The Top 10 Signs You Are Being Stalked By A Farm Animal

10.  Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper -
     upside down.

 9.  Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken!

 8.  Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.

 7.  That foul smell, and you're not with your drinking buddies.

 6.  Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.

 5.  You find a knit cap and 4 bloody gloves.

 4.  After an ugly breakup with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a
     pot on your stove.

 3.  Everywhere you go, the bell!  The Bell!  THE BELL!!!

 2.  All 84 Caller ID entries read, "Babe."

    And the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal...

 1.  Note on your doorstep says, "We'll see who's laughing at Thanksgiving
     this year, Ginsu Boy!"