CSI: Miami Stories: Secret Desires series: Excuses: I Never!

Pairings: (Deep breath) Maxine/Speed; Ryan/Speed; Speed/Alexx; Horatio/Alexx; Maxine/Eric; Calleigh/Eric; Speed/Ryan; Speed/Natalia; Speed/Calleigh; Natalia/Ryan; Eric/Alexx; Calleigh/Speed (though not all pairings result in kisses)

Summary: A birthday party drinking game reveals a bit more than the crew intended, both to the others and to themselves.

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: CSI: Miami is produced by Alliance Atlantis Communications and CBS Productions, in association with Jerry Bruckheimer Films; the series is distributed worldwide by Alliance Atlantis, and by CBS in the USA. I am in no way connected with these people, and I do not claim ownership to these characters, lands, or names. I have borrowed them to share a story... and most likely not a story any of them would have written, had they had the time or no. I am making no money from this, and it is just for my entertainment, and that of free entertainment to a select group of friends. Thank You.

Notes: All pairs were randomly generated, except the last pair. All people who were required to spin were randomly generated, except the last spinner. In other words, everything was coincidence except the very last pairing.

What a way to end such a hard week's work. Most of the investigators and techs had shown up to the party that Friday night, enjoying themselves and the weekend coming up. There had been laughter and loud conversation and well wishes for the birthday celebrant. Several hours of fun passed rather quickly and, finally, the room had all but cleared by the time one A.M. had struck. The party seemed to have been a success.

Calleigh Duquesne grinned as she plopped down onto the floor, a nice light buzz going. She was glad Yelina had stayed only an hour, for that meant the Louisianan could enjoy herself without feeling like the detective was disapproving. She stretched, arching her back cat-like, then slouched and grinned around at the few remaining people in the room. "Lightning."

"Eh?" Maxine Valera looked up from a book she'd received as a present from Frank Tripp. She had just turned thirty-three and had celebrated by drinking as many toasts as everyone else thought they could reasonably come up with.

Surprised, Maxine turned, as did everyone else. True enough, that June fifteenth night had turned harsher and fast, violent shafts of light ripped through the sky in the rainy wind which had sprung up. Thunder, barely noticed over the sounds of merry-making, echoed across the immediate silence. The birthday girl grinned and put her present on the floor, practically crawling a couple of steps before getting to her knees and shuffling to the window. She seemed enraptured by nature's display.

After only minutes, however, she glanced back to her friends and sighed. "Bored. What'll we do now?"

A chorus of laughter echoed in the warm room and Maxine made a face, flinging an empty can at Ryan. "No. Not going to let you, Wolfe. S'bad idea."

"We could rewrap the gifts and hide them around the house for you to find." Natalia looked amused as she made the unusual suggestion.

Everyone stared at the sexy blonde as if she'd floored them. It was a measure of just how tipsy the eight criminalists were that they would actually consider the idea. Finally, Tim Speedle shook his head. "Not going to work, Natalia. Maxine wouldn't be able to 'member them all."

"More like you wouldn't be able to rewrap them," came Eric Delko's amused quip. More laughter poured forth and Ryan took the opportunity to fling the empty can at Eric. The man caught it and brandished it like a trophy.

Maxine shook her head. "No, I don’t like scavenger hunts. Something else." She looked around hopefully, eyes landing on Alexx. Alexx Woods shrugged, content merely to sit and enjoy the congenial atmosphere in the room. As Maxine looked at each person, she received negative answers of one form or another. Finally, with a sigh, she glanced to the last person there: Horatio Caine.

"Oh, don’t tell me I'm the only one with enough brain cells left to think up fun ideas." Horatio grinned and reached for Maxine's empty bottle. "Fine, then, here's what we'll do. And," he looked up, blue eyes dancing, "since I'm the one who has to think of something... again... none of you are allowed to back out."

Alexx looked suspicious. "What're we doing? I don’t like agreeing to the unknown, Horatio."

H laughed. "Nothing drastic. A party game is all. Of course, it takes a bit of intelligence, so if you can't handle that..."

When he left the sentence hanging, several of the others took immediate umbrage. Natalia shook her head, leaning back as if in preparation of refusing outright. Eric sat forward, to protest the slight to his intelligence level.

