CSI: Miami Stories: Secret Desires series: Fantasy and Nightmares

Disclaimer: CSI: Miami is produced by Alliance Atlantis Communications and CBS Productions, in association with Jerry Bruckheimer Films; the series is distributed worldwide by Alliance Atlantis, and by CBS in the USA. I am in no way connected with these people, and I do not claim ownership to these characters, lands, or names. I have borrowed them to share a story... and most likely not a story any of them would have written, had they had the time or no. I am making no money from this, and it is just for my entertainment, and that of free entertainment to a select group of friends. Thank You.

Notes: This was based on a Lord of the Rings dream I had, and I converted into a CSI: Miami story; this was originally a CSI (Las Vegas) fiction I wrote as a challenge. I’ve converted it to Miami.

Feedback: Yes, please? Especially constructive. This was my first NC-17 fanfic (which I converted). samwise_baggins@yahoo.co.uk

It started with…
A sigh, a glance, a smile
And he was drowning
A laugh, a touch, a hug
And he was lost
A whisper, a caress, a kiss
And he surrendered

“No!” Tim Speedle thrashed against the nightmare, the man with the gun aimed straight at his heart. Trying to fight back, flailing his arms, the CSI struck out at the vision, and came into contact with reality. His eyes flew open, not on the sight of the shoot out on the street, but on the brightness of a hospital room.

A yelp escaping the woman as she jumped to her feet, causing Speed to look to his left, and he saw what his wild thrashing had done. He’d inadvertently knocked an entire Styrofoam cup of soda out of his friend’s hand, spilling it over the woman. With a groan, the former New Yorker dropped his hand to his side. Brown eyes closing in regret, he rasped out, “Sorry, Calleigh.”

With a frown, Calleigh Duquesne tried to clean the icy soda from her jeans, already feeling the intense cold seeping through the denim and into her body. “You know, Speed, you didn’t have to toss it on me!” The young woman tried ineffectually to stop the chilly spread with a couple of thin paper napkins. Speed let his eyes open again, regretfully surveying the damage done by his clumsiness. Before he could see much more than a trim waist and generous hips clad in soaked jeans, dizziness overcame him and the injured CSI once again let his eyes shut, a groan escaping from bruised lips.

Looking up from her personal emergency, the blonde investigator frowned. Her voice softened in regret as she said, “Hey, it’s okay, Speed. It’s not like I haven’t spilt worse on myself.” After a pause, in which Speed considered telling his friend to leave or just to shut up, Calleigh asked, “Need me to get the nurse?”

Sighing, Speed let his eyes open again, trying to fight the breathless dizziness. One hand clutched ineffectually at his sheets in a grasping motion. Finally, after a long moment, Speed was able to control his body long enough to slide his eyes from Calleigh’s soaked pelvis, up the rather clingy green blouse, to the woman’s worried green eyes set in a pixyish face. It was hard to believe the woman was twenty-nine years old; she looked more like twenty-two: a very cute twenty-two.

Startled, Speed wondered where the hell that thought had come from and hurriedly determined that it had to be the drugs. He was still hurting from being flattened by that shot. Despite the flack jacket, his chest ached and his head spun from hitting it on the pavement, putting him in the hospital for the night. Just because he was being released the next day didn’t mean he wasn’t still fuzzy with pain and the grief of Hollis’ death.

“Speed,” Calleigh’s voice interrupted Speed’s confused thoughts. “Nurse?”

Blinking, trying to clear the odd fluttering feeling Calleigh’s concerned voice brought with it, Speed shook his head, then instantly regretted it. A hand flew to his mouth, the CSI ignoring the deep pain in his chest that the quick movement brought. With all of his will, Speed managed to fight down the nausea enough to gasp out, “Yeah... nurse... good idea, Calleigh.”

The smile that lit Calleigh’s face took Speed’s breath away before the investigator turned and hurried out of the hospital room. If the CSI hadn’t been trying to keep his almost inedible lunch down, he’d have been bothered more. How could a woman he’d worked with for a couple of years suddenly twist his guts like a roller coaster? Speed was a pretty private man and had never even considered... He brutally squashed even the hint of the thought. No, it was the drugs and how nice Calleigh was being; that was all.

