Author: Sam

Story: On-Road-Off-Road: 1 of 3

Series: n/a

Rating: PG-15: sexual innuendoes, some language, minor violence

Setting: Hazzard County

Characters Introduced: Bo, Luke, Daisy, Roscoe, Enos, Boss, Jesse, Cooter, Emmy-Beth and Elmer.

Summary: The Dukes get in a race for their lives when someone starts trying to eliminate contenders... and I do mean eliminate.

Spoiler: Well, generally random episodes in the series, but mostly I give a few things away about the episode with the Hazzard County Derby in it (Luke’s Love Story).

Category: Fantasy, General

Disclaimer: The Dukes of Hazzard is a trademark of Warner Brothers. I am in no way connected with these people, and I do not claim ownership to these characters, lands, or names. I have borrowed them to share a story... and most likely not a story any of them would have written had they had the time or no. I am making no money from this, and it is just for my entertainment, and that of free entertainment to a select group of friends. Thank You.

Distribution: Please ask first?

Note: Emmy-Beth is my own creation, but she is not based on anyone I know. I figured we needed another Duke to show up. She is a distant cousin of Jesse’s wife, so she’s only a Duke by marriage, not that it bothers the Dukes any. Elmer Jenks is also my creation, as I needed a ringer for Boss.

Feedback: Yes, please? Especially constructive. samwise_baggins@yahoo.co.uk

Webpage: http://www.geocities.com/samwise_baggins/index.html

“Well, just face it, Luke. The better driver’s gonna win this here race. Shame you’re only gonna be settin’ back here at the finish line just wishin’ it was you.” Bo Duke couldn’t resist a little picking at his cousin Luke, especially as he’d won the right, fair and square, to race their stockcar, the General Lee, in the Hazzard County On-Road-Off-Road Race... he’d hit more targets in archery practice, as usual. The good-looking, tall blond was in his early twenties, the prime of life, though most times he still acted like he was barely seventeen.

Shorter, stockier, and a bit more mature was Bo’s cousin, Luke Duke. He had dark looks balancing Bo’s fair ones. And his more sensible, reasonable approach could often be counted on to get them out of trouble... the trouble Bo was most often getting them into. Luke didn’t usually mind, though. He loved his cousin as close as any two brothers could get, so he took the licks along with the good times. At that particular time he chose to ignore his cousin’s teasing, wanting to enjoy the race even if he wasn’t gonna be the one driving. But as Bo kept gloating, Luke finally looked up from where he was leaning in under the General’s hood and shot back, “If’n you don’t stop flappin’ your gums, Bo, and hurry over to register with Enos, you ain’t gonna be racin’ at all.”

It worked. His cousin shut his mouth and headed over to the large table set up just to the left of the door to Boss’s bar, the Boar’s Nest. As Bo spoke to the honest, young police deputy, Enos, paid the fee the boys’d got together, and filled out the registration forms, Luke shook his head and ducked back under the hood. Sometimes he wondered if his cousin had the sense of a baby hound, the way he needed looking after all the time. In fact, Luke had begun to think it was a good thing he’d come back from the Marines after his first tour; he was certainly needed around the farm.

As Bo walked back towards the General Lee, Luke lowered the hood, finished with the last minute checks before the race. He wiped his hands on an old cloth, turning towards his cousin with a grin. “Well, he’s all ready to...” Luke’s comment faded off as he, and everyone else, watched a sleek black mustang with white running trim pull up.

Luke whistled low, looking almost dazed. “Ain’t she a beauty?”

“Which one? The car or the girl drivin’ her?” Bo’s grin was wide as he slapped a hand on Luke’s back. He didn’t remove his eyes, however, from the sight of the small figure sliding from her car.

The woman was nicely rounded, despite her short stature, and her figure wasn’t even hidden by the gray pit-suit she wore. She wasn’t model thin, having more bust, hip, and butt than advertisers seemed to approve of, but she was pretty nonetheless. With auburn curls trailing halfway down her back and large gray eyes, the woman drew the attention of every man there, married or not. Fortunately, she ignored them, walking directly over to Enos... and earning a little less animosity from the womenfolk present.

That didn’t stop the Duke boys from ogling her, though. Enos, too, was all over eager clumsiness to assist the pretty stranger. He dropped first the registration forms, then a glass of water he tried to offer her, soaking half the forms already filed. Finally, with a shake of her head, she leaned over and whispered something that made him blush red all over and start to stammer.

Bo yelped in delight. “I think she’s flirting with Enos!”

Coming around the far side of the General Lee, Cousin Daisy looked intrigued, glancing over to the registration table. “Who is she?”

