PART 1: THE LEAP: possibilities

Scully was enjoying working with Dr. Kendra McKenna. She was a brilliant pathologist from San Diego who had recently transferred to head up the department at Quantico. They had a lot in common as regarded their medical background. It was enjoyable to talk about forensics with someone who was as intrigued by it as she was. Dr. McKenna as requested another pathologist with experience be brought in temporarily to assist in a series of 18 autopsies.

The people had been found dead in an abandoned barn with no obvious cause of death. Looked like a mini Jonestown. They were averaging two or three per day what with all the lab reports and paperwork.

This was the last day of her two-week stay, which had been approved by Skinner. Dr. McKenna had heard about Mr. and Mrs. Spooky, the notorious X-File team and was curious about Dr. Dana Scully. She was pleasantly urprised that she was so down to earth and normal. Dana had made her laugh on numerous occasions over the last two weeks reciting tales of flukeman and brain eating monsters. She talked about her partner constantly. Kendra doubted if she even realized it. She talked of him in glowing terms, about his sense of humor, his dedication and his brilliant profiling ability. She never mentioned any other man, which seemed a bit odd. Her partner was picking her up tonight when the shift was over to take her to dinner. She had casually explained it away as just a dinner to catch her up on what was going on in her absence.

All week they'd up to their elbows in flesh and blood and were having a good time of it. No disrespect to the corpses, but it was a nice break from chasing UFOs, conspirators and wading through mountains of paper work in her and Mulder's tiny basement office in the Hoover Building. This was where she shined. This was her science, where things were observed, tested, measured and weighed and the answers were formed through logical, empirical math equations and hi-technology and good old fashioned 'process of elimination. It was Friday and was nearing the end of her sojourn here and she felt calm and grounded gain and ready to go back to the world of the X-Files.

The downside of this little working vacation was that she had barely seen Mulder, except in passing. She was surprised at how much she missed him and found herself talking about him to fill the void.

The banter the arguing, the quirky smiles he flashed when he was about to drop a verbal bomb were all things she missed. He loved to fire her up and start friendly arguments that left them both aggravated but strangely invigorated. He was coming to pick her up in about an hour to take her to dinner. She was looking forward to his company. She didn't analyze to closely why she had brought the cocktail dress that she did, but she wanted to look nice for him.

They rarely got the chance to relax outside of work without a case being the reason for their meeting. She'd managed to suppress the occasional flashes of unpartnerly thoughts over the last six years. This week, she realized with chagrin that she missed his invasion of her personal space, his hand on the small of her back, the gentle touch of his fingers on her arm.

A couple of years ago she had even engaged in a few fantasies when pleasuring herself. But when the dreams had started, she redoubled her efforts to suppress her attraction and concentrated on their work to the point of exhaustion. It worked. The dreams went away, the fantasies were denied in lieu of Playgirl Magazine and a vibrator. Her wayward sexual frustration had faded. Her thoughts were back on their friendship and she had been doing good, going through the days with a detached professionalism. This week had been different.

She chalked it up to being away from him for two weeks and in her usual razor sharp fashion had employed her protective denial. But she had that dream again last night for the third night in a row. She shivered just thinking about it. Mulder cradling her head in his hands and kissing her until she couldn't stand up. The dream always progressed to a very naked Mulder laying across her body and making love to her. She would wake up sweating and panting, felling her vaginal walls contracting in orgasm. Why had the dream come back? She shook her head. Deny everything. Good motto.

Dr. McKenna peered over Dana's shoulder to look at the chest cavity Scully was digging into. She commented, "Yup, just like the others, massive striations in the heart muscle tissue and burst alveoli in the lungs. No toxicology screens yet. What do you think, Dana?" They were on a first name basis now. Dana concentrated on her scalpel incision making the last cut to remove the heart.

"Well, I can't be sure, but I'm leaning towards some sort of gas rather than ingested poison. Something toxic that is inhaled and then absorbed into the blood stream, damaging the heart. The livers don't look good either. I'm betting the toxicology screen will show some form of liver disease as well, possibly from the tainted blood."

"Spot on, Dr. Scully, my thoughts exactly." Dana smiled at the easy rapport that that sprung up between them. Dr. Kendra McKenna was Scully's opposite in every way, physically. She was 5' 10' tall, long, dark brown, wavy hair she wore in a pony tail down her back when out of the hair net she sported now. She was thin but not overly so and had a generous bosom and dark eyes and olive skin. She was of Lebanese descent. Her ex-husband was Irish, hence the McKenna name, which she kept. She was everything Scully was not, tall, dark and exotic.

Mulder's type, she thought suddenly with an unexpected pang. So what? Why do I care? I don't, her denial assured. It was just an observation. She had just lifted the heart and spun around to put it on the scale when Mulder crashed through the swinging doors of the autopsy bay with the grace of a cat and that lop-sided smile he so rarely bestowed on her lately.

"Hey, Scully, long time no see." She stumbled and almost dropped the heart. Kendra's quick reflexes reached out and steadied her.

"Easy, girl," she quipped and they swung together, plopping the heart into the scale.

"I'm so sorry, Kendra!"

"No harm, no foul." She leaned into Dana's ear and whispered, "That's your partner? What a fox!"

Dana whispered back, "Funny you should say that."

Mulder stood casually with an ear to ear grin, waiting patiently. "Sorry, Scully." He only had eyes for Dana and Kendra noticed. She was puzzled by Dana's comment.

"Jesus Christ, Mulder, you startled me! Do you always have to make entrances like a bull?" He looked gorgeous in his fitted, light gray Raman suits. He was wearing a light blue, silk dress shirt and a thin black tie. "What, no snoopy ties tonight?"

He flashed the grin again, obviously enjoying her upset and then her banter. His low, smooth voice sounded again. "Not tonight, I figured I'd try my best not to embarrass you tonight. Sorry, I know I'm early."

"Too early, Mulder, it's only 4:30!" His voice dropped an octave and he adopted a teasing tone. "I missed you too, Red." She hated when he called her Red. But god, that voice. She hated when he used it on her. She knew he was only teasing, but it did weird things to her stomach. Silence.

Kendra leaped into the breach. "Dana, I can finish up here if you want to go early."

"Uh, you sure?"

"Yes, go." She turned to Mulder. "By the way, I'm Kendra McKenna. Dana's told me a lot about you." She extended her no ungloved hand and Mulder grasped it firmly.

"Fox Mulder, nice to meet you." Kendra barked once, something between a laugh and a cough. Then she began coughing a little too loudly and holding her hand to her chest, her face toward the floor. "Dr. McKenna, are you all right?" he asked, immediately concerned. Then turned with a puzzled frown as Dana burst into a fit of giggles. "Scully?"

He rarely heard her laugh, let alone giggle and although her reaction was peculiar, it brought an answering smile to his face. God, she's spectacular. Standing there in green scrubs, bloody gloves, a hair net and safety goggles, her head thrown back as peals of her laughter bounced off the walls. She was gorgeous. He glanced back at Dr. McKenna to see her composed and smiling ruefully at Dana.

