A few good lessons

1)  An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when
    the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are
    you?"  The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what
    you mean."  The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again,
    the Japanese was confused over the question.  The American, now irritated,
    then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you?  Are you a Chinese, Japanese,
    Vietnamese, etc."  The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."  A
    while later the Japanese turned to the Americans and asked what kind of
    '-key' was he.  The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what
    kind of '-key' am I?!"  The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or
    a Yankee?"

    Lesson: Never insult anyone.


2)  There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French,
    who found this small genie bottle.  When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
    appears.  Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
    said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a
    wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
    pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

    The French wanted to start.  He run towards the pool, jumped and shouted
    "WINE".  The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.  The Frenchman
    was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.  Next is the Russian's
    turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a
    pool of vodka.  The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He
    was so contented with his beer pool.  The last is the American. He was
    running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.  He
    slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT !!!!!!!........."

    Lesson: Think twice before you say something, but sometimes accidents
            do happen.


3)  A Texas businessman arrives at his hotel in the heart of a major Japanese
    city.  He arranges to have a beautiful Japanese Prostitute to be his
    companion for the night.  The woman arrives and is more beautiful and
    sensual than he had imagined.  Once in bed he takes her with great
    enthusiasm and unbridledlust.  During the act, he hears his partner cry
    out many times, "SUNG WHA! SUNG WHA!"  "That must be Japanese for
    'terrific'," thinks the Texan, "because I can tell from the way she's
    thrashing around she'd never been like this before."

    The next morning, the Texan has an appointment with 2 very important
    Japanese business associates to play golf.  Naturally he wants to impress
    the men with his friendliness and goodwill, so when the older gentleman
    makes a hole in one, the Texan shouted, "SUNG WHA! SUNGWHA!"  The
    Japanese turns, eyebrows raised in surprise, "Wrong hole?  What do you
    mean, wrong hole?"

    Lesson: Mind your language!!!


4)  The day before THANKSGIVING this little boy heard his mom and dad
    fighting. The husband said to the wife, "You stupid bitch, you have floppy
    tits."  She wasn't about to out-done and said, "Well you have a crooked
    dick, you bastard."  Well the little boy heard every word they said.
    After they were done fighting, he went up to the mom and asked her what
    bitches & bastards were.  She told him that they were people.  Then he
    asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were.  She told him that they
    were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers and went on his
    way.

    The next morning they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and
    family.  The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving.  The dad
    cut himself and said SHIT!  Well once again the boy started asking
    questions and asked what shit was.  The father told him that is was
    shaving cream. The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs where his
    mom was stuffing a turkey.

    When the mom cut herself with a knife she said FUCK!  The boy once again
    asked what fuck was.  She told him that it was stuffing.  About that time
    the door bell rang.  When the little boy went to answer the door it was
    his grandparents.  Upon opening the doors the little boy said,

    "HI BITCHES AND BASTARDS.  LET ME TAKE YOUR CROOKED DICKS AND FLOPPY TITS
    FOR YOU.  DAD'S UPSTAIRS PUTTING SHIT ON HIS FACE AND MOM'S IN THE KITCHEN
    FUCKING THE TURKEY."

    Lesson: Small children learn what they heard.