says, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." The waitress says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

There once was this man who worked in a pickle factory, who had this very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. This went on for years, and he couldn't stand it, he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation of his. He spends a few months with the shrink, and the doc finally tells the man that his desire is so powerful to put his penis in the pickle slicer, that the only way to get over it was to do it. The man gladly agrees and says he will do it the next day at work. The next day he comes home from work late. His wife is very worried and asks what happened. He explains to her for the first time this long time desire he has had to put his dick in the pickle slicer. And then explains that today he did it. She gasps and runs over to him, yanks down his pants, only to see his penis perfectly normal. She looks back up and says
I don't understand... what happened to the pickle slicer?
"I think she got fired too."

A guy on the beach just can't seem to make it with any of the girls, so he goes over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him... "Well, dude" says the lifeguard "go get yourself a pair of these spandex Speedos--about two sizes too small--and put a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. You'll have all the chicks you want!" The following weekend the guy hits the beach in his tight Speedos with the fist-sized potato and it's worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, turning away, laughing, or looking sick. So the guy goes back to the lifeguard again and asks him, "What's wrong now?" "Jeez!" says the lifeguard, "...you were supposed to put the potato down the front of the Speedos!"