"Scully, what the hell?" he asked, still smiling. She inhaled a large breath and tried to suppress her laughter. "Sorry, private joke, Mulder."

"Oh."

"Well, get out here, Dana."

"No, I'll help you take down these weights. Another 15 minutes Mulder and I'll meet you in the cafeteria, O.K.?"

"Sure." He forgot about Kendra instantly. Kendra watched as he strolled up to her, towering over her petite 5'2" frame and bending down to her ear. "Don't keep me waiting too long, Scully, you know how cranky I get when you're late for a date," he quipped.

"Don't be an ass, Mulder, get out of here. You're early, a first for you, I might add, so suck it up and wait."

He beamed at her. "Ooo, I love it when you talk tough, especially wearing that sexy outfit. I think the bloody gloves are the best."

"Mulder." He voice held a warning.

"See you in a few, Scully. Nice outfit by the way, are you wearing those to dinner?" he asked, waving a hand at her scrubs. I made reservations at 'Bon Apetit', but we can just hit Mo's Diner if you'd rather."

"Mulder, OUT!"

"O.K., O.K., nice to meet you Dr. McKenna," he said as an afterthought and strolled out the door in a flurry of swinging doors and English Leather cologne. Scully turned shaking her head. Kendra grinned. "I owe you big time for the name thing. That was cruel."

"I didn't have a chance to tell you."

"And Agent Scully, I didn't realize."

"Realize what?"

"That your partner was also your partner."

"On, no, Kendra, we're just good friends and he's an impossible flirt. He doesn't mean anything by it. He just makes it his life's work to rattle my cage. He has a very weird sense of humor. I mean, he seems to delight in tormenting me until I crack. A bit sadistic actually. He isn't happy until I yell at him. After six years of this, I'm on to him now and just give him what he wants - my exasperation. I mean, that way, he will end the torment." Why was she babbling? God, he looked good in that suit. She looked up from reading the scale to see Kendra staring at her oddly.

"What?"

"Me thinks though dost protest too much, Dana. Didn't look that way to me."

"You misunderstand. A lot of people do. They don't understand our relationship. Hell, I don't even know if I understand it half the time. We work good together though, balance each other out. It really is just friendship though."

"Can you possibly be that blind?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he barely could tear his eyes off you to introduce himself to me."

"You're imagining things."

"Um, no, I'm not. I'm a good judge of these things and that man has the hots for you."

"That's ridiculous. No, he doesn't." Scully sighed loudly. "Look, we're close, we lead a strange life. We can rarely trust anyone but each other. Yes, we have a tight bond born of stress, support and friendship and mostly on trust. But it's NOT a romantic thing."

"You banter like an old married couple."

"So I've heard. I wouldn't know. I've never been married."

"Him?"

"No, neither of us."

"Does he date?" Dana's eyes flew to Kendra's. Was she interested in Mulder? She was his type. Most women were. Why did that bother here? It didn't, it just...felt wrong. Stop it Dana!

"Well?" Kendra had caught the flash of jealousy in Dana's eyes at the mere mention of Mulder dating.

"Uh, not that I know of right now. He's dated two or three women over the years, a couple of dates each. For some reason, he scares them off. I'm not sure why." She scrunched her brow. "Now that you mention it, he hasn't gone out with anyone that I know of in about three years now."

"Because he's besotted with you," she stated quietly.

"No, Kendra. I'm sorry. You're wrong. Just drop it O.K.?" Why was this conversation becoming distinctly uncomfortable.

"No, I'm not wrong. You're in denial. I've seen very few men look at a woman the way he just looked at you when your were laughing. It was written all over his face. There's only one thing that produces that look, and it's rare."

Scully raised her eyebrows. She was irritated that she wouldn't let this go. She didn't want to have an argument with Kendra on her last day.

Kendra sighed. "Love, that's the only thing that produces that look."

"Nope. Sorry. Actually, you're more his type; tall, think, dark, buxom. I've seen his women. They were all like you, dark hair, dark eyes. I'm short, red-headed with stumpy legs and small chest. Definitely not Mulder's type." Why did it hurt to say that?

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or You?" At the scowl on Dana's face, she decided to stop pushing and joke instead. "O.K., I'll drop it. Your loss though. You could have him if you wanted him. He'd be yours for the asking.

And he is hot."

Mulder had gotten a cup of Café Latte and wandered back toward the pathology hoping to hurry her along. He was impatient to be alone with her. These two weeks had been torture. It seemed to have done her a world of good though. He remembered her laughter and thought for the millionth time that she'd probably be better off working in medicine. But he couldn't imagine being without her now. He was a selfish bastard and he'd do anything to get her to stay if she ever acted as though she were going to leave. He paused outside to take a deep breath. She'd kill him if he busted in again. He should probably knock. He raised his hand and stopped when he heard Kendra say. "O.K., I'll drop it. Your loss though. You could have him if you wanted him. He'd be yours for the asking. And he is hot."

He ducked against the wall away from the window in the door. Who were they talking about? Who could Scully 'have'? The thought of her attracted to someone else created a clenching sensation in his chest and made it hard to breath. Kendra went on.

"All right, but don't tell me you haven't checked out that spectacular ass of his?" Scully chuckled, relieved they were going to joke now. She would play along. She didn't want to leave on a tense note.

"Oh, yeeaahh. I never said I didn't look. I just said I didn't touch." Kendra laughed.

"Wow, what a view, I feel like I should thank you." Scully giggled again.

"Now you know what I meant when I said..."

"Funny you should mention it," Kendra finished for her. God, Dana, I almost fainted!'

"Sorry. It was hilarious though. The look on your face was priceless."

"He's hot, Dana. Really hot and he likes you, I don't care what you say."

Mulder squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard against the bile rising in his throat. Then he tuned in again to Scully's voice as it traveled through he cracks between the bay doors. WHO? His mind was screaming. Mulder you are a masochistic asshole for listening like this. He had not intention of leaving though.

Scully sighed. "All right, I'll give - a little. I agree. He's hot, smoldering hot, especially when he smiles at me. And if you think his ass is super fine in dress slacks, you should see it in jeans!" Now it was Kendra's turn to giggle.

"What else? What else?" she prompted, like an excited teenager. Scully couldn't resist. If she kept this joking, it would be O.K. and Kendra was easy to talk to and she had wanted to say some things aloud for a long time. It might even be cathartic and get I out of her system. Thought put into words often gave perspective and she could use some now. She was confused. Kendra's observations had shook her more than she wanted to admit.

"Hmmm, let's see."

"Come on, Dana, spill it. I want the dirty details. I have to live vicariously through someone." Scully giggled, warming to their easy rapport again and feeling 16 years old. She began to strip of her scrubs and wash her hands as she spoke.