Luke shook his head. “Don’t know. She’s familiar, but I don’t recognize her. Maybe someone we knew when we was small?” His eyes seemed to follow the woman’s every movement, which also amused Bo to no end.

“Well, I’m gonna find out, Cousin.” Bo started to move towards the registration table, but was stopped by the woman turning towards the crowd. She looked serious as all get out, too.

“Anyone here know how ta handle a race car?” She had one small hand still resting on the table while she was turned towards the crowd. Enos, nearby, looked extremely embarrassed.

Cooter stepped out of the crowd, grinning ear to ear. “Sure, that’s why we’re here for a race. Y’all new to Hazzard, Ma’am?” He was dressed in his typical, old, greasy way.

The woman actually flashed Cooter a smile, which earned her a notch of respect in Luke’s eyes, at least. She hadn’t snubbed the mechanic for his down country roots. Instead, she kept her voice raised so everyone could hear, but looked straight at Cooter. “Seems I’m not allowed to drive this race, so I need someone local to drive for me. I’ll split the winnin’s fifty-fifty, fair deal: my car, local driver, oughta win.”

People looked at each other, glancing covetously at the car. Before anyone else could volunteer, though, Luke, cloth still in hand, stepped forward and nodded. “I’ll drive for you, Ma’am. Name’s Luke Duke.”

She turned her attention on Luke and smiled, stepping to his side quickly enough to startle some people with her speed. “Name’s...”

Boss, with a bullhorn, unintentionally covered up whatever she said. “All right, everyone gather close. This is the last chance to enter the Annual Hazzard County On-Road-Off-Road Race to win a five hundred dollar cash prize. So, anyone that needs to enter, come to the table and Deputy Enos will sign you up for a small registration fee. Roscoe, start checkin’ the cars for anythin’ they’s not s’posed ta have.” Boss lowered the bullhorn and signaled his Sheriff to start looking for nitro or anything else that might illegally help the racers steal a win.

Roscoe chose to start with the General Lee, naturally hoping to find something. Bo popped the hood and the trunk and let the man do his job; but he kept an eagle eye on the police officer, making sure the man didn’t add anything illegal, either. When that search was done, Roscoe was disappointed but eagerly moved on to the Dixie, Daisy’s jeep. Maybe, the Dukes had tried to fool him by having Daisy enter against Bo, then souped up her car illegally so she’d win and they could split the winnings. At least, that was the way Roscoe was thinking.

Letting Daisy worry about her own vehicle, Bo sidled closer to the Mustang owner, smiling and doing his best to attract the pretty stranger. “I’m Bo Duke. How long ya gonna be in Hazzard?”

She turned a smile up at him, the look in her eyes making Bo feel like he’d missed some sort of joke, “Long as it takes, Bo.” The name rolled off her tongue comfortably, as if she’d known him her whole life, which made him feel a bit odd. “I came to visit my cousins, but this here race distracted me first.”

“And do you find me distractin’?” He leaned closer, smiling wider.

With a shake of her head, she put a hand to his chest and pushed back, surprising him with her strength. “Bo, I ain’t int’rested in you that way, so let’s just keep it friendly, ‘stead of me havin’ to get mad and leave right after the race.”

He took the hint and stepped back but kept smiling at her. After all, Bo was a born flirt, not too serious about any one girl. If she didn’t want to flirt back, that wasn’t a problem to him. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself; but a man could only resist a challenge so far. Her refusal really sparked his further interest, though Bo was well-mannered enough to keep that to himself.

Then his curiosity got the better of him. “So, why was ya flirtin’ with Enos? You like police?” He was smilin’ still, his tone friendly and casual, though he really did want to know what sparked her.

Rolling gray eyes, she shook her head. “Is that all you ever think about, Bo Duke? I thought you’d a growed up by now.”

Daisy shook her head at her cousin’s attempts and watched as Roscoe headed over to check out first Enos’s stockcar then the Mustang. By the time the Sheriff had moved on to check Cooter’s car, Luke was done registering and Bo had tried and been rebuffed yet again, without finding out if the redhead preferred men of the law. As Luke walked towards them, the woman turned her head, jerking her chin up at an angle in such a way as to trigger both Duke cousins’ memories.

“Beth...” Luke’s whisper was unheard, drowned out by Bo’s happy yell of “Emmy-Beth!” as he suddenly swung the woman up in his arms and spun her around.

Bo put Emmy-Beth down when she pounded on his chest with one small fist, glaring up at him. “Whoo-ee!” He laughed down at the five-foot-nothing woman. “You always did look like an angry kitten when you was mad!”

