Rum Cake

Before you start, sample the rum and check for quality.  Good, isn't it?

Now go ahead.  Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cups, etc., and check
that rum again for quality.  It must be just right.  Try it again.

With an electric beater, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add
one tsp. sugar and beat again.  Meanwhile make certain that rum is of best
quality.

Add two large eggs and two cups dried fruit and beat until very high.  If
fruit gets stuck in beater, pry it out with a screwdriver.  Sample rum again,
checking for consistency.

Nest, sift in three cups of baking powder and add a pinch of rum, one teaspoon
toda and one cupa papper, or maybe salt.  Anyway, don't fret -- just taste
the rum again.  Zowee!!!!

Next, sift in half a pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped buttermilk and
strained nuts.  Shample rum again.

Now, one bablespoon srown sugar, or whatever color is around.  Mix well.

Grease oven and turn on cake pan to 350 degrees.  Now pour the whole misture
into the oven and ....oops!  Where dija piut the mop!

On second thought, and also third and fourth, forget the oven, forget the
cake, check the rest of the rum and bo to ged.