"Well, he can have this look that kills me. When he's disappointed, or concentrating really hard, he pouts like a little boy and his bottom lip sticks out."

"Mmm. I noticed those lips. Ever want to suck on that bottom lip?"

"KENDRA!" Scully blushed. Kendra raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, actually, the thought has crossed my mind."

"What else has crossed your mind?"

"Hmm. What would it be like to kiss him, run my hands over that chest. Christ, I can't believe I'm telling you this!"

"Keep going, more, more!" Kendra was careful to keep her tone light and teasing. She could see a crack in Dana's veneer and wanted her to keep talking and maybe hear herself. Dana suddenly looked serious.

"O.K., confession? If you'll hear it."

"Pleeaassee." Kendra whined. Scully chuckled and took a deep breath.

"O.K., I used to have these fantasies about him, you know, when I masturbated."

"Oh, god."

"Yeah, oh god. I thought that would be a harmless way to take care of my attraction, but it made it worse, so I stopped."

"How?"

"I bought Playgirl Magazines and a vibrator and threw myself into work. It served to get me back on track and my mind out of the gutter.

Mulder almost choked. Scully with a Playgirl Magazine and a vibrator, masturbating. Despite his horror over this man she was fantasizing about, he felt his traitorous body respond to the thought of her touching herself. He bit back a groan.

"I like your gutter, Dana." Both women laughed.

"Yeah, well, I was able to be O.K. during the daytime but then when I slept it was another story."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah, hot, erotic ones. We'd be making love and I would be on fire."

"I'll bet! Then what?"

"Then, god, this is embarrassing."

"Tell me, Dana, please."

"I'd wake up having an orgasm, and not just any old, little fluttering orgasm either!'

"Holy shit!"

"No kidding."

"Tell me."

"They were powerful. I can't even describe them really."

"Try." She looked up into Kendra's eager face while drying her hands, then tilted her head back and closed her eyes, remembering.

"Ahh, god, clenching is one word, keening is another. Violent comes to mind."

"Jesus, Dana. I'm getting hot just thinking about it."

"Yeah, I had one this morning."

"This morning? Maybe seeing him again triggered it."

"Yeah, I hadn't had one of those dreams in almost eight months. Then this morning it happened again, with a vengeance."

"You got it bad girl." Scully looked up to see Kendra looking at her as though studying her face.

"Please don't say anything to anyone ever. I'm not going to do anything about it."

"God, Dana, of course not. I appreciate your trust in telling me. But maybe you should do something about it." Scully nodded.

Mulder had sunk down the wall holding his stomach, his breathing shallow. Christ, he was hyperventilating. Scully, NO! His mind screamed in denial that she was so attracted to someone else. Then he heard her again and forced himself to concentrate on her voice.

"The worst of part is..."

"There's more?" Dana chuckled without humor.

"Yeah, not only do I wake up shake, rattle and roll, I'm always screaming his name. I can't believe the neighbours haven't complained. I'm terrified it will happen when I'm on the road out on a case.

Mulder gulped. He'd never heard her scream anyone's name in her sleep.

Kendra grimaced. "Ooo, that could be uncomfortable. What arrangements do you and your partner usually have on the road."

"Connecting rooms."

"Yeah, definitely some potential for disaster there."

"No kidding, huh? Yeah, I can just picture my supreme humiliation waking up in some seedy motel room screaming Mulder's name and having him hear me. He'd come charging to my rescue thinking I was hurt or something. What the hell would I say to him? Oops, sorry to wake you, Mulder. I just had a mind-melting orgasm dreaming about you. No big deal."

"Spiders?" Kendra offered ruefully. Both women laughed at that, and then heard a thump on the wall outside the bay doors. They both looked startled and headed for the doors.

OH MY GOD! Did she just say what I think she just said? His untouched Café Latte dropped from his nerveless fingers and he stood up and swayed against the wall, his hand reaching out to catch himself. The cup crashed to the floor and the cup bouncing. He glanced at it, registering the sound and panicked. And he ran. No time for the elevator wait. He hit the stairwell door at a run, crashing through and bouncing down the stairs three at a time. When he reached the ground floor, four floors below he stopped, panting hard, his forehead on the door. He took a deep breath and wrenched it open heading for the Men's Room off the cafeteria.

Dana and Kendra opened the doors to no one. They both stared wordlessly at the puddle of coffee on the floor and the empty Styrofoam cup.

"What the hell?" Kendra asked, not expecting an answer. Dana shook her head.

"Do you think someone was listening?" Her voice sounded slightly hysterical to own ears. Kendra placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I doubt it, look, get a rag and I'll check the bathrooms." Dana nodded and spun back into the autopsy bay. Something shiny caught Kendra's eyes and she bent down to scoop up the tiny god bar, turned it over in her palm and gasped.

It was a gold tie clip with the initials FWM emblazoned on the front. She quickly pocketed the tie clip and headed for the bathrooms. They were empty.

She contemplated for a moment. It was surely his tie clip. She didn't know his middle initial but FM pretty much summed it up. Should she tell Dana? How much had he heard? Even if he only heard the last few sentences, that was bad enough. No, she wouldn't tell Dana. She would just panic. I'll have to find out his phone # and get the clip back to him somehow. Dana had to go to dinner now with this conversation fresh in her head. No, knowing he'd heard anything, the stoic Dana Scully would retreat and wrap her embarrassment around her like armor and call off the date. And no matter what she said, foxy Fox Mulder was besotted with his diminutive partner. She smiled to herself and went back out into the hall as a plan formed.

Kendra saw a rookie agent coming down the hallway, Steve Crowe. She knew he had a crush on her and he was kind of cute. She liked him. "Hey, Crowe!"

"Hey, Kendra, what's going on?"

"Steve, will you do me a favor, no questions asked?"

"Well, sure."

"It's a joke but I have to keep it a secret."

Scully had cleaned up the coffee and thrown away the cup. She was in the locker room off the bay when she heard the door open. She began babbling immediately at the tall woman as she yanked her scrub top off and applied her deodorant with a dash of baby powder on top.

"Oh, God, Kendra! Who was it? It wasn't him, was it? I think I'm gonna be sick. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. It was him, wasn't it? And if it wasn't, that was just too juicy to keep. Some little rookie bastard will spread it up and down these halls and I'll be the laughing stock of the FBI. Jesus. How could I have been so stupid to tell you that inside these walls? What am I going to do?!" She was wailing by the end of it.

Kendra gripped her by the shoulders. "DANA! Calm down. It's O.K."

"It's NOT O.K.!"

"Yes, it is. It was not your partner out there."

Dana peered at her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, it was Agent Crowe. He has a crush on me. He was coming to see me and he dropped his coffee, burning his hand. Not serious, but it hurt and he high tailed it to the bathroom."

"Oh dear."

"Yeah, I found him in the Men's room when I hollered in. I've bandaged his hand. He'll be O.K. I asked him how long he was out there. He said only about two seconds. He couldn't have heard anything." Dana sagged into the locker.