Speed merely shook his head and laughed. "So, we're too drunk for a party game? That, my friend, is a challenge. I'm in."

The tall red-head nodded as the others agreed to play his game. The only one who didn't speak up was Natalia Boa Vista. Finally, Horatio turned to look at his friend. "Well? Brave enough?"

"That depends on what type of party game it is, H." With a shake of her blonde head, the pretty investigator leaned forward once more. "What's the game?"

"It's a drinking game called Excuses: I Never! It's lots of fun. Not too hard, either. What d'you say? Up for it?" Blue eyes fixed intently on hazel as Horatio waited for an answer.

"Oh, that one! I used to play that all the time in school." Maxine grinned. She started enthusiastically explaining the rules. "You see it starts out with everyone having a full drink. First person clearly claims something she's never done before. Everyone who'd never done it agrees. Those who have done it, take a drink. If someone catches you lying, you finish your drink completely. Goal is to be the last one coherent."

Ryan nodded his head. "It sounds fun. I can do that." The former patrolman grinned and turned to start filling everyone's glasses or getting them fresh bottles of whatever it was they were individually drinking.

Natalia frowned. "I get the I Never part, but what's the Excuses part?" She wasn't as easily taken in as the others, or she was less fun at a party. "Tell the rest, Maxine."

"She's the birthday girl; we should play her game, Natalia." Calleigh passed a bottle to Natalia, who didn't refuse it despite her wariness.

Horatio laughed. "The fun part is Excuses, Natalia. When you finish your drink, you spin your bottle. Whoever it points to has to kiss you. If he doesn't want to, he has to come up with a valid excuse within a minute." Horatio grinned wider and held up a hand. "Thing is, each excuse can only be used once in a game, no matter who uses it. So it takes a lot of thinking to come up with something new."

With a frown, Natalia nodded. "Sounds like Truth or Dare mixed with Spin the Bottle, H. You sure this's a real game?" She settled back, however, as if agreeing to play this time.

Eric nodded, grinning. "Of course it's a real game, Natalia. I've played it at parties before. It's not as hard as it sounds. More often than not, you wind up passed out before you have to worry about people forgetting what excuses were used. I'm in."

"But what about the married folk?" Alexx frowned. She frowned more severely when Speed quipped that she better have good excuses then. "Oh, you're still playing, Baby?"

"Sure. I think I can easily come up with at least half a dozen excuses not to kiss these guys." Speed let Ryan top his glass off. "But if you're worried, you can always drop out, Alexx."

"All right!" Maxine stood and took her empty bottle back from Horatio then had everyone scoot back to give it plenty of room for spinning. "Since most of us are using glasses, we'll just share the same bottle for spinning. I'll go first, since it's my birthday." And with that, the thirty-three year old brunette looked deep in thought. It was just as Calleigh was getting restless that Maxine came up with something. "I've never walked in on my parents having sex." She grinned proudly around as the others stared at her in surprise.

Ryan laughed. "Nothing like starting off with a bang, eh, Valera? Well, neither have I, and I'm quite thankful for that."

A chorus of agreement rang out from most of those present. Eric sighed and took a drink, followed by Horatio, with a shrug. Speed frowned. "Does that exclude at the work place?" At the agreement, Speed drank anyway, apparently having just thrown the comment out for the hell of it.

Natalia shook her head, groaning. "We didn't need to know that, Eric. Speed was the last to drink, so now he says what he never did."

With a stunned blink, Ryan turned quickly. "What, don’t you want someone else to drink?"

Laughter met that clever idea and only one person drank. Everyone stared at Calleigh as she brought the bottle away from her lips. "What? I was five." She glared at the increased glee. "My turn. I’ve never brought a stray home to make a pet.”

Pretty much the entire group drank, grumbling and groaning at what seemed a rather unfair Never. Ryan, being the last to drink, sighed. “I never kissed my sister on the mouth."

Eric sighed, “I’m going to have to learn to drink quicker.” Then he added, "I never hit my sibling." He looked very smug as Calleigh, H, Speed, and Natalia drank.

Natalia sighed. "I was last? Okay... I... I never... I never played this before." She grinned and shrugged.

