AFTER SPECTACULAR RISE, NOTED DOUGH PERSON HAS FALLEN

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh, 71, died Wednesday of a severe yeast
infection, complicated by obesity and hot air retention.  He was cremated, (of
course), and his remains were sealed in a greased loaf pan shaped urn and 
buried Friday in the Manna Memorial Gardens, near Bakersfield, California.

Dozens of celebrities attended his funeral, including his longtime friends, 
Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker.  
Little Debbie, who was rumored to be Fresh's most recent favorite "snack," 
sat in the back of the chapel, as did another purported paramour, Sara Lee.  

The graveside was piled high with flours as his godmother, Aunt Jemima, 
delivered the eulogy.  With her tears flowing like syrup, she said, "Pop N. 
never knew he was kneaded, but he always held a warm place  in all our hearts.
Who else could have spent his whole life naked, with the exception of wearing 
that cute little baker's hat, and still been so accepted by so many?"

Fresh rose quickly in show business, and although his later life was filled 
with turnovers, he refused to be flattened by fate.  He was not considered a 
smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Still, even
as a crusty old biscuit, he was a roll model to millions.  Memorials may be
made to the Pillsbury chapter of the Doughboy Anti-defamation League.