That Creepy Old Lady

 

I’m well-rounded, which according to my mother is the key to life. Apparently, being well-rounded will make boys love you and employers never want to let you go.  Okay, so maybe the second part is true, at least in the field that I have accidentally stumbled into. I know a little bit about a lot of things, which comes in handy as a multimedia designer…MULTImedia being the key word there. I can do just about anything relatively artistic if you plop me in front of a computer and give me an image to start with, but that’s as far as it goes.  I’m not exceptional at anything. I’m not at an expert level with any of the software I use. I pretty much taught myself everything I know and half the time it will take me twice as long because I’ve never taken the time to learn the correct shortcuts, and instead made my own…which usually turn out to be more of the scenic route than a short cut.

 

Still, in a town where no one can find artistic work and with an economy where few can find good paying jobs, I’m lucky. Freakishly lucky. In fact, sometimes I think that maybe I’ve used up all my luck chips on my career and didn’t save any for love. I fell into my job, ended up with a great boss who, fortunately enough, thinks that I’m great and took me under her wing.  The truth is, though, I’m great because I know more than anyone else around me, which isn’t necessarily saying a lot.  I know just enough to look smart in the eyes of people who haven’t a clue what I’m talking about, and that will only get you so far.

 

In high school, I started out as a quite, shy girl who eventually came out of her shell, due in part to people discovering my artistic ability.  It’s difficult to hide behind the canvas when people are constantly praising your work. But I knew, even then, to enjoy it while it lasted, because once I got into college and started taking “real” art classes with “real” artists…everyone would know what a phony I really was.  It was just a matter of time until they figured it out.

 

Turns out, I’m still waiting for that to happen…but still the dread is there.  They will see it one of these days…see that I really don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about, and then BAM!  I’ll be living in creepy, old, run down house by myself and telling kids on the street about how I used to have a real job and a real home and people thought I was great until they realized it was all an illusion. “Stick to one thing, kids!” I’ll shout at them, waving a rickety old stick at them.  “Don’t be well-rounded! Find one thing you’re good at and never stray from that one thing! One THING!”

 

People will start avoiding my home altogether and children will run past my house whispering about the old spinster inside and how she was climbing the corporate ladder until one day everyone suddenly realized she was a fraud and down she fell.  Never married, never had kids and lives alone in her house, with her 200 cats, scaring neighborhood children that wonder by.

 

I really don’t want to be that lady.