WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't mind when you use their shampoo.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs won't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can
    shoot it.  (Here, Ol' Yeller!!).
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
It's legal to keep a dog chained to your house.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, or
    the back of your sock drawer.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger for dinner than a lobster.
You never have to wait for a dog.  They're ready 24 hours a day.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs can't talk.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
Dogs don't expect presents on their birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc.


WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you (except "fetch", and they never laugh at how
    you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most
    important things is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
      Actually, the worst disease you can get from a dog is rabies, but there
      is a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs think you're a culinary genius.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don't correct your stories.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs like your size.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Dogs are color blind.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.