He let his brown eyes close and tried to draw his thoughts back together while trying not to listen eagerly for Calleigh’s return.

Sitting in the darkened room, Speed let his worried brown eyes play over the sleeping form of the injured woman in the hospital bed. Just the previous spring their roles had been reversed, with Tim Speedle the broken patient and Calleigh Duquesne the supportive friend. Speed would have given almost anything to change positions now.

He knew that technically she only suffered from a very bruised, sprained shoulder, and was only in the hospital after John Hagen had thrown such a fit. There had also been nothing he could have done to prevent her injury, a backlash from firing a spear-gun during the regular course of her duties. But Speed still felt bed, and just a touch guilty, that she was the one injured and in the bed. If he’d been available, he could have fire that weapon for her and protected her from the pain.

Speed was drawn from his morose thoughts by the sound of Calleigh’s soft moan, her body moving restlessly while gripped in a dream. Instantly the CSI shifted forward in his uncomfortable chair and reached for his friend’s hand. He hesitated and let his own hand drop back, without having made contact. Speed tended to avoid touching Calleigh these days, and it wasn’t entirely due to the fact that he normally avoided personal contact.. Actually, he’d avoided touching Calleigh since his own hospital stay the spring before.

It wasn’t anything against the happy and sassy criminalist; God knows that Speed found the woman more than delightful company. In fact, that was the whole problem. Calleigh was vibrante and exciting and smart... she knew how to turn a totally bad day into something worth remembering, all with that amazing smile.

Well, that smile wasn’t anything to dream about, though it often looked as if Calleigh was the cat who ate the canary, the cream, and the dog’s favorite plush-toy all in one glorious sitting. But something about the way it lit her face, caused her green eyes to dance, was enough to draw an answering ray of happiness from anyone who saw it.

A few months before, Speed had been shot during a drug heist. When Calleigh had sat by his bed in the hospital, Speed had lashed out during a nightmare. The young woman should have been angrier than Hell but suddenly the world flipped upside down when the investigator flashed him that brilliant smile instead.

Speed, who’d always been attracted to women, suddenly found himself, at the oddest times, daydreaming about that smile. When he caught himself, he’d grab his partner, Eric Delko, and go out for a night of dancing at one of Miami’s clubs. Always, in the morning, guilt washed over him and he’d have to fight for control. What the hell had happened to him?

Another groan drew Speed back to the present once more, and he focused his eyes on the bruised, exhausted features of the woman lying in the bed. The nightmare that had gripped her caused her to start thrashing, and Speed worried she’d pull her shoulder again. Suddenly, the criminalist’s emerald eyes flew open, and Speed forced himself to smile, pushing all of the unsettling thoughts to the back of his mind. There was no way was he going to freak Calleigh out with his weird fantasies.

“Hey, Calleigh, finally decided to join the land of the living?” The smile that Calleigh bestowed on him was nothing like the overly bright, cheerful grin she often displayed; it was subdued, almost non-existent, and Speed’s heart tugged in sympathy.

“Hey,” Calleigh’s voice was barely a whisper, harsh and throaty from sleep. Her eyes drifted shut once more, as if too heavy to remain opened for more than a couple of seconds. “If this is living, I want a refund.”

Unable to stop himself, Speed laughed; trust Calleigh to turn this tragedy into a joke. When a soft answering chuckle sounded from the woman, Speed gave in and slid his hand carefully over Calleigh’s uninjured one. The other investigator opened her eyes and turned her hand in Speed’s, letting their fingers lace together. It felt comfortable and Speed decided to leave their hands together.

Their silent comradeship was interrupted by a nurse peeking in the door with a tired smile. “Sorry, guys, but visiting hours are up. You’ll have to finish the joke tomorrow.”

Reluctantly, embarrassed to be caught holding hands with his coworker, Speed drew away from Calleigh with a nervous smile for the nurse. She disappeared down the hall, but both C.S.I.'s ignored her, eyes meeting. Trying to lighten the air, Speed continued Calleigh’s joke. “When I find the guy who dealt the hand, I’ll make him give it all back.” There was confusion in Calleigh’s eyes, and sympathetically, as gently as he could, the New Yorker leaned down and hugged the injured Louisianan.

