Snuggling even deeper into the couch, I accommodated the pillow that was against my back.

I checked my watch, which had been moved to my right hand, ought to the fact that the belt wouldn't go around the cast for all that its worth. It was only eleven twenty. Only fifteen minutes had passed. It felt like a lifetime.

The morning had been almost uneventful, except it seemed to last longer than my watch indicated.

The guys had been busy on the morning, and lunch was spent with the girls, which didn't help my mood. I really didn't have anything against them, but that Sandra girl just didn't sit right with me, making me uncomfortable with the other three.

Amanda and Kate, half bored out of their minds, since the guys left right after lunch, decided to go and so some shopping -- again.

I very politely declined, convinced that shopping wasn't meant for me. I hadn't enjoyed myself the day before when we went shopping with the guys, and I didn't want to get bored all through the trip today.

And so, the only answer left for me had been to try and read one of the couple of books I had brought along for the ride. I hadn't had the opportunity to keep on my reading, so now seemed the best time to do so.

I sighed softly, picking up my book from my side and staring at the first page.

My head crocked to the side. Stephen King was one of my favorite authors, and Cujo was supposed to be scary, kinda ironic considering I wasn't fond of getting scared. I swallowed, my eyes finding the words once again and I almost shuddered

A knock on the door made me jump from surprise, and I looked around the room. I was being paranoid.

It was just a book, I told myself. It was just a book, even though in my mind, something seemed to whisper that that was just me, telling myself it was just a book.

When the knock repeated, I stood up and walked over to the door, wondering if Kate had forgotten her key, which wouldn't be a first.

"Kate, you little--"

But the words died in my mouth when it wasn't Kate who was waiting for me on the other side of the door.

Sophie smiled softly at me. "Hey."

I frowned inwardly. "Hey there."

"Sorry to bother you," Sophie said, tilting her head to the side, her hand running through her shoulder length auburn hair as blue eyes twinkled at me. "I was bored and, well, Cassie and Megan are playing Nintendo and I'm not a big fan of it. I don't even want to know what Sandra is doing, so I thought I'd bother you for a little while."

Amanda's words run through my mind:

I smiled at her, and found myself at a lost of words.

Oh God.

"Well..." I trailed off.

I didn't have much of a choice right now, did I? I wasn't about to close the door on her face. That'd be impolite.

"Sure," I said with a compromise smile, and Sophie smiled back as I motioned for her to enter.

She walked inside, looking at the room. "Your room is far nicer than ours."

"You're kidding." I was sure their room would be exactly like ours.

"Nope." She grinned from ear to ear, plopping herself onto the couch. "And this couch it's so soft..." She curled in one corner, almost purring.

I chuckled. "It's good."

"I'm telling you my friend, it's great." She shrugged. "But you're probably used to this kind of treatment."

I snorted. "Are you joking? I still do a double take when the manager goes to tend the boys wherever we go." I smiled tensely, not knowing if I had spoken too much.

"Really? Being friends with the guys, I was sure you'd be used to all the chick stuff."

"Nah, this is the first time we've joined the guys on tour."

"That's so cool." She sat on the couch, placed her elbow on the armrest and rested her face on her open palm. "So, you're like regular people."

I grinned at her words, sitting opposite to her, my book on my lap. "Yeah, you could say that. Kate and I are studying at FU, we pay rent and worry about spending too much in either McDonalds or Pizza Hut, if that's what you mean."

I cringed as the words ran through my mind. Well, too late for now, isn't it?

"That's exactly what I mean. I could never afford a place like this."

I nodded, not really lying, but not telling the truth either. "I get you."

"But it's so nice to spend this two days with the boys," she looked around, sighing softly. "I can't help but feel that I'm intruding."

"The boys are glad you're here with them."

Amanda's words gave me an idea of what to say.

Sophie snorted. "Yeah, right. I know you're being polite and all that, but I'm sure they'd rather be left alone. It's not like they can be themselves with us around -- specially with Sandra."

"You don't like her either?" I choose that part of her sentence to answer, thinking that maybe I'd be able to lead the conversation.

"Do you think anyone likes her?"

Placing the book on the couch, the bookmark safely in between page 1 and 2, I stood up, walking over to the small fridge. "Do you want something?"

"I coke would be great."

I got held both cokes with my right hand, and handed her one. When I sat back again, she gave me a long look.

"You're really cool, do you know that?"

I tried my best not to blush. "Thanks."