"Good one, Natalia. We know which three have already." Calleigh poked Maxine. "Right?"

As the game progressed, the drinks slowly emptied and the group slowly grew more creative in their statements. Already, Maxine and Ryan had both had to spin. Both times, the bottle had wound up pointing to Speed, and both times he'd actually come up with acceptable excuses. The first one had been "Sorry, I'm not your type." The second had been "I don’t kiss on the first date." Technically, they could have made Speed kiss both Maxine and Ryan for those, but they'd thought them so funny no one pressed the issue.

Somehow, without a word spoken, the majority of the investigators were trying to come up with things to make Speed take drinks. It was an unspoken agreement that it would be funny as hell to see him sweat it out while the guy on the other end of the bottle tried to come up with a good excuse. The plot was working, as Speed had only a little left in his glass.

It was Calleigh's turn to make a statement, and she was a bit stumped. Finally, she shook her head. "Uh... I never... uh... I never... was a member of M.E.N.S.A.!" She grinned triumphantly at Speed's scowl.

The only one to actually drink on that round was Speed. There was no way out of it, since any one of them could pull out his service file and point out that he was the only one that had actually qualified for the M.E.N.S.A. program, an elite group for people with genius level IQ’s. "That was low, Calleigh," Speed grumbled as he finished off his drink and sighed, reaching for the bottle in the middle of the loose circle. With a deep breath, he gave the bottle a firm spin.

The laughter stopped, though smiles and amusement were still evident. Nobody moved as they watched the bottle spinning. It took a long time to finally stop and when it did, Speed froze. He slowly raised his eyes, wide and deep brown with consternation. His eyes met and locked with Alexx’s.

The seconds ticked by, closer and closer to the time limit for the excuse. Alexx remained quiet, merely watching the younger detective with an unreadable expression. Time seemed to drag by and fly all at once. Finally, she nodded and stretched, leaning back against the couch behind her.

"I don’t believe I'll kiss you, Timmy. You're far too nervous, and I don’t prefer to force myself on you."

As the comment could easily shift the mood of the game to extremely uncomfortable, the tension starting to build needed breaking. Speed was the one to do so, not wanting to wreck Maxine's party. With a laugh and apparently nonchalant shrug, he replied cheekily, "My loss; who's next?"

With a relieved smile, Calleigh pointed to Natalia. "Your turn for an I Never, Natalia. What haven't you done yet?"

Natalia nodded and looked thoughtful. Slowly, in a slightly throaty purr, the detective spoke, "I've never kissed an animal."

Surprise followed that statement and Horatio grinned, thinking he'd caught out the woman. "Ah, but a pet? When you were a kid, Natalia?"

"Not even as a kid with a pet. I never kissed any animals." Her look dared anyone to continue defying her statement. Nobody pressed it, everyone but Natalia and Speed taking a drink.

"Well I am," Maxine leaned forward. "I don’t think anyone here's been to Russia, Alexx, even Eric, so it's really a..."

"Fine," Alexx frowned at the DNA Tech. "For the sake of your birthday, I'll change the Never." She raised her hand to still protests coming from Horatio and Calleigh. "I've never stolen so much as a piece of candy in my entire life. That make you happy, Valera?"

Maxine frowned and took a drink, exposing the fact that at some time in her youth she'd at least stolen candy, if not something worth more. Everyone except Alexx drank, in fact, much to the disgust of Calleigh, who apparently took the Never as something personal in her inebriated state.

"Thanks a lot. What're we doing here, baring our souls? This better not get out, guys."

Horatio smiled and turned his drink upside down, proving that it was empty. He reached for the bottle, but bumped hands with Calleigh and Maxine, who were also reaching for it. He nodded. "Looks like we get to wrestle for the bottle." He sounded excited.

"What?" Eric cleared his throat, bothered by the squeak he'd let out. He shook his head. "No one said anything about wrestling." He glared at Maxine who began to giggle.

"Nah, no wrestling, Delko. We take turns spinning and kissing. Go ahead, Horatio, you first." Maxine leaned forward and slid the bottle towards the tall former New Yorker.

"Right, and here goes," the only redhead in that group gave the bottle a hard spin. It was almost mesmerizing in its motion as light flashed off the clear glass spinning in the middle of the hardwood floor. It continued spinning for quite some time, in fact.

