Condensed Milk Contest


A woman was shopping at the supermarket.  When she arrived at the condensed
milk display, she noted that the Carnation Company had a pad of contest entry
blanks by their display.  She put two cans of Carnation condensed milk in her
shopping cart along with a contest entry blank.

Upon arriving home, she was putting her groceries away and noticed the
Carnation Company contest entry blank in the bottom of her grocery sack.  When
she read the contest rules, she found that it was a contest of 25 words or
less pertaining to Carnation condensed milk.  The contest entry also entailed
sending in two Carnation condensed milk labels.  The only thing she could
think of at the time was, "Here I stand in my kitchen grand, with a can of
Carnation in my hand."

She couldn't think of an ending for the poem.  It was getting late and her
family would be needing supper, so she put the two Carnation condensed milk
labels and the contest entry blank in her desk drawer and promptly forgot
about them.

About 6 or 8 weeks later, a letter arrived from the Carnation Company stating
that they had awarded her a duplicate first prize.  However, due to the nature
of her entry, they found it "unacceptable for publication."

This perplexed the lady a great deal.  She didn't recall sending in the labels
and the contest entry blank.  She recalled putting them in her desk, but when
she checked, they weren't there!

When her teen age son arrived home from school, she said, "Did you go to my
desk, take out two Carnation condensed milk labels and a contest entry blank
and send them in"?

He said yes, he had.

She asked, "What in the world did you write?"

He said, "Well, Mom, you had written, "Here I stand in my kitchen grand, with
a can of Carnation in my hand."

I just added, "No tits to squeeze, no shit to pitch, just punch two holes in
the son-of-a-bitch."