"Oh, thank god."

"Get dressed and go have dinner with that fox!"

"Kendra, sheesh!"

"Did you hear yourself earlier, Dana? Just think about it, O.K.?"

"But Bureau protocol..."

"Screw that. Do you have any idea how many agents are involved with each other? No one else could put up with us and our lifestyle, except another agent. We know it and they know it. My ex proved that. If you're discreet, it can work. Lots of couples here make it work."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. Look, Dana, when you've got chemistry with someone like you've got with that man, no one else is going to do, you know what I mean? You have to find out and put it to rest or it's going to eat you up inside. Now, go knock him dead, girlfriend!"

"Thanks, Kendra. Sorry I freaked. I've enjoyed working with you.":

"Come back anytime. But now, get the hell out of here and quit keeping that man waiting."

"Thanks again."

"Chow."

Mulder splashed water on his face and gripped the sink until his breathing returned to normal. She was talking about me. It was impossible to wrap his mind around it. But it was true. Wasn't it? He hadn't been hearing things. Wishful thinking hadn't put his name in her mouth. He'd been sure in fact that she was speaking about some mystery man at Quantico.

She woke up screaming my name in the middle of a powerful orgasm. How many dreams? How any fantasies about hearing his name on those pouty lips during sex? How many sessions of masturbation, watching porno flicks featuring petite red heads. I have to get a grip. He couldn't let on that he knew. But after 5 years of hiding his feelings, and arguing with himself about whether to declare himself, the inner battle was over. Christ, Scully might not be in love with him the way he was in love with her but she was obviously attracted to him. Viciously attracted to him by the sounds of things.

He smiled a predatory smile, knowing the asshole demon was stalking him. But damn! Having a woman like Scully lust after you was good for the ego, no matter what. Damn good. No matter if you were humble to begin with, which he was not. He looked in the mirror. "O.K., Mulder. Keep your cool. Time to pour on the charm. I know you can do it.

Damn, where the hell is my tie clip?

Dana brushed her hair in the mirror, leaving it a little fluffy. She didn't have time to fuss with it and didn't want it to look like she'd taken a lot of time with her appearance anyway. Besides, she wasn't working now. She was going on a date with Mulder. Date? No. Just dinner. They'd probably talk about work anyway. She put her lipstick on and it suddenly looked gaudy. She wiped it off and decided to go without it.

She looked down at the light blue dress she'd bought to change into. It had a square neck line revealing the tops of her breasts, just a hint of cleavage. The fitted waist and straight skirt hugged her body snugly, but not tightly. The skirt fell to a about two inches above the knee and suddenly felt too short. She tugged on the hem as she stepped into her blue leather flats. No heels tonight. She'd wanted to be comfortable. She looked in the mirror once more. Her cheeks were flushed with anticipation.

God, two weeks away is a dangerous thing. It's just dinner. Should she take Kendra's advice. Could she possibly be right? She took a deep breath. Well, here goes. The words 'knock him dead' echoed in her head. Maybe she would. Did she want to? No sense in denying it now. He thoughts, now spoken aloud confirmed that. The talk had been cathartic, but hadn't had the desired effect. She did not have this out of her system. Quite the contrary. Yes, Dana, you are hot for your partner, no doubt about it. If he teased her tonight, she just might give it back to him.

She exited the locker room and was introduced to Agent Crowe, sporting a bandage on his right hand. They all headed out at the same time.

They stepped into the lobby and Steve muttered about the call of nature and headed for the rest room. Mulder felt her the minute she stepped off the elevator. He could always tell when she was in a room even if he couldn't see her. He pretended interest in the magazine he was holding in his lap. He looked up slowly, catching her eye from under her lashes. He sat the magazine down and slowly unfolded his lanky frame from the bench. They both stared for a moment as she approached. God, she looked like an angel. Her hair was soft and floating around her head in waves. He had a sudden desire to run his hands through it. And that dress!

"Hey, Scully, ready to go? Finally," he teased.

Battle stations engaged, she thought. "I like to keep you waiting, Mulder, builds tension." He it hip lip to swallow a moan. Did she know that he had heard? No. She wouldn't be here if she knew. If she was going to be sassy

tonight, he was in trouble. It was his biggest turn on, flirting with her. Knowing what he knew, it would be even worse now.

"Why, Agent Scully, I didn't know you like tension."

"Depends on what kind. Can make you tired, but good tired."

"Didn't know you wanted to tire me out, but you can try." Kendra watched the exchange. Damn, he's good, she thought. Not a clue from his demeanor. He was the same guy that had been in the bay earlier. No nervousness, no self conscience actions. But she was sure he'd heard something. Steve emerged from the bathroom to join them.

"Hey, Kendra, look what I found on the floor in there? Know any agents with the initials FWM?"

Mulder looked at him sharply. "Yeah, me. Fox Mulder." He stuck out his hand and the agent held up his bandaged hand.

"What happened?" Mulder asked.

"Oh, burnt myself, dropped a hot cup of coffee upstairs."

Mulder looked at him sharply, then at Kendra. His question must have been etched on his face because she winked from behind Dana's back. So, he had someone on his side, did he? She knew and obviously was covering for him.

Bless sneaky, Dr. Kendra McKenna. Must have dropped the clip upstairs. God, that could have been a disaster. Fate must be on his side. He smiled at her broadly and then at Agent Crowe.

Agent Crowe held up the clip with his other hand. "This must be yours then."

"Thanks," he said pointedly to Kendra and then looked back at Agent Crowe, "uh, for the clip." He placed it back on his tie. "Thanks, I really appreciate that."

"Go have fun," Kendra grinned.

PART 2: THE LEAP: contemplation

Mulder put his hand on Dana's back as usual as they walked through the parking garage to his car. She could feel the heat of his hand through the dress. Why did his touch seem so much more intimate all of a sudden. She shivered. This was ridiculous.

"Cold?"

"Huh?"

"Are you cold? You shivered."

"Uh, no, just the shock of the outside air, I guess."

They'd reached the car and Mulder bend down to unlock her door. He opened the door, his hand on top of the frame. She was small enough to duck under his arm. As she went brush by him to slip inside, he hands landed on her waist and she gasped.

"Mulder, what are you doing?" He just stared at her for a moment, his eyes traveling over her breasts and down her tiny frame.

"Mulder?"

His voice was husky. "You look beautiful. God, I've missed you Scully." His chuckle was a nervous one.

"It was only two weeks, Mulder." His voice!

"It felt like a year." She looked at the ground and startled out a squeak when he folded his arms around her back and pulled her against his chest, leaning his back against the car, sliding down so he was level with her face. "I'm so glad you're back," he breathed into her ear. She knew they shouldn't be embracing here in the parking garage. This definitely was not in the discreet category. But, heaven help her, his heat felt so good.