Warmth flooded the man and he bit back a groan as heat rushed into his groin. Sudden images he’d never admit to anyone, especially Calleigh, welled up and Speed pulled back, fighting the urge to actually turn and run. Instead, he gave a small wave, an inadequate smile, and walked out as calmly as he could.

It had to be the sympathy he felt for the injured woman, Speed told himself desperately. How else could he explain away his body’s embarrassing reaction to that small contact? He’d never dallied with a coworker in his life, had always been in control when women too numerous to count flirted with him; he couldn’t have a hard-on from just hugging Calleigh. He was exhausted and worried, that was all. It was worry about the injury of a good friend.

Calleigh would bounce back from this, just as Speed had bounced back from that shot last spring. Then...

Pain laced through dark dreams, and Speed found himself unable to stay in the blessed blackness any longer. He fought wakefulness; he didn’t want to be reminded, once again, of the way his life had turned. Speed had never been afraid of hospitals in his life, but after over twelve hours in surgery, he was going to scream if he had to look at another sterile mask.

He must be hallucinating; there couldn’t be any other answer. There was no way Calleigh Duquesne could be whispering in his ear. Here, at the end of life, he had chosen to dream up Calleigh, the woman he had secretly desired for too long but could never have. The other investigator would have been annoyed with her friend’s fantasies if she’d known, Speed was positive.

The dream refused to let him find blessed oblivion, and Speed found himself pulled back by a whisper to the nightmare his semi-waking hours had become. With a groan of protest, he tried to block out the pain, tried to fight for the darkness. Tim Speedle was ready to give up, if it only meant he didn’t have to wake up with that searing heart pain anymore. He wanted to cling to the forbidden fantasy that had kept him sane: the fantasy of Calleigh.

Brown eyes flew open at that third dreamy whisper, and Speed gasped at the intense light shining down on him. With a cry of protest, he flailed his arms and found himself held down by a sure, strong grip. That wasn’t cold restraints; it was warm flesh and bone. Stilling under the strength of the grip, Speed fought to adjust his eyes to the light. When his eyes did finally process his surroundings, the CSI found he was looking up not at goggles and masks, but green eyes.

Speed sobbed and felt a touch glide over his stubbled cheek. Those fingers were like a caress from Heaven and the man grabbed for the hand, reassuring himself that this was reality, that the horror was over at last. Tears rolled down the once strong man’s cheeks, and he suddenly didn’t care that he was weak and lying in a hospital bed. He was alive and free.

The memories flooded back: the jewelry store, the shot, the shout from H… the ambulance. He couldn’t tell how long he’d been in the medicine-induced sleep, but it had to have been hours. Gone were Horatio and Alexx, the pair who had accompanied him in the ambulance. Instead, they were replaced by the welcome sight of Calleigh Duquesne, green eyes tired but relieved, blonde hair rumpled as if she’d just tumbled out of bed.

With a groan, Speed tried to push the image of Calleigh in bed from his mind. He let his eyes drift shut again, willing himself back into oblivion. At least in the darkness he could escape the strictures of work-life, could live with his dark obsession, could dream of the woman beside him.

Calleigh smiled down at him softly, her pretty, pixyish face a mere breath or two above his. My God, had Calleigh just kissed him? Speed tried to push the image away, sure he had dreamed the act; why would Calleigh be kissing him, after all? He closed his eyes again.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Calleigh’s amused voice brought Speed’s eyes open once more. “You aren’t going to escape that easy, Timothy Speedle.”

Then, to Speed’s utter surprise, and secret delight, Calleigh leaned over and kissed him again. This one was no hesitant brush on the lips; it was deep and sure. With that one touch, the passion flared and Calleigh branded Speed’s very soul. Speed groaned, brought a hand up to tangle in Calleigh’s mussed hair, and returned the passion, kiss for kiss.

He’d face reality in the morning; tonight, he would cling to the dream of Calleigh.