She popped her coke open, and I did the same but helping myself with the armrest. I placed the coke there, my left fingers barely touching the can as for it not to tip and fall, and popped it open with my right hand. "It must be so great to spend the whole summer with the boys."

"I can't really complain."

"So you are having fun," it wasn't quite a statement, neither quite a question.

I smiled softly, Amanda's warning seeming to fly away from my mind and into thin air. "Yeah, it's kinda cool."

"Still," her eyes moved to the book laying by my side, "you're reading."

I followed her eyes and grinned, shrugging as I did so.

"Where's Kate? You thought I was her, didn't you?"

I nodded. "She and Amanda went shopping for a while."

"And you didn't go with her?"

"Nah, I'm not much for shopping."

"I can tell." Sophie took a long swing of her coke, raising her legs and dangling them over the armrest. Stretching her arms and she lowered herself into a lying position, she turned to look at me. "You're exactly like most boys. My ex hated to go shopping with me."

I shrugged nonchalantly. So everyone thought I was with Kate, as usual. It fit to the lie we were telling.

"Yesterday you seemed all mad, I thought you and Kate had gotten into a fight."

"We don't tend to fight too much." I grinned. "Except when I don't do laundry. She gets on my case--"

"You're living together?"

I nodded slowly, taking a second for things to fall to their own accord and me to realize what that implied. "Yeah."

"Wow." She sighed softly, her finger moving around the brim of the can. "How long have you two been together?"

"A little over three years." I tried to count from senior year, so I could remember the date.

"That's good. She's very nice."

"Thanks."

We fell into silence, when her eyes moved to my book. "What is it you're reading."

"Cujo."

She frowned, the name not ringing any bells. "Thriller?"

"Yep, kinda terror if you look at it closely. It's from Stephen King."

"He's great. I only got to read Red Madder, but it was amazing."

I nodded with a small smile. "I was surprised with the picture, how it kept getting bigger and bigger. Great book."

"So you like Stephen?"

"He's a great author."

"Who else do you read?"

"Poe. I've got a thing with him. I love his stories. Mostly fiction."

A Cheshire grin made its way towards her lips. "I love fiction," she let the word coming slowly from her lips. "But not that kind of fiction."

Something in the way she said it made me remember the kind of fiction I preferred as well. "Fanfiction?"

She tilted her head to the side, obviously surprised. "You read it too?"

"Yep. Love it. X-files mainly, but love it nonetheless."

"I didn't know you were a phile."

This time I tilted my head to the side. "Are you?"

She grinned. "I love the series, but I'm not that much into it. It's cool, though. Sixth season has really disappointed me. It's gonna totally fall through in the Emmys, that's for sure."

"Last year Dennis Franz won."

Sophie groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "Don't remind me. I wanted to kill the old shorty."

"Same here." I looked at her critically. "I wouldn't have paged you as the fanfiction kinda gal."

"Oh really?" She lifted one eyebrow. "Let me tell you my friend that I'm proud to say I've flunked tests because I was too busy reading to study a word the book said."

"That's something I can totally identify with." I grabbed the coke and took a long swing. "I just kept telling myself, I'd study when I finish the chapter. And when I was done with it, I was far too involved in the story to notice I was supposed to leave it and not just click for the next one. You just kinda go downfall from that point on."

"I was supposed to do this History project," she started, the corner of her lip twitching upwards, "and it was really easy, you know? An A for sure. And then..." she shrugged almost nonchalantly, the smile now totally visible in her features. "I just got too involved in a Sentinel story, totally forgot the time, had dinner coz my mom was yelling at me to get down to the table and then I was just too tired." She chuckled. "Stupid way to flunk a project, but the story was totally worth it."

"Sentinel?"

She nodded. "It's this TV show on CBS. It's about this guy who was in the jungle of Peru, I think, and got all this cool powers from the indigenes. He can hear like a pin drop in a five thousand miles radius. He can see really well." She sat down straight, leaning over to the edge of the couch, staring right at me. "Not X-ray, mind you, but just 40/20 kinda thing. Really cool."

"I didn't know there were fanfic on that show."

"Oh, there's tons of fiction on the net. Every show ever premiered, you can find at least a page about it. It's amazing."

I saw the evil gleam on her eyes and the devious smile on her face and that got me thinking. "There's probably fiction on the boys too."

"Oh really?" Her innocent wasn't better than Kate's, and Kate's left a lot to desire. "I hadn't thought about that."

