I will never forget the 22nd of February the beginning of my 24th week of pregnancy. We had arranged a BBQ at home for our friends that weren't able to join us at our wedding. My day started early with a trip down to the supermarket with a close friend for supply's. This was followed by us preparing the food etc. while the guys set up the yard and chopping wood for the BBQ . At about 12.30 everyone started to arrive. By 1 p.m. the meat was out on, drinks dip and chips were shared and short stories were being told. At about 1.30 I commented to another pregnant friend that I was experiencing some cramps in my lower gut, sort of similar to constipation. She brushed my comment off replying that they were probably Braxton Hicks contractions. I also commented to Aaron on the pains and he told me I was probably hungry as I hadn't eaten yet that day and that the food was just about to be served. So I ignored the pains passing them off as just that, hunger and maybe a little wind. I continued to be a good hostess, serving out all the food, making sure everyone had a plate full and a drink and then sat down myself. It was at this time, when I finally stopped that I realised I had been having constant pains quite regularly now for maybe an hour or so. I remember looking at my watch and it was 2.05 p.m.. I put my plate aside on the wall, asked a friend to keep his eye on my food and headed inside. On my way through the kitchen I passed a friend getting a drink "You don't look too great Sam, not feeling good?" I quickly replied no and hurried past to my ensuite. By now the pains were starting to get worse and were coming more often. After I had been in the house for what seemed like forever but was maybe 5-10 minutes Aaron noticed I was missing from the group & came to find me. What he found was his wife in shear agony, he took one look at me and knew something was terribly wrong. He grabbed the telephone and phoned my Mother telling her that I was having bad pains and that I thought it felt like I was constipated (which is how it felt to me at the time). While Aaron was talking to Mum about getting her Doctor to come up to the house I began bleeding quite heavily. Aaron was relaying what was happening to Mum on the phone and I was having urges to push. Aaron was trying to tell me to calm down and pleading with me not to push. I too was pleading, crying and begging our baby to hang on, screaming that this couldn't be happening. I have never seen Aaron so calm and together, he describes it very differently, saying that he was pacing backward and forward and felt like he might as well have been banging his head on the brick wall. Neither of us could ever have imagined the life shattering experience we were about to encounter. All of a sudden I felt a huge rush of water and then a steady flow of blood I screamed at the top of my lungs "NO"..............one of my friends heard my scream from the backyard and rushed in to see if she could help. I told her what had happened, she told Aaron he hung up from Mum to call an Ambulance. It felt like an eternity that we waited for the 'taxi' ( For some unknown reason I have referred to the ambulance as a taxi since each time I talk about it) however it was only about 12 minutes since our call when they arrived. The ambulance officers were very sensitive to the situation but needed to ask a lot of questions to know what was happening. Within 5 minutes they had me on a trolley with a drip being inserted into my left wrist and oxygen "for both you and your bub" to keep us going. They rushed me into the Ambulance, Aaron jumped in the front and two friends followed closely behind. My Mother, who had left her house as soon as she hung up from Aaron, drove the 30 minute drive and beat us! On arriving at our local hospital the midwife asked me another set of questions, pocked and prodded me a bit and then gave me a steroid shot for my baby's lungs. They kept me on a ventolin drip and oxygen and told me that the doctor on call had been phoned and would be there soon. The midwife checked my babies heartbeat, which was still easily detectable, and it was beating strongly. I was still loosing blood but the drip had suppressed the contractions and the realisation was starting to hit. We had started to discuss the facts of what was happening with the midwife and about the decisions we were going to need to make. The Doctor arrived and examined me thoroughly confirming what I already knew. I had lost all my amniotic fluid and therefore my baby was no longer protected from disease and infection and chances of survival were very thin. My cervix was dilating and I was well on my way to delivery. I was told they would be transferring me to a larger hospital where if my baby was born alive there would be the equipment to possibly keep him alive. I was to go over and over my babies chances of a normal life, should he make it through, with all the doctors and nurses that came into my contact for the rest of the night But even then, at 5 p.m. both Aaron and I knew that this was natures call and for no explainable reason our baby was not going to survive. It was around this time that I had an experience that still scares me even to recall. I was lying in the hospital bed and for just a moment I was alone, I remember looking up to the painting on the wall and the chorus to the song that goes - "Going on up to the 'Spirit in the Sky'" started repeating over and over in my head. In a way it was calming but still sends a shiver down my spine to this day.
Part 4 - Deafening Silence
~ It's not time ~
