DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK

 -  If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

 -  A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

 -  Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 -  It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done
    and what you're going to do.

 -  After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month 
    than you did before.

 -  The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

 -  You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

 -  Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will 
    happen to you the rest of the day.

 -  When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking 
    about themselves.

 -  If at first you don't succeed, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a 
    damn fool about it.

 -  There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the 
    boss asks for a ride home from the office.

 -  Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

 -  Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

 -  Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a happy hour.

 -  To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

 -  Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is 
    supposed to be doing.

 -  Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

 -  If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.  If you are REALLY 
    good, you will get out of it.

 -  You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

 -  People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

 -  If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

 -  At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the 
    number of pens that person is carrying.

 -  When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

 -  Following the rules will not get the job done.

 -  Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

 -  When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by 
    reducing it to the question, "How would Batman handle this?"

 -  No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

 -  The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for 
    everything that goes wrong.