We arrived around four at the hotel after traveling the whole night long and by the time I reach my bedroom; it took me around another hour to fall asleep once again. And to make matters worse, Kevin was at my doorstep, banging it with his fist, at eight am. I had totally forgotten we had to be up earlier coz we had this interview.

The girl is asking Nick a question and I try my best to lay my head against the back of the couch without really making it look like I wanna be unconscious on my bed.

I feel someone looking at me and lift my blue eyes slowly. I have a pretty good idea of who that is, but I just want to make sure. The minute I meet the dark green eyes that are Kevin's I know I was right. I give him a very innocent smile -- like the ones I used to give him back when I had stolen a cookie from the jar -- and try to pretend I was doing a great job at listening to the girl.

He gives me sarcastic smile and nods slowly. He hasn't bought it. Not for a long shot.

Well, at least I gave it a try. Besides, it's not like I can actually fool him. He's known me my whole life and the rest of the guys so very long he knows us probably better than we know ourselves. That can be really bad sometimes, that's for sure, but rather useful some others.

I turn around slightly and find Howie and AJ engaged in a very deep conversation. Or at least it looks like a deep conversation since they haven't been paying much attention to the rest of us for a couple of days now. What's wrong with them now? They've got something in their hands. I'd say it's a prank, but Howie usually doesn't get in the middle. Yep, it's either Nick and I or the two of us along with AJ. That boy has the best pranks in mind; let me tell you.

"Well," Janet smiles at us after getting the answer she wanted from Nick, "one final question."

Thank god! I knew I had been a good boy for the past week. Now, after we're done with this, I'll be able to catch at least a couple of hours of zzzz. Isn't that great?

"What would you want at this point of your life?"

I squint my eyes slightly, my eyebrows furrowing in concentration. What would I want? I don't get it. I don't think I want anything at the moment, besides the obvious of being able to sleep.

Seeing the puzzled looks on us, she proceeds to explain the question. "I mean," she starts, "even after everything you've accomplished when it comes down to your careers and your personal life, there must be something missing. What do you think that'd be? What do you think is still missing?"

I start biting my lower lip. That's a very good question. That's a really great question if I must say so myself. She's right, after everything we've accomplished, there just has to be something still missing but, for the life of me, I just can't think of it.

I turn around slightly, trying to find help in one of the guys. AJ and Howie are deep in concentration, probably as puzzled as I am, so I'm sure they won't be of any help. Kevin is looking at the floor, running his fingers through his hair. He feels my eyes on me and lifts his gaze to meet mine. His eyes look lost, like something it's missing from them. I try to see what's beyond that, but suddenly it's gone. I shake my head slightly. I think the lack of sleep it's finally catching up with me. Kevin's probably as tired as I am and he just wishes to be alone in his room as much as I do at the moment.

Finally, I turn over and try to catch my best friend's eyes. I know he'll make some wise remark and make me remember what's important and what I still need. Still, once again, I'm surprised with what I find. Nick's eyes are haunted, looking at a point I'm sure no one else could see. His usual clear blue eyes are a darker shade of blue I've seen before. And, under the room's light, I can see moisture in them.

What's wrong now?

"Well," Howie's voice brings me out of my mussing. I'm going to have more than enough time to think about that later. I turn around, focusing my attention on him. "I think time is always missing. I mean, I, and I'm sure the guys can agree with me, would love to spend more time with our family and friends. We're on tour most time of the year, and, even though they take some time off to join us on tour, they can't be doing that all the time. We're always short of time." Howie laughs softly. "If it isn't on vacation, it's on practice."

Janet nods at him. "That's good. Thanks."

"Peace." AJ's voice kinda surprises us for a moment. He shrugs. "Even though we've been blessed by God and we are very thankful for that, a quiet moment in what's always the rushing of our lives would be appreciated." He chuckles, taking a sip of the glasses of water we've got on the table in front of us. "More than once you just want to lay down and rest. That's difficult with our schedule."