When it stopped, it was pointing to Alexx. The woman laughed softly, watching Horatio. "Looks like I'm popular tonight." She studied the man as the time ticked away, judging Horatio's reaction and mentally puzzling out how her husband would react to this party game. Finally, she determined he wouldn’t be threatened by it and leaned over, sliding her hand behind the investigator's head, drawing him closer. "You want an excuse, Horatio?" Her breath was a whisper across Horatio's lips.

The tip of a pink tongue darted out to wet lips and Horatio's breath hitched in expectation. "Don’t need an excuse, Alexx." He tilted his head, gripping Alexx's collar and pulling her that last bit forward.

Their lips met, and Horatio's head started to spin. He smiled, not letting Alexx get away, drawing the kiss out. Horatio worked his lips over Alexx's mouth, tasting the coroner. He sighed in delight; it had been a long time since he'd let him self do something like this.

Speed made a slight choking sound in his throat and looked away, raising his glass to his lips for a sip. Calleigh's hand shot out to stop him, however, earning a thankful glance from her friend. There was no way Speed wanted his glass emptied any quicker than it had to be.

"Break it off. It's my turn to spin." Maxine gave the bottle a hard flick and grinned as the pair of kissers drew apart, Horatio smiling like the cat that got the cream.

When the bottle slowed to a stop, Eric shook his head. He met Maxine's eyes and shrugged with a wolfish grin. "Well, it can't be all bad, can it?" He leaned over and kissed Maxine softly, quickly, then sat back with a smile.

With a surprised gasp, Maxine flushed a bit. She looked stunned as Calleigh reached for the bottle. "No... not bad at all..." she sounded as shocked as she looked. She'd never really considered kissing Eric before. When she'd played this game in school they automatically spun again if it landed on someone taken. The birthday girl withdrew into contemplative silence as laughter swept the room.

Wide green eyes lifted. Calleigh had always been more inclined toward treating Eric as a little brother, not potential lover. Now she was confronted with the man after he'd just finished kissing a co-worker. There was no way he'd come up with an excuse to avoid kissing Calleigh. The woman swallowed convulsively.

Softly Eric laughed as he leaned forward. "I don’t bite, Calleigh. Relax. It doesn't hurt... just a little kiss..." His tone was persuasive and Calleigh nodded, closing her eyes and tilting her head up.

This action met giggles from Maxine and Alexx, but Calleigh ignored them, waiting for the feeling of having Eric kiss her on the mouth. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought. In fact, like Maxine said, it was not bad at all. She blinked her eyes open in dazed surprise as Eric pulled back with a gentle smile. "Wow..."

Natalia reached out and stopped Speed, who'd been so dazed he'd actually finished off half his wine. "Slow down, man, you'll regret it in the morning if you're not careful." She met Speed's gaze steadily, tapping the glass gently with one tapered fingernail. Speed gulped and nodded.

"My turn, then," Ryan interjected. It actually wasn't certain anymore whose turn precisely it was to go, but no one contested the investigator, letting him move the game along. "I've never broken my own bone before." The statement was almost anti-climatic after the round of kissing, but nobody complained. Drinks were had and the game went on.

Several rounds later, Alexx was one of the few who were not drunk. Somehow, despite having emptied his glass twice more, Speed had gotten out of kissing because he'd spun Ryan, who had an excuse about not being interested in northerners, and Natalia, who said she didn't prefer to kiss someone who'd been drinking wine so freely. They laughed and let that go as an excuse, as they knew Speed would enjoy the game more if he was let off the hook.

Now, Alexx Woods had the chance to get three people to spin, if she could come up with the right statement to make them all drink that last sip. Eyeing her intended victims, Alexx smiled. Something that connected Speed, Eric, and Natalia? Easy. "I've never been to a Delko family block party."

With a groan, meant more for show than protest, Eric finished his glass off, smiling as Natalia and Speed also finished off their drinks. Speed reached for the bottle first, wanting to get the tension over with so he could enjoy the show.