"Show me a page."

Sophie chuckled, shaking her head as she did so. "No way."

"Why not? Internet it's a public domain, what's wrong with that?"

She seemed to think her words carefully, and that lit something in the back of my mind.

"What?"

Sophie shook her head. "Nothing."

"There's something you don't want to show me."

"Not that."

"Yes, what is it?" The way her eyes glanced at me, then at her hands, her body language, let me know there was something under the surface. "You write, don't you?"

That deer caught in the headlights kinda look gave me enough prove.

"You do!"

She shook her head. "Nah, you're--"

"You do! That's so great."

"You can't tell the boys," she said with a soft sigh.

"I won't," I hurry to reassure her, but I wondered why she wouldn't want me to tell them, "but why?"

"I don't want them thinking something awful of me."

"That's impossible."

She snorted. "Not really."

"There's nothing wrong about writing. I love reading stories, so I'm behind you one hundred percent. But why don't you--?"

"I just don't." Her tone raised and I bit back my response.

"Sure. I won't tell them."

Silence fell over us and let her cool off enough to ask again what I wanted to know the most at the moment.

"Now, can I see your writing?"

Sophie smiled softly, shaking her head. "I don't want them to misunderstand it."

"I told you already I won't tell them."

"Then I don't want you to misunderstand it."

"Why would I?"

Her next question took me by surprise. "Have you read slash?"

I ran the words through my mind once again before answering. "Yeah, a couple," I shrugged. "X-Files doesn't really give you a lot of room for slashing the characters, you know? I don't like to think about Mulder and Skinner together, but I don't mind."

It would be really hypocrite of me to mind a couple of slashed characters.

"So, you're okay with it?"

I shrugged. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

That's when it hit me. Like a ton of bricks, hard on my chest, making all air leave my lungs for a second.

"You write slash."

Her small grimace and the way her eyebrows shot upwards with a shrug of her shoulders was enough.

"That's why you were worried I'd tell the guys? I don't think they'd mind."

She snorted, loud and almost painful. "You can't know for sure. You can't assume things like that about people. And I'm telling you because I know."

The harsh tone of her voice let me know she wasn't in the mood for me the issue any further -- she wouldn't give. But her words were more than enough for me to know I agreed with her. One of the many reasons not many people knew about my sexuality.

"I don't mind," I repeated, and she smiled at me.

"I'm glad."

"And I won't tell the boys either, even if I'm sure they wouldn't mind at all." I dared to add a couple of words to that sentence. "They don't mind homosexuality, you know?"

"I'm sure they don't, specially being in the business. I'm sure that, at least, 10% of the people they work with are gay, but it's something entirely different when you are the one being slashed."

I gave her a small smile and I totally understood her.

"Can I see your work now?"

She laughed, loud and hard, probably surprised at what I was asking, especially after knowing it was slash.

"I hadn't thought about the boys that way, but I'm sure I could come up with a storyline or two."

She chuckled, finishing her coke in one gulp. "Oh yeah."

"Whom do you pair whom with?"

"Oh, for me, it's Kevin and Nick."

I choked on my coke. I started coughing while she looked at me with wide eyes. My hand moved to my mouth and I tried to get the air once again to enter my lungs. Kevin. Out of all people. Uh, and Nick. Now, that was rich.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just..." I decided to be truthful with her. "The pairing surprised me, that's all."

"You don't see Kevin with Nick?"

Her tilted head and her inquiring eyes only made me laugh. I tried to see what she saw.

Kevin, with his tall posture and dark hair, enchanting green eyes by Nick's side, boyish charm pouring from every breath he takes, blond hair catching the sun light and that dazzling smile.

I gasped softly. They were, indeed, perfect for each other. And I was surprised I hadn't seen it before. I was supposed to be more imaginative than that.

"I take it you do it now."

I turned around, grabbed the first pillow my hand came in contact with and threw it towards her.

"Hey," she said as she ducked. "What was that for?"

"Now I won't be able to see those two together without picturing doing... that!"

She giggled, that devil twinkle in her eyes again. "Then my work here is done."

"I can't believe..."

"It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

I couldn't do anything but nod. "Yeah." I paused for a moment, bringing back shreds of memory from the past month to the foreground of my mind. I've seen those two standing side by side in multiple pictures and at least two-dozen concerts. "They aren't together, you know?"