"I can imagine," she writes down something in her notepad. I don't get that. She's taping the interview and still holds a notepad on her lap. That's probably one of the many things I'll never understand about reporters.

"Love."

Kevin's always-quite voice is barely heard and I'm sure that if one of us had been saying something, we wouldn't have notice he had spoken up.

My gaze moves over and I try to see inside him -- try to look for something I don't even know for sure it's there. However, and as I thought, there's nothing there. I don't know what to believe. If there's something wrong with him, then there's the possibility that I'll never really find out. He's always been so private. And if there was nothing, then I'll just never know.

Kevin shrugs and I frown a little. I think I'm really just imagining it. If he really needed help, then he'll ask for it. He'll come to me. If there was something any of us could do to help him, then he'll first come to me. I know that. I'm sure of that.

"We can have everything in the world, but when love is missing, nothing actually maters. I love my career and I love my friends, my brothers. Still, when you don't have that special someone to share small things with, then the rest is just nothing." He chuckles. "I think that until you find real and true love, something will always be missing in you."

Janet, along with the rest of us, stays quiet for a moment. I never knew Kevin felt lonely. Then again, I should have seen it coming. His five-year relationship with Kristin ended so suddenly almost two years ago. He never wanted to talk about it, and we never really pushed him to. All he said was that there was something missing between them and they had thought that breaking up was the best for them.

I don't think he's hurting because of that. I think he's hurting because he just hasn't found that person that makes him smile all the time, that make his eyes shine and his laugher something heard all day long. That was Kristin a couple of years back. She used to have that effect on him. When she stopped bringing that out of him, we all should have seen they just weren't meant to be.

Janet nods. "You're right Kevin. Love is always important."

Kevin picks up one of the glasses and focus on the water in there. My eyes stay on him for a second longer. Perhaps he still misses her, or maybe he just misses the companion of somebody. I'm not sure. What I do know is that Kevin feels lonely. I wish I could do something, but as Leighanne has told me so many times, this is something Kevin has to get through on his own.

"Sometimes normality goes on missing," Nick's voice brings me out of my mussing. Is slightly low, not really like him at all. "We can be famous and a group that people recognizes, but we're also just five guys doing something they love. We're not much different than everybody." He runs his fingers through his hair. "We've got friend and family. We get frustrated more times than not. We get mad when something doesn't go the way we want it to. We fall in love and go through your classical psychological trauma about it. We spend endless hours looking at the ceiling wondering if telling them or not is the way to go." He chuckles but his laugher doesn't reach his eyes. "We're just along for the ride. This is our lives, even though they are slightly different than we first thought they'd be." He shrugs. "We're five guys. We're five normal guys."

"I can see that." Janet stats, giving Nick a small smile. She writes something else on her path and turns around towards me.

"Guess I'm the only one missing here, right?" I laugh nervously. I'm going to have to talk with Nick, because I do know I can get him to open up to me. I'm going to do it, as soon as I can, but right now isn't the moment to think about it.

"Knowledge," I state.

"What?"

"Knowledge," I nod at her. "I remember back when Leigh and I were planning the wedding, I'd never know what to tell her. For example, she'd got and show me about ten or so pictures about flower arrangements and whenever I point at one I'd like, she'd say she didn't like it and turn the picture." I shrug, chuckling softly. "I didn't know what to say until almost three months before the wedding when my favorite phrase was 'Of course dear, whatever you want dear'." I shrug. "I don't think I'll ever understand women at all. I love my wife, don't get me wrong and please write that down with bold letter and italics. I do love her and the last thing I want is having to sleep on the couch once I get home. Still, there'll always be something about her I'll never know or understand." I laugh nervously once again. "She's a mystery to me and I think that's more than fine. I mean, if I knew everything about her, then the whole pleasure about discovering something would be lost."

Janet laughs along, once again writing something down at her path. I'd love to see what is it she's wring. "Don't worry," she says, "I'll write down your promise of love for her. The last thing I'd want is to know that you had to sleep on the couch because of my article."