“An’ I always tol’ you never to fling me ‘round like a sack of flour, Bo Duke!” She smoothed out her pit-suit and glared at the much taller man. “Now ya might try ta get it through you’re thick head that you ain’t my style!” She turned her back on his laughter, nodding absently to the equally laughing Daisy as she strode purposefully towards Luke. “Heya, Luke, come check out the ‘stang.”

The dark-haired man nodded, smiling at the woman and heading towards her black Mustang, ignoring Bo’s amusement.

Luke couldn’t help but think how much Emmy-Beth had changed in seven years. Though, thinking about it, there was also the question of why she wasn’t allowed to drive the race; Emmy-Beth had been born and bred in Hazzard County.

Cooter, just as pleased as the Dukes that Emmy-Beth had returned from parts unknown, he’d dated her a bit in high school, headed towards the woman intent on greeting her properly. He’d always liked the girl and they had parted on good terms when they’d split up. For a moment, he even wondered if she’d be willing to strike up a relationship again.

As the same time, Daisy turned her smile up to Bo. “Now I know why she didn’t question him when Luke said he could drive. Cousin Emmy-Beth knows he’s one of the best drivers around.”

A stream of minor curses from Roscoe drew everyone’s attention to where he was checking a dull red stockcar on the other side of the Mustang.

As the crowd could see, the Sheriff was having trouble getting the car’s hood up. With a shake of her head, patting Luke’s arm and quickly strolling over to the duo, Emmy-Beth squatted down to inspect the rusty latch, not in the least bothered about getting involved.

Bo grinned and walked over to Luke. “She growed up real fine.”

Luke nodded, finally slipping the old grease rag absently into a back pocket of his jeans. “Yeah, she did.” Luke turned towards the Mustang, starting his own inspection, wanting to be at least a little familiar with the car he’d be racing in. “But I get the feelin’ she don’t think you growed up, Bo.” He never found out how his cousin would have retaliated to the remark.

At that moment, jimmying the latch into the proper position with a small screwdriver, Emmy-Beth finally got Elmer’s hood open. As she stood, she raised the hood, but a loud explosion rocked the entire car, sending the woman staggering back, screaming.

Luke reacted as quickly as he’d been trained to years before, taking Emmy-Beth to the ground and covering her with his body to prevent further injury from explosions. Bo, too, had thrown himself on the ground, having too much experience with explosives to take chances. The flash had been very bright, very loud, and very short, leaving only smoke behind. However, most people weren’t looking at that; they were too concerned about Emmy-Beth. People started crowding around, while Roscoe yelled for calm and Enos came charging around the table to lend what help he could. Fortunately, nobody else had been injured, even though Elmer and the Sheriff had been standing just behind Emmy-Beth.

It was into that chaos that Uncle Jesse pulled up in his beat up white pickup truck.

Cooter grabbed Elmer, anger crossing his normally jovial face. Anyone that hurt a friend of his found himself on Cooter’s very rare bad side. And Elmer had just made top of the list with whatever had happened under the hood of his car. He forced Elmer against the side of the Mustang, too incensed to even threaten him.

Jesse jumped from his truck and hurried over, trying to take in all the action. It was his voice, loud and clear and demanding, that broke through the confusion and brought instant order to chaos. “Everyone step back and let them have some air. Now, what’s goin’ on, Daisy?” He had seen her standing worriedly next to the General Lee, apparently unhurt, so that was who he asked for an update. Meanwhile, he went to go check on the boys.

His worry was instantly relieved as Bo got to his feet and Luke pushed to his hands and knees, revealing the woman below him. The young man checked on her, worried that her screams had stopped completely. Daisy’s voice was shaky as she called out, “Something in Elmer Jenks’ car blew up an’ Emmy-Beth’s been hurt, Uncle Jesse.” The older man nodded and strode quickly to his eldest nephew, helping him to his feet. Luke came up carrying an unconscious Emmy-Beth. They hurried her to Jesse’s truck while Roscoe turned on Elmer to start reading him his rights.

Boss interrupted at last, coming out from behind the flimsy safety of the registration table. “Now, Roscoe, before you go arrestin’ anyone, you should check that car. Make sure it weren’t no accident first.”

The Dukes were unanimously angered by this blatant show of favoritism. After all, a car doesn’t open up with an explosion unless something gets damaged or it’s rigged. Anyone standing near enough could see that Elmer’s car was fine. That left one conclusion, and it was almost obvious that since Emmy-Beth was a Duke, even if her Daddy had only married into it, she wasn’t going to get a fair hearing. Young voices rose in protest as Jesse slid behind his wheel and tore off, having no choice but to let the younger Dukes defend their cousin; he had to get the girl to a doctor.