Q:  What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A:  A wet nose

Q:  How do you recycle a condom?
A:  Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

Q:  Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A:  Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q:  What's the difference between an ironing board and a blonde?
A:  It's hard to get an ironing board's legs open

Q:  What does Hillary do when she's done shaving her pussy?
A:  Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.

Q:  What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
A:  He wipes his ass.

Q:  Why did Disneyland fail in Japan?
A:  Because no one's tall enough to ride the good rides.

Q:  What's the definition of safe sex in West Virginia?
A:  Branding the sheep that kick.

Q:  Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:  Because they can.

Q: Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A: Because their peckers are on their faces.

Q: Whats worse than lobsters on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: Did you hear about the nympho at the hotel pool?
A: She was barred from the area after the lifeguard saw her go down for the
   third time.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.

Q: Whats the difference between 'ohh' and 'ahh'?
A: About 4 inches.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: Whats the difference between Like and Love?
A: Spit and Swallow.

Q: What do Rubiks cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with it, the harder it gets!

Q: Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q: How can you tell a macho women?
A: She rolls her own tampons.

Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs - only ones coming and ones going.

Q: How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you?
A: There's a string hanging out of your bloody Mary.

Q: What do elephants use as tampons?
A: Sheep

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job

Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes

Q: What's better than a rose on your piano?
A: Two lips on your organ

Q: What's the ultimate in rejection?
A: When your spanking hand falls asleep

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken?

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong?
        (a) meat
        (b) eggs
        (c) wife
        (d) blowjob.
A: (d) a blowjob because it's possible to beat your meat, your eggs, or
   your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q: what do you call grit in a condom
A: An organ grinder!.

Q: Whats green and eats nuts
A: Herpes!.

Q: Why did the condom fly across the room?
A: Because it got pissed off.

Q: What does Old Milwaukee and making love in a small rowing-boat have in
   common?
A: They are both fucking close to water!