She lifts her eyes, smiling at us. "That's all for the interview." She stands up and proceeds to shake our hands. "It's really being a pleasure interviewing you guys. You're just... so very nice and gentleman."

We thank her as the five of us and her stand up, shaking her hand to say our goodbyes. It's great to have the interview done. It took us the whole afternoon yesterday to finish the photo shoot. At least I must accept the fact that we had a blast. The individual shots were really nice and the yard like forest we did the group shot was really amazing. The sun was setting and it just gave the perfect environment.

She thanks us and gives us a last smile before Kevin walks her over to the door.

I sit down unceremoniously on the couch, looking up to the ceiling. "That was long."

"Hey," I hear Howie say just as I close my eyes, "at least she was original. She didn't ask the standard 'what's your favorite color' questions."

AJ shrugs, checks his watch and sports a smug smile. "Well," he says slowly, "it's still early and we don't have anything until four. So..." He grins and turns to look at Howie. "Wanna hit the stores D?"

Howie shrugs. He doesn't love shopping as much as Alex does, but he's no stranger to the sport. "Sure. Why not?"

"Great." AJ walks over to the door, ready to leave. "See ya later guys," he says over his shoulder. "Don't worry Kev, I'll be back before you leave."

"You better."

I know he'll be back around three thirty. Kevin has already gotten hysteric on his case once that he barely made it to the concert. We only had to delay our entrance ten minutes, but that was ten minutes more than Kevin would have wanted.

Both AJ and Howie leave, silence falling into the room suddenly. That really surprised me, considering the fact that it was barely eleven in the morning and usually Nicky would be all adrenaline, talking and jumping all around.

Out of the blue and before I could think any further, Nick stands up from the couch. "I'm going to my room. See ya later."

"Nick, don't forget about meeting us downstairs at three thirty."

"Yeah, yeah," I hear Nick mutter over his shoulder, uncaring all over his tone.

I stare at his back for a second. What's wrong with him? I turn around to see Kevin and when my eyes land on my cousin, he lowers his head, going over to the table standing on the side, picking up a couple of papers and looking at them. I would think something was wrong with him if it wasn't for the fact that Kevin is usually this... private and closed up whenever it comes to the schedule.

I keep my eyes on him when he turns around. He gives me a small smile and I realize it barely reaches his eyes. I also see bags under his eyes. Has he been sleeping at all? Probably not much. Maybe it's the tour finally catching up with him. I really don't think I have much to worry, however it isn't like that when it comes down to Nick. I know something is more than wrong with him.

I hear the door closing and I know I have to catch up with him to talk.

"See ya later Kev," I said hurriedly, trotting over to the door. I barely hear his acknowledge when I close the door after me.

I walk over to Nick's room, knocking a couple of times as I wait for him to open up, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

Nick opens and looks annoys at me. I don't think he's too happy to see me.

"Hey," I say as I enter his room. I don't want to wait for him to invite me in because somehow I fear he wouldn't.

"Brian..."

I can recognize that voice anywhere. That's his I don't want to talk with anyone, so would you please get your butt out of my room voice. It falls on deaf ears.

"It's still early," I say as I plop down onto the couch, smiling from ear to ear as I look at him walking over to me. "I thought we could do something. Maybe not shopping, but there's that new game we've been planning to start, remember? We could do that now."

He shakes his head tiredly and I know I can't give up now. "I'm really tired."

"Nah, I know you," my tone it's chipper than it would be, fully knowing that's going to annoy him enough as to telling me what the hell is wrong with him. "You only wanna start it without me. Well, I'm not going to let you mister." I scoot over and plop unceremoniously onto the floor right before the TV. "Lets bring it on!"

He gives me the evil eye as he takes a seat on the couch. He really doesn't want to play and talking to me it's lower in his To Do list.

Before he can say anything, I continue. "Come on! Don't be so boring. Lets play."

"Brian, really, I'm in no mood as to play."

"What is it?" I finally ask, tilting my head and crocking one eyebrow. I know something is more than wrong with him and I want to know. Maybe I can help. Until this point, I've always been able to help him with his problems.