Her arms wrapped around his waist and she laid her head on his chest. "I missed you too, Mulder." His hand skimmed down her spine and came to rest on the small of her back. She felt her nipples harden against his firm chest and bit back a moan. Her hands moved around to the front of his shirt and up the sides of his chest. She didn't mean to say it out loud, but the words slipped out without permission. "Oh, God, Mulder, you feel sooo good."

He did moan then, right into her ear, sending vibrations down her body that lodged between her legs. The hand on the small of her back pulled her to him tightly and she felt his rock hard erection through his dress slacks. He was cradled perfectly in the juncture of her thighs.

"Jesus, Scully," he whispered. "Don't say things like that to me unless you're ready for the consequences."

Why am I not pulling away? He's so hard. He feels so good, so warm. Her voice was a small squeak. "Consequences?"

His answer was to push his hips into hers holding her firmly against his hips and grinding himself into her juncture. She did moan then. She couldn't help it as she felt the lips between her legs tingle, thicken and grow slick with moisture. "Oh, god, Mullldder." Her eyes slipped shut and her head fell backwards.

So much for the slow seduction he thought. Her moan sent a bolt of sensation straight to his groin and he hardened further, now fully erect. He knew she felt it. They were in the parking garage! "Damn you, Scully," he bit out. "You drive me crazy. You're so beautiful." She shivered and then was jolted back to reality when his lips descended on hers.

What am I doing? His tongue was sliding into her mouth, hot, hungry and wet. Her tongue reached out for his involuntarily and he grabbed it with his soft lips and sucked it gently into his own mouth. Her knees buckled and a whimper escaped her. He caught her and held her upright. His arm was like a steel band around the small of her back. He deepened the kiss.

His head was spinning. He was kissing, Scully! Finally! And she was kissing him back! Her firm little body felt so good, strong but so soft and pliant in his arms. He didn't want to stop but knew he had to. He broke the kiss reluctantly and put his forehead on hers, panting heavily.

"Sweet Jesus, Scully. What just happened?"

Her heart was hammering in her chest. Having your knees buckle from just a kiss was a myth from cheesy romance novels. Until now. She should have known Mulder would be too damn good at kissing. Guess there were advantages to an oral fixation. She was in trouble. She knew it. She needed some space between them to unscramble her brain.

"I'm not sure, Mulder. Let's go eat, I'm hungry."

"Me too." His eyes met hers, lids hooded, pupils dilated, desire written all over his face. A couple of errant strands of hair fell across his forehead. He wasn't talking about the food. Could anything be any sexier than aroused Mulder? He licked his bottom lip and she closed her eyes. One more move like that one and she would be sucking on it. Kendra's comment about his lips was running through her head like a mantra. I noticed those lips. Ever want to suck on that bottom lip?

"Please, Mulder, let this sit for a minute. I'm not quite ready to figure this out yet. Let's just go eat."

"We will talk about this."

"Yes, I know, but not here. Please, Mulder."

"If you promise I can kiss you again before this night is over."

"Mulder."

"One kiss Scully. Just one more time. Later. But before I leave you tonight."

"Oh, O.K., Mulder, let's just go."

He released her and slowly walked to his side as she slid into the passenger seat. Well, this was going to be an interesting evening. Just one more kiss. No specifics. Not time, no rules. How back could it be? Really, really bad, her other self mocked her. Dana sighed. She was feeling more and more like being really bad. But Mulder was good at being very bad. Could she handle this, him? Only one way to find out.

The drive to the restaurant was made in virtual silence, punctuated only be deep breaths, sighs and the occasional position adjustment. Both were lost in their own thoughts.

If she didn't know better, she'd think that Mulder had heard her confess her lust and attraction. But no, Kendra had no reason to lie and Agent Crowe had the bandaged hand to prove it. Mulder had hugged her before, even said he'd missed her before. But he had never held her so tight, or breathed in her ear that way. He had never been so bold. Then again, you've never been so receptive. It's your own fault, her mind whispered. You've never encouraged him. You sank into his arms, held him in return. You told him he felt good for Christ's sake. He's a man, Dana. How did you think he would react. And he's not just any man either. He's a hot blooded, passionate man. You know that. And you've been apart for two weeks. He tells you he misses you, gives a hug and you go all hormonal on him. I have to get a grip here.

Oh god, I promised him another kiss. What the hell was I thinking? If it's anything like the first one, I'm doomed. What a kiss! What a kisser! I knew he'd be good at it but holy mother of god. He literally made my knees give out from just a kiss, fully clothed! What could he do with no barriers. She shivered at the thought. I'm in trouble now. Damn Kendra. She started this. I was too worked up after that conversation to go meet him. I let my guard down. Can't do that with Mulder. His radar is so sensitive. He knows me too well. Her mind whispered to her again. You chose to tell Kendra your secrets, you didn't have to. She didn't force you . SHUT UP! Mulder's radar must have picked up on her mood. She probably felt a little to compliant in his arms, dressed a little too...Christ, you told him he felt good. What were you thinking? It was going to be a long night.

Mulder's eidetic memory replayed the things he'd overheard. They were having a distinctly different effect now that he knew she had been talking about him. Nausea had turned to delight. Clenching stomach muscles had turned to arousal. Shortness of breath was still there, but not from panic this time.

If you think his ass is super fine in dress slacks you should see it in jeans. Scully had checked out his ass! When had that happened? He must have been totally out of it. He could usually feel whenever her eyes were on him. She'd said she wanted to suck on his bottom. Hi flagging hard-on reemerged with a vengeance at that thought and he shifted his position to spread his legs wider and give himself some room.

She'd fantasized about him when she masturbated. He bit back a groan. The images that conjured up in his overactive imagination were almost painful. How many nights had he spent doing the same thing and crying out her name when he came. She'd dreamed about him and woke up having an orgasm. This morning!

He wanted to give her orgasms all right, but in person. God, what was she like in bed? Was she the confident, self-possessed Scully with Catholic guilt or was she Dana with a passion that made her lose control? Was she tender? Was she aggressive? He had to get his mind on something else before he ruined the evening.

Doubt crept in again as usual. Just because she had a fantasy about you doesn't mean she wants to make it a reality, old boy. If she does, that doesn't mean she's ready yet, or her adherence to rules and regulations won't stop her. What the hell would she want with you anyway? You've been nothing but a catalyst to turn her life upside down since the day you met her. Just because she thinks you are attractive doesn't mean she loves you, or even likes you. We fight all the time.

He parked the car and shut off the engine. Now what? She made no move to exit the car. After a deep breath sounded in the silence of the car, she spoke.

"Mulder?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you O.K.?"

"I'm not sure." His chuckle was self-deprecating.

"Can we get through this dinner?"

"I've waited all week for this dinner."

"Me too." Silence.