The words surprised me when they left my mouth. I told myself jealousy didn't become me, specially with Nick, who I knew, from a fact and his very own lips, was straight as an arrow. But I couldn't help ponder about the rather harsh tone I had used with those words.

"I know that you idiot," she told me with a roll of her eyes. "I know that. It's not like I believe they are, no matter how cute they would look together in the Christmas cards, but still. I just write them like that."

"How long have you been writing?"

"Not much, not really." She thought about her words for another second. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Can I have another soda?"

I chucked. "Be my guest. Take it from the fridge, I don't wanna stand up."

"Lazy ass," she told me as she walked to the fridge. She got a Sprite out and looked at the price tag, whistling. "Damn, ten bucks for a damn soda. That's robbery in the middle of the day, you know?"

I shrugged. "We don't pay, you know? The boys do. And they are the first to eat twelve dollar M&Ms, so I don't think about it much now."

"You used to?"

"Back when Kate and I first got on the tour. We both kept thinking the boys would see the bill and get on our case, get angry at us and all that stuff, saying we're spending too much. Not only they don't care about it, but they spend three times as much as Kate and I would in a bad day. I think it's part of the job."

"I'd love to get a job like that," she said very wisely as she sat back down. "I know they work their asses off for that money, but it is much more than my parents make in... a year, so I'd be willing to put up with that."

I grinned at her, not wanting to talk about money. I let her enjoy the first sip of her coke. "Now back onto the subject, can I see your work?"

With a small smile, she answered. "Do you have a laptop?"

I grinned. This was going to be fun.

*****

"Oh my," I whispered under my breath as my eyes run through the words, the sentences making me smile. "Oh God."

Hmm.

"Hmm..."

I sighed.

"Well..."

I blushed.

"I'm not so sure about that..."

I shook my head in denial.

"Nick would totally say that."

I chuckled.

"Oh boy."

When I finished the chapter, I turned around and looked at her. "Have you finished this?"

She shook her head, a smile on her lips. "Nah, I'm having writer's block at the moment."

"You gotta finish it. It's... it's great! I can't wait to read more." I paused. "Sit down right now and keep writing."

Sophie laughed. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm blocked."

"Then I'll inspire you," I said with a grin. "I'll give you inside scoop."

She laughed, long and hard, shaking her head. "Thanks, really, thanks a lot, but I'm not in the mood to write right now. So, you really liked it?"

"It was great! I didn't know you could write like that."

Sophie shrugged, closing down the window of her page. It was a public page, as she had explained to me that eleven dollars a month, for her, was half her allowance.

"Thanks. My first couple of stories totally sucked, you know? They were far too mushy."

"Corny?"

"Diabetic coma inducing, if you catch my drift."

I grinned. "I liked it." I stretched my arms, slouching against the back of the chair.

"Thanks." She stood up and walked to the fridge. "I should really quit on the cokes, you know? Too many calories."

"You look stunning!"

She shrugged. "Metabolism, I guess. But still. I start college on the fall and I wanna look good."

"What are you majoring in at?"

"I'm not sure," she sat back down, a coke in her hand as she handed me another one. This was the third one in only an hour. Great, now I was gonna be all hyper.

"Civil Engineering, I think."

"Kate's studying that, you know?"

"Really?"

I nodded. "Yep. Third year and she's gonna hate every minute of it."

"I know. The only reason I'm doubtful is because I wonder if I'll be able to pass all those subjects."

"They aren't that bad. You just gotta study, try your best. Kate did."

"I'm glad." She paused, looking at me with her head tilted. I realized she liked doing that and it fit with her profile. "So, you don't mind I write slash?"

"Nope, why should I?" I shrugged nonchalantly. "They seem very much in love."

"I try." She grinned. "They do look good together, don't they?"

"They'd make a cute couple," I said with a smile, completely sure of my words.

For a second there, for a breath and the beat of my heart, I thought about telling her about Kevin and me. If anyone would understand, it would be her, then the secret would be out of the circle that the boys, the girlfriends, Kate and I made, and I was sure that'd feel great.

But then the second passed by and the heartbeat continued to another, and it didn't seem as right as it had just a moment ago.

I bit my lower lip and really wondered if I should tell her.

"Do you think Kate would mind?"

Her words caught my by surprise, and I had to try to find my way back into the conversation and run the sentence through my brain one more time. I shook my head. "Nah, she'd just want to read it. And tease Nick."

Sophie tensed. "You can't tell Nick."