He didn't question why he'd stopped thinking of this kissing game as boring and started wanting to see it. Probably it was due to his being the drunkest one there. None-the-less, he was looking forward to seeing just whom Natalia and Eric had to kiss, almost hoping Alexx would be involved. After all, of all the kisses that night, the hottest had been the one between Alexx and Horatio early on; he didn’t allow himself to recall that his friend was happily married.

When the bottle stopped spinning, Speed looked expectantly at his kisser, waiting for the seemingly inevitable excuse. It never came. Instead, Calleigh leaned forward and cupped her friend's face, bringing their lips together amid a sudden hush over the room. Speed was too stunned to move. Taking this as encouragement, Calleigh slanted her head and deepened the kiss, tracing her tongue over Speed's lips, tasting the red wine and something that was inherently Speed. She started losing herself in the kiss and actually whimpered in protest when Speed gripped her arms gently and put her away.

The fact that Speed was willing to relieve the tension with a joke relaxed everyone, especially as they knew how uncomfortable he must be. Most of them took this as nothing too seriously personal, just a lot of messing around. Speed, however, was their most reserved investigator, and, as far as they could tell, that kiss must have been an invasion of his personal space.

Preventing the silence from stretching too far, Natalia reached over and spun the bottle. She grinned wolfishly as Ryan turned up as the kisser. "Well, Ryan-boy, gonna make an excuse or kiss me?" Her throaty purr visibly sent a shiver through the man.

"I'm not afraid to kiss you, Natalia." Ignorning Eric, Natalia’s current boyfriend, Ryan leaned over and planted a kiss on Natalia's mouth, brief but certainly a kiss. "Eric's turn, right?"

"My turn..." With just the hint of a frown for Ryan, Eric spun the bottle lightly, hoping to have it stop sooner and keep this game moving. It was getting late, and he had a feeling that shortly they'd be losing some of their members to exhaustion. After all, it had been a long day of crime solving before the party. With a sudden laugh, Eric met Alexx's eyes. "Well, I would have to say you are popular tonight, Alexx. C'mere so I can kiss you."

Alexx laughed and slid over, leaning into Eric's kiss and gripping the front of his T-shirt to prevent herself from collapsing. Eric laughed and pulled back after a long moment, pretending to gasp for breath. "Now I see what H saw. Whoa!"

Horatio smiled and tapped his chin thoughtfully, taking the lead in the sudden absence of excuses. "Okay, got one. I never dodged a train."

Calleigh drank up, finishing off her drink. When the others turned to her in surprise, she shrugged and smiled a bit lopsidedly. "I'd just seen Stand By Me and wanted to see if I could do it."

The safety-conscious Speed shook his head. "You could have been killed, Calleigh. That..."

"Oh, let up, Speed." Natalia laughed. "She's probably learned not to be so stupid."

"Yeah, a bit late for whining now, Speed," Maxine pushed the bottle to Calleigh. "Getting tired. Last spin of the night, Calleigh."

Nodding, Calleigh spun the bottle, watching in inebriated fascination as the lights sparkled and flashed off of the spinning glass. When it finally stopped, Ryan groaned. "Boring, man!" Calleigh looked up already knowing by the comment whom the bottle would be pointing to. Her green eyes met Speed's surprised brown ones. With a slight smile, Calleigh waited for the inevitable excuse. Instead, everyone was shocked when Speed finished off his own drink with a "What the hell..."

The man leaned forward, grabbed his friend by the front of her loose blouse and yanked her off balance. As Calleigh fell towards Speed, their lips met. She tried to pull back, to straighten up, preparing to make light of the kiss, but she met resistance. Speed was still kissing her, his hand releasing her shirt so he could gently cup Calleigh's face instead.

Calleigh was lost. With a groan, she responded, kissing her friend back. Her arms came up around Speed's neck, holding on as she felt the world spin closer and closer towards desire. She broke the kiss when she realized her body was starting to respond in a more visible way than she'd wish.

No one was laughing. They merely looked stunned to have witnessed the two investigators kissing like long lost lovers. No one knew just what to say to break the awkward silence, which became more and more obvious.

Again, it was Speed himself who broke the tension. He stood up and grabbed his jacket, shrugging into it. "Guess I win, huh?" And he was out the door, into the rain, before anyone could think of a reply.

FIN

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