"Look, Dana, I'm not entirely sure what is happening here, but we're adults. We can handle this, whatever it is. I won't have something like this mess up our friendship. I know I probably shocked you back there and I have no excuse. But I won't lie and tell you that I'm sorry, because I'm not. I'd like to say it was spur of the moment, or a stupid reaction to being away from you for two weeks, or that I just lost control for a second and it won't happen again." He paused. "But I can't promise you that. I can't."

He chanced a glance at her and she was regarding him calmly. At least she didn't seem angry, which puzzled him a bit. The silence stretched. It became uncomfortable again so he spoke again, looking out the windshield.

"The truth is, that's not the first time you've turned me on. Not by a long shot. But you've never...you've never said anything when I held you before. You've never held me back, only to comfort me a time a two." He was breathing hard trying to suppress the lump that was rising in his throat. Real smooth, Mulder he thought to himself. Where did your confidence go? You forgot what her presence does to you. The cocky scene with the bathroom mirror flashed before his eyes and he felt the sting of tears.

"Damn it, Dana! You said I felt good. What the hell? Do you have any idea what that did to me? Huh?" Softly. "I saw what it did to you."

"I think my brain short-circuited."

She softly chuckled at that and he turned to look at her again.

"Mulder, I'm a little confused by own behavior. I'm not sure what to do now, but I don't want this to ruin the evening or even worse, make it so we can't talk to each other. I feel really stupid. I never should have..."

"Don't," he said sharply. "Do not feel bad about this, please. I couldn't take it. My behavior was inappropriate. I know it. You know it. But please do NOT tell me you regret it, even if you do, I can't hear that right now. What the hell was I thinking? We were in the middle of a parking garage at Quantico for god sakes! Real smooth. I just..."

"Just?"

He looked at her, eyes wet with unshed tears. "I just wanted to touch you so badly! I missed you so much! Shit!" He shouted, banging his hand on the steering wheel and abruptly opening the car door and leaping out. I will NOT cry, he told himself. I will NOT cry in front of her over this. He strode around the back of the car hearing her door open. He rounded the corner and stopped short as Scully blocked his path. Christ she was quick. She put both hands on his forearms and he froze.

"Don't touch me, Scully." She pulled her hands away as though she'd been burned and he saw the flash of hurt in her eyes. He looked away. He couldn't look at her right now. He was making such an ass out of himself, he thought. This wasn't going at all the way he'd expected. It was easy to fantasize. It was easy to be confident when you were alone and daydreaming about the way you wanted it to be. It was so easy when she was there in front of him. He'd loved her for so long. She was only woman who could reduce him to a stuttering fool, like some 16 year old on his first date.

Scully watched the play of emotions across his face and his struggle to regain control over his emotions. She'd confused the shit out of him and now he couldn't even stand to have her touch him. He probably took her silence in the car to mean that she was ignoring what had happened or that it had no big significance to her. He should know her better than that, but physical contact was unexplored territory for them. How would he know what it meant to her? This was all her fault. She knew how sensitive he was, especially when it came to her. She knew he respected her. No man had ever respected her like he did and treated her like an equal like he did. She loved him for it. Love? Did she? She could see him beating the shit out of himself for having touched her. Now he was struggling to pull back and she realized that wasn't what she wanted.

"Mulder, stop it!" He breathed deeply through his nose, lips clamped shut in a thin line. "Mulder, it's O.K. Stop beating yourself. I could have stopped you, but I didn't. And I do NOT regret it."

"I started it, what an ass."

"I could have stopped you!"

He looked down at her. She was gazing up at him, a worried frown on her face. Why was he always making her frown?

She whispered, "I could have stopped you but I didn't want to." His eyes widened, but he didn't move, just kept watching her.

"Did you hear me?" she asked. He nodded sharply.

"I didn't want to because you did feel good, Mulder. I thought it and didn't mean to say it but it slipped out. You're my partner, Mulder, it shouldn't feel that good to be held by you." A quirky smile lifted the corners of her mouth briefly and was quickly reined in. She took a deep breath, opened her mouth and shut it again, her eyes sliding shut as though she was gathering her courage.

Don't move, Fox, he said to himself. Don't move. She was so beautiful. What was she saying? He was so confused. He felt good, but it couldn't happened again, even though she didn't regret it? He felt good, but she wanted it to happen again? Or, it felt good, and she didn't know what she wanted to do?

Another deep breath and her eyes opened. She looked at him and blurted out. "God help me, Mulder, you are a fabulous kisser."

Don't move.

"Mulder, you accomplished something in that stupid parking garage that no one has ever accomplished."

He scrunched up his brows together. His voice sounded scratchy and hoarse to his own ears. "What's that Scully, taking advantage of our friendship and getting you to forget where you were?" His tone was self castigating.

She looked him the eyes and he struggled to hold her gaze. "No, you made my knees buckle."

"Jesus Christ, Scully, are you trying to kill me? Because I'm about the have a heart attack here and I don't know what to do! What the hell do you want from me!" He was almost shouting.

She laughed. That rippling, vibrant laugh he'd heard from those autopsy bay doors. "Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

She stepped into him and slid her hand up to the back of his neck. "Scully?"

"Do it again, Mulder."

His breath left his lungs in a powerful surge and his body reacted without his permission. Hi slips descended on hers, firm, soft, not bruising. He was asking permission to enter, his tongue swept over her bottom lip and back across her teeth. A shock of electricity leaped between them and she whimpered, opening her mouth, inviting him in. He stopped thinking all together and his tongue flew inside, raking her teeth and the roof of her mouth. Then he proceeded to dual with her tongue alternately, swirling his around hers and then capturing it to suck it back gently into his mouth.

That did it! Her knees turned to water and she stumbled, pushing him back against the truck of the car. His arms grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up as he leaned on the truck. He pulled her between his long, lean legs. She landed on his chest with a soft grunt and her arms went around his neck. He broke the kiss and lowered himself, sitting on the trunk so they were almost eye to eye. She was so tiny.

"Scully?" Her answer was to crush her lips to his in a brutal claiming kiss. He opened his mouth, letting her in, letting her take control. She was wild, aroused. He'd never seen her this way and it was intoxicating. He head swam as her tiny hands left his neck to slide inside his jacket and run up and down his chest. He shuddered and pulled her in tight against his groin. In spite of her aggression, he was shocked when she ground her hips into his and growled low in her throat.

He vaguely registered that they were in yet another public place. It was dark now but the place was fairly well lit. Then his mind blanked out as one tiny hand slid down his thigh, squeezing his quadricep and then sliding to his inner thigh and up and over his erection. His groan was primal and hi ships bucked against her involuntarily.

She broke the kiss, panting heavily. He just held her tight against him, lacing his forehead on hers, trying to get his own breathing under control.

"Mulder, oh my god..." Then she chuckled again, the sound low and sultry. "Seems I have a thing for parking lots." He laughed then and she joined him. It took the edge of the pain between his legs.

"What now, Scully?"

"Are you still hungry?"