"I won't."

"If you tell Kate, tell her not to tell him."

"I will."

"Nick would die."

I pondered. "Nah, he'd just like to see if he was written in character or something like that."

We both chuckled, Sophie almost choking on her coke while I shrugged with a smile on my face.

Just then, the door opened and I heard Kate's voice all through to the room.

"Matt! You are not going to believe the pair of sneakers I found! I hope they fit you," Kate said, excitement totally audible in her tone, "they'd said that I can change them if they don't."

I heard her giggled, and Amanda laughed. "Uh, and I got this pair of pants that are just--"

Her words died on her lips when both Sophie and I appeared on the doorframe.

Amanda wasn't any better. If anything, she seemed even more pissed at me that Kate was, which at the moment was kinda bad.

Kate tilted her head, her features relaxing and an almost invisible frown planted on her forehead.

"Hi," she said tersely, looking at me, at Sophie and then back at me.

What is she doing here? I could hear her asking as she stared at me, brown eyes glazed over with a stoic nature that wasn't hers. Why did you let her in?

I smiled reassuringly, walking over to her and planted a kiss on her lips. She didn't kiss me back, just tensed over even more.

"Hi sweetie," I run my fingers through her hair, untangling the tips, "so you got me something?"

"Sneakers."

Her voice was so cold, it seemed winter in Siberia.

"Well," Sophie said with an embarrassed smile, and a shrug of her shoulders, "I think I better go."

"You'll send me..." I looked right at Sophie, "that piece of info."

She smiled softly at me. I meant her web page and she nodded. "Sure. Tomorrow morning. First thing."

"Cool."

"Great seeing you girls," she said as she passed them by, in a hurry to reach the door and I can't blame her, with both Amanda and Kate looking at her like she tried to kill someone.

The second the door closed after Sophie, questions were fired at me.

"Why was she here?"

"Did you invite her?"

"What did I tell you?"

"You can't trust her!"

"She'll tell the others."

"She just wants to know more."

"She's a spy."

I rolled my eyes at their paranoia. "And I'm supposed to be the crazy one here, right?" I looked at them in utter astonishment. "She's not a spy, for God's sake, she's just a girl."

"They are never just girls," Amanda said with seriousness on her tone.

"Well, she is." I stated firmly, all the while Kate was shooting daggers at me.

"Did you inviter her into or did she just invited herself?"

"She was bored and wondered if I was too."

Kate snorted. "Right. I bet she only wanted to see if she could find pictures of the boys."

"Kate!"

"What did you tell her Matt?" She paused, the second time most pissed off I had ever seen her in my life. That incident took the first place. "And why as she in our bedroom?"

"We were using the comp."

"It's a laptop, why didn't you bring it out here?"

"Arg!" I groaned, shaking my head and walking over to the other side of the room. "Are you even listening to yourself? What do you think she is?"

"Someone we can't trust!"

"What are you, the Nazis?"

Kate only glared at me even more.

I rolled my eyes. "Kate, she's a nice girl."

"That's what you say."

"Of course that's what I say."

We stood there, glaring at each other and I wondered why in the world she was so pissed off at me.

"I'll see you guys later," Amanda said softly as she walked over to the door.

We barely even noticed.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing!" I was just as mad at her as she was at me by this point. "And why do you care?"

"Because this isn't your secret anymore Matt, it's Kevin's as well."

"You think I told her?"

"You look guilty."

"I didn't, alright? Who the hell do you take me for, huh?" I wasn't about to let her know I had been planning to. "We were just talking."

"Why did she come?"

I shook my head in surprise. "I told you already. I was reading and she came by to see if I was as bored as she was. Period. And stop with the interrogation. I'm not your prisoner and I can do whatever I want."

"That's stupid."

"No, you're being stupid with this." I shook my head. "What the hell happened while you two were gone that you're suddenly all SWAT on me?" She had the whole shoot first, ask later policy.

"Amanda told me a couple of her encounters with the fans, that's what happened." Her voice softened and it must have been pretty ugly for her to change moods all of a sudden. "You should have heard her."

"It can't be that bad."

"It was worst Matt." She paused, letting the air leave her lungs through her barely parted lips. "It was awful. They used to bash her, did you know that? They used to say she was only using Alex for her career, that she was whore. They even called her that to her face once when she was leaving a venue."

"God," I gasped, staring at Kate.