He snorts and it's a painful sound, shaking his head as he does so. "I don't think so."

"Who knows? Maybe the solution it's closer than you think and you just can't see it. Maybe I can see it for you."

He shakes his head again and I know he doesn't believe a word I'm saying. "The answer it's close, I can give you that much, but you can't help me."

The answer is close? What did he mean by that? I ask myself, even more confused than I was when I first entered.

"What do you mean?" I ask aloud, staring at him intensely.

He chuckles ironically, shaking his head. "I'm talking nonsense. It's nothing." He looks to the sides, probably looking for a way to make me leave the room. "Look, just forget it, alright?"

This time I shake my head. "No. Obviously something is bothering you and if you told me, maybe I could help."

"There's nothing you can help me with. I know that. I've thought about that already."

"Nick...."

"Just let it go."

"I can't."

"Why not?" His voice suddenly rises as he stands up, waving his arms around at me. "Just let it go, alright. Let it fucking go!"

"No!" I stand up, looking at him straight in the eye. "If you get worked up like that, then it's obviously something big. Why won't you tell me?"

"Because you can't help!"

"You don't know that!"

"I know! I know!" He lets out a long sigh, his eyes just an empty void. "I know." He turns around and leans against the wall. He places both his hands over his face and I can hear it's hard for him to breath.

I'm about to die of worry just by looking at him.

I walk slowly over to where he is standing. Before I even reach him, he slides down the wall and ends up squatting down, his hands still covering his face. I don't need to hear it to know he's sobbing quietly. I squat down beside him. I doubt for a second before reaching out and holding him in my embrace. Nick complies without complain, burring his face in my neck and I loose balance. I force the two of us to sit down, him still in my arms.

I hold him tight as he cries.

My hands move up and down his back, whispering calming words into his ear even though I believe they aren't doing much good.

I have no idea what else to do besides this. I'm afraid for him; I'm hurting for him. I don't know what to do, so I do the only thing I'm sure won't hurt him. I just continue holding him.

It's minutes before he's calmed down enough as to pull away slightly and look at me.

My face must give just how worried I am for him as he gives me a small but sad smile.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs.

I shake my head. "Nick, there's nothing for you to be sorry about. I..." I trail off, not really knowing what to say. "I'm just worried for you." I pause, thinking my words carefully. "I... I want to help you Nick, but I won't be able to if you hide from me." I take a deep breath. "Let me in on what's wrong."

He shakes his head once again. "I can't." He moves away, standing up, brushing away the couple of tears that keep running down his face.

I take a deep breath once again. I have to be able to reach out to him. I have to be able to help him.

"Tell me," I plead with him, my voice breaking. It does feel like everything I'm trying is for nothing but I will not give up until he, at least, tells me what's wrong.

Nick continues shaking his head, walking around the room. "Let it drop Brian, I'm asking you here."

"And I'm asking you to trust me enough as to let me in." I walk over to where he is, turning him around and forcing him to look at me. "We've been friends for eight years Nick, it's not time for you to start keeping secrets from me." I'm running out of things to say, as I feel desperate.

Nick's just looking at me, his eyes an empty void.

"Please."

He denies my tries of coming closer to him. "I can't Brian, please, you don't understand."

"Then help me!" I'm loosing the fight here and I can feel it. I can almost feel him running through my fingers. "I just want to help you, that's all I want."

"You won't understand. You don't..." He takes a deep breath. "I don't think you could handle it."

"Then try me," my voice speaks the conviction I don't seem to show him. My face is hard, my eyes decided, my lips in a thin line. "I can take it Nick. Try me."

He takes a deep and long breath, letting it out slowly. His eyes fall down to the floor, thinking about it for a moment. I worry about his analysis of the situation. If I don't show him my conviction now, I won't be able to do it.

His eyes move upwards slowly, finally reaching mine and I know he's made a decision.

I stand here, waiting for him, staring at him as he makes up his mind. And even before he speaks up, I know what he's decided.