"Uh, a little, but I don't think I can walk right now." She chuckled and extricated herself from his arms. He let go reluctantly and then grabbed her forearms to steady her as she wobbled.

"Jesus, Mulder, what'd you say about not being able to walk?" His smile was lit up his face like a beacon. He was still breathing hard but his eyes were shining at her, dark with passion and now amusement. "Proud of yourself?" she asked.

"Not proud, no. Delighted? Yes. Stunned. Yes. Dreaming? Maybe."

"Let's go inside."

"Scully..."

"Don't worry. This isn't over. But we do need to eat. I promise not to pull away if you promise the same thing. But I need to get my bearings, here."

"That's what I'm afraid of. You'll get your bearings and by the end of the evening, you'll have 101 excuses why we should never touch each other ever again."

"Is that really what you want or is it male lust rearing its ugly head because I reacted to you." She was stunned by the look of abject horror and pain on his face at her words.

"How could you think that!" He shouted. "Is that what this is to you? Lust?" She winced.

"NO! I'm just trying to sort this out."

He breathed deeply. "Stop trying to sort it out and listen to your feelings."

"You wanted this before tonight then?"

He looked at her. "I told you that in the car."

"How long?" He was silent. "Mulder?"

"A long time."

"How long? Give a ball park."

He smiled at the baseball reference. "About five years I guess."

"Five years!" she shouted. He grinned sheepishly.

"Look I'll tell you the whole story if you ever want to hear it, but later. If we don't get inside that restaurant, we're not going to eat tonight. I promise to try and not take what you say the wrong way if you will do the same."

"Deal. Let's have dinner. Neither of us is going anywhere. We have time to talk about this."

"We've never been good at talking things out, Scully."

"I know, but I'm willing to try, are you?"

"You know I am."

"Well, then let's eat." She reached out and took his hand and they entered the restaurant, fingers gripped together.

PART 3: THE LEAP: revelations

The host led them to an intimate little table in the rear of the restaurant. Mulder knew she loved French food and this restaurant. He'd never brought her here but she had casually mentioned it one time when they were talking about food cravings. She was flattered that he remembered and then she mentally smacked her forehead with her palm. Mulder and his damn memory, he never forgot anything. That could be good, but she always felt that Mulder saw it as a curse sometimes. It can in handy for repeating conversations verbatim or memorizing reports, but it also meant he had a store house of gruesome and horrifying sights catalogued away between his ears. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to not be able to forget one single case. Not be able to vanquish the hundreds of crime scenes they had visited, not be able to have them fade in your memory until they were just a misty impression.

It was amazing the man wasn't completely insane. And he had been a profiler, a brilliant one too. Analyzing the worst of human nature and never being able to forget. That was the foundation of his personality. He was undoubtedly dark and somber a lot of the time. But she suddenly was amazed that he could enjoy anything at all, knowing what he knew about the world and the people in and never being able to forget.

It was one thing to have a photographic and eidetic memory and work as an accountant, your days filled with paper and numbers. It was completely another thing to be a criminal profiler and FBI agent who saw the underbelly of the world. She realized that the strength that he had to endure all this and still be able to function at all must be immense. Towering strength, built on convictions, passion and an innate sense of right and wrong and justice, and always, truth. His religion was truth, in all things. He trusted her. What a gift that this man trusted her like he trusted no one else.

Did she deserve that trust? Had she always been completely honest with him? No, she hadn't. She had hidden her insecurities about measuring up in the good old boy network. She had hidden her weaknesses of emotion and horror and fright at some of the things they'd seen. Dishonesty by omission was a specialty of hers. And today proved that she could even deny and lie about the biggest emotion there was, love. She had even kept that from him. Why? Fear. That's what it all came down to. Fear of losing her job. Fearing of losing respect

from the other agents and her superiors. Fear of losing her stoic reputation. And most of all, fear of him not loving her back. That would be the worst.

Did he love her? He hadn't said the words. He'd said that this wasn't about lust, but he hadn't said love either. But why would he? He was obviously expected her to weasel deal out of the conversation that was looming large tonight. He expected her to reject him. And it hurt him. She could see that.

He had no reason, based on her past behavior to think she would do anything but reject him. Like everyone else in his life had. His father had beat him, his mother had ignored him, his sister had left him and the other agents lost their respect for him when he entered the X-files. How many years had he spent with no one believing in him? No one to back him up? No one to encourage him? The strength it must have taken to keep going. So now, here they were. Her attraction was undeniable now, even to him. Kissing him outside had been the first honest thing she'd done with regard to her feelings for him in a long time.

Did she have the courage to be completely honest with him? She had to find it. She couldn't let him down now. She would have to lay her heart bare, and hope the hell he wouldn't wound it beyond repair. It was a risk she swore never to take. But Fox Mulder had a way of shattering her best intentions, and believes and morays that she had held sacred for years. As much as that scared the shit out of her, it always challenged her and brought out the best parts of her. He challenged her intelligence with his towering IQ. He challenged her skills as an investigator with his wild theories. He challenged her heart with his faith in her. Could she do any less and deserve his trust? No.

Well, well, she thought. One day and I've had about 10 epiphanies. What next? How did this ball get rolling anyway?

They ate for a while in silent contemplation, lost in their own thoughts again. They did this a lot and Mulder was relieved that this was not uncomfortable. Silence had never bothered them. In the car it had been deafening but they seemed to have eased back into the comfortable silence that doing the mundane task of eating could give them. He had watched, rapt as she had slowly chewed on her escargot. Now as she put tiny pieces of her Beef Wellington into her mouth, sliding her lips across the fork, he continued to contemplate this situation.

At least she wasn't running screaming away from him. How many times had he hurt her, confused her, ditched her for her own good. Her own good? He realized now that by trying to protect her, he had insulted her. He had insulted her intelligence, he had insulted her ability to take care of herself, and insulted her by not giving her a choice. It implied that she was not capable of making the correct choice. She had argued about taking many trips with him that she thought would be a waste of time. But at least then she had been given a choice whether or not to participate. He began clicking through the rolodex of his out of town ventures in this regard. She had always chosen to go with him, no matter how much of a wild goose chase it had been. Why? She may have argued about it but in the end she had always come with him. He had always thought that she came because she didn't want him getting into trouble that could embarrass her later and so came to keep an eye on him, spy on him, so to speak.

He knew she was no longer there to debunk his work like she had been in the beginning. But he also knew that he had a large capacity to create embarrassing situations for her. He was used to it. He had developed the thick skin of callous bastard long before she arrived. The puns, insults and lack of faith by others didn't penetrate the armor he had erected around himself. He had not needed the approval of others.

He realized with a sudden clarity that she had needed the approval of others, especially him and he had not always given it to her. She certainly deserved it. She needed the approval of her superiors. She needed the approval of her parents. She needed the respect and approval of the medical community. And most of all, she needed his respect and approval. She needed to know that he thought she was an equal, able to handle anything he could, or she would feel incompetent, unappreciated and angry.