She nodded. "Someone called at her place a couple of times and threaten to hurt her if she didn't leave Alex. She had to change numbers and not list it." She shook her head, not wanting to recall what else Amanda had told her. "They did all those things to her and she's a girl. Do you have any idea--?" Her voice shook with fear and the words paused in mid cry.

"Kate," I said softly, taking her into my arms. No wonder she was so mad at Sophie. After everything Amanda had told her, everyone would be shaken up.

She sniffled a couple of times, her cheek on the croak of my neck, her breath tickling my throat.

"They'd hate you," she whispered, her words barely audible in the otherwise silent room.

I nodded, a sad smile on my lips. I had known that much from the very beginning and I had never deceived myself against that. They'd hate me. They'd hate me and they wouldn't be silent about it. I knew it perfectly fine.

"I know," I told her after a moment.

"They'd call--"

"I know."

"They'd go home and send--"

I tightened my hold on her. "I know honey, I know. But you don't have to worry. I didn't tell her and I don't plan on telling anyone." Not now, not ever. I was sure of that. "But not all fans are that bad."

"I don't trust her. I don't trust either of them."

I sighed softly. "I know."

"I don't want you talking with her."

I chuckled at her possessiveness. "A tad territorial, aren't you?"

She clutched tightly at my back. "I don't."

"Okay, I'll think about it."

"I don't."

I sighed. Her voice left no room for arguments. "Okay, I won't talk with her, not about that, but I'll talk with her with you present, okay?"

She seemed to think about it then nodded.

"Good." I kissed the top of her head, the smiled. "So, what did you get me?"

That lightened her mood in a second. She pulled away, her eyes just a tinge red, but fine nonetheless, and she smiled at me. She loved the thrill of shopping.

"You'll love it."

"I'm sure I will."

And when she showed me, I did.

*****

After the guys returned, we only had time to grab a jacket for the wind that tended to pick up at night and head for the van. The girls were traveling on another van, which gave Kevin and me twenty minutes to catch up with each other's day and maybe kiss a little bit.

I didn't tell her about Sophie's writing. I knew he wouldn't mind, but at the same time feared for Kevin's own state of mind. I knew he'd wonder if he probably was giving a gay vibe or something along those lines. I knew he'd start being extra careful with his behavior and words. And I didn't want that to happen, not when Sophie wrote that because she liked it, not base in any actual events.

I didn't tell him about Amanda's problem with the media, I was sure he already knew that. Kate had really freaked out about it and was deadest on not letting anyone know about Kevin and I -- ever, if she could help it. She didn't want me going through the same thing. I knew her reasons were valid, but I also knew she was overreacting.

Fans can be harsh in their comments, I knew because I myself had said some pretty rough things about David and Gillian's performance on the sixth season and on the movie. But I also knew that they only wish the best for the stars. I was sure the boys' fans weren't any different. They were kinda drastic, but only in their passion.

Kate wouldn't concur with me, so I kept quiet.

The boys had sound check and Amanda suggested we'd do something. When I looked at her, surprised at her suggestion she just lifted her eyebrows and shrugged.

It seemed like she didn't wish to sit through another sound check. I understood her.

Ideas were thrown around before the girls decided they wanted to explore the venue. It didn't call out much for either Kate or me; we had done it the first couple of venues we had visited. But Amanda shrugged with almost an enthusiastic smile on her face; I was beginning to tell the difference between Amanda's natural smiles from the ones for the cameras.

We went through every single passage the venue held, then the girls got hungry and we decided to go out for a little snack.

About an hour later, we were back in the venue. Time had flown, which was heavenly for me, and the girls wanted to see other things before the concert. Meanwhile, Amanda, Kate and I went to the dressing room to wait for the guys.

Later on, I was sitting on the couch, the boys busy, when I felt the other side of the sofa giving under someone's weight. I turned around and saw brown eyes staring at me.

"You finished?" I asked as I eyed his outfit. The blue suited the boys perfectly.

Alex nodded. "Yep." He paused for a second, seeming to try and find the words. "I'm sorry Matt. I wanted to tell you that before but..."

"Don't worry."

But Alex continued. "I'm really sorry. I didn't man to get Kevin into trouble."

My lips tightened. "It wasn't your fault, but Kevin's own."

"I knew he was trying to find the right moment to tell you."

"Alex, it's not like he was going to break with me. He just had to tell me one day during breakfast."

Alex shrugged. "He figured you'd get mad."

"Mad?" I sounded surprised. "Why would I get mad?"

