WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

--  Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
--  Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
--  You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
--  Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
--  The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.  (OK, the
    *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a
    vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
--  Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
--  Dogs miss you when you're gone.
--  You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
--  Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
--  Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at
    how you throw).
--  Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the
    most important thing is that you're together.
--  Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
--  You can train a dog.
--  Dogs understand what "no" means.
--  Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
--  Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
--  You can house train a dog.
--  Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
--  Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
--  Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
--  Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
--  Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
--  Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
--  Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
--  Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
--  You can force a dog to take a bath.


HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

--  Both take up too much space on the bed.
--  Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
--  Both are threatened by their own kind.
--  Both like to chew wood.
--  Both mark their territory.
--  Both are bad at asking you questions.
--  Neither tells you what's bothering them.
--  Both tend to smell riper with age.
--  The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
--  Neither does dishes.
--  Both fart shamelessly.
--  Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
--  Both like dominance games.
--  Both are suspicious of the postman.
--  Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
--  Neither understands what you see in cats.
--  Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.


WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

--  Men only have two feet to track in mud.
--  Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
    around the block.
--  Men open their own cans.
--  Dogs have dog breath ALL the time
--  Men can do math stuff.
--  Holiday Inns accept men.
--  Men don't eat their own turds on the sly.