It was much sooner than morning when the fantasy stopped and real life intruded. The other CSI pulled away, smiling down at the injured man. Speed made a sound of protest and reached for her again despite the IV and bandages restricting him, but Calleigh pushed his hands away with an easy laugh.

At the word straight, Speed felt embarrassment wash over him. Damn! He’d responded to that kiss like a man drowning, and it was most likely Calleigh’s way of being a comforting friend: a way to keep Speed awake. Letting his hand drop back to the hospital mattress, Speed frowned at the woman. Hurt, he softly rasped, “I’d rather not be with you, Calleigh.” He wanted to be alone with the embarrassment.

Laughing still, Calleigh shook her head, her tired green eyes dancing. “Come on, Speed, it’s no good. You want me, and I’m willing to be caught.”

Suddenly confused, Speed asked, “What the hell does that mean? Why would I want you? We’re coworkers, Calleigh.”

“Coworkers, partners, possible lovers, Speed.” Calleigh tossed him that electric smile she often used, and Speed had to fight the heart-flip it always caused. “Come on, Speed. You can’t deny that we’re good together. You responded to me just as much as I responded to you. Coworkers be damned, that's electric.” Calleigh’s voice was laughing, alive with her normal optimism.

Speed frowned up at the woman, suddenly wary. This had to be a joke... Calleigh, who had been avoiding even a simple dinner date with anyone of the C.S.I.’s, couldn’t possibly be saying that she was... interested in something deeper with Speed. “Calleigh, I’m not up to a joke.”

Calleigh sighed. Leaning over, she whispered, “I’ve known for months, Speed.”

“Known what?” This didn’t sound like any joke Calleigh could be playing. Could she really mean? Speed barely dared to breathe.

“That I’m interested in you, Speed.” The brilliant smile gentled to a soft, serene look Speed had never witnessed before. It made the man fall in love all over again, but this time he dared to hope that it was a love that might be returned.

The green eyes danced as Calleigh let out a gentle laugh, leaning over to quickly kiss Speed once more. When Speed hesitantly responded, she didn’t pull away and the kiss lengthened into several minutes. Finally, Calleigh stopped and smiled at Speed once more. “Yeah, I want you. I want to be with you. I want to make love to you. How much clearer can I get, Speed? I think you’re sexy and hot and the most desirable man I’ve ever seen.”

“Whoa... uh... Calleigh... uh...” Speed’s brown eyes widened. This was certainly no joke; Calleigh was serious. And Speed was suddenly afraid to take that step he’d been fantasizing about for the past year and a half. “I... uh... admit that when you kissed me... uh...”

Calleigh sat up, laughing, amazingly not taking offense or quickly trying to cover some embarrassing confession she suddenly regretted. “Speed, I’ve let you get used to the idea for a year and a hald. How long are you going to make me wait?” She leaned over again and whispered, “You’ve wanted me from the day you spilt your soda on me. Why can’t you accept that I will make you as happy as you’ve been dreaming?”

Talk about straight to the point; then again, Calleigh had never been one to back down from what she wanted. Look how she’d gotten a CSI position despite all the social barriers that had fallen her way. When Calleigh Duquesne really wanted something, she found a way to get it, and Speed had to admit it seemed like Calleigh really wanted him.

With a sigh, Speed hesitantly reached up to touch Calleigh’s cheek, almost afraid that this was just another dream caused by the medications from his heart surgery. When the vision didn’t evaporate, when he felt the warm, soft jaw below his questing fingers, Speed let out a groan. “You want me? But... we’re coworkers, Calleigh. Work relationships rarely ever work.”

“And we're good friends.” Calleigh closed the distance between them and gave him another long, passionate kiss. “I've always felt friends make the best lovers; after the passion’s gone, there’s always something left to talk about.” Another kiss and Speed’s head whirled. “And as soon as you’re out of the hospital, I’ll prove it to you.” She moved in for another kiss, and finally, Speed believed it was possible; it felt so good, so right.

As he tugged Calleigh down to seal their lips together, he knew that he’d finally found the person who could chase all the nightmares away.

FIN

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