"Amanda hates it when fans join us. She can't be herself and we all have to be careful."

"I don't mind."

He snorted, shaking his head. "There was no way we could have know, was there?"

"He could have simply asked and I would have told him there was no way I'd be mad at something like that." I smiled at him. "It's his work and I respect that."

Tilting his head to the side, he looked at me. "'Manda would have killed me. First, for not telling her, and then for having those girls over."

I chuckled at his words. "I'm sure Amanda would, but I certainly don't mind."

"That's good, but sorry again. I didn't want you to get angry at Kevin."

"It's all worked out now," I told him.

Alex nodded, feeling the pants pockets. I wondered if those things actually had pockets. "I must have left them on my bag."

"I've got some."

He grinned at me while I reached for my backpack, searching for Kate's cigarettes. When I found them, I pulled to two long dark brown ciggies and handed him one. Her Zippo was besides the pack, and after lighting mine, I handed it to him.

"This is the one you were talking about."

I nodded, taking a drag of the cigarette. "Yep. I gave it to her."

"It's nice."

"Thanks."

Alex took a couple of drags and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling. I could only grin in response. For me, smoking had to be one of the most relaxing things -- ever.

"These are very nice."

I agreed with him. "Kate loves them and for me it's more like an acquire taste."

"They look feminine."

I nodded. "I think they are."

Alex chuckled, shaking his head but taking another drag. "Oh God."

"What are you smoking and why don't you share?"

I couldn't help but grin as the voice walked over to Alex and sat on his lap. As I was looking at them, I felt a slap on my shoulder. For a moment there, I wasn't sure whether it was Kate or Kevin.

"You're forbidden of smoking without me, remember?"

That voice settled the confusion.

"Sorry girl." I turned around and gave her the ciggie. "Here you go."

She took a drag as she gave me the evil eye. "Smoking my cigarettes, with my Zippo and not even sharing?"

I chuckled. "You're over reacting."

I heard a groan and turned around to look at the source. Howie grimaced. "Could you like, smoke outside?"

Alex gave him the finger. Kate and I just chuckled.

"Matt," I rolled my eyes the second I heard Nick's voice, "you should know better. You're a doctor."

"Med student," I corrected him. "And I do know better, I just don't care."

Kevin looked at me with a severe look, biting back the words. I didn't need to hear them to foresee the tone, that patronizing tone I hated so much. I bit back my own comment.

"Besides, as soon as I hit thirty, I'll have yearly respiratory check ups. That's my promise to myself."

That seemed to ease Kevin's worry and I smiled softly at him. To some degree, I could understand him. He had lost his father to cancer, he could very well lose me to the same evil. I got that. I just didn't like how it felt every time Kevin acted all grown up to me.

I felt childish.

Kevin walked over me and planted a kiss on my lips. I kissed him back, licking the thin lips that responded passionately. I felt him twitch slightly and I grinned in the kiss. I loved the effect I had on him. It was... intoxicating. Addictive.

"I love you," he whispered against my ear as he nuzzled my neck. "I love you and I want you with me."

I nodded, hugging him the best I could while I was still sitting and he was leaning against me. I understood. "I know. And I'm here."

He nodded after a moment and kissed my jaw where it met my neck, I chuckled slightly. He placed both his hands on either side of my face and green eyes captivated me and I could do nothing but gaze into them. "Stay with me."

"Of course." The words, though not the most poetic, were heartfelt.

He kissed me again before pulling away, and running his hand through my hair. I leaned in the caress and he rewarded me with a soft and tender smile.

"I love you," he whispered once again and I smiled back, mouthing the words.

It lasted seconds, but it was enough for us as Kevin and I were isolated in our own world. The boys keep on moving, changing, and I just leaned my head against the back of the couch. Kate sat by my side, and I kept stealing her cigarette from time to time.

Unexpectedly, I started shaking my head slightly as I took a long puff, a song having stuck in my mind when I wasn't looking.

I kept nodding, trying to come up with the lyrics for the rest of the song that I seemed to like all of a sudden.

The first person I saw turning around to look at me staggered was Nick, one eyebrow lift and I wondered for a moment if it was something I had said.

He walked over me, eyebrow still raised and I stopped singing because I could barely think about the tone when Nick was staring at me like that.

"What were you singing?"

"What?"

Nick rolled his eyes. "What were you singing?"

