A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth
grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual
innuendo.  But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of
sex education from the class.  One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a
bird in her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, little Johnny raises his hand.  With much fear and trepidation, the
teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone 
Ranger.  He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.  And they 
all attacked at one time.  And he killed every one of them with his two 
guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with 
sex education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little 
girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his 
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.  Her reply is, "Gentlemen 
don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.  Again the mother's reply 
is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to
his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse.  When he
picks it up, her driver's license falls out.  The boy looks it over and
goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now.  You are 36
years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in
sex!!!"

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Little Johnny took his new chemistry set down to the basement where he
stayed all afternoon mixing various liquids together.  Eventually, his dad
went down and found him surrounded by test tubes, pounding something into 
the wall. "Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?" asked the dad.
 
"It's not a nail," said Johnny.  "It's a worm! I tried to bring this worm 
back to life with my special chemical mixture, but my formula made the worm 
hard as a rock."

Johnny showed his dad the liquid mix that he had soaked the worm in, and his
dad said, "I'll tell you what.  You give me the test tube with your special
chemical mixture in it and I'll buy you a Toyota." So little Johnny handed 
the test tube over.

The next day, when Johnny got home from school, he saw a brand new 
Mercedes-Benz parked in the driveway.  He then asked his dad about the car. 
"Oh," said the father, your Toyota is in the garage.  The Mercedes is from 
your mother."