He was a psychologist for Christ's sake. Why had he not realized this? He was too close to her. The answer sprang to mind. A psychologist or profiler had to crawl into the minds of their patients or the criminal and empathize, but they had to remain objective also and detached to a certain degree to be effective. Objective and detached were two words that he would never put near his feelings for Scully. She was the center of his universe whether she knew it or not. And why didn't she know it? He'd always assumed she did. But he'd never told her.

He'd never declared himself. He'd tried to show her in a million different ways. Wrong move, pal. Women need words, you know that. Women need to hear you express yourself or they are never sure if it's a tease or a ploy to get what you want from them. Psych 101 to the rescue! He looked at her ruefully.

"What?" she asked.

"I was thinking."

"Uh, oh." He chuckled.

"You know Scully, I want to tell you something."

"Am I going to like it?" Her tone was teasing and he was relieved. Some of the tension had drained away in their silence.

"I think so."

"What is it?"

"I'm trying to think how to say this."

"You've never been one to stand on tact, Mulder, just tell me." He smiled at her and she returned it.

"O.K. Let's see. Well, I'm sitting her realizing a lot of things. Like, for some reason, pieces of a puzzle I've been working on are suddenly falling into place."

"What puzzle?"

"You."

"Oh." She held his gaze, not retreating. Maybe she was willing to let him in a little.

"I treat you like shit."

"Mulder, no..." He held up a hand to stop her.

"Just let me say this before I lose my nerve."

"O.K."

"I know I've never said some things that I should have. I don't tell you how much I appreciate you, in so many ways. I've never told you that you are the smartest woman I've ever known. You're so smart it scares me sometimes. I've never told you that one of the reasons I've been able to keep going when everything seemed hopeless was because you were still by my side and you believed in me. I never cared if anyone believed in me, until you came along. And suddenly, one day it occurred to me that your opinion of me was the most important thing in the world to me and you thought I was a complete nut case."

She opened her mouth to respond and he stalled her again. "No, I'm not finished. I am a nut case in a lot of ways. The things I've seen have left a mark on me that I can't erase, that I can't ever forget." He saw her expression grow sad for him. Not pity, but sadness without pity. "No, I don't want you to be sad or pity me. I know this about myself. But having you with me for almost seven years now has changed me. You kept me sane. You kept me from jumping off the cliff into total self-absorption. You kept me in the real world, made me care about someone other than myself. I realize now that by trying to exclude you from some of my nuttier quests, I insulted you. I never meant to. It's just that you had come to be so important to me that the thought of putting you in danger, unnecessary danger, make me sick to my stomach. I want you to know that I never took off without you because I had any doubts about your ability to keep up with me, about your ability to take care of yourself, or your ability to help me. I knew you could do all those things. But I felt like it was the most incredibly selfish thing in the world to ask you to participate in something that had no connection to the FBI, no connection to your job. I knew how much the respect of your peers meant to you and I didn't want to damage that for you by asking you to tramp halfway across the world on a what was probably a wild goose chase. Sometimes I was chasing the thinnest piece of a hunch and I didn't want to taint you with my madness. My quest for Samantha didn't have to taint you. That's what I thought at the time. Now I know that it was too late. It already had. You needed to hear me say these things years ago and I was too much of a chicken shit to tell you how much I respected you, how much I needed you by my side, the way you made me feel worthwhile and sane."

He paused and chanced a look at her. Her eyes were suspiciously wet, but she just continued to gaze at him, not interrupting. "God, Scully, when you were gone, my world came apart. I was inconsolable. Ask anybody. The brightest and best part of me had been ripped away without a clue. Very suddenly, everything was just pointless; my quest for Samantha, the rest of the X-files, my relationship with my mother, who my father was, all of it. It meant nothing if I couldn't share it with you. It just wasn't important to me anymore. I realized then that without my knowledge, all my priorities had been turned upside down. And you gone, and I never told you how I felt about you. You never knew what you meant to me. I handed in my resignation."

"You what?" Her shock was evident.

"Yeah, I never told you that. I was too embarrassed that I'd given up without you. If I told you about it, I would have had to tell you why and I wasn't prepared to do that. And I knew I wouldn't be able to lie to you. I've been able to NOT tell you things. But I can't lie to you. I never could. I'm incapable of it."

"Well, you're still here, so what happened?"

"Skinner wouldn't accept my resignation. He gave me a leave of absence to get my shit together and make a decision after I was through the grieving process. What I didn't tell him what that I would never stop grieving for you. I knew it then and I know it now. You coming into my life was the best thing that ever happened me."

She was silent still, watching him. She could feel the sincerity of his words and knew that he was revealing a part of himself that he had never shown anyone. And he was trusting her with it. He was trusting her with his feelings and thought about her no less. He was trusting her not to hurt him with this knowledge. He still hadn't said the word love, but this was probably the closest to it she would ever hear from his lips. He was not someone effusive

about his feelings. No sooner was that thought finished drifting through her mind he said it after a deep breath.

"I love you, Scully. I have for a long time. Not the fondness/love someone feels for a friend; not the sibling love one feels for a sister or brother; not the respectful love one feels for a partner. I'm in love with you Scully. I'm in love with you the way a man falls in love with a woman."

A broken sob escaped her throat and the tears she'd been holding onto careened down her face. He immediately leaned into her and starting brushing them away with his thumbs. "Don't cry, Scully, please, don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry."

"Oh, Mulder. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. I don't expect you to respond. I don't expect you to say anything back. I just needed for you to know. I wouldn't dream of thinking you feel the same way."

But I do, her mind told her. And suddenly it was true. It was real. It was O.K. to accept it and not O.K. to deny it. Deny everything. Bad motto. Bad motto. What had it gained her anyway? Nope, it definitely hadn't been about lust. She felt guilty now for ever having suggested it.

"But I do, Mulder," she whispered.

"You do what?"

"Love you too."

The look of unabashed shock and disbelief on his face almost made Scully laugh. If she hadn't been in state of shock herself, she probably would have laughed.

He muttered, "Jesus, I must be delirious." He shook his head as if to clear of words that he was imagining. She did laugh then, softly, not disturbing anyone in the restaurant. They were whispering now.

"Are you done eating?"

"Yes."

"Dessert?"

"Hell no. Not here anyway." She laughed at that also.

"Take me home Mulder."

"O.K." Would she invite him in? Was there evening done? She was being awfully casual about this. As if she had read his mind, she spoke again.

"Get the check, I want to go home and be alone with you. This public places stuff has got to go."

He beamed a smile at her signaling the waiter for the check. He whipped $150.00 cash out of wallet and dropped it on the table. "Let's go." He stood up, pulling out her chair and for the first time, he didn't lay his hand on the small of her back. He put his arm around her and slid his hand down to her waist, letting it rest there, hot and solid. The contact was intimate and for the first time ever she thought, 'I like it when he invades my personal space.'