I shrugged. I could scarcely remember the lyrics, let alone the name. "Dunno. I song I must have heard somewhere, but I don't remember the name, why?"

"Kevin!" Nick's focus shifted drastically and he was screaming. "How can you let him--"

"Excuse me, let me?"

"-- sing Nsync's songs?!"

"N what?"

"Nsync!" Nick said in outraged and I only lifted one eyebrow. "That's Nsync."

"Right..." I said with a smile. "Like that means a whole lot to me."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Nsync is another group. We... well... we kinda..."

"What Nick is trying to say but barely has neurons to say it," Kate said with a small grin as Nick complained, "is that they are rivals. Oh, right, about that, is that rivalry true?"

Alex shook his head. "It's not like that. We're both boybands, but we're not enemies or anything like that."

"Then why they hell are you bothering me, then?" I asked Nick with a raised eyebrow.

"That doesn't mean I like the fact that you're singing their songs."

"Nick," Kevin said slowly, giving me a small and tender smile, "let it go, okay? Matt can sing anything he wants."

I didn't like the patronizing feeling of his voice, or the almost tactic fact that he let me sing anything I wanted, but I didn't want to start a fight either, so I kept quiet.

It was entirely too obvious Nick wanted to say something else, but he just groaned and turned around to finish putting on his vest.

I shrugged nonchalantly, Kevin walked towards me to give me a kiss. Kate chuckled as Nick finished changing slightly angry still.

I was considering talking to Nick about it when there was a knocking on the door.

They finished putting things together, and with one last kiss, we seven walked out of the dressing room, the girls meeting us minutes afterwards.

That night, I enjoyed the show very much like the first time I watched it. I sang with the guys, for Kate and I were already learning the lyrics. I moved with Nick when he sang "It's gotta be you", almost knowing the dance routine by heart. Kevin winked at me when he sang "I want it that way" and I kept bouncing on my heels when they were on their suits in "All I have to give." I placed my arms on Kate's chest as she leaned against my own when they were singing, "No one else comes close" and "Spanish eyes." And I could have sworn Kevin was looking at me as much as he could.

That night, to my very own surprised, I enjoyed myself to the fullest. I had been missing that.

*****

When I woke up the next morning, my arms over Kate, the first thought that came to my mind made me grin from ear to ear.

The girls were leaving today.

It sounded mean and awful and a million more things but I didn't care. Finally I'd be able to kiss Kevin in the intimacy of our bedroom and I was very glad I could.

An hour later, Kate was still feeling sleepy -- even though she slept a good nine hours since we had stayed in the city all through the night.

We entered Kevin's room for breakfast and it was like Christmas all over again. There were tons of presents and an amazing amount of wrapping paper all over the floor.

The girls were giving the boys presents.

I smiled as well as I could.

Sandra, as expected, was talking with Nick, placing her hand on his arm and looking at him like she could spread him on a cookie. Kate hated her even more.

When I thought about it, I realized it was very sweet from them to give the boys presents. The boys, in response, were signing pretty much everything the girls would put in their hands.

That made me smile. That and the way the boys didn't let them know their fingers were probably numb by now.

Pictures were taken. The boys with the girls, the girls with each other, the boys with each one of them, Amanda with Alex, Amanda with the girls. Kate and I were happy just being part of the background. We were good at that.

We had breakfast, all the while talking about anecdotes -- the boys' anecdotes, of course. They talked about the first album, and touring on Europe. They talked about favorite interviewers and how little sleep one gets when you have to be up at five.

It was fun.

And before I realized, it was over. I tried not to smirk about that.

I said my goodbyes to the girls, hugging Cassie and Megan, giving Sandra a small smile and it was pretty obvious she didn't want me to hug her more than I did. And after I hugged Sophie goodbye, she pulled me at arms length, his hands holding mine, and I felt a piece of paper slipping into my fingers.

"It was great meeting you."

I matched her wicket smile notch by notch. "Yep. You too."

"Take care." And with one last hug from her, they were gone, having to take a flight in less than two hours.

Ten seconds after the door closed behind them, Kevin turned me around and kissed me. I didn't mind that at all.

Before anyone would notice the paper, or I would drop it, I placed it in my right pocket and walked over to the couch, sitting by Kevin's side and laying against his chest.

After two rather long days, everything seemed back to normal -- to some extend.

I couldn't enjoy the moment for too long, as the boys had a radio interview in an hour. Kevin kissed me goodbye, and